The Springfield Jobs: Premium Walkthrough
March 27, 2018 5:42PM
edited March 2018
Zero Mile High Club Pt. 1
Wheels McGrath starts
Grampa: Wheels McGrath! What are you doing in Springfield?
Wheels McGrath: Same thing I always do: opening a nightclub in an old abandoned airliner.
Grampa: That's the American way: stick with your plan no matter how terrible.
Wheels McGrath: I found an old DC8 sitting in the jungle south of Springfield.
Wheels McGrath: Now all I have to do is carve a pathway out to it.
Task: Make Wheels McGrath Machete Around
Time: 4h
Wheels McGrath: There it is. A nice wide jungle path straight to my new nightclub.
Wheels McGrath: I love my machete. Keeps me in shape, and my mind sharp. What do you do to stay on edge, Abe?
Grampa: Nothin'! My mind's as sharp as the day I... forget who you are.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Zero Mile High Club Pt. 2
Wheels McGrath starts
Wheels McGrath: Almost time to open my jungle airliner nightclub. Let's go over the launch checklist.
Wheels McGrath: Pathway cut, check. Band hired, check. Band stiffed out of paychecks, check.
Wheels McGrath: Now I just have to get some booze. Only problem is, no money to buy it.
Wheels McGrath: Time to use the skills I learned as a world traveler... and raid some hotel room minibars.
Task: Make Wheels McGrath Raid the Minibars
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Zero Mile High Club Pt. 3
Wheels McGrath starts
Wheels McGrath: Welcome aboard my nightclub airplane, frequent funsters.
Wheels McGrath: Do not check for your nearest exit, because we'll be partying all night.
Wheels McGrath: Remember, Federal regulations forbid moping in the lavatories.
Wheels McGrath: So start the music, because it's time for you to get as high as your pilot.
Task: Make Springfielders Put Trays in Party Position [x3]
Time: 1h
Location: The First Class Lounge
Task: Make Wheels McGrath Party in First Class Cabin
Time: 12h
Location: The First Class Lounge
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Zero Mile High Club Pt. 4
Wheels McGrath starts
Wheels McGrath: What a great night at my airplane nightclub. The only thing that got hijacked was people's bad moods.
Wheels McGrath: And their credit card numbers, which I'll be selling to international criminals.
Wiggum: The jig is up, McGrath! I'm coming aboard your airplane!
Wiggum: Although it's a long climb up those air stairs. Any chance you could come down here?
Wheels McGrath: The fuzz! Time to take off -- in my night club airplane!
Task: Make Wheels McGrath Prepare to Depart
Time: 24h
Location: The First Class Lounge
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
You Are Getting Sleepy (But Keep Playing) Pt. 1
Sven Golly starts
Kirk: Excuse me, but are you the famous hypnotist Sven Golly?
Sven Golly: Some call me that. Others call me “Barry”.
Kirk: My therapist suggested I try some hypnosis to improve my self-esteem.
Sven Golly: You realize that I am a cheap sideshow performer.
Kirk: That's all I deserve.
Sven Golly: Boy, you really do have low self-esteem.
Task: Make Sven Golly Perform Cheap Tricks
Time: 12h
Location: Master Hypnotist Tent
Task: Make Adults Receive Career Hypnosis [x3]
Time: 4h
Location: Master Hypnotist Tent
Sven Golly: You are getting sleepy.
Kirk: I'm getting sleepy.
Sven Golly: You will hand me your debit card and PIN.
Kirk: I'm not actually hypnotized, but sure.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
You Are Getting Sleepy (But Keep Playing) Pt. 2
Sven Golly starts
Sven Golly: Ugh, these small-time crimes will never get me to the big time.
Sven Golly: Doing a cheesy Las Vegas show where I rip off tourists legally.
Kirk: Hey, it's me again. Can you hypnotize me into not caring about my wife's affair?
Sven Golly: I'm a hypnotist, not Aladdin's genie.
Sven Golly: But hey, if I can help even this guy, maybe I can hypnotize myself to be more successful.
Task: Make Sven Golly Hypnotize Himself
Time: 4h
Sven Golly: Wow! I've totally empowered myself with self-hypnosis.
Kirk: No kidding, you charged me for the time.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
You Are Getting Sleepy (But Keep Playing) Pt. 3
Sven Golly starts
Sven Golly: First, I'll hypnotize the Mayor into handing me the cash from the city parking meters…
Quimby: Here are the quarters, master.
Sven Golly: Then, I'll mesmerize Mr. Burns into handing over his jewels…
Mr. Burns: Don't bother. I can't be hypnotized because my brain is mostly reptile.
Sven Golly: No matter! Sven Golly is going to be rich by golly.
Task: Make Sven Golly Perform Hypnosis Crimes
Time: 4h
Location: Town Hall
Wiggum: We got you now, Sven! Hold it right there.
Sven Golly: Fast work, officer. Let me pull out my pocket watch to see how fast.
Wiggum: Don't try anything. I'm gonna be staring at that watch going back and forth like a hawk.
Wiggum: Okay, I'm... Can I please be turned into a chicken?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
You Are Getting Sleepy (But Keep Playing) Pt. 4
Sven Golly starts
Wiggum: Aha, Sven Golly, I caught you at last! Great police work on my part.
Lou: *I* caught him. You just had him hypnotize you to think you did it.
Wiggum: Well, that sounds pretty smart of me Lou.
Lou: You also had him hypnotize you to think that.
Wiggum: I should've had him hypnotize me to forget you.
Task: Make Sven Golly Practice Prison Chess
Time: 8h
Location: Master Hypnotist Tent
Wiggum: You beat me again, Sven Golly. But what do you expect? I'm a chicken.
Sven Golly: I didn't hypnotize you to think you were a chicken.
Wiggum: Oh right. Guess I meant, I want to eat a chicken.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Revenge of the Calabresi's Pt. 1
Dante Calabresi Sr. starts
Dante Calabresi Sr.: Dante, my son, it's time we taught Fat Tony and his gang a lesson.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: You know it, Dad. No one tries to whack us without getting a back-whacking.
Dante Calabresi Sr.: Let's send our regards to the Springfield wise guys in the classic, subtle Calabresi style.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: Right! With a helicopter attack.
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Sr. and Dante Calabresi Jr. Whack Somebody
Time: 4h
Requires: Dante Calabresi Sr.
Fat Tony: What on Earth was that racket?
Legs: The Calabresis, Tony, they're back with the helicopter.
Fat Tony: So it wasn't a racket, it was a whack-it!
Louie: Those Calabresis got nothing on our wordplay.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Revenge of the Calabresi's Pt. 2
Dante Calabresi Sr. starts
Dante Calabresi Sr.: We failed to whack anyone with our A-whack helicopter.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: Maybe we need an AWACKS jet to provide airborne control.
Dante Calabresi Sr.: Good idea. See if you can extort one from the Air Force.
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Sr. Run the Calabresi Mafia
Time: 24h
Location: Brown House
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Jr. Extort the Air Force [x2]
Time: 12h
Location: Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Revenge of the Calabresi's Pt. 3
Dante Calabresi Sr. starts
Dante Calabresi Sr.: Son, after our recent failures to whack, I've decided the Calabresi family is going legit.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: Great idea, Pops. What's our legitimate business going to be?
Dante Calabresi Sr.: Cocktail weenies. The demand is incredible. People who eat them just look so cool.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: Even phone gamers?
Dante Calabresi Sr.: They're cocktail weenies, son, not miracle workers.
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Jr. Study Cocktail Weenies
Time: 8h
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Sr. Smoke a Cigar
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Revenge of the Calabresi's Pt. 4
Dante Calabresi Sr. starts
Dante Calabresi Jr.: It's no good, Pops. I can't figure out the secret of the cocktail weenie.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: They're so tiny but with such a punch... like sausage Tom Cruises.
Dante Calabresi Sr.: *Sigh* I hoped you wouldn't have to be a mobster.
Dante Calabresi Sr.: I hoped maybe you could be a doctor, a senator, or even a judge on that idol show they keep rebooting.
Dante Calabresi Sr.: But at least now we get to keep whacking people!
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Sr. and Dante Calabresi Jr. Whack Somebody
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Colo-See ‘Em Fight
Auto starts
Lisa: This replica of the Roman Colosseum is amazing!
Cecil: Thank you, Lisa. It's accurate right down to the sewer grate that they slopped gladiator guts through.
Lisa: Sometimes I wish people remembered that I'm an eight year old.
Task: Make Lisa Visit the Colosseum
Time: 4h
Location: Colosseum
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Pompeii It Forward
Auto starts
Bart: Let me guess. Another historically accurate landmark.
Lisa: You should be excited! We can learn all about the intersection between public and private life in the late Roman Republic.
Bart: Yawn.
Lisa: You can see mummies who were buried in lava.
Bart: What are we waiting for? Let's go learn things!
Task: Make Lisa Study History
Time: 4h
Location: Pompeii Ruins
Task: Make Bart Read Ancient Graffiti
Time: 4h
Location: Pompeii Ruins
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Give 'Em Enough Pope Pt. 1
Pope starts
Pope: Springfield, my greatest challenge. Home to evil, debauchery, and worst of all, a ton of birth control.
Homer: If you knew our kids, you wouldn't blame us for that last one.
Pope: I'm here to restore faith and duty to this wicked town.
Homer: We're not interested in your stodgy, old-time religion, buddy.
Pope: And you won't get it. Because I'm the cool young pope!
Task: Make Pope Be Young And Cool
Time: 8h
Homer: Whoa, that's the coolest dude wearing white I've ever seen.
Homer: Except for that southern gentleman on the buckets of fried chicken.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Give 'Em Enough Pope Pt. 2
Pope starts
Bart: Your Holiness, as one cool dude to another, wanna hang out?
Bart: Maybe you can teach me about your religion. ‘Cause Reverend Lovejoy is doing nothing for me.
Rev. Lovejoy: It's not my fault I can't be cool and wear sunglasses. I have an easily irritated nose bridge.
Pope: I'll be delighted to teach you, Bart. Young men like you are the greatest hope for the future.
Homer: Wouldn't want to be you, future.
Task: Make the Pope Teach Bart
Time: 4h
Location: St. Paul's Basilica
Task: Make Bart Learn the Catholic Catechism
Time: 4h
Location: St. Paul's Basilica
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Give 'Em Enough Pope Pt. 3
Pope starts
Pope: Bart, I'm surprised. I thought you were eager to become a Catholic, but you're barely studying.
Bart: Maybe if you revived my interest with something cool.
Pope: You mean, like the story of Saint Ursula and her martyrdom.
Bart: I was thinking more like a ride in the pope mobile.
Pope: *sigh* Fine.
Task: Make Pope Ride the Pope Mobile
Time: 4h
Task: Make Bart Tag Along With the Pope
Time: 4h
Location: St. Paul's Basilica
Pope: Bart, what are you doing? Get your hands off the pope mobile steering wheel.
Bart: Sorry, but this thing is armor-plated and supercharged.
Bart: The perfect thing to run over Skinner's car.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Give 'Em Enough Pope Pt. 4
Pope starts
Pope: Bart, you were just tricking me so you could get your hands on my pope mobile and run over your principal's car.
Bart: Don't feel bad. It's not like you're infallible or something.
Pope: I give up. I cannot beat Springfield.
Wiggum: And if you can't beat ‘em, excommunicate ‘em.
Task: Make Pope Excommunicate Springfielders
Time: 4h
Location: St. Paul's Basilica
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Battle of the Quick Wit Brits Pt. 1
Geoffrey Chaucer starts
Geoffrey Chaucer: Good lord, by some magic we have returned to walk the world.
Oscar Wilde: You can walk. I'm going to flit about like an irritating angel.
Geoffrey Chaucer: Well, time to get Middle English on someone's ass. Care to join me in a haunting?
Oscar Wilde: Good idea. I'll start by saying some of my most haunting epigrams.
Task: Make Geoffrey Chaucer Haunt Tourists
Time: 4h
Location: Westminster Abbey
Task: Make Oscar Wilde Confuse Tourists With Quotes
Time: 4h
Location: Westminster Abbey
Task: Make Springfielders Tour Westminster Abbey [x3]
Time: 1h
Location: Westminster Abbey
Oscar Wilde: We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Barney: You saying I can't do both? I'll show ya!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Battle of the Quick Wit Brits Pt. 2
Geoffrey Chaucer starts
Oscar Wilde: Chaucer, what in the Westminster Abbey happened to your clothes?
Geoffrey Chaucer: I'll just say this: never play strip poker with the ghost of Shakespeare.
Oscar Wilde: You should know better than to gamble with that hack. That's how he got hold of Francis Bacon's plays.
Oscar Wilde: Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to seek inspiration for my writing.
Geoffrey Chaucer: I'm going to walk around town and see if I can find a ghoul who'll lend me some money.
Task: Make Geoffrey Chaucer Search for Money
Time: 8h
Task: Make Oscar Wilde Let Springfield Inspire Him
Time: 8h
Oscar Wilde: The only thing this town inspires me to do is throw up.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Battle of the Quick Wit Brits Pt. 3
Geoffrey Chaucer starts
Geoffrey Chaucer: Oscar Wilde, you bon mot spouting baboon, come over here and give me a kiss.
Oscar Wilde: You're drunk, Chaucer, you disgusting oaf!
Geoffrey Chaucer: Am not. I was floating around town and I got caught in a cloud of whatever Otto is smoking.
Geoffrey Chaucer: And no one calls me an oaf except King Richard II!
Task: Make Geoffrey Chaucer Battle a Brit
Time: 4h
Requires: Geoffrey Chaucer
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Battle of the Quick Wit Brits Pt. 4
Oscar Wilde starts
Oscar Wilde: Let's not fight, Chaucer. After all, we're both trapped for eternity in this uncomfortable corner of a drafty cathedral.
Geoffrey Chaucer: Yes, let's focus on something we both love: blurring photographs taken by American tourists.
Oscar Wilde: I shouldn't but… I can resist everything but temptation!
Cletus: Hey, whats this blurry thing-a-ma-ghost doing in ma clickety-look?
Task: Make Oscar Wilde and Geoffrey Chaucer Harass Tourists
Time: 4h
Location: Westminster Abbey
Task: Make Cletus Fiddle With His Camera
Time: 4h
Location: Westminster Abbey
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Bucking-Spam Malice
Auto starts
Lisa: Finally! This town has a spectacular royal residence.
Homer: Mmm, Bucking-ham sandwich.
Task: Make Lisa Watch the Changing of the Guard
Time: 4h
Location: Buckingham Palace
Task: Make Homer Salivate
Time: 4h
Location: Buckingham Palace
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Wheels McGrath starts
Grampa: Wheels McGrath! What are you doing in Springfield?
Wheels McGrath: Same thing I always do: opening a nightclub in an old abandoned airliner.
Grampa: That's the American way: stick with your plan no matter how terrible.
Wheels McGrath: I found an old DC8 sitting in the jungle south of Springfield.
Wheels McGrath: Now all I have to do is carve a pathway out to it.
Task: Make Wheels McGrath Machete Around
Time: 4h
Wheels McGrath: There it is. A nice wide jungle path straight to my new nightclub.
Wheels McGrath: I love my machete. Keeps me in shape, and my mind sharp. What do you do to stay on edge, Abe?
Grampa: Nothin'! My mind's as sharp as the day I... forget who you are.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Zero Mile High Club Pt. 2
Wheels McGrath starts
Wheels McGrath: Almost time to open my jungle airliner nightclub. Let's go over the launch checklist.
Wheels McGrath: Pathway cut, check. Band hired, check. Band stiffed out of paychecks, check.
Wheels McGrath: Now I just have to get some booze. Only problem is, no money to buy it.
Wheels McGrath: Time to use the skills I learned as a world traveler... and raid some hotel room minibars.
Task: Make Wheels McGrath Raid the Minibars
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Zero Mile High Club Pt. 3
Wheels McGrath starts
Wheels McGrath: Welcome aboard my nightclub airplane, frequent funsters.
Wheels McGrath: Do not check for your nearest exit, because we'll be partying all night.
Wheels McGrath: Remember, Federal regulations forbid moping in the lavatories.
Wheels McGrath: So start the music, because it's time for you to get as high as your pilot.
Task: Make Springfielders Put Trays in Party Position [x3]
Time: 1h
Location: The First Class Lounge
Task: Make Wheels McGrath Party in First Class Cabin
Time: 12h
Location: The First Class Lounge
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Zero Mile High Club Pt. 4
Wheels McGrath starts
Wheels McGrath: What a great night at my airplane nightclub. The only thing that got hijacked was people's bad moods.
Wheels McGrath: And their credit card numbers, which I'll be selling to international criminals.
Wiggum: The jig is up, McGrath! I'm coming aboard your airplane!
Wiggum: Although it's a long climb up those air stairs. Any chance you could come down here?
Wheels McGrath: The fuzz! Time to take off -- in my night club airplane!
Task: Make Wheels McGrath Prepare to Depart
Time: 24h
Location: The First Class Lounge
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
You Are Getting Sleepy (But Keep Playing) Pt. 1
Sven Golly starts
Kirk: Excuse me, but are you the famous hypnotist Sven Golly?
Sven Golly: Some call me that. Others call me “Barry”.
Kirk: My therapist suggested I try some hypnosis to improve my self-esteem.
Sven Golly: You realize that I am a cheap sideshow performer.
Kirk: That's all I deserve.
Sven Golly: Boy, you really do have low self-esteem.
Task: Make Sven Golly Perform Cheap Tricks
Time: 12h
Location: Master Hypnotist Tent
Task: Make Adults Receive Career Hypnosis [x3]
Time: 4h
Location: Master Hypnotist Tent
Sven Golly: You are getting sleepy.
Kirk: I'm getting sleepy.
Sven Golly: You will hand me your debit card and PIN.
Kirk: I'm not actually hypnotized, but sure.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
You Are Getting Sleepy (But Keep Playing) Pt. 2
Sven Golly starts
Sven Golly: Ugh, these small-time crimes will never get me to the big time.
Sven Golly: Doing a cheesy Las Vegas show where I rip off tourists legally.
Kirk: Hey, it's me again. Can you hypnotize me into not caring about my wife's affair?
Sven Golly: I'm a hypnotist, not Aladdin's genie.
Sven Golly: But hey, if I can help even this guy, maybe I can hypnotize myself to be more successful.
Task: Make Sven Golly Hypnotize Himself
Time: 4h
Sven Golly: Wow! I've totally empowered myself with self-hypnosis.
Kirk: No kidding, you charged me for the time.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
You Are Getting Sleepy (But Keep Playing) Pt. 3
Sven Golly starts
Sven Golly: First, I'll hypnotize the Mayor into handing me the cash from the city parking meters…
Quimby: Here are the quarters, master.
Sven Golly: Then, I'll mesmerize Mr. Burns into handing over his jewels…
Mr. Burns: Don't bother. I can't be hypnotized because my brain is mostly reptile.
Sven Golly: No matter! Sven Golly is going to be rich by golly.
Task: Make Sven Golly Perform Hypnosis Crimes
Time: 4h
Location: Town Hall
Wiggum: We got you now, Sven! Hold it right there.
Sven Golly: Fast work, officer. Let me pull out my pocket watch to see how fast.
Wiggum: Don't try anything. I'm gonna be staring at that watch going back and forth like a hawk.
Wiggum: Okay, I'm... Can I please be turned into a chicken?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
You Are Getting Sleepy (But Keep Playing) Pt. 4
Sven Golly starts
Wiggum: Aha, Sven Golly, I caught you at last! Great police work on my part.
Lou: *I* caught him. You just had him hypnotize you to think you did it.
Wiggum: Well, that sounds pretty smart of me Lou.
Lou: You also had him hypnotize you to think that.
Wiggum: I should've had him hypnotize me to forget you.
Task: Make Sven Golly Practice Prison Chess
Time: 8h
Location: Master Hypnotist Tent
Wiggum: You beat me again, Sven Golly. But what do you expect? I'm a chicken.
Sven Golly: I didn't hypnotize you to think you were a chicken.
Wiggum: Oh right. Guess I meant, I want to eat a chicken.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Revenge of the Calabresi's Pt. 1
Dante Calabresi Sr. starts
Dante Calabresi Sr.: Dante, my son, it's time we taught Fat Tony and his gang a lesson.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: You know it, Dad. No one tries to whack us without getting a back-whacking.
Dante Calabresi Sr.: Let's send our regards to the Springfield wise guys in the classic, subtle Calabresi style.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: Right! With a helicopter attack.
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Sr. and Dante Calabresi Jr. Whack Somebody
Time: 4h
Requires: Dante Calabresi Sr.
Fat Tony: What on Earth was that racket?
Legs: The Calabresis, Tony, they're back with the helicopter.
Fat Tony: So it wasn't a racket, it was a whack-it!
Louie: Those Calabresis got nothing on our wordplay.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Revenge of the Calabresi's Pt. 2
Dante Calabresi Sr. starts
Dante Calabresi Sr.: We failed to whack anyone with our A-whack helicopter.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: Maybe we need an AWACKS jet to provide airborne control.
Dante Calabresi Sr.: Good idea. See if you can extort one from the Air Force.
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Sr. Run the Calabresi Mafia
Time: 24h
Location: Brown House
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Jr. Extort the Air Force [x2]
Time: 12h
Location: Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Revenge of the Calabresi's Pt. 3
Dante Calabresi Sr. starts
Dante Calabresi Sr.: Son, after our recent failures to whack, I've decided the Calabresi family is going legit.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: Great idea, Pops. What's our legitimate business going to be?
Dante Calabresi Sr.: Cocktail weenies. The demand is incredible. People who eat them just look so cool.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: Even phone gamers?
Dante Calabresi Sr.: They're cocktail weenies, son, not miracle workers.
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Jr. Study Cocktail Weenies
Time: 8h
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Sr. Smoke a Cigar
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Revenge of the Calabresi's Pt. 4
Dante Calabresi Sr. starts
Dante Calabresi Jr.: It's no good, Pops. I can't figure out the secret of the cocktail weenie.
Dante Calabresi Jr.: They're so tiny but with such a punch... like sausage Tom Cruises.
Dante Calabresi Sr.: *Sigh* I hoped you wouldn't have to be a mobster.
Dante Calabresi Sr.: I hoped maybe you could be a doctor, a senator, or even a judge on that idol show they keep rebooting.
Dante Calabresi Sr.: But at least now we get to keep whacking people!
Task: Make Dante Calabresi Sr. and Dante Calabresi Jr. Whack Somebody
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Colo-See ‘Em Fight
Auto starts
Lisa: This replica of the Roman Colosseum is amazing!
Cecil: Thank you, Lisa. It's accurate right down to the sewer grate that they slopped gladiator guts through.
Lisa: Sometimes I wish people remembered that I'm an eight year old.
Task: Make Lisa Visit the Colosseum
Time: 4h
Location: Colosseum
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Pompeii It Forward
Auto starts
Bart: Let me guess. Another historically accurate landmark.
Lisa: You should be excited! We can learn all about the intersection between public and private life in the late Roman Republic.
Bart: Yawn.
Lisa: You can see mummies who were buried in lava.
Bart: What are we waiting for? Let's go learn things!
Task: Make Lisa Study History
Time: 4h
Location: Pompeii Ruins
Task: Make Bart Read Ancient Graffiti
Time: 4h
Location: Pompeii Ruins
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Give 'Em Enough Pope Pt. 1
Pope starts
Pope: Springfield, my greatest challenge. Home to evil, debauchery, and worst of all, a ton of birth control.
Homer: If you knew our kids, you wouldn't blame us for that last one.
Pope: I'm here to restore faith and duty to this wicked town.
Homer: We're not interested in your stodgy, old-time religion, buddy.
Pope: And you won't get it. Because I'm the cool young pope!
Task: Make Pope Be Young And Cool
Time: 8h
Homer: Whoa, that's the coolest dude wearing white I've ever seen.
Homer: Except for that southern gentleman on the buckets of fried chicken.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Give 'Em Enough Pope Pt. 2
Pope starts
Bart: Your Holiness, as one cool dude to another, wanna hang out?
Bart: Maybe you can teach me about your religion. ‘Cause Reverend Lovejoy is doing nothing for me.
Rev. Lovejoy: It's not my fault I can't be cool and wear sunglasses. I have an easily irritated nose bridge.
Pope: I'll be delighted to teach you, Bart. Young men like you are the greatest hope for the future.
Homer: Wouldn't want to be you, future.
Task: Make the Pope Teach Bart
Time: 4h
Location: St. Paul's Basilica
Task: Make Bart Learn the Catholic Catechism
Time: 4h
Location: St. Paul's Basilica
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Give 'Em Enough Pope Pt. 3
Pope starts
Pope: Bart, I'm surprised. I thought you were eager to become a Catholic, but you're barely studying.
Bart: Maybe if you revived my interest with something cool.
Pope: You mean, like the story of Saint Ursula and her martyrdom.
Bart: I was thinking more like a ride in the pope mobile.
Pope: *sigh* Fine.
Task: Make Pope Ride the Pope Mobile
Time: 4h
Task: Make Bart Tag Along With the Pope
Time: 4h
Location: St. Paul's Basilica
Pope: Bart, what are you doing? Get your hands off the pope mobile steering wheel.
Bart: Sorry, but this thing is armor-plated and supercharged.
Bart: The perfect thing to run over Skinner's car.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Give 'Em Enough Pope Pt. 4
Pope starts
Pope: Bart, you were just tricking me so you could get your hands on my pope mobile and run over your principal's car.
Bart: Don't feel bad. It's not like you're infallible or something.
Pope: I give up. I cannot beat Springfield.
Wiggum: And if you can't beat ‘em, excommunicate ‘em.
Task: Make Pope Excommunicate Springfielders
Time: 4h
Location: St. Paul's Basilica
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Battle of the Quick Wit Brits Pt. 1
Geoffrey Chaucer starts
Geoffrey Chaucer: Good lord, by some magic we have returned to walk the world.
Oscar Wilde: You can walk. I'm going to flit about like an irritating angel.
Geoffrey Chaucer: Well, time to get Middle English on someone's ass. Care to join me in a haunting?
Oscar Wilde: Good idea. I'll start by saying some of my most haunting epigrams.
Task: Make Geoffrey Chaucer Haunt Tourists
Time: 4h
Location: Westminster Abbey
Task: Make Oscar Wilde Confuse Tourists With Quotes
Time: 4h
Location: Westminster Abbey
Task: Make Springfielders Tour Westminster Abbey [x3]
Time: 1h
Location: Westminster Abbey
Oscar Wilde: We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Barney: You saying I can't do both? I'll show ya!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Battle of the Quick Wit Brits Pt. 2
Geoffrey Chaucer starts
Oscar Wilde: Chaucer, what in the Westminster Abbey happened to your clothes?
Geoffrey Chaucer: I'll just say this: never play strip poker with the ghost of Shakespeare.
Oscar Wilde: You should know better than to gamble with that hack. That's how he got hold of Francis Bacon's plays.
Oscar Wilde: Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to seek inspiration for my writing.
Geoffrey Chaucer: I'm going to walk around town and see if I can find a ghoul who'll lend me some money.
Task: Make Geoffrey Chaucer Search for Money
Time: 8h
Task: Make Oscar Wilde Let Springfield Inspire Him
Time: 8h
Oscar Wilde: The only thing this town inspires me to do is throw up.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Battle of the Quick Wit Brits Pt. 3
Geoffrey Chaucer starts
Geoffrey Chaucer: Oscar Wilde, you bon mot spouting baboon, come over here and give me a kiss.
Oscar Wilde: You're drunk, Chaucer, you disgusting oaf!
Geoffrey Chaucer: Am not. I was floating around town and I got caught in a cloud of whatever Otto is smoking.
Geoffrey Chaucer: And no one calls me an oaf except King Richard II!
Task: Make Geoffrey Chaucer Battle a Brit
Time: 4h
Requires: Geoffrey Chaucer
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Battle of the Quick Wit Brits Pt. 4
Oscar Wilde starts
Oscar Wilde: Let's not fight, Chaucer. After all, we're both trapped for eternity in this uncomfortable corner of a drafty cathedral.
Geoffrey Chaucer: Yes, let's focus on something we both love: blurring photographs taken by American tourists.
Oscar Wilde: I shouldn't but… I can resist everything but temptation!
Cletus: Hey, whats this blurry thing-a-ma-ghost doing in ma clickety-look?
Task: Make Oscar Wilde and Geoffrey Chaucer Harass Tourists
Time: 4h
Location: Westminster Abbey
Task: Make Cletus Fiddle With His Camera
Time: 4h
Location: Westminster Abbey
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Bucking-Spam Malice
Auto starts
Lisa: Finally! This town has a spectacular royal residence.
Homer: Mmm, Bucking-ham sandwich.
Task: Make Lisa Watch the Changing of the Guard
Time: 4h
Location: Buckingham Palace
Task: Make Homer Salivate
Time: 4h
Location: Buckingham Palace
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Post edited by LPNintendoITA on
0
Howdy, Stranger!
Replies
Gil starts
Gil: I had a great idea: I borrowed Professor Frink's time machine.
Gil: Figured I'd go back in time, give myself some advice, and stock tips, really turn my life around.
Gil: But I fell off the bike around 2008... had to live through the great recession all over again. Bad times.
Gil: Then a fella called Jack the Ripper found the bike in the past, and used it to come back to the present.
Gil: And now I can't wait to get rid of him. Before he gets rid of me!
On offer accepted:
Gil: Whew, Ol' Gil dodged a bullet that time.
Gil: Well, more like a butcher knife, actually.
On offer declined:
Gil: Well, that's it for Ol' Gil. Not just financially this time, but mortally.
Gil: On the plus side, at least I won't live long enough to go bankrupt.
The Time Traveler's Knife Pt. 1
Jack the Ripper starts
Jack the Ripper: The future is amazing.
Jack the Ripper: They found a way to make it even more filth-ridden and depressing than nineteenth century London.
Lenny: Naw, that's just Springfield... voted “Most Squalid Town in America” twenty-nine years running.
Jack the Ripper: And what part of town is most full of innocent, unsuspecting victims?
Lenny: That would be Evergreen Terrace. Follow me and I'll show you!
Task: Make Jack the Ripper Stalk Prey
Time: 4h
Kent Brockman: Breaking news... Lenny Leonard has been brutally attacked. Our cameras caught his last moments.
Wiggum: Who did this to you Lenny?
Lenny: It was... Hey, am I on camera? Hi Mom!
Lenny: Aaarghhh.
Wiggum: Okay, the killer's name is “Aaarghhh”.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Time Traveler's Knife Pt. 2
Jack the Ripper starts
Jack the Ripper: I'm having a bad day.
Jack the Ripper: There I was about to brutally kill Lenny when he tripped on a sprinkler hose, falling on a shovel that cut his own throat.
Jack the Ripper: I didn't even get my name in the papers. Very frustrating.
Jack the Ripper: Well, if at first you don't succeed, rip, rip again.
Task: Make Jack the Ripper Stalk Prey
Time: 4h
Jack the Ripper: A note?! On the person I was going to kill?!
Jack the Ripper: “Stay out of my town. – S.S.”
Jack the Ripper: I hate you, whoever you are. But heck, I respect you.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Time Traveler's Knife Pt. 3
Jack the Ripper starts
Jack the Ripper: I found another potential victim, but this one is also already dead.
Hans Moleman: I'm not dead. I'm just very, very slow.
Jack the Ripper: Well, I am a murderous killer from beyond time. Aren't you terrified?
Hans Moleman: Not really. We already have a serial killer, the Springfield Strangler.
Jack the Ripper: This town isn't big enough for two of us! The Springfield Strangler must die!
Task: Make Jack the Ripper Search for the Springfield Strangler
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Time Traveler's Knife Pt. 4
Jack the Ripper starts
Jack the Ripper: My search for the Springfield Strangler has been a bust the size of Queen Victoria's knockers.
Jack the Ripper: Time for a break. Little girl, where is the nearest music hall or brass band gazebo?
Lisa: Well, there's a bowling alley with karaoke.
Jack the Ripper: No music hall?! I'm so frustrated I could disembowel someone!
Lisa: Excuse me?
Jack the Ripper: Er, I mean, I just love theater.
Task: Make Jack the Ripper Miss Victorian Entertainment
Time: 12h
Location: Scotland Yard
Task: Make Lisa Visit Scotland Yard
Time: 4h
Location: Scotland Yard
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
The Time Traveler's Knife Pt. 5
Jack the Ripper starts
Jack the Ripper: I am going back to visit my own time and place.
Jack the Ripper: I miss the food, the music, the goiters, the occasional outbreaks of cholera.
Jack the Ripper: But before I go, I'm going to stab the ugliest man in town.
Moe: It's going to be another bad day for Moe.
Task: Make Jack the Ripper Chase the Strangler Through Time
Time: 24h
Location: Scotland Yard
Task: Make Citizens Live in Fear
Time: 4h
Location: Homes
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Trickle up Economics Pt. 1
Arthur Fortune starts
Arthur Fortune: Once upon a time, my megastores were the most popular places in the world.
Arthur Fortune: People came to buy music, drink coffee, and fall in love.
Arthur Fortune: Then along came a certain on-line retailer, and sayonara megastores.
Arthur Fortune: At least I hold the record for climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro while doing a handstand.
Task: Make Arthur Fortune Miss His Megastores
Time: 1h
Location: Fortune Megastore
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Trickle up Economics Pt. 2
Arthur Fortune starts
Arthur Fortune: I refuse to surrender to the internet. I love opening megastores, even if no one ever goes into them anymore.
Arthur Fortune: And if I'm opening a new megastore, I need to do a huge over-the-top stunt to promote it.
Arthur Fortune: I need some ideas from someone who's not afraid to have me take a few risks.
Bart: Did someone mention total disregard for your personal safety?
Task: Make Arthur Fortune Workshop Next Personal Achievement
Time: 12h
Location: Fortune Megastore
Task: Make Bart Suggest Very Risky Stunts
Time: 4h
Location: Fortune Megastore
Arthur Fortune: Pack my bags, I've got a hippopotamus to tame. The child has spoken.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Trickle up Economics Pt. 3
Arthur Fortune starts
Arthur Fortune: Today I open my newest Megastore.
Arthur Fortune: It's an almost certain money loser, but so what?
Homer: I'll promote it by handing out free money -- an absolutely guaranteed money loss.
Task: Make Arthur Fortune Hand Out Dollars
Time: 8h
Location: Fortune Megastore
Task: Make Homer Get in Line Multiple Times
Time: 4h
Location: Fortune Megastore
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Trickle up Economics Pt. 4
Arthur Fortune starts
Arthur Fortune: I love giving away money. Here, have some more.
Homer: Well, it's a lot to carry, but anything for a friend.
Bart: Pfft. I thought you were a thrill seeker. What's dangerous about throwing cash off a building?
Arthur Fortune: Once again, I shall listen to a dangerous child and make it rain cash.
Task: Make Arthur Fortune Give Dollars for Everyone
Time: 4h
Location: Fortune Megastore
Task: Make Arthur Fortune Plan Another Megastore
Time: 1h
Location: Fortune Megastore
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Nobody's Home Pt. 1
Guy Incognito starts
Guy Incognito: Greetings, Springfield. Guy Incognito here, in search of a quaff of tasty ale.
Guy Incognito: I seek a delightful saloon, run by a friendly tavern-keeper.
Moe: Hey, don't forget the undelightful hellholes run by psychotic loners.
Moe: Plus, Moe's now has a working bathroom.
Moe: It's down the street in the public park, but I'll hand you a roll of toilet paper.
Task: Make Guy Incognito Seek Beverages
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Nobody's Home Pt. 2
Guy Incognito starts
Mr. Burns: Smithers, there's a likely-looking fellow to hire at the plant.
Smithers: I'm pretty sure that's just Homer Simpson in a disguise.
Mr. Burns: Nonsense. Look at that rakish mustache and trendy bowler hat -- clearly he's a man of distinction.
Guy Incognito: Is there beer at this nuclear plant?
Lenny: Oh, yeah.
Task: Make Guy Incognito Work at the Nuclear Plant
Time: 12h
Location: Control Building
Homer: Hey, look... I don't have to go to work. I'm already at the nuclear plant.
Moe: Aren't you curious about someone who's your exact double?
Homer: When you grow up you'll learn that the secret to a successful career is never questioning your exact double.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Nobody's Home Pt. 3
Guy Incognito starts
Guy Incognito: Everyone keeps saying I'm just like some oaf named “Homer Simpson”.
Guy Incognito: Which is ridiculous, because I'm determined and focused on my task and...
Guy Incognito: I say, that dog has a puffy tail! Get it!
Task: Make Guy Incognito Chase a Puffy Tail
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Nobody's Home Pt. 4
Guy Incognito starts
Guy Incognito: That puffy-tailed dog was delightful, but my fingers are exhausted from all the petting.
Guy Incognito: Time for some finger calisthenics!
Homer: And then a beer?
Guy Incognito: Excellent idea, my good doppelganger.
Task: Reach Level 15 and Build Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Guy Incognito Do Finger Stretches
Time: 1h
Location: The Nag and Weasel
Task: Make Homer Seek Beverages
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Moe: Whaaa??? Two Homers? One of them with a mustache and hat.
Moe: I can throw them both out, try to figure out what's going on, or just pretend nothing is wrong and sell them beer.
Guy Incognito: I barely know you, but I've got a pretty good guess which way you'll go.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
The London Spy
Auto starts
Milhouse: How come this Ferris wheel isn't moving?
Bart: My dad got on the bottom car.
Bart: There isn't a Ferris wheel in the world big enough to turn with him on it.
Task: Tap Giant Ferris Wheel
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
South Beach Suave Pt. 1
Raoul starts
Raoul: Abe Simpson, my good friend, so good to see you!
Grampa: Raoul, you South Beach lounge lizard! What are you doing here instead of Miami?
Raoul: The times and the tides are changing. Literally, the rising oceans flooded my condo.
Grampa: That'll never happen here. We keep the water off the beach with giant piles of trash.
Task: Make Raoul Scout Out the Beach
Time: 24h
Location: Raoul's Penthouse
Raoul: There certainly are some repugnant piles of filth on this beach.
Moe: Why are you looking at me when you say that?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
South Beach Suave Pt. 2
Raoul starts
Raoul: The Springfield beach is not for me, Abe. Nor for anyone who is not a professional trash picker.
Grampa: So come hang out at the Retirement Castle. We've got some lovely wrinklettes who'd love to meet an eligible hottie like you.
Grampa: Here, take a look through our latest resident directory.
Raoul: Well, if I must.
Task: Make Raoul Be Disgusted by Women
Time: 4h
Grampa: You didn't like any of the gals? Not even Bertha Hagenstraupper, the belle of the Alzheimers Ward?
Raoul: As I told you last time we met, women aren't exactly my thing.
Grampa: Big deal. At my age, NOTHING is my thing.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
South Beach Suave Pt. 3
Raoul starts
Raoul: This town is no place for a stylish playboy of uncertain nationality.
Raoul: There is no Cuban cigar store, no place for a café con leche, and nobody else wearing flowery shirts with parrots.
Raoul: There's only one thing to do. Play ukulele in my apartment. Care to join me Abe?
Grampa: You bet! I love ukelele! Met her in the war and boy was she a great kisser.
Task: Make Raoul Play Ukelele
Time: 12h
Location: Raoul's Penthouse
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
South Beach Suave Pt. 4
Raoul starts
Grampa: Don't you miss your Miami penthouse condo, Raoul?
Raoul: Oh, I bought a penthouse condo here from Mr. Burns.
Raoul: It comes with trap door that drops you thirty-seven stories.
Task: Make Raoul Lounge Atop Penthouse
Time: 8h
Location: Raoul's Penthouse
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Mono on the Beach
Auto starts
Dr. Hibbert: Be careful who you kiss. This hotel is swimming in mononucleosis.
Task: Make Springfielders Enjoy a Romantic Brunch [x3]
Time: 4h
Location: Smooches on the Beach
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Swelldorado
Auto starts
Marge: Finally, a night off without the kids.
Homer: Unless they torture our secret location out of Grampa.
Grampa: Yep, I'll spill the beans if someone sneezes at me.
Task: Make Homer and Marge Enjoy a Night Alone
Time: 4h
Location: Swelldorado
Task: Make Lisa and Bart Ruin Their Parent's Night
Time: 4h
Location: Swelldorado
Lisa: You can't leave us alone at home!
Bart: Who'll check for monsters under our beds? Grampa? The man can barely bend over.
Marge: How did you know we were here, anyway?
Lisa: We just followed the objective.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Mexican Duffman Pt. 1
Mexican Duffman starts
Mexican Duffman: El Duffman Mexicano esta aqui por una fiesta grande de Cerveza Duff. ¡Ay si!
Homer: What's the difference between Mexican Duff and U.S. Duff?
Moe: You know how Mexican colas are made with real sugar while American colas are made with corn syrup?
Moe: Well, Mexican Duff is made with real hops, and U.S. Duff is made with real nothing.
Duffman: Oh yeah!
Mexican Duffman: ¡Ay si!
Task: Reach Level 15 and Build Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Mexican Duffman Fiesta at Moe's
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Duffman Go Off-Duty at Moe's
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Mexican Duffman Pt. 2
Mexican Duffman starts
Helen Lovejoy: Another foreign Duff in town? We're still recovering from Jamaican Duff.
Skinner: I cracked three vertebrae trying to limbo.
Agnes: Don't blame Jamaican Duffman. Who could've guessed you had a spine?
Lady Duff: Presenting “Duff Michelada”, the perfect drink for the Miche-ladies. A delicious blend of tomato, spices…
Moe: And, unfortunately, Duff.
Task: Make Mexican Duffman Blend Duff Michelada
Time: 8h
Task: Make Women Enjoy a Fiesta at Moe's [x3]
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Lady Duff Party at Moe's
Time: 12h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Mexican Duffman Pt. 3
Mexican Duffman starts
Duffman: Mexican Duffman, we have a problem!
Duffman: American men love your free-spirited cerveza, and American women love your macho style.
Duffman: You're taking my job, just like a typical immigrant!
Duffman: I'm not going to take it. Oh yeah! Not!
Task: Make Duffman Have a Pelvic Thrust Off With Mexican Duffman
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Mexican Duffman Have a Pelvic Thrust Off With Duffman
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Adults Enjoy a Duffman Battle at Moe's [x3]
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Mexican Duffman Pt. 4
Mexican Duffman starts
Moe: Duffman, please, you don't have to fight Mexican Duffman just because he's an immigrant.
Moe: There's work enough for both of you in this great country.
Moe: If there's one thing America will never run out of, it's drunks.
Task: Make Duffman Accept Immigrants
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Mexican Duffman Siesta at the Brewery
Time: 12h
Location: Duff Brewery
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP