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Itchy & Scratchy Land: Prizes and Craftable Walkthrough

Itchy and Scratchy Helicopter

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Lisa: Come on, Mom! Let's tour the park aboard the Itchy & Scratchy Helicopter!
Marge: I don't know...some of those decorations seem slapped on without regard to aerodynamics.
Helicopter Pilot: Aerody-what-ics? What a funny word! Did you just make that up?
Lisa: Must...abandon ship...seatbelt...won't unbuckle...

Task: Tap the Itchy & Scratchy Helicopter

Lisa: That was definitely my last helicopter ride.
Helicopter Pilot: And my first!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Roger Meyers Sr. Statue

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Squeaky Voice Attendant: The Roger Meyers Sr. Statue celebrates the life of America's most lovable entertainer.
Lisa: Lovable? Many of his movies used racial stereotypes for comic relief.
Lisa: And there was his collaboration with the House Un-American Activities Committee.
Lisa: Not to mention his relentless union-busting, which to this day leaves animators woefully underpaid for their work.
Squeaky Voice Attendant: ...
Squeaky Voice Attendant: Okay, take down the statue!
Lisa: No, no, leave it up. I'm just saying...

Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People Pt. 1

Diane starts

Diane: My job title may say I'm a network programming executive, but really, I'm the head of a family.
Diane: I surround myself with extraordinary minds. Doers. People who actualize what others only ideate.
Diane: And, most importantly, people who I can stick the blame on when our ratings are in the toilet.
Diane: NO ONE thinks firing people isn't fun, but firing family? There's nothing quite like it.

Task: Make Diane Go on a Firing Spree
Time: 8h

Quimby: And...the town's unemployment rate creeps over 30%. Wonderful.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People Pt. 2

Diane starts

Diane: Ahhhh...I love that post-firing-spree glow. Colors just seem brighter after you've crushed dreams.
Quimby: You ARE planning on filling those vacancies with other Springfielders, correct?
Diane: Of course! But first, I have a drinks meeting scheduled with some of my subordinates.
Quimby: ...who you just fired...
Diane: When you love meetings as much as I do, it doesn't even matter if you're alone.

Task: Build Moe's Tavern
Task: Make Diane Enjoy Cocktail Hour
Time: 4h
Location: Moe's Tavern or Brown House

Diane: Eww. I thought I ordered a Manhattan.
Moe: They have watered-down ethanol in Manhattan!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People Pt. 3

Diane starts

Diane: A successful TV executive is ALWAYS on the hunt for original show ideas.
Diane: Sometimes you'll be tempted to copy an idea from another network, and give it a twist.
Diane: But that's a fool's errand: if the idea works, it doesn't NEED a twist. Duh!
Diane: Just change the title, cast Matthew Perry in it, and you're good to go!

Task: Make Diane Come up With "Original" Programming
Time: 4h

Diane: This fall, Matthew Perry IS... Danny Storm, Uncle of Dragons, in... “Contest of Chairs!”
Diane: Genius!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People Pt. 4

Diane starts

Diane: Now that I've created a sure-fire hit, it's time to hire some folks to blame it on when it bombs.
Quimby: Yes, good! New jobs I can take credit for creating!
Diane: I need highly-qualified fall guys.
Quimby: Lady, that's all we got.

Task: Make Diane Host Interviews
Time: 4h
Location: Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House
Task: Make Springfielders Apply for Jobs [x5]
Time: 4h
Location: Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House

Diane: Homer, why should I hire you for this job?
Homer: Because this is one of only three jobs I've never had before. The others being lead gaffer and Secretary of Housing and Urban Development.
Diane: Are you plugged in to the zeitgeist? How “up” are you on pop culture?
Homer: Hmmm... I'd have to say “extremely”.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Making Frenemies and Inconveniencing People Pt. 5

Diane starts

Diane: So Mr. Simpson, let me explain your responsibilities as my new V.P. of Current Programming.
Homer: Oh, I wouldn't bother.
Diane: How do you expect to do your job if you don't know what it is?
Homer: I don't expect to do it at all. But don't worry. I always end up in the middle of the action.
Homer: Often for really half-baked reasons. It's called lazy writing, and it seems to work to my benefit.

Task: Make Homer Be in the Thick of Things, Somehow
Time: 4h
Location: Itchy & Scratchy Land Gate or Brown House

Diane: Homer, you're fired.
Homer: ‘Bout time, idiot!

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

I'm Also Named Bort Pt. 1

Bort starts

Bort: Look, Mommy! The gift shop has license plates with MY name on them!
Bort: Can I have a “Bort” license plate, Mommy? Mommy?
Bort: Where'd you go, Mommy?

Task: Make Bort Cry for Mommy
Time: 4h
Location: Shop

Wiggum: Hey, why are you crying, kid?
Bort: I've lost my Mommy. And I really want her to buy me a Bort license plate.
Wiggum: Yeah, you almost never see those in stock. There are so many people named Bort these days.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

I'm Also Named Bort Pt. 2

Milhouse starts

Milhouse: Did you say your name is “Bort”? That's funny, because my best friend is named Bart.
Bort: “Bart"? Is that even a real name?
Milhouse: I ‘unno. I'll admit, “Bort” seems like a hipper, fresher take on the whole “B*rt” genre.
Milhouse: Maybe if we shop for Bort merch together, people will think I'm a Bort, too. I'd like that.
Bort: Do you think your friend Bart will be jealous?
Milhouse: Who? Oh, that guy. Ever since I met you, Bort, I'd kinda forgotten all about him.

Task: Make Bort Get Bort Merch
Time: 4h
Location: Shops

On job start:
Bort: Dang it! They got a new shipment of “Bort” mugs in this morning, and they're already sold out.
Wiggum: Kids, be careful. With all these Borts around and no Bort merch, we could be looking at a riot.
Diane: We just can't keep up with the demand. Build another factory in China. Tell them to make nothing but Bort merch, twenty-four seven.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

I'm Also Named Bort Pt. 3

Milhouse starts

Milhouse: Bart, meet Bort.
Bart: “Bort”? Did the nurse misspell your name on the birth certificate?
Bort: Bort is the single most popular boy's name in America. And the third most popular girl's name.
Bort: Want proof? I've got tons of stuff with my name on it.

Task: Make Bort Proudly Display Bort Merch
Time: 4h

On job start:
Bart: If Bort is so popular, name me ONE famous Bort.
Bort: Okay... there's Packers legend Bort Starr, gymnast Bort Conner, linebacker Bort Scott...
Bart: Those are all Barts!
Bort: They WERE. But when Bort totally blew up, they all had their names legally changed.
Bort: Get with the times, man.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

I'm Also Named Bort Pt. 4

Willie starts

Willie: Somebody burned the word “Bort” into the school lawn!
Apu: There's “El Borto Was Here” graffiti all over town!
Wiggum: Do you know how many Borts there are in Springfield? It could be any one of thousands of suspects!
Bort: See, Bart? Your time is past.
Bort: The Age of Bort is here!

Task: Make Bort Throw His Name Around
Time: 1h

Bart: There never has been, and never will be, anyone named “Bort”.
Skinner: Actually, as of this morning, Seymour Skinner is no more. Call me Bort.
Lindsey Naegle: And me!
Mr. Burns: And me.
Smithers: Obviously, that means I'm going with Bort as well.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

I'm Also Named Bort Pt. 5

Bart starts

Bart: Okay, fine! I'm a dinosaur! A relic of a Bart-friendly world that no longer exists.
Bort: Don't feel too bad, Bart. You never really had a chance.
Bort: Not when there's a name out there that's as beautiful, as evocative, as “Bort".

Task: Make Bort Hug Bart
Time: 1h
Location: Simpson Home
Requires: Bart

On job start:
Skinner: Simpson, get your hands off Bort.
Bart: Whatever you say, Bort.
Skinner: Bort? Oh, yes, I was briefly named Bort. But that name is soooo uncool now. Now everyone's going with Birt.
Bort: Bort is uncool?

On job end:
Diane: Blow up the “Bort” factory and open two new ones dedicated to the hottest license plate name out there, Birt.
Bort: I can't believe it. The Age of Bort is over.
Bart: Well, you made the most of it: you were a real jerk while you could be. I respect that.
Milhouse: I just met this AWESOME kid named Birt. He's so freaking cool. Later, losers!

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

Child Care Center

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Homer: Ball pit! Let's do it!
Maggie: *suck* *suck*
Marge: Homer, there's a sign on the wall which reads: “CHILDREN ONLY”.
Marge: Which you've just removed...
Homer: Wee-hee!

Task: Make Homer Test Ball Room in Child Care Center
Time: 4h
Location: Child Care Center
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Comedic and Unusual Punishment Pt. 1

Krusty starts

Corporal Punishment: SIR! YOU WANTED TO SEE ME, SIR?
Krusty: Corporal, I like you. You work cheap.
Krusty: More importantly, you don't seem to REALIZE you work cheap. I want you to be my new sidekick.
Corporal Punishment: WOULD THE CLOWN LIKE ME TO “ELIMINATE” SIDESHOW MEL?
Krusty: Ew, no.
Krusty: Not yet, anyway. Maybe later. Almost certainly later. Anyway, let's see a smile there, soldier.

Task: Make Corporal Punishment Struggle to Smile
Time: 4h
Location: Krustylu Studios or Brown House

On job start:
Krusty: Oh God, that was horrifying!
Krusty: Why did I hear creaking and popping noises when you tried to smile?
Corporal Punishment: SIR, I HAVE NEVER USED MY SMILING MUSCLES BEFORE, SIR!
Krusty: Can we turn down the volume, please?
Corporal Punishment: Sir, yes, sir.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Comedic and Unusual Punishment Pt. 2

Krusty starts

Krusty: You've obviously forgotten what it's like to be a kid. Let's practice. Play with these hand puppets.
Corporal Punishment: How shall I play with the puppets, sir?
Krusty: Just make up a scene: a tea party, a ball game, or a silly cowboy adventure!
Corporal Punishment: Making up scene now, sir.
Corporal Punishment: “Captain Puppet, sir! The **** have broken through our lines! They're using some kind of chemical weapon!”
Corporal Punishment: “It's eating my skin! Auugghh! Auuugghhhh! Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!”
Krusty: ...

Task: Make Corporal Punishment Play With Hand Puppets
Time: 4h
Location: Krustylu Studios or Brown House

Corporal Punishment: “Dead. All dead. These men were the only family I've ever known, and those **** SCUM took them from me.”
Corporal Punishment: “I want BLOOD.”
Corporal Punishment: Am I playing with puppets correctly, sir?
Krusty: Sure. The kids in my audience love stories about the horror and futility of war.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Comedic and Unusual Punishment Pt. 3

Krusty starts

Krusty: I'll make you an entertainer yet, Corporal. Let's try some stand-up comedy.
Krusty: Every great stand-up has a funny stage persona. What do you think your persona should be?
Corporal Punishment: Humorless giant who considers comedy a waste of time?
Krusty: Well, I haven't seen it before...

Task: Make Corporal Punishment Practice Stand-up Comedy
Time: 8h
Location: Visible or Visible at Krustylu Studios

On job start:
Corporal Punishment: I gotta tell ya, the fastest way to clear a village of armed insurgents is to ask them to take a BATH.
Corporal Punishment: That, or call in a coordinated strike of Boeing AH-64 Apache ATTACK HELICOPTERS.
Krusty: Ughhhhh...

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Comedic and Unusual Punishment Pt. 4

Krusty starts

Krusty: You're the worst stand-up I've ever seen. You've got no talent, no material, and no timing.
Krusty: As far as I can see, there's no aspect of entertainment you do well.
Krusty: Which makes you the perfect clown. Trust me on this.

Task: Make Corporal Punishment Try to Clown Around
Time: 8h

Corporal Punishment: Clowning mission successful, commander. All japes and gags present and accounted for.
Krusty: Actually, that was pretty good. Which makes you a threat to me.
Krusty: If you ever pick up a pie again, you're fired.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Comedic and Unusual Punishment Pt. 5

Krusty starts

Krusty: I've got it! You're not funny, Corporal, but you ARE funny-looking.
Corporal Punishment: Sir, thank you, sir!
Krusty: Imagine a hunk of vibranium like you petting an adorable little kitten, and saying: “I wuv my wittle kitty.” It'll kill!
Corporal Punishment: My mission is to kill a kitten?
Krusty: No, that's probably a downer. Let's try it first without the killing.

Task: Make Corporal Punishment Cuddle a Kitten
Time: 2h
Location: Krustylu Studios or Brown House

Corporal Punishment: I wuv my wittle kitty.
Krusty: Aww, the kids love you! I'm a genius!
Corporal Punishment: When do I terminate the kitten?
Krusty: Never! Never kill a bit that's working. Just keep doing it over and over, for years, and years, and years...

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

Roller Coaster Weirdos

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Task: Tap Roller Coaster Weirdos
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
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