EA Forums - Banner

State of Despair: Premium Walkthrough

11556 posts Member
edited March 2019
Adding Sky Finger Monument's here due to it requiring Blue-Haired Lawyer to continue.

Get to the Point Pt. 1

If started during event: After completing Inter-State Debacle
Quimby starts

Quimby: Order, order, I, er, bring this town hall meeting to order!
Quimby: Something strange has come over our town. And it’s not March Madness because we eradicated that years ago.
Quimby: We’ve been having a series of, well, I don’t want to say Biblical plagues but I’m, er, going to.
Lisa: It’s global warming! We drove the Earth to its limits and now we must pay. But we can stop it-
Quimby: No one likes to hear about global warming. So let’s put our heads together and find something else to blame.
Ned: Isn’t it obvious? We know exactly who to blame-diddly-ame.
Rev. Lovejoy: Oh no. Dear Lord, why do I even bother leaving my trains?

Task: Make Ned Rant About Fire and Brimstone
Time: 4h
Location: Town Hall or Brown House

On job start:
Ned: We have incurred God’s rather just wrath because none of you were willing to spend one hour in church one day a week.
Ned: But you'd all rather sit around in front of the TV getting fat than visit our Lord on a Sunday.
Ned: He's seen how you've pushed him aside in favor of all your vices, and now he's sent a plague to teach us.
Ned: We must show him we got the message loud and clear by erecting a monument to him on the front steps of the courthouse!
Ned: The Ten Commandments erected in solid gold ought to do nicely. Yessir, empty out your pockets and let's start the collection.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Get to the Point Pt. 2

Blue-Haired Lawyer starts

Blue-Haired Lawyer: I feel I must advise you that erecting a statue to the Ten Commandments would violate separation of church and state.
Quimby: Not to mention that gold is both tacky AND expensive.
Ned: B-but, if we don't erect a statue to our Lord then how can we expect his forgiveness?!
Homer: Wait a minute, if we're going around erecting statues to gods then what about Sky Finger?
Rev. Lovejoy: Hmm. Sky Finger is not formally recognized by the church, more's the pity, so it wouldn't violate separation of church and state.
Quimby: Great! A proposal that's unlikely to get me sued. Make it so!

Task: Place the Sky Finger Monument

Homer: Wait a minute! I thought we were making this statue out of solid gold?!
Quimby: My heart said gold, but what's left of the city budget after I, er, borrowed some funds, said styrofoam convincingly painted like bronze and stone.
Homer: So Sky Finger erects an entire city and this is all the thanks we give?! We can do better...maybe?

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Get to the Point Pt. 3

Quimby starts

Quimby: Better? What more do you want, a parade? We're not allowed to have those anymore after the last one ended in a stampede.
Homer: What about a ribbon cutting?
Quimby: That also ended in a stampede. We're a town of stampeders.
Homer: There must be something we can do to show our devotion to Sky Finger?! Like, I don't know, a funny limerick or something?
Ned: I think you mean a prayer.
Quimby: I've never known a limerick to start a stampede. Let's give it a go.

Task: Make Homer Compose a Limerick to Sky Finger
Time: 8h
Location: Sky Finger Monument or Simpson House

On job start:
Homer: A God amid thumbs is our Sky Finger.
Homer: On the might of its point our lives linger.
Homer: Our town isn't the same.
Homer: Since its knuckles took reign.
Homer: Something, something, comedic rhyme, the end!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Get to the Point Pt. 4

Quimby starts

Quimby: That was barely a limerick, but at least it didn't result in a stampede.
Marge: Homie gave it his best, that ought to be more than enough.
Ned: Yes, everything always seems to work out for him, but in matters of religion I really think you ought to listen to a more Godly man.
Homer: Hey! Sky Finger! I wrote you a poem; I've never even done that for Marge. Come on, I've always thought we were pals!
Homer: Don't turn your back, er, the back of your finger on us now!

Task: Use the Sky Finger Monument

Homer: Woohoo! I knew Sky Finger was our one true savior.
Ned: B-b-but! I've been praying to our Lord for a miracle for years and Homer recites half a poorly written limerick and gets it?!
Rev. Lovejoy: Come along Ned, I've got a bottle of communion wine I've been saving for just such a crisis of faith.
Homer: Bless you Sky Finger, I'll worship at your altar as often as I feel like it, and always with a side of nachos.

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

Into Harm's Way Pt. 1

Auto starts

Squeaky Voice Teen: All rise for the honorable Judge Constance Harm!
Judge Constance Harm: Rise higher! Use the provided step stools! Yes, that's the stuff. You may now be seated.
Judge Constance Harm: Before we begin adjudication, Defendant, is there anything you would like to say to the court?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Judge Constance Harm: Order! Order in the court! Do you have a reply, Plaintiff?
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Judge Constance Harm: Bailiff, I know toddlers are fully capable of representing themselves in court. But babies?
Squeaky Voice Teen: Court orders. You’re too harsh on adults and too mean for children. We are hoping Baby Court will be just right for you.

Task: Make Judge Harm Sternly Contemplate Babies
Time: 1h
Location: Juvenile Courthouse

Judge Constance Harm: Sorry, I don’t have baby fever. Just dengue, yellow, and cat-scratch.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Judge Constance Harm: Dancing baby? Nah, still feel nothing.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Judge Constance Harm: Now there's a baby after my own withered heart. Let's hear your case, Plaintiff.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Into Harm's Way Pt. 2

Judge Constance Harm starts

Judge Constance Harm: Where are the babies’ lawyers? There should be one behind each snack table.
Lisa: Maggie! There you are. How did you get yourself arrested?
Bart: Aw, baby court. This brings back memories.
Judge Constance Harm: You two tiny adults. You will be these itsy-bitsy adults’ lawyers. I hope for their sake you’ve passed the bar.
Bart: I’ve snuck into a bar. Does that count?

Task: Make Judge Harm Assign Lawyers to the Case
Time: 4h
Location: Juvenile Courthouse

On job start:
Judge Constance Harm: Children, I’ve written down everything you need to know about being a lawyer on this card.
Lisa: It just says – “Settle.” Hmm…
Judge Constance Harm: I can tell that you have the moral compass of a defense attorney. You shall defend Maggie.
Judge Constance Harm: Now you, sir, how do you feel about recklessly wielding your disproportionate amount of power and determining people’s fates on a whim?
Bart: Sounds like my dream job!
Judge Constance Harm: Prosecutor it is! You're hired!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Into Harm's Way Pt. 3

Judge Constance Harm starts

Judge Constance Harm: What are these babies’ crimes? Except the obvious ones of being on an airplane or eating in public.
Squeaky Voice Teen: I saw these two babies fighting over a lollipop. I turned my head for one moment and then poof the candy was gone and Baby Gerald was crying.
Judge Constance Harm: That’s proof enough for me. Guilty!
Lisa: Objection your honor!
Judge Constance Harm: But I already banged my gavel! It’s the second best part of my job, after Meatball Mondays.
Lisa: My client has the right to plead her case! And to change her diaper.
Judge Constance Harm: Fine. Bailiff, assist in changing the defendant’s diaper. I’d help, but I’ve got important work to do.

Task: Make Judge Harm Sharpen Pencils
Time: 8h
Location: Juvenile Courthouse

Judge Constance Harm: Alright Maggie, if that’s your real name, let’s hear your side of the crime.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Lisa: My client says that while she was in the park, both she and Baby Gerald found an unattended lollipop, which they then fought over.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Bart: Objection! My client says that he saw the lollipop first. It’s a classic finders keepers scenario.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Lisa: Everyone knows that finders keepers is predicated on touch, not sight. Maggie touched the lolly first. She is the finder, ergo the keeper.
Judge Constance Harm: This would make some riveting daytime TV. But what happened to the lollipop?

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Into Harm's Way Pt. 4

Judge Constance Harm starts

Judge Constance Harm: Unless we produce this contested property, I can’t make my ruling.
Judge Constance Harm: Wait a minute! I’ve got it! Babies stick out your tongues.
Judge Constance Harm: Drat. They're just tongue color.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Lisa: Oh! Maggie says Mr. Burns was in the park. Maybe he saw who stole the lollipop!
Judge Constance Harm: It’s subpoena time!
Bart: Wow, the court lets you have balloons and sparklers?
Judge Constance Harm: I have to pay for it out of pocket, but it’s worth it!

Task: Make Judge Harm Hand Out Subpoenas
Time: 12h

Lisa: I call to the stand Montgomery Burns. Mr. Burns, who stole the lollipop in the park?
Mr. Burns: Oh, candy gets stolen from a baby and now everyone looks toward the town’s only known baby candy thief. Is there no justice?
Bart: Permission to treat this witness as hostile?
Judge Constance Harm: Granted.
Bart: Show us the lolly, you old dirt bag! Or Bobo gets it.
Mr. Burns: Nooo! It wasn’t me. I swear. I was at a benefit to save the ocean from the whales.
Judge Constance Harm: Mr. Burns, I’ve just been informed that you have threatened to start a lengthy and expensive judicial impeachment campaign. Unrelated, you are free to go.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Into Harm's Way Pt. 5

Judge Constance Harm starts

Judge Constance Harm: I guess we’re back to that classic conundrum: who’s the guiltier baby?
Bart: Not so fast, your honor. There was one more person in that park that day.
Lisa: Is Bart figuring out something before me?
Bart: There was also--
Squeaky Voice Teen: I confess, I stole the lollypop from the babies. I wanted to feel like a big man but now I want MY mommy. *dramatically weeps into a soggy handkerchief*
Bart: Aw, you ruined my dramatic reveal.
Judge Constance Harm: Another inside job, another case closed. Maybe I should do a better job vetting my employees…
Judge Constance Harm: But I must say, I’ve grown fond of these babies. Maybe one day I’ll become an aunt and occasionally send age-inappropriate gifts to my niece. But today, I will keep my kindness to the sentencing.

Task: Make Judge Harm Pass a Lenient Sentence
Time: 24h
Location: Juvenile Courthouse

Judge Constance Harm: In the case of Maggie Simpson vs. Baby Gerald, I find the Bailiff guilty of willful candy theft.
Judge Constance Harm: I hearby sentence you community service: free babysitting to all who need it. Including these two – where are their parents?
Quimby: Judge Constance Harm, may I call you Constance?
Judge Constance Harm: No.
Quimby: I like your style. Bitter on the outside, but also bitter on the inside. Like a solid 90% dark chocolate bar. Are you interested in a promotion?
Judge Constance Harm: Finally, yes!
Quimby: I’m moving you to Critter Court. The only all-animal court this side of the Mississippi. Whichever side that might be.

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

Young at Heart Pt. 1

Judge Constance Harm starts

Judge Constance Harm: I sentence you to four weeks of Pinterest parenting.
Homer: I can’t create that much whimsy! I wouldn’t even know how to Bento a box!
Judge Constance Harm: Perhaps you’ll think twice before bouncing all the castle out of that bounce castle.
Homer: You shouldn’t be allowed to operate a business in America if you aren’t prepared for an obese man.
Judge Constance Harm: The law is the law and I’m not above it. Except when I’m on an airplane – then it’s sky law.

Task: Make Homer Create Magical Memories
Time: 4h
Location: Juvenile Courthouse

Bart: Dad, get me another grilled cheese in the shape of Texas.
Lisa: Dad, where’s my hand-sewn beautifully designed Arbor Day costume?
Marge: And what about that indoor trellis with distressed beams and paper flowers for our family portraits?
Homer: Ugh, this punishment combines my three least favorite things: effort, parenting, and documenting.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Young at Heart Pt. 2

Homer starts

Homer: Maggie, you won’t judge me if I don’t make your childhood perfect. Because you still love me no matter what.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Homer: A bejeweled pacifier? Are you sure I can’t just give you candy?
Judge Constance Harm: You better make that candy from scratch or it’s jail for you!
Homer: *sigh* I’ll get out the glue gun and sequins.

Task: Make Homer Bejewel
Time: 4h
Location: Juvenile Courthouse

On job start:
Homer: Children have it too good these days. Nobody doted on me and I turned out fine.
Lisa: Dad, do you think you’ll get unstuck from the doorway soon? I need to use the bathroom.
Homer: Daddy has to wait until he panic sweats off some weight, sweetie. Use the sink.

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
My Youtube and Twitch / WikiSimpons Current Event Page and Discord
Sign In or Register to comment.

Howdy, Stranger!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!