Clash of Creeds: Christmas Royale: Prizes Walkthrough
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 1
Krusty Claus starts
Krusty Claus: Alright, let's take a look at the old Krusty Christmas mailbag.
Krusty Claus: *reading* "Dear, Krusty Claus. I want a new kitten because my old one aged-out into a cat. Ick!"
Krusty Claus: *reading* "And I want the new video game Bonestorm 7: Die, Mom, Die!"
Krusty Claus: *reading* "And the new Slay Station 5 to play it on. The processor has been optimized for death throes and blood-flecked final coughs."
Krusty Claus: *reading* "Bring it to me or go to Hell! Kidding. But kind of not."
Krusty Claus: Kids these days are so entitled. Why doesn't anybody ever ask what Krusty Claus wants?
Elf Bart: The elves finished knocking-off the Futurama merch and the robots finished knocking-off the Disenchantment crap — that plan worked like a charm, by the way. Is there anything else you want?
Krusty Claus: Exactly! Why doesn't anybody ever ask me that?
Elf Bart: I just did.
Krusty Claus: You know what I mean.
Task: Make Krusty Claus Go Treat Himself
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Mall, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
If the user has Elf Bart: Task: Make Elf Bart Work Through the Toy Backlog
Time: 6h
Location: Santa's Workshop, North Pole Station, North Pole Elf Cabins, Santa's House, Mall Santa Wish Center or Brown House
Elf Lisa: Where's Krusty Claus? I need to tell him we're behind on our toy production.
Elf Bart: He said something about "treating himself" and stormed off. What's the problem?
Elf Lisa: We modernized "the list" to take account of goodness fluidity and now we have to make presents for the whole NNBN community — naughty, nice, both, neither.
Elf Bart: That's cool. I have always been a little nice-curious.
Elf Bart: If we're going to be ready by C-Day, we need less talking and more mallet-tapping.
Elf Lisa: I also got sucked into a rebranding campaign designed to offset unconscious White Christmas privilege. Important work, but a bit of a rabbit hole.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 2
Krusty Claus starts
Krusty Claus: Alright. Something just for me. There's gotta be something good here at this mall.
Gil: Vape flavors! Get your vape flavors here!
Akira: Your one-stop shop for cheap drones!
Krusty Claus: Ugh. Is this what malls have come to?
Baby Moe: Santa? Can — can I — can I tell you my Christmas list? Pweaaaasse?
Krusty Claus: Uh…I'm not Santa Claus, kid. I'm Krusty Claus. I only handle the zip codes outside of Santa's sled range. Also it's my day off.
Baby Moe: *cries*
Krusty Claus: Ah, come on. Don't do me like that.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Mrs. Samson: My baby is glaring ominously because he wants to give you his Christmas wish list.
Krusty Claus: Look, I'm just here for like a… *looks around* …a phone case, or maybe a calendar.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Mrs. Samson: I'll pay you two hundred dollars.
Krusty Claus: Two hundred bucks?! That would buy a lot of calendars. Hop on up here, baby. Tell Krusty Claus all your hopes and dreams.
Task: Make Krusty Claus Abandon His Principles
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
Krusty Claus: Man, this mall Santa biz is quite a racket. Way more lucrative than building millions of free toys and selling mail-order reindeer steaks.
Elf Bart: You called me, Boss?
Krusty Claus: Elf Bart, we've got some monetizing to do. Look at this line of sheep waiting to be fleeced!
Elf Bart: How about a Meaning-of-Christmas VIP Pass? For a hundred bucks, the last person in line shall be first and the first shall be last.
Krusty Claus: What if more than one person bites?
Elf Bart: We keep switching as long as they keep paying.
Krusty Claus: Love it. You truly are a good shepherd!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 3
Krusty Claus starts
Santa Claus: Hmm. This does appear to be the right place, but it looks like there is already another Santa taking wishes.
Krusty Claus: Look, kid. Enough with the details. Just point to a picture in this catalog and I'll send your parents an e-mail with a link to buy it. Kapeesh?
Santa Claus: Excuse me, I'm here to run Santa's Wish Center. Is…is this the right place?
Krusty Claus: Oh, uh…right. Yeah, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but uh…you've been replaced this year.
Santa Claus: *gasp* Is this because I used the A word?
Krusty Claus: The A-word?
Santa Claus: Amazon. I told some kid they could get better prices online.
Krusty Claus: You use Amazon?
Santa Claus: It's just too convenient! I wonder how they are able to deliver presents all over the world in a single night.
Krusty Claus: I thought YOU could do that.
Santa Claus: Nah. We use a large unpaid local seasonal workforce to make it seem that way. We call them parents.
Santa Claus: I need this job to pay my Amazon bill. I'm going to talk to the manager and sort this out.
Task: Make Santa Claus Get This Sorted
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
If the user has Krusty Claus: Task: Make Krusty Claus Take a Smoke Break
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
Squeaky Voice Teen: I told you, you haven't been replaced.
Santa Claus: So then who's out there taking my wishes from kids?
Squeaky Voice Teen: I don't know, but he's really ripping through those lines quick. I hate to shut him down. What if you just set up shop by the other exit and we'll have two mall Santas this year?
Santa Claus: By the supermarket? What kind of mall has a grocery store for an anchor store?
Squeaky Voice Teen: A failing one. Any other questions?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 4
Krusty Claus starts
Krusty Claus: Alright, next! Get on up here.
Nelson: *jumps onto Krusty Claus' lap*
Krusty Claus: Oof, aren't you a little old to be asking Santa for things, kid?
Nelson: Why, yes I am. But then again, you're not Santa. *squints* Are you?
Krusty Claus: Hey, hey keep your voice down. I got elf mouths to feed. What do you want?
Nelson: *whispers into Krusty Claus' ear*
Krusty Claus: Are you kidding me?! Do you know how much those cost?
Nelson: Hey everybody! This guy's not the real—
Krusty Claus: OKAY, okay. Jeez, kid. Just shut your mouth, alright? I'll have it to you by the end of the day.
Task: Make Krusty Claus Pull Some Strings
Time: 2h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
If the user has Nelson: Task: Make Nelson Wait With Bated Breath
Time: 2h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
Kearney: Wooaahhh. That…is…amazing.
Dolph: It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Jimbo: Can I try it?
Nelson: *shoots his new flamethrower across the lawn* If you're man enough, sure.
Dolph: AWESOME! And Santa Claus just gave it to you?
Nelson: You gotta know how to ask.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 5
Krusty Claus starts
Santa Claus: Right there, Chief! Arrest him!
Wiggum: Alright, you're coming with me. Cuff him, boys.
Jimbo: Hey, get your sticky donut hands off me, old man!
Santa Claus: No, not him! The Santa impersonator!
Wiggum: But this kid's got a flamethrower.
Elf Bart: Quick boss, duck out the back. I'll distract 'em.
Task: Make Krusty Claus Duck Out the Back
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
If the user has Elf Bart: Task: Make Elf Bart Distract the Cops
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
If the user has Jimbo: Task: Make Jimbo Try Out His New Flamethrower
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
Krusty Claus: It's good to be back at Claus Co. But I can't imagine how far behind we are now on Christmas.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: If we train a thousand penguins to make toys and put them on the line we could get be back on schedule in no time.
Elf Lisa: You do realize that there are no penguins at the North Pole? They only live in Antarctica.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: That's not fair! What are they, some kind of a trick-question animal? No wonder they look stupid!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The Chain of Command Pt. 1
Moses starts
Yahweh: First the Christians, then the Movementarians, and now the Burnsentarians? We're getting our hats handed to us!
Moses: To be fair, the other religions don't really have hats.
Yahweh: It's not about the hats! We're losing market share, and you need to turn it around ASAP!
Moses: Me? I've got my hands full with the Israelites. How about Noah? He spends all his time working on that boat — and he never even takes it out on the water.
Noah: It just needs one more coat of sealant.
Yahweh: You know why I don't want Noah? Because he's like his ark — washed up!
Noah: I used to pack them in back in flood times, boss!
Yahweh: How many millennia ago was that?
Noah: A few.
Yahweh: When I want someone to rescue a goat for me, I'll talk to Noah.
Yahweh: You're the right person for this, Moses. You're my number one rep. Just use the ABC method. Always. Be. Converting.
Moses: Okay but...seeing as you are all powerful, maybe you should just, you know, MAKE them follow you?
Yahweh: Maybe I should MAKE you into a rabbit!
Moses: All right, all right, I'm going!
Task: Make Moses Help Sort Out the Town's Problems
Time: 4h
Location: Town Hall or Brown House
If the user has Yahweh: Task: Make Yahweh Meet God for Brunch
Time: 4h
Location: Sham Rock Cafe, Skip's Diner, Grub Shack, The Happy Sumo, Johnny Fiestas, The Frying Dutchman or Brown House
Yahweh: He ran so fast he left his sandals behind! It was priceless!
God: I love it. When you're the Creator, they just let you do it!
Yahweh: I know. Oh my God, you should've seen his face.
God: Hey, watch the language man. There's no need to be taking my name in vain.
Yahweh: Jesus, you have to be offended by everything.
God: Don't bring him into this!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Chain of Command Pt. 2
Moses starts
Moses: Tell me, Reverend, what is in the heart of the people here? How do we bring them back to the Lord?
Rev. Lovejoy: Don't know, don't care.
Moses: Perhaps that attitude explains the sparse attendance at your services.
Rev. Lovejoy: What part of "don't care" don't you understand?
Rev. Lovejoy: We're kind of a Christmas-and-Easter congregation, and that works for us. The rest is train time.
Moses: I see that I must consult someone with greater insight into the spiritual needs of this community.
Task: Make Moses Go See Lindsay Naegle
Time: 2h
Location: Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall, Mall Station, Heavenly Hills, Simpson House or Brown House
If the user has Lindsay Naegle: Task: Make Lindsay Naegle Conduct Market Research
Time: 2h
Location: Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall, Mall Station, Heavenly Hills, Simpson House or Brown House
Lindsay Naegle: According to our research, your commandments are seen as "stern", "unfriendly", and "shalt-y".
Lindsay Naegle: Comments included, "Reminds me of something my old roommate would put on the fridge", and "I shalt give this guy plenty of side-eye".
Lindsay Naegle: Is there any chance we could lose the commandments?
Moses: Lose them? The commandments are our brand!
Lindsay Naegle: In that case, we'd better turn to the ultimate source of truth: a focus group!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Chain of Command Pt. 3
Moses starts
Lindsay Naegle: Okay, what sort of things do you think you should be commanded not to do?
Moe: I don't want to say, because I'm so ashamed of 'em — and 'cause I don't want to stop doing 'em.
Lenny: Thou shalt not hang around with the same boring people every night?
Carl: Thou shalt not bring up the same argument every night?
Homer: Thou shalt not kill the buzz.
Barney: Thou shalt not NOT spend every night drinking in a bar.
Lindsay Naegle: What about gossip? How do we feel about prohibiting that?
Helen Lovejoy: That reminds me! Thou shalt never believe what I heard about Sarah Wiggum!
Lindsay Naegle: Are there any positive commandments you'd like to be ordered to obey?
Barney: Thou shalt rest on the Sabbath by drinking in the street.
Homer: Thou shalt find the keys to a new car under your chair!
Task: Make Moses Analyze the Focus Group Results
Time: 2h
Location: Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall, Mall Station, Heavenly Hills, Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Focus Group Suggest More Commandments
Time: 2h
Location: Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall, Mall Station, Heavenly Hills, Simpson House or Brown House
Characters: Moe, Lenny, Carl, Homer, Barney, Helen Lovejoy
Lindsay Naegle: Our research found 537 commandments that tested better than your existing ten. The highest-rated commandment overall was: Go Big or Go Home.
Moses: Well that should be pretty easy to carve.
Lindsay Naegle: The whole stone-tablets things tested badly, too. According to our testing, it should be written on a pizza — in pepperoni. And served with ranch.
Yahweh: Ranch on pizza? Maybe it is time to dust off the old smiting stick.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Chain of Command Pt. 4
Moses starts
Moses: People of Springfield, thank you for meeting here today for the grand unveiling of the Springfield Commandments, sponsored by Bloodbath & Beyond Gun Shop.
Wise Guy: Home of the second commandment. I mean — second amendment. Whatever, same thing.
Moses: Now if someone could just give me a hand lifting these enormous stone tablets…
Moses: ...
Moses: No one? Okay, I'll just read them down on the ground here.
Moses: Commandment number one: "Thou Shalt Let Your Grandparents Live With You Instead Of Dumping Them at Springfield Retirement Castle".
Homer: Ah, c'mon!
Moses: Commandment number two: "Thou Shalt Wear Hot Pants Only When The Situation Calls For It".
Sea Captain: Yarr, ye've struck right to the heart of me!
Moses: Commandment number three: "Thou Shalt Konmari Fold All Your Clothes".
Marge: Well, that doesn't sound so bad.
Barney: That does NOT spark joy!
Moe: C'mon everybody. Moses is trying to ruin Springfield. Grab your pitchforks!
Nelson: Is this flamethrower okay?
Task: Make Springfielders Chase Moses With Pitchforks
Time: 4h
Task: Make Moses Run For His Life
Time: 4h
Yahweh: You were chased out of town!
Moses: I'll be the first to admit that that didn't go the way I wanted.
Moses: I'm disappointed in myself.
Yahweh: We've got a 0.5 rating. There are ViewTube cults with more followers than us.
Moses: Well, I'll get back out there and turn this around.
Yahweh: Put the tablets down!
Moses: What?
Yahweh: You heard me. Put the tablets down.
Moses: You're kidding, right?
Yahweh: Do I look like I'm kidding? Commandments are for closers.
Moses: How can I chastise without commandments?
Yahweh: Here's a commandment for you: Thou shalt hit the bricks. You're fired!
Yahweh: I've got a new rep: Gil Gamesh.
Moses: Is he even a monotheist?
Yahweh: We're just following the numbers here, Moses.
Gil: Ol' Gil is back, baby! *singing* Summertime and the living is easy!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Packing Heat Pt. 1
Marge starts
Marge: Homie, I'm so excited for this weekend getaway. It'll be a long drive, but the time away from the kids will all be worth it. Patty and Selma should be here to pick them up any second.
Homer: Yeah, and don't forget about the sexy times. Remember the sexy times we had planned, Marge?
Marge: *giggles* Should I bring that sexy Santa outfit I bought for Christmas?
Homer: I don't think you need to bring anything else.
Marge: Oh! Patty just left a voicemail saying her car broke down and she can't make it to pick up the kids. I'm gonna have to go drop them off. *runs out the door*
Homer: No problem, Marge. I'll take care of packing your things while you drop off the kids.
Homer: Let's see. Now where does Marge keep her sexy things?
Task: Make Homer Pack Marge's Bag for the Trip
Time: 2h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Marge Drop Off the Kids
Time: 2h
Location: Homer's Car, Canyonero, Unlicensed Taxi, Willie's Tractor, WWII Tank, Bicycle with Basket, Starline Commander, Secret Agent Car, Chalmers' 1979 _ONDA, Simpson House or Brown House
If the user has Bart: Task: Make Bart Fight With Lisa the Whole Way
Time: 2h
Location: Homer's Car, Canyonero, Unlicensed Taxi, Willie's Tractor, WWII Tank, Bicycle with Basket, Starline Commander, Secret Agent Car, Chalmers' 1979 _ONDA, Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Fight With Bart the Whole Way
Time: 2h
Location: Homer's Car, Canyonero, Unlicensed Taxi, Willie's Tractor, WWII Tank, Bicycle with Basket, Starline Commander, Secret Agent Car, Chalmers' 1979 _ONDA, Simpson House or Brown House
Homer: C'mon, Marge. How about a little smooching?
Marge: *giggles* Homie, I don't think it's the right time for that.
Homer: Well, I could make time. *scootches over*
Marge: Homer, eyes on the road!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Packing Heat Pt. 2
Marge starts
Homer: Marge, will you look at this hotel room? There's a bathtub in the living room!
Marge: Ooh.
Homer: And a couch in the bathroom!
Marge: It is awfully fancy. Let me just get out of these clothes from the long drive.
Marge: Um, Homie where did you pack my other clothes? The only thing in this bag is my sexy Santa outfit.
Homer: Yep.
Marge: That's — that's all you packed me?!
Homer: Marge, what do you think we came up here for? Isn't that the only outfit you need?
Marge: *annoyed grumble* Homer, we're here for four days. Didn't you want to take some time to go hiking or sight-seeing or anything?
Homer: No.
Marge: Homer Simpson, you're going to drive into town right this instant and buy me some more clothes.
Homer: But, Marge…we're in the middle of nowhere. Plus I only brought exactly enough gas money to get us home.
Marge: Fine, then at least go downstairs and get me one of the hotel robes from the pool.
Homer: Your wish is my comm — ooh, there's mints on our pillows!
Task: Make Homer Go Downstairs to Get Marge a Robe
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Sexy Santa Marge Take a Bath
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Homer: Marge! I got you a robe!
Sexy Santa Marge: Thank you. Is…is that one of the sexy robes from the gift shop?
Homer: It sure is…
Sexy Santa Marge: Homer, you spent the last of our gas money to get another sexy outfit?!
Homer: Correction: I spent the last of our gas money — and downgraded us to a double room for a refund — to get another sexy outfit. Pack your bags, we're down the hall now.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Packing Heat Pt. 3
Marge starts
Sexy Santa Marge: Fine, I'll just change back into the dirty clothes I came in.
Homer: Can't. I put them in the washing machine, but it turned out to be an ice machine, and when I put them in the microwave to melt, it exploded and shredded them.
Homer: The shreds are in the dryer. At least I hope that's the dryer.
Sexy Santa Marge: Okaaayyy, I'll call down to the lobby and have them bring me up one of the pool robes.
Homer: Can't. I put our room on double-reverse-do-not-disturb, which means they can't disturb us AND we can't disturb anyone else. Just to be safe. Because of all the sexy times we were planning…
Sexy Santa Marge: And our cellphones?
Homer: Threw them out the window to make sure the kids couldn't contact us.
Sexy Santa Marge: *annoyed grumble* I'm heading down to the pool myself to get a robe, since you obviously can't be trusted to do it.
Homer: In that outfit?
Task: Make Sexy Santa Marge Sneak Down to the Pool
Time: 2h
Task: Make Homer Mope in the Hotel Room
Time: 2h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Sexy Santa Marge: *sneaking* Okay, I'm just about to the pool now. I just need to make sure no one sees me in my sexy Santa costume.
Helen Lovejoy: Timothy, stop splashing me, please.
Rev. Lovejoy: *splashes* I'm baptizing you, Helen. Get it?
Jessica Lovejoy: *splashes* I want to baptize Mommy, too!
Sexy Santa Marge: *whispering* Oh, no. What are they doing here? If I can just sneak around to the other side of the pool without them seeing me…
Helen Lovejoy: *gasp* Marge Simpson! To think that you would come all the way here just to seduce my husband.
Rev. Lovejoy: You think she'd do that?
Helen Lovejoy: *puts hands over Reverend Lovejoy's eyes* Well, I won't give you OR him the satisfaction!
Helen Lovejoy: C'mon, we're leaving. Everyone put on your pool robes. It's a good thing we got the last ones.
Sexy Santa Marge: *annoyed grumble*
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Packing Heat Pt. 4
Marge starts
Sexy Santa Marge: I guess I'll just go to the front desk. I don't even care who sees me anymore.
Squeaky Voice Teen: Welcome to the Resort at — hgggghhh—
Sexy Santa Marge: Is it possible that you have any more pool robes in the back room?
Squeaky Voice Teen: *gulps* I — we have — I can check on that for you…
If the user has Squeaky Voice Teen: Task: Make Squeaky Voice Teen Try Not to Stare
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Sexy Santa Marge Hide Behind a Lobby Ficus
Time: 4h
Task: Make Homer Hatch a Plan Back in the Room
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Sexy Santa Marge: Homer, I'm back. And lucky for you they were all out of robes, so I'm still as sexy as ever.
Sexy Santa Marge: Homer? Are you here?
Sexy Santa Marge: Homer, you're not trying to play that sexy hide-n-seek game again, are you? Because I'm really not in the mood.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Packing Heat Pt. 5
Marge starts
Homer: Alright, everyone. Step right up. It's five dollars to make me do a belly flop. Ten dollars to cover myself in grease and slide off the roof of the pool gazebo...
Homer: Fifteen dollars and I'll get inside that floaty tube and do the truffle shuffle in the deep end…
Homer: Whoa, slow down. One at a time. Okay — form a line, everyone…
Task: Make Homer Humiliate Himself for Cash
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Sexy Santa Marge Search for Homer
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Sexy Santa Marge: Homer? What in the world are you doing?
Homer: *slides off roof of pool gazebo* Marge, look at how much money I made just by humiliating myself! And to think I was gonna do that anyways.
Sexy Santa Marge: Oh, Homie. You did this all for me?
Homer: Yeah, I made enough money for gas to get us home AND some new clothes for you.
Sexy Santa Marge: Or…we could skip the clothes and just get this sexy Santa outfit back to the room where it belongs…
Homer: You don't have to ask me twice!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Krusty Claus starts
Krusty Claus: Alright, let's take a look at the old Krusty Christmas mailbag.
Krusty Claus: *reading* "Dear, Krusty Claus. I want a new kitten because my old one aged-out into a cat. Ick!"
Krusty Claus: *reading* "And I want the new video game Bonestorm 7: Die, Mom, Die!"
Krusty Claus: *reading* "And the new Slay Station 5 to play it on. The processor has been optimized for death throes and blood-flecked final coughs."
Krusty Claus: *reading* "Bring it to me or go to Hell! Kidding. But kind of not."
Krusty Claus: Kids these days are so entitled. Why doesn't anybody ever ask what Krusty Claus wants?
Elf Bart: The elves finished knocking-off the Futurama merch and the robots finished knocking-off the Disenchantment crap — that plan worked like a charm, by the way. Is there anything else you want?
Krusty Claus: Exactly! Why doesn't anybody ever ask me that?
Elf Bart: I just did.
Krusty Claus: You know what I mean.
Task: Make Krusty Claus Go Treat Himself
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Mall, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
If the user has Elf Bart: Task: Make Elf Bart Work Through the Toy Backlog
Time: 6h
Location: Santa's Workshop, North Pole Station, North Pole Elf Cabins, Santa's House, Mall Santa Wish Center or Brown House
Elf Lisa: Where's Krusty Claus? I need to tell him we're behind on our toy production.
Elf Bart: He said something about "treating himself" and stormed off. What's the problem?
Elf Lisa: We modernized "the list" to take account of goodness fluidity and now we have to make presents for the whole NNBN community — naughty, nice, both, neither.
Elf Bart: That's cool. I have always been a little nice-curious.
Elf Bart: If we're going to be ready by C-Day, we need less talking and more mallet-tapping.
Elf Lisa: I also got sucked into a rebranding campaign designed to offset unconscious White Christmas privilege. Important work, but a bit of a rabbit hole.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 2
Krusty Claus starts
Krusty Claus: Alright. Something just for me. There's gotta be something good here at this mall.
Gil: Vape flavors! Get your vape flavors here!
Akira: Your one-stop shop for cheap drones!
Krusty Claus: Ugh. Is this what malls have come to?
Baby Moe: Santa? Can — can I — can I tell you my Christmas list? Pweaaaasse?
Krusty Claus: Uh…I'm not Santa Claus, kid. I'm Krusty Claus. I only handle the zip codes outside of Santa's sled range. Also it's my day off.
Baby Moe: *cries*
Krusty Claus: Ah, come on. Don't do me like that.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Mrs. Samson: My baby is glaring ominously because he wants to give you his Christmas wish list.
Krusty Claus: Look, I'm just here for like a… *looks around* …a phone case, or maybe a calendar.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Mrs. Samson: I'll pay you two hundred dollars.
Krusty Claus: Two hundred bucks?! That would buy a lot of calendars. Hop on up here, baby. Tell Krusty Claus all your hopes and dreams.
Task: Make Krusty Claus Abandon His Principles
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
Krusty Claus: Man, this mall Santa biz is quite a racket. Way more lucrative than building millions of free toys and selling mail-order reindeer steaks.
Elf Bart: You called me, Boss?
Krusty Claus: Elf Bart, we've got some monetizing to do. Look at this line of sheep waiting to be fleeced!
Elf Bart: How about a Meaning-of-Christmas VIP Pass? For a hundred bucks, the last person in line shall be first and the first shall be last.
Krusty Claus: What if more than one person bites?
Elf Bart: We keep switching as long as they keep paying.
Krusty Claus: Love it. You truly are a good shepherd!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 3
Krusty Claus starts
Santa Claus: Hmm. This does appear to be the right place, but it looks like there is already another Santa taking wishes.
Krusty Claus: Look, kid. Enough with the details. Just point to a picture in this catalog and I'll send your parents an e-mail with a link to buy it. Kapeesh?
Santa Claus: Excuse me, I'm here to run Santa's Wish Center. Is…is this the right place?
Krusty Claus: Oh, uh…right. Yeah, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but uh…you've been replaced this year.
Santa Claus: *gasp* Is this because I used the A word?
Krusty Claus: The A-word?
Santa Claus: Amazon. I told some kid they could get better prices online.
Krusty Claus: You use Amazon?
Santa Claus: It's just too convenient! I wonder how they are able to deliver presents all over the world in a single night.
Krusty Claus: I thought YOU could do that.
Santa Claus: Nah. We use a large unpaid local seasonal workforce to make it seem that way. We call them parents.
Santa Claus: I need this job to pay my Amazon bill. I'm going to talk to the manager and sort this out.
Task: Make Santa Claus Get This Sorted
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
If the user has Krusty Claus: Task: Make Krusty Claus Take a Smoke Break
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
Squeaky Voice Teen: I told you, you haven't been replaced.
Santa Claus: So then who's out there taking my wishes from kids?
Squeaky Voice Teen: I don't know, but he's really ripping through those lines quick. I hate to shut him down. What if you just set up shop by the other exit and we'll have two mall Santas this year?
Santa Claus: By the supermarket? What kind of mall has a grocery store for an anchor store?
Squeaky Voice Teen: A failing one. Any other questions?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 4
Krusty Claus starts
Krusty Claus: Alright, next! Get on up here.
Nelson: *jumps onto Krusty Claus' lap*
Krusty Claus: Oof, aren't you a little old to be asking Santa for things, kid?
Nelson: Why, yes I am. But then again, you're not Santa. *squints* Are you?
Krusty Claus: Hey, hey keep your voice down. I got elf mouths to feed. What do you want?
Nelson: *whispers into Krusty Claus' ear*
Krusty Claus: Are you kidding me?! Do you know how much those cost?
Nelson: Hey everybody! This guy's not the real—
Krusty Claus: OKAY, okay. Jeez, kid. Just shut your mouth, alright? I'll have it to you by the end of the day.
Task: Make Krusty Claus Pull Some Strings
Time: 2h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
If the user has Nelson: Task: Make Nelson Wait With Bated Breath
Time: 2h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
Kearney: Wooaahhh. That…is…amazing.
Dolph: It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Jimbo: Can I try it?
Nelson: *shoots his new flamethrower across the lawn* If you're man enough, sure.
Dolph: AWESOME! And Santa Claus just gave it to you?
Nelson: You gotta know how to ask.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Lap of Luxury Pt. 5
Krusty Claus starts
Santa Claus: Right there, Chief! Arrest him!
Wiggum: Alright, you're coming with me. Cuff him, boys.
Jimbo: Hey, get your sticky donut hands off me, old man!
Santa Claus: No, not him! The Santa impersonator!
Wiggum: But this kid's got a flamethrower.
Elf Bart: Quick boss, duck out the back. I'll distract 'em.
Task: Make Krusty Claus Duck Out the Back
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
If the user has Elf Bart: Task: Make Elf Bart Distract the Cops
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
If the user has Jimbo: Task: Make Jimbo Try Out His New Flamethrower
Time: 1h
Location: Springfield Mall, Mall Santa Wish Center, Santa's Workshop or Brown House
Krusty Claus: It's good to be back at Claus Co. But I can't imagine how far behind we are now on Christmas.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: If we train a thousand penguins to make toys and put them on the line we could get be back on schedule in no time.
Elf Lisa: You do realize that there are no penguins at the North Pole? They only live in Antarctica.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: That's not fair! What are they, some kind of a trick-question animal? No wonder they look stupid!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The Chain of Command Pt. 1
Moses starts
Yahweh: First the Christians, then the Movementarians, and now the Burnsentarians? We're getting our hats handed to us!
Moses: To be fair, the other religions don't really have hats.
Yahweh: It's not about the hats! We're losing market share, and you need to turn it around ASAP!
Moses: Me? I've got my hands full with the Israelites. How about Noah? He spends all his time working on that boat — and he never even takes it out on the water.
Noah: It just needs one more coat of sealant.
Yahweh: You know why I don't want Noah? Because he's like his ark — washed up!
Noah: I used to pack them in back in flood times, boss!
Yahweh: How many millennia ago was that?
Noah: A few.
Yahweh: When I want someone to rescue a goat for me, I'll talk to Noah.
Yahweh: You're the right person for this, Moses. You're my number one rep. Just use the ABC method. Always. Be. Converting.
Moses: Okay but...seeing as you are all powerful, maybe you should just, you know, MAKE them follow you?
Yahweh: Maybe I should MAKE you into a rabbit!
Moses: All right, all right, I'm going!
Task: Make Moses Help Sort Out the Town's Problems
Time: 4h
Location: Town Hall or Brown House
If the user has Yahweh: Task: Make Yahweh Meet God for Brunch
Time: 4h
Location: Sham Rock Cafe, Skip's Diner, Grub Shack, The Happy Sumo, Johnny Fiestas, The Frying Dutchman or Brown House
Yahweh: He ran so fast he left his sandals behind! It was priceless!
God: I love it. When you're the Creator, they just let you do it!
Yahweh: I know. Oh my God, you should've seen his face.
God: Hey, watch the language man. There's no need to be taking my name in vain.
Yahweh: Jesus, you have to be offended by everything.
God: Don't bring him into this!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Chain of Command Pt. 2
Moses starts
Moses: Tell me, Reverend, what is in the heart of the people here? How do we bring them back to the Lord?
Rev. Lovejoy: Don't know, don't care.
Moses: Perhaps that attitude explains the sparse attendance at your services.
Rev. Lovejoy: What part of "don't care" don't you understand?
Rev. Lovejoy: We're kind of a Christmas-and-Easter congregation, and that works for us. The rest is train time.
Moses: I see that I must consult someone with greater insight into the spiritual needs of this community.
Task: Make Moses Go See Lindsay Naegle
Time: 2h
Location: Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall, Mall Station, Heavenly Hills, Simpson House or Brown House
If the user has Lindsay Naegle: Task: Make Lindsay Naegle Conduct Market Research
Time: 2h
Location: Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall, Mall Station, Heavenly Hills, Simpson House or Brown House
Lindsay Naegle: According to our research, your commandments are seen as "stern", "unfriendly", and "shalt-y".
Lindsay Naegle: Comments included, "Reminds me of something my old roommate would put on the fridge", and "I shalt give this guy plenty of side-eye".
Lindsay Naegle: Is there any chance we could lose the commandments?
Moses: Lose them? The commandments are our brand!
Lindsay Naegle: In that case, we'd better turn to the ultimate source of truth: a focus group!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Chain of Command Pt. 3
Moses starts
Lindsay Naegle: Okay, what sort of things do you think you should be commanded not to do?
Moe: I don't want to say, because I'm so ashamed of 'em — and 'cause I don't want to stop doing 'em.
Lenny: Thou shalt not hang around with the same boring people every night?
Carl: Thou shalt not bring up the same argument every night?
Homer: Thou shalt not kill the buzz.
Barney: Thou shalt not NOT spend every night drinking in a bar.
Lindsay Naegle: What about gossip? How do we feel about prohibiting that?
Helen Lovejoy: That reminds me! Thou shalt never believe what I heard about Sarah Wiggum!
Lindsay Naegle: Are there any positive commandments you'd like to be ordered to obey?
Barney: Thou shalt rest on the Sabbath by drinking in the street.
Homer: Thou shalt find the keys to a new car under your chair!
Task: Make Moses Analyze the Focus Group Results
Time: 2h
Location: Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall, Mall Station, Heavenly Hills, Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Focus Group Suggest More Commandments
Time: 2h
Location: Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall, Mall Station, Heavenly Hills, Simpson House or Brown House
Characters: Moe, Lenny, Carl, Homer, Barney, Helen Lovejoy
Lindsay Naegle: Our research found 537 commandments that tested better than your existing ten. The highest-rated commandment overall was: Go Big or Go Home.
Moses: Well that should be pretty easy to carve.
Lindsay Naegle: The whole stone-tablets things tested badly, too. According to our testing, it should be written on a pizza — in pepperoni. And served with ranch.
Yahweh: Ranch on pizza? Maybe it is time to dust off the old smiting stick.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Chain of Command Pt. 4
Moses starts
Moses: People of Springfield, thank you for meeting here today for the grand unveiling of the Springfield Commandments, sponsored by Bloodbath & Beyond Gun Shop.
Wise Guy: Home of the second commandment. I mean — second amendment. Whatever, same thing.
Moses: Now if someone could just give me a hand lifting these enormous stone tablets…
Moses: ...
Moses: No one? Okay, I'll just read them down on the ground here.
Moses: Commandment number one: "Thou Shalt Let Your Grandparents Live With You Instead Of Dumping Them at Springfield Retirement Castle".
Homer: Ah, c'mon!
Moses: Commandment number two: "Thou Shalt Wear Hot Pants Only When The Situation Calls For It".
Sea Captain: Yarr, ye've struck right to the heart of me!
Moses: Commandment number three: "Thou Shalt Konmari Fold All Your Clothes".
Marge: Well, that doesn't sound so bad.
Barney: That does NOT spark joy!
Moe: C'mon everybody. Moses is trying to ruin Springfield. Grab your pitchforks!
Nelson: Is this flamethrower okay?
Task: Make Springfielders Chase Moses With Pitchforks
Time: 4h
Task: Make Moses Run For His Life
Time: 4h
Yahweh: You were chased out of town!
Moses: I'll be the first to admit that that didn't go the way I wanted.
Moses: I'm disappointed in myself.
Yahweh: We've got a 0.5 rating. There are ViewTube cults with more followers than us.
Moses: Well, I'll get back out there and turn this around.
Yahweh: Put the tablets down!
Moses: What?
Yahweh: You heard me. Put the tablets down.
Moses: You're kidding, right?
Yahweh: Do I look like I'm kidding? Commandments are for closers.
Moses: How can I chastise without commandments?
Yahweh: Here's a commandment for you: Thou shalt hit the bricks. You're fired!
Yahweh: I've got a new rep: Gil Gamesh.
Moses: Is he even a monotheist?
Yahweh: We're just following the numbers here, Moses.
Gil: Ol' Gil is back, baby! *singing* Summertime and the living is easy!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Packing Heat Pt. 1
Marge starts
Marge: Homie, I'm so excited for this weekend getaway. It'll be a long drive, but the time away from the kids will all be worth it. Patty and Selma should be here to pick them up any second.
Homer: Yeah, and don't forget about the sexy times. Remember the sexy times we had planned, Marge?
Marge: *giggles* Should I bring that sexy Santa outfit I bought for Christmas?
Homer: I don't think you need to bring anything else.
Marge: Oh! Patty just left a voicemail saying her car broke down and she can't make it to pick up the kids. I'm gonna have to go drop them off. *runs out the door*
Homer: No problem, Marge. I'll take care of packing your things while you drop off the kids.
Homer: Let's see. Now where does Marge keep her sexy things?
Task: Make Homer Pack Marge's Bag for the Trip
Time: 2h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Marge Drop Off the Kids
Time: 2h
Location: Homer's Car, Canyonero, Unlicensed Taxi, Willie's Tractor, WWII Tank, Bicycle with Basket, Starline Commander, Secret Agent Car, Chalmers' 1979 _ONDA, Simpson House or Brown House
If the user has Bart: Task: Make Bart Fight With Lisa the Whole Way
Time: 2h
Location: Homer's Car, Canyonero, Unlicensed Taxi, Willie's Tractor, WWII Tank, Bicycle with Basket, Starline Commander, Secret Agent Car, Chalmers' 1979 _ONDA, Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Fight With Bart the Whole Way
Time: 2h
Location: Homer's Car, Canyonero, Unlicensed Taxi, Willie's Tractor, WWII Tank, Bicycle with Basket, Starline Commander, Secret Agent Car, Chalmers' 1979 _ONDA, Simpson House or Brown House
Homer: C'mon, Marge. How about a little smooching?
Marge: *giggles* Homie, I don't think it's the right time for that.
Homer: Well, I could make time. *scootches over*
Marge: Homer, eyes on the road!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Packing Heat Pt. 2
Marge starts
Homer: Marge, will you look at this hotel room? There's a bathtub in the living room!
Marge: Ooh.
Homer: And a couch in the bathroom!
Marge: It is awfully fancy. Let me just get out of these clothes from the long drive.
Marge: Um, Homie where did you pack my other clothes? The only thing in this bag is my sexy Santa outfit.
Homer: Yep.
Marge: That's — that's all you packed me?!
Homer: Marge, what do you think we came up here for? Isn't that the only outfit you need?
Marge: *annoyed grumble* Homer, we're here for four days. Didn't you want to take some time to go hiking or sight-seeing or anything?
Homer: No.
Marge: Homer Simpson, you're going to drive into town right this instant and buy me some more clothes.
Homer: But, Marge…we're in the middle of nowhere. Plus I only brought exactly enough gas money to get us home.
Marge: Fine, then at least go downstairs and get me one of the hotel robes from the pool.
Homer: Your wish is my comm — ooh, there's mints on our pillows!
Task: Make Homer Go Downstairs to Get Marge a Robe
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Sexy Santa Marge Take a Bath
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Homer: Marge! I got you a robe!
Sexy Santa Marge: Thank you. Is…is that one of the sexy robes from the gift shop?
Homer: It sure is…
Sexy Santa Marge: Homer, you spent the last of our gas money to get another sexy outfit?!
Homer: Correction: I spent the last of our gas money — and downgraded us to a double room for a refund — to get another sexy outfit. Pack your bags, we're down the hall now.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Packing Heat Pt. 3
Marge starts
Sexy Santa Marge: Fine, I'll just change back into the dirty clothes I came in.
Homer: Can't. I put them in the washing machine, but it turned out to be an ice machine, and when I put them in the microwave to melt, it exploded and shredded them.
Homer: The shreds are in the dryer. At least I hope that's the dryer.
Sexy Santa Marge: Okaaayyy, I'll call down to the lobby and have them bring me up one of the pool robes.
Homer: Can't. I put our room on double-reverse-do-not-disturb, which means they can't disturb us AND we can't disturb anyone else. Just to be safe. Because of all the sexy times we were planning…
Sexy Santa Marge: And our cellphones?
Homer: Threw them out the window to make sure the kids couldn't contact us.
Sexy Santa Marge: *annoyed grumble* I'm heading down to the pool myself to get a robe, since you obviously can't be trusted to do it.
Homer: In that outfit?
Task: Make Sexy Santa Marge Sneak Down to the Pool
Time: 2h
Task: Make Homer Mope in the Hotel Room
Time: 2h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Sexy Santa Marge: *sneaking* Okay, I'm just about to the pool now. I just need to make sure no one sees me in my sexy Santa costume.
Helen Lovejoy: Timothy, stop splashing me, please.
Rev. Lovejoy: *splashes* I'm baptizing you, Helen. Get it?
Jessica Lovejoy: *splashes* I want to baptize Mommy, too!
Sexy Santa Marge: *whispering* Oh, no. What are they doing here? If I can just sneak around to the other side of the pool without them seeing me…
Helen Lovejoy: *gasp* Marge Simpson! To think that you would come all the way here just to seduce my husband.
Rev. Lovejoy: You think she'd do that?
Helen Lovejoy: *puts hands over Reverend Lovejoy's eyes* Well, I won't give you OR him the satisfaction!
Helen Lovejoy: C'mon, we're leaving. Everyone put on your pool robes. It's a good thing we got the last ones.
Sexy Santa Marge: *annoyed grumble*
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Packing Heat Pt. 4
Marge starts
Sexy Santa Marge: I guess I'll just go to the front desk. I don't even care who sees me anymore.
Squeaky Voice Teen: Welcome to the Resort at — hgggghhh—
Sexy Santa Marge: Is it possible that you have any more pool robes in the back room?
Squeaky Voice Teen: *gulps* I — we have — I can check on that for you…
If the user has Squeaky Voice Teen: Task: Make Squeaky Voice Teen Try Not to Stare
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Sexy Santa Marge Hide Behind a Lobby Ficus
Time: 4h
Task: Make Homer Hatch a Plan Back in the Room
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Sexy Santa Marge: Homer, I'm back. And lucky for you they were all out of robes, so I'm still as sexy as ever.
Sexy Santa Marge: Homer? Are you here?
Sexy Santa Marge: Homer, you're not trying to play that sexy hide-n-seek game again, are you? Because I'm really not in the mood.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Packing Heat Pt. 5
Marge starts
Homer: Alright, everyone. Step right up. It's five dollars to make me do a belly flop. Ten dollars to cover myself in grease and slide off the roof of the pool gazebo...
Homer: Fifteen dollars and I'll get inside that floaty tube and do the truffle shuffle in the deep end…
Homer: Whoa, slow down. One at a time. Okay — form a line, everyone…
Task: Make Homer Humiliate Himself for Cash
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Sexy Santa Marge Search for Homer
Time: 4h
Location: Palm Springfield Resort, Smooches on the Beach, Resort Hotel, Exclusive Resort, African Tree Resort, Simpson House or Brown House
Sexy Santa Marge: Homer? What in the world are you doing?
Homer: *slides off roof of pool gazebo* Marge, look at how much money I made just by humiliating myself! And to think I was gonna do that anyways.
Sexy Santa Marge: Oh, Homie. You did this all for me?
Homer: Yeah, I made enough money for gas to get us home AND some new clothes for you.
Sexy Santa Marge: Or…we could skip the clothes and just get this sexy Santa outfit back to the room where it belongs…
Homer: You don't have to ask me twice!
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
