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The Van Houtens: Premium Walkthrough

Salting the Books Pt. 1

Kirkedemious Van Houten starts

Kirkedemious Van Houten: So this is the Springfield I've heard so much about.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Time to go check up on the cracker factory. I’m sure the Van Houten name is thriving thanks to our family’s legendary square and salty goodness.
Cracker Manager: This here is the room where we salt the crackers. If we had the budget for it. These days, each cracker sheet is just rubbed against this salt block for twenty seconds.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: That’s enough salt for the people? We’re still the number one cracker in the tri-county area, I trust?
Cracker Manager: Oh, good gracious, no. Southern Cracker has fallen to the number six spot, behind Allied Biscuit.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Allied Biscuit? Allied Biscuit?!! Oh, if Grandpappy Van Houten knew we’d be playing second fiddle—
Cracker Manager: More like sixth fiddle.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: —to Allied Biscuit, he’d be rolling over in his grave…
Kirkedemious Van Houten: …if he hadn’t been cremated and sprinkled over a batch of Special Reserve Saltinettes.

Task: Make Kirkedemious Go Over the Books
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa

Kirkedemious Van Houten: These numbers can’t be correct. Sixteen thousand dollars for a nuclear-powered dough kneader?
Cracker Manager: Ah, yes that was for our limited release S’S’mores. For when you’ve had some s’mores but you need S’S’more s’mores.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: And another sixteen thousand for a grammar expert?
Cracker Manager: Right. Also for the S’S’mores campaign. Corporate couldn’t decide how many apostrophes was correct.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Salting the Books Pt. 2

Kirkedemious Van Houten starts

Kirkedemious Van Houten: Luann.
Luann: Kirkedemious? I thought you were—
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Hiking the Andes with my mistress? I cut it short to check up on our factory. And I’m glad I did. Are you aware of the state of things?
Luann: Uh…Kirk did it!
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Tell me, Luann. What percentage of the local indigenous population is being exploited for labor in the factory?
Luann: Uh, well, I think zero.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Oh, that’s way too low. No wonder your profit margins are so thin.

Task: Make Kirkedemious Look for Indigenous Springfielders to Exploit
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa
If the user has Luann: Task: Make Luann Yell at Kirk for the Factory Woes
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House
If the user has Kirk: Task: Make Kirk Threaten Divorce but Take it Back
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House

Luann: This is all your fault! Kirkedemious wouldn’t even be here if you hadn’t taken over at the factory and driven it into the ground!
Kirk: Well I wouldn’t have had to take over at the factory if you’d been supportive of my competitive basket weaving. I could have gone pro!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Salting the Books Pt. 3

Kirkedemious Van Houten starts

Kirkedemious Van Houten: I take it you are the chief recruiter of the local labor hiring hall?
Fat Tony: Among other arrangements, yes.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Then I need you to gather an assortment of indigenous laborers and have them report to the Southern Cracker factory. Ask for, um…Mr., uh…Mr. Manager.
Fat Tony: That can be arranged.

Task: Make Kirkedemious Ask the Cracker Factory Manager’s Name
Time: 8h
Location: Cracker Factory or Van Houten Villa
Task: Make Fat Tony Round Up the Locals
Time: 8h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House

Cletus: And so alls I gots to do is scrape all this dough off’a this machine here, and I can keep whatever I dun scraped?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Incredible. They’ve barely learned language at all. And what is the name of his tribe?
Fat Tony: They go by the moniker of “Yokels”.
Ralph: I like to lick the salt block!
Kirkedemious Van Houten: And this one is a Yokel as well?
Fat Tony: After a fashion.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Salting the Books Pt. 4

Kirkedemious Van Houten starts

Wiggum: Excuse me. Are you…*reading*…Kirkedumbledore Von Hasselhoff?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Yes. Are you another Yokel?
Wiggum: I’m asking the questions here. It seems that Channel 6 News did an exposé on numerous labor code violations at your factory.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Is that a question?
Wiggum: No. My question is…I didn’t see the exposé…did you?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: I did not. But speaking of free media exposure I believe you would be the perfect spokesperson for our new Southern Cracker ad campaign…
Wiggum: I would?
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Indeed. A rugged man among men, exploring the countryside, stopping here and there for the manliest of snacks — a cracker.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Unless, of course, you’re busy with this…exposé, was it?
Wiggum: What, that? No, no, tell me more about my rugged man-among-manliness.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Of course. But first, let me see you pose just like I am.
Wiggum: Sure thing. Let me get my Springfield Explorers outfit.

Task: Make Kirkedemious Pose
Time: 1h
If the user has Wiggum: Task: Make Wiggum Run Home to Get His Explorer’s Outfit
Time: 1h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House

Kirkedemious Van Houten: Yes, that’s it. Perfection.
Wiggum: Should I raise my leg higher? No guarantees I’ll succeed, but I can try.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Salting the Books Pt. 5

Kirkedemious Van Houten starts

Kirkedemious Van Houten: The numbers have just come in. Our ad campaign is a huge success, all thanks to you, Chief Wiggum.
Wiggum: Ah, well, just doing my job. My second job, that is.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: With these cracker sales, we can afford to buy real salt. The Van Houten name will mean something again.
Kirkedemious Van Houten: Other than “Made of Wood” of course.

Task: Make Kirkedemious Salt the Crackers
Time: 4h
If the user has Wiggum: Task: Make Wiggum Audition for Other Modeling Gigs
Time: 4h
Location: Cracker Factory, Van Houten Villa or Brown House

Kent Brockman: Following our exposé last week, several of the exploited workers have bravely chosen to come forward.
Ralph: We Yokels demand freedom!
Wiggum: Look at that. Ralphie is a spokesman, too. He’s a chip off the old block.
Ralph: Salt makes my tongue mad!
Wiggum: Block of salt, that is.

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

Loove At First Sight Pt. 1

Milhoose starts

Bart: Hey, Milhoose. Welcome to Springfield. How was your trip?
Milhoose: Not great. The air conditioner broke and it got hotter than a Calgary brush fire. It caused quite a kerfuffle.
Bart: Riiight. So, what do you wanna do first while you’re here?
Milhoose: I’m pretty beat. Do you mind if we just head back to your hoose?
Bart: My what? Oh, you mean my “house”.
Milhoose: You’ve got a funny accent. So southern.

Task: Make Milhoose Head Over to Bart’s Hoose
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
If the user has Bart: Task: Make Bart Take Milhoose Back to His Hoose
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Loove At First Sight Pt. 2

Milhoose starts

Milhoose: Sure it’s okay with your parents that I stay here?
Bart: Of course, they said they’d love to have you. Something about…expanding my culture or something. I honestly forgot though.
Homer: Bart, did a button from my pants fly through here?
Milhoose: Wow, your dad must spend a lot of time on the chesterfield, eh?
Homer: Milhouse, what happened to your head? It has a wool cap on it.
Bart: Dad! This isn’t Milhouse. It’s Milhoose. Remember, you said he could stay with us a couple of days?
Homer: That doesn’t sound like something I’d say…
Bart: You were drunk and you said, “As long as he pays the toll,” to which I said, “what’s the toll?” and you said—
Homer: *suddenly remembering* Fifty gallons of maple syrup!
Milhoose: *hands over fifty-gallon drum of maple syrup*
Homer: Woo-hoo! Marge! Can you make eight-hundred pancakes, please?!
Lisa: Hey Bart, who’s your new friend?
Milhoose: Bart, I need to use your washroom!

Task: Make Milhoose Dive Into the Washroom
Time: 12h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Loove At First Sight Pt. 3

Milhoose starts

Bart: Milhoose, you okay?
Milhoose: Just fixing my hair. Hey, where’d that cutie go?
Bart: You mean Lisa? I think she went to bed. You were in there for like twelve hours.
Milhoose: I’m going to level with you, Bart. I only came here so I could ask your sister oot.
Bart: Ugh, are you serious? Trust me man, you don’t wanna go there. I’ve lived with this girl for…sometimes it feels like thirty years.
Milhoose: It’s too late, Bart. I’ve got it bad. She’s the one, and all I can think about is turning her froon upside doon.

Task: Make Milhoose Turn on the Milhoose Charm
Time: 12h

Lisa: Is that — back bacon cologne?
Milhoose: Yes…cologne. But Lisa, this is nothing compared to your smile, which is sweeter than the finest beavertail.
Lisa: Oh, stop. So, you’re from Canada? That’s interesting, how do you like it there?
Milhoose: It’s colder than an Alberta summer when you’re not around.
Lisa: Aw, you’re sweet.
Milhoose: Lisa, would you be interested in going to a hockey game with me tonight? The Saskatoon Marmots are in town, and it’s sure to be a real gongshow.
Lisa: Hmm, I better not. Hockey tends to bring out the worst in me. Can we go hiking instead?
Milhoose: Hiking in Springfield? More like a slightly sloped walk, I’d say.
Milhoose: But with you, Lisa, I’d walk anywhere at any incline.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Loove At First Sight Pt. 4

Milhoose starts

Lisa: The peak of Mount Springfield!
Milhoose: Oh, she’s a real beaut. But not nearly so much a beaut as you, Lisa.
Lisa: Hehe, stop.
Lisa: But please go on!
Milhoose: Oh, you look cold. Take my tuque.
Lisa: What’s a tuque? Oh, you mean your hat. Thank you, but won’t you get cold?
Milhoose: It’s alright, I have another tuque here in my knapsack, along with some milk in a bag if you’re thirsty.
Lisa: Well, it’s getting late. We better start heading back.
Milhoose: Okay. I took the liberty of arranging our transportation prior to our departure.
Lisa: Is that a moose-drawn carriage?

Task: Make Milhoose Drive a Moose-drawn Carriage
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Take the Moose-drawn Carriage
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Loove At First Sight Pt. 5

Milhoose starts

Lisa: A mountaintop moose carriage sure must have been expensive.
Milhoose: Well, they were running a discount for couples, so I told them you were my spoose. I hope you don’t mind.
Lisa: So…when do you have to head back to Canada?
Milhoose: Tonight, unfortunately. My dad just called and grounded me for charging the moose to his credit card.
Lisa: Oh, no. That’s terrible! Will I ever see you again?
Milhoose: I was hoping we could try a long-distance relationship, eh?
Lisa: I suppose we could try it.
Milhoose: Oh Lisa, you’ve made me happier than a hoser in a poutine factory.
Lisa: Is that very happy?
Milhoose: Extremely. Now please, take this parting gift. It’s vintage 2010.

Task: Make Milhoose Give Lisa a Bottle of Maple Syrup
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

A Squopping Good Time Pt. 1

Milford Van Houten starts

Milford Van Houten: What in tarnation — where am I?
Comic Book Guy: Oh, great. Another one-off character digitally immortalized. What’s worse than tertiary? Quaternary?
Milford Van Houten: What sort of bafflegab are you muttering, mountain boy?
Comic Book Guy: You are in Springfield. You’ve been summoned here by the Sky Finger.
Milford Van Houten: Sky Finger? Bah! More humbuggery.
Comic Book Guy: Worst catchphrase ever.
Milford Van Houten: And you are the proprietor of this here establishment? Which sells…sheets of confusing daguerreotypes?
Comic Book Guy: They’re comic books.
Milford Van Houten: I’ve seen enough. Before I go, Comic Book Man—
Comic Book Guy: Guy.
Milford Van Houten: —would you be so kind as to point me towards the nearest railroad?
Comic Book Guy: Oh, the monorail? That’s uh… *looking around* …I swear I’ve seen it somewhere.

Task: Make Milford Van Houten Look for the Nearest Railroad
Time: 4h
Location: Town Hall or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

A Squopping Good Time Pt. 2

Milford Van Houten starts

Milford Van Houten: Excuse me, miss, might I trouble you for some assistance?
Lisa: Milhouse? What’s with the old-timey getup?
Milford Van Houten: *gasp* Oh my stars and stripes, it’s an angel! This must be heaven!
Lisa: You need to work on your material, Milhouse. You’ve used the angel line before.
Milford Van Houten: And just what is a “Milhouse”?
Lisa: Wait, so you’re not Milhouse? If you’re going for the Milhouse look…you should really go for something else.
Lisa: By the way, I’m Lisa Simpson.

Task: Make Milford Van Houten Be Both Shocked and Disgusted
Time: 8h
Location: Town Hall or Brown House

Milford Van Houten: Simpson?! Of the Melbourne Simpsons?
Lisa: Well, I did have some ancestors from Australia, like Eliza Simpson. But they were kicked out of Australia...that country founded by kicked-out people.
Milford Van Houten: Well I’ll be. You’re related to Eliza Simpson?
Lisa: She was my great-great-great grandaunt. Did you know her?
Milford Van Houten: She was the most terrible person I ever knew. Also, she was my wife.
Lisa: Wife? Wait, are you Milford? Milford Van Houten?
Milford Van Houten: Indeed I am. But I shan’t be seen in this incarnation with the likes of another Simpson!
Lisa: I know how you must feel about Eliza, but please let me show you that not all Simpsons are like that!
Milford Van Houten: Well, considering the only two people I know here are you and that Comic Book Man, you may proceed.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

A Squopping Good Time Pt. 3

Milford Van Houten starts

Lisa: This is the Springfield soup kitchen, where I volunteer to feed the homeless every week.
Milford Van Houten: You take time out of your day to prepare a home-cooked meal for them?
Lisa: Well, someone else cooks it. I…put it on their plate for them.
Milford Van Houten: So basically, you’re just a glorified handler. Noble. Yes, very noble indeed.
Lisa: No, you don’t understand! I do a lot more than that!
Milford Van Houten: I believe I’ve seen all I need to see. It’s clear to me now that all Simpsons are just full of horsefeathers.
Milford Van Houten: Now if you’ll excuse me, I would like to spend eternity reading under that sarsaparilla tree.

Task: Make Milford Van Houten Read Under the Sarsaparilla Tree
Time: 8h
Location: Sarsaparilla Tree
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

A Squopping Good Time Pt. 4

Milford Van Houten starts

Lisa: Milford is out there thinking that I’m just as bad as Eliza. How can I convince him I’m a good person?
Lisa: Think, Lisa, think… Oh, I’ve got it!
Lisa: Hi, Milford. Whatcha reading?
Milford Van Houten: If you must know, it’s sheets of confusing daguerreotypes called “How To Stay Married To A Double Crossin’ Wench”.
Lisa: Well, seeing as how you enjoy books so much, I thought I might take you to the Springfield Library.
Milford Van Houten: I suppose I could get my affairs in order to secure a borrowing rights card. Do they take three-cent nickels?

Task: Make Milford Van Houten Go to the Springfield Library With Lisa
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Take Milford to the Springfield Library
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

A Squopping Good Time Pt. 5

Milford Van Houten starts

Lisa: Here we are, the Springfield Library!
Milford Van Houten: Why is your face all over this establishment?
Lisa: Oh, those? That’s just because I’ve donated so many books.
Milford Van Houten: You donated books to the library? Well I do declare, that is indeed a most honorable act of generosity.
Miss Hoover: Lisa, are you donating again?! You’ve already maxed out your extra credit for this month.
Milford Van Houten: Extra credit?
Miss Hoover: Yes, every time Lisa donates a book to the library, she earns extra credit in school.
Milford Van Houten: I see. So, Lisa, donating these books wasn't about improving the library. It was only about improving your school evaluation.
Milford Van Houten: Every word out of your mouth is just plain applesauce.
Lisa: No, it was about both! It’s a win-win, don’t you see?
Milford Van Houten: I do believe we’re done here. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to play Tiddlywinks.

Task: Make Milford Van Houten Excuse Himself
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

A Squopping Good Time Pt. 6

Milford Van Houten starts

Lisa: Did you say Tiddlywinks? I love that game! We play it at home, although ours is called Tiddlywonks. My Dad bought a discount knock-off brand.
Milford Van Houten: You play Tiddlywinks?
Lisa: Well, Tiddlywonks. I’m not very good at it, but I still enjoy it, nonetheless.
Milford Van Houten: Well, mayhap we could play a round or two.

Task: Make Milford Van Houten Play Tiddlywinks
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House
Task: Make Lisa Play Tiddlywinks With Milford Van Houten
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Library or Brown House

Milford Van Houten: I must admit, you are quite talented at squopping!
Lisa: *giggles* Yes, I’m not very good at potting, so I have to play defensively.
Milford Van Houten: You know, I may have judged you a bit prematurely, Lisa. It appears you’re not just full of fiddle-faddle. Now, if you’ll excuse me…I’d like you to stay for a spell.

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
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Replies

  • LPNintendoITA
    11465 posts Member
    edited September 18
    The Great Indoors Pt. 1

    Grandpa Van Houten starts

    Grandpa Van Houten: Well, now that the missus is out of the picture, it’s just me and the RV.
    Grandpa Van Houten: I need to get away from all this craziness, ya know?
    Grandpa Van Houten: Huh. Almost out of gas. Well, I’m sure Kirk would love a surprise visit while I wait for my next social security check.
    Squeaky Voice Attendant: That’s nice, sir. But there’s quite a big line of cars forming behind you. Can I take your Krusty Burger order?

    Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Place His Order
    Time: 4h
    Location: Krusty Burger or Brown House
    If the user has Squeaky Voice Teen: Task: Make Squeaky Voice Teen Ask Grandpa Van Houten to Move
    Time: 4h
    Location: Krusty Burger or Brown House
    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Great Indoors Pt. 2

    Grandpa Van Houten starts

    Grandpa Van Houten: Howdy, Kirk. I assume you heard about your mom and me getting a divorce?
    Kirk: I did. I’m really sorry. I know exactly what you’re going through, because of how Luann and I—
    Grandpa Van Houten: Yeah, you’ve mentioned it. Anyways, you think I could crash here for a bit?
    Kirk: Well, under normal circumstances that wouldn’t be a problem. But Milhouse has tambourine practice later tonight and we can’t have any distractions.
    Grandpa Van Houten: Oh, I see. Well, I wouldn’t want to get in the way. D’you think I could park the RV in your driveway and camp out in there for a bit?
    Kirk: You can stay there as long as you need. Until the end of the week.
    Grandpa Van Houten: Thanks, son. Ya think Milhouse might want to camp out in the backyard with his ol’ gramps tonight?
    Kirk: Oh, I’m sure he’d love that. You’ll just need to tuck him into his snuggle bag...
    Kirk: It hugs him tight all night, for when he doesn’t have a mom around to do it. Did I mention that Luann and I—
    Grandpa Van Houten: Yeah, you mentioned.

    Task: Make Grandpa Camp in Kirk’s Backyard With Milhouse
    Time: 4h
    Location: Van Houten House or Brown House
    If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Camp in His Backyard With Grandpa
    Time: 4h
    Location: Van Houten House or Brown House
    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Great Indoors Pt. 3

    Grandpa Van Houten starts

    Milhouse: This is gonna be so much fun! I LOVE camping!
    Grandpa Van Houten: Milhouse, are you ready to experience the great outdoors with your old man’s old man?
    Milhouse: Am I?! I already put my jammies on under my clothes! Can I collect the wood to get the fire started?
    Grandpa Van Houten: No need, my boy. I’ve got all the heat we need right here.
    Milhouse: On the radiator of your RV?
    Grandpa Van Houten: It cooks the hot dogs to perfection. And you don’t even need a turnin’ stick.

    Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Roast Hot Dogs on the Radiator
    Time: 4h
    Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV
    If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Roast Hot Dogs
    Time: 4h
    Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV, Van Houten House or Brown House

    Milhouse: This is kind of taking a while.
    Grandpa Van Houten: Yeah. Want to use the microwave?
    Milhouse: Can I press the buttons?
    Grandpa Van Houten: Of course. Though it’s a little bit complicated.
    Grandpa Van Houten: You have to press Time Cook first, then choose the power level, then the length of time, then Time Cook again, then…
    Milhouse: Uh, you can just do it.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Great Indoors Pt. 4

    Grandpa Van Houten starts

    Grandpa Van Houten: Oh boy, I’m stuffed. I think I may have eaten one hot dog too many.
    Milhouse: Me too. Can we sit for a minute before we set up our tents? I can’t move right now.
    Grandpa Van Houten: How about we tell stories while we digest?
    Milhouse: That’s a great idea! I can’t wait to hear what crazy stories you have, Grandpa!
    Grandpa Van Houten: Great! Now let’s see. What story should I tell? Ah, of course…
    Grandpa Van Houten: There was this young boy from Shelbyville. Or…was it a girl? Oh, no, I remember. It wasn’t a boy or a girl...
    Grandpa Van Houten: It was a werewolf, and he was from North Haverbrook. Well he originally was from Shelbyville, but he moved…

    Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Attempt to Tell a Story
    Time: 4h
    Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV, Van Houten House or Brown House
    If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Listen in Quiet Awe
    Time: 4h
    Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV, Van Houten House or Brown House

    Milhouse: So why did he have to move from Shelbyville to North Haverbrook?!
    Grandpa Van Houten: Taxes, I suppose. Say, all this storytelling has got me beat. Want to watch some TV inside the RV for a bit while I rest my throat?
    Milhouse: Sure! If we hurry, we can catch the latest episode of Battling Seizure Robots!

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Great Indoors Pt. 5

    Grandpa Van Houten starts

    Grandpa Van Houten: So, what’s the point of this show again?
    Milhouse: Well, the bad guy robots shoot lasers like this *makes machine gun noises* but the good guy robots shoot lasers like this *makes laser noises*.
    Grandpa Van Houten: I see. You know, it’s gonna be dark soon. We should probably start setting up our tents.
    Milhouse: Okay but do you think you could give me a hand with mine?
    Grandpa Van Houten: They don’t call me the Great Outdoors Van Houten fer nothin’!
    Milhouse: They call you that?
    Grandpa Van Houten: No, I said they DON’T call me that. Not fer nothin’.
    Milhouse: It looks like the assembly instructions are in Chinese.
    Grandpa Van Houten: *screams* I just saw a bee! I’m allergic to bees. How about we just sleep in the RV for tonight?
    Milhouse: Way ahead of you, Grandpa.

    Task: Make Grandpa Van Houten Sleep in the RV
    Time: 4h
    Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV
    If the user has Milhouse: Task: Make Milhouse Sleep in the RV
    Time: 4h
    Location: Grandpa Van Houten's RV

    Milhouse: Boy, nothing beats camping outdoors! I feel so refreshed. And it’s just great to unplug for a while, you know? *turns off TV*
    Grandpa Van Houten: I know exactly how you feel, Milhouse. Experiencing the outdoors is just good for the soul.
    Grandpa Van Houten: Oh, I forgot to hookup the RV to the septic tank. That last flush must have emptied right onto your Dad’s driveway.
    Grandpa Van Houten: I think I’ll teach a class on how to survive in the wilderness…

    Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

    Marine One Gil Deal

    Gil starts

    Gil: Here's the show-stopping chopper that's gonna make ol' Gil a sales chart-topper. I've only got one, and it's number one. Marine One to be exact.
    Secret Service Agent: It's that guy we found sleeping under the Coolidge Gazebo in the Rose Garden. Get him!
    Gil: Hey, I can sleep on government property! I pay my taxes! Or I would if I ever had any income!
    Secret Service Agent: *guns drawn* Step away from the Sky Finger.
    Gil: Whattaya say? Buy the whirlybird and keep Gil from being a jailbird?

    On offer accepted:
    Gil: Hail to the Chief! Ol' Gil's doin' the West Wing Ring-a-Ding-Ding!
    Gil: Mind if I spend a few nights in the back seat before the commission comes in?

    On offer declined:
    Gil: You're gonna veto the sale, huh? Ol' Gil better use my connections to stay out of stir.
    Gil: Do you Secret Service guys know the Man with the Football? I sold him his first briefcase handcuffs...

    Damage Control Pt. 1

    Secretary Van Houten starts

    Secretary Van Houten: Madam President, the latest approval numbers are in.
    President Lisa: You don’t have to keep calling me Madam President. We've known each other since we were in diapers.
    Secretary Van Houten: Perhaps not as long ago as we’d like to admit.
    President Lisa: Really?
    Secretary Van Houten: Anyway, about your approval rating — it’s twice as high as any president in the last thirty-five years. A whopping 51%!
    President Lisa: I’m glad to hear it. Though, it’s concerning that so few Americans have been satisfied with their president in such a long time.
    Secretary Van Houten: Well, the rise of the Civil Unrest Party caused the Global Dominators to kill off the New Feudalists and opened the door for the We the Party People party.
    President Lisa: I’m well aware of our nation’s history, Milhouse. Now, was there anything else?
    Secretary Van Houten: I was thinking you might want to show your gratitude with an address to the nation.
    President Lisa: Good idea. Let’s fit it in between golfing with the Sino-Soviet trade delegation and parasailing with the ambassador to the Magic Kingdom.

    Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Prepare Lisa’s Speech
    Time: 4h
    Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House
    If the user has President Lisa: Task: Make President Lisa Prepare for Her Speech
    Time: 4h
    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    Damage Control Pt. 2

    Secretary Van Houten starts

    Man-in-Tan: Secretary Van Houten. May I have a moment?
    Secretary Van Houten: Who are you?
    Man-in-Tan: A nameless lackey with ties to the deep state.
    Secretary Van Houten: But the deep state doesn’t exist.
    Man-in-Tan: And if you want to keep it that way, you’ll listen to what I have to say. Our oppo research has revealed that you have a thing for the president.
    Secretary Van Houten: What — No! Who told you that?
    Man-in-Tan: Relax, I’m only here to help. Now, here’s the proposition…

    Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Listen to the Proposition
    Time: 4h
    Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House

    Secretary Van Houten: You really think that would work?
    Man-in-Tan: Absolutely. My source has assured me that the president is extremely fond of public displays of affection during nationally televised speeches.
    Secretary Van Houten: That seems like an awfully specific piece of intelligence. Who is your source?
    Man-in-Tan: I could tell you that, but then I’d have to kill you.
    Secretary Van Houten: Oh, God please no, don’t tell me, don’t tell me!
    Man-in-Tan: Uh…that was just an expression. Anyway, we just want to see the president “happy”.
    Secretary Van Houten: Well, when you put it in oddly menacing quotation marks…it sounds like a great idea!

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    Damage Control Pt. 3

    Secretary Van Houten starts

    President Lisa: My fellow Americans, you honor me and my administration with your historic high marks and praise.
    President Lisa: I’d like to particularly thank the donors who gave the maximum amount below what is required for public disclosure.
    Secretary Van Houten: Madam President, we have a situation.
    President Lisa: Not now, Milhouse, can’t you see I’m in the middle of a speech?
    Secretary Van Houten: Exactly. *lifts boombox over his head* President Lisa, I love you. Will you marry me?
    President Lisa: Are you insane?
    Secretary Van Houten: Is that a yes?!
    President Lisa: Ugh, it’s a hard no! Not in a million years!
    President Lisa: Ahem. Apologies for the interruption. Now where was I?
    President Lisa: Oh yes, when I took over the presidency, America was a global embarrassment. I felt that pain then, and I REALLY feel it right now…

    Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Wallow in Shame
    Time: 4h
    Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House
    If the user has President Lisa: Task: Make President Lisa Be Embarrassed
    Time: 4h
    Location: U.S. Capitol Building, Town Hall or Brown House

    President Lisa: Milhouse! What has gotten into you? How could you embarrass me like that on national television?
    Secretary Van Houten: I’m sorry, Lisa. I got some bad intel. What can I do to help?
    President Lisa: Call a cabinet meeting. I need the Secretary of Social Media and the Deputy Director for Trending Hashtags to advise me on #omgshebmean.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    Damage Control Pt. 4

    Secretary Van Houten starts

    Secretary Van Houten: Walking briskly down long hallways in the West Wing is the perfect place to think…
    Secretary Van Houten: I need to do something. I got Lisa into this situation, so it’s up to me to bail her out… I’ve got it!

    Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Twirl His Sign
    Time: 8h

    Secretary Van Houten: It’s no use. This sign twirling gets less attention than climate change.
    Secretary Van Houten: Hey you! You’re the guy who told me to propose to Lisa on camera!
    Man-in-Tan: Easy there, guy. I never told you to propose.
    Man-in-Tan: Although it was absolutely hilarious the way she turned you down. I haven’t laughed that hard since the day we shot that Go-Go Ray at Skinner.
    Secretary Van Houten: Bart?! Is that you?
    Moocher Bart: Took ya long enough to guess. You’re more gullible than CIA Director Ralph Wiggum.
    Secretary Van Houten: How could you do that to me? I humiliated myself in front of the whole country.
    Moocher Bart: More importantly, you humiliated Lisa. I just needed her taken down a peg. Mom’s been going on and on about her since those approval ratings came in.
    Moocher Bart: I couldn’t get her to make me a quesadilla last night. She wanted ME to do it so she could watch Lisa’s stupid speech. Can you believe that?

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    Damage Control Pt. 5

    Secretary Van Houten starts

    President Lisa: You put Milhouse up to this? Bart, do you understand the ramifications of what you’ve done?!
    Moocher Bart: Relax, Lis. This’ll all blow over by the next news cycle. Which is in three…two…one…
    Secretary Van Houten: *panting* Lisa...you’re not…going to…believe it…
    President Lisa: What now?
    Secretary Van Houten: Your approval rating…shot up…to 78%!
    President Lisa: That’s higher than the day President Gaga pushed Jeff Zuckerberg out of Air Force One. How is that possible?
    Moocher Bart: Probably because you turned down a lame-o like Milhouse.
    Secretary Van Houten: It’s true! All of the pundits attribute your approval increase to everyone’s disapproval of me! Isn’t that great? I fixed it!
    Secretary Van Houten: So, since your approval rating is now the highest in history, how about a kiss?
    President Lisa: Well, we wouldn’t want to upset the voters, would we, Milhouse?
    Secretary Van Houten: Uh, right. Okay. I’ll just go sit in the Situation Room and listen to the rest of that song on my boombox.

    Task: Make Secretary Van Houten Listen to His Boombox
    Time: 4h
    Location: Marine One or Brown House
    Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

    The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 1

    Muscular Milhouse starts

    Muscular Milhouse: Work those legs!
    Muscular Milhouse: Crunch those abs!
    Muscular Milhouse: Gun those lattes!
    Muscular Milhouse: Double check that thesaurus!
    Muscular Milhouse: Gun those lats!

    Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Gun His Lats
    Time: 4h
    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 2

    Muscular Milhouse starts

    Duffman: Hey there, chicken legs.
    Muscular Milhouse: Who you calling chicken legs?!
    Duffman: Why you, of course. Pencil neck. Dough 🎃🎃🎃🎃. Rubber teeth. All these insults apply to you. Oh yeah!
    Muscular Milhouse: How can I ever earn the respect of a famous beer mascot like you?
    Duffman: Have you considered calf implants?
    Muscular Milhouse: Implants? Pfft, no one actually does those.
    Duffman: How do you think I got these puppies?
    Muscular Milhouse: Are they calves or puppies?
    Duffman: I’m gonna add “donkey brain” to the list of insults. Oh yeah!

    Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Ogle Duffman’s Calves
    Time: 4h
    Location: All Night Gym, Lugash's Gym or Brown House
    If the user has Duffman: Task: Make Duffman Model His Artificial Calves
    Time: 4h
    Location: All Night Gym, Lugash's Gym or Brown House

    Muscular Milhouse: Wow. I never would have suspected those were fake.
    Duffman: So are my abs, pecs and shoulders. Duffman is sixty percent implants. Oh yeah!
    Muscular Milhouse: Who did you go to?
    Duffman: Duffman went to Dr. Nick. Duffman’s calves look great, but they’re made of Playdough.
    Muscular Milhouse: Playdough, huh? I think I’ll give Dr. Hibbert a call.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 3

    Muscular Milhouse starts

    Dr. Hibbert: Ah, well if it isn’t little Milhouse.
    Muscular Milhouse: Who you callin' little?!
    Dr. Hibbert: Easy, Milhouse. I'm guessing you’re experiencing irrational irritability because of testosterone injections.
    Dr. Hibbert: And that you’re here for more testosterone injections. *chuckles*
    Muscular Milhouse: What? No, I’m here for calf implants. I need to get swole.
    Dr. Hibbert: Oh, that’s not really something I’d recommend for a seventeen-year-old, no matter how irrational or irritable.
    Muscular Milhouse: I am not irrational! Or Irritable! And I just turned eighteen!! I’ve had like twenty birthday parties!!!

    Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Go on a Rampage
    Time: 8h
    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 4

    Muscular Milhouse starts

    Muscular Milhouse: Eh, what’s the point. All this destruction isn’t going to embiggen my calves. Although I did just TOTALLY blast my quads!
    Apu: Excuse me, exceptionally muscular boy-sir. I couldn’t help but notice that you are very good at handling trash cans.
    Muscular Milhouse: You want me to take the garbage out at the Kwik-E-Mart?
    Apu: No, I want you to protect it from would-be attackers. But if you could take out the garbage, that would be nice too.
    Muscular Milhouse: Would-be attackers? You mean like robbers with guns?
    Snake: Nobody move! This is totally a stickup.
    Apu: Ah, yes. Mr. Snake. Right on time. And speaking of a stickup, I have hired this muscle-bound manchild to shove this stick up your—
    Muscular Milhouse: Enough! You picked the wrong Kwik-E-Mart on the wrong day. Leg day!

    Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Weakly Kick Snake
    Time: 4h
    Location: Kwik-E-Mart or Brown House

    Snake: Yo was that a joke, chicken legs? That kick was slower than Wiggum’s response time. It was thinner than Duff Lite. It was weaker than—
    Muscular Milhouse: I get it, you’re not impressed. Moving on.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 5

    Muscular Milhouse starts

    Muscular Milhouse: There’s got to be someone in this town that needs my muscles.
    Fat Tony: I could use someone like you.
    Muscular Milhouse: You could?
    Fat Tony: Yes indeed. In my line of work, we can always use muscle. It’s even its own job description.
    Muscular Milhouse: What do you need?
    Fat Tony: Well, you see, some associates of mine are tired from lugging around my…area rugs. I need to hire someone to help share the load...
    Fat Tony: Preferably someone with an alibi for Tuesday night. You interested?
    Muscular Milhouse: Am I! I love a good rug. It really brings the room together.

    Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Throw “Rugs” Over the Bridge
    Time: 4h
    Location: Rickety Bridge, Covered Bridge or Brown House

    Fat Tony: Excellent work. I hope those rugs learned their lesson to always pay back what they owe. Plus the 125% vig.
    Muscular Milhouse: Uh, speaking of payment?
    Fat Tony: Of course. I am now in your debt. Should you ever need any services performed by anyone unwilling to perform them, I can provide irrefutable elements of persuasion.
    Muscular Milhouse: Meaning?
    Fat Tony: You need anybody leaned on, just ask.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Hardest Place to Add Mass Pt. 6

    Muscular Milhouse starts

    Dr. Hibbert: Well, Milhouse. Thanks to Fat Tony, you have your new calf implants, and my access to black market stimulants has been restored.
    Muscular Milhouse: Thanks, Doc. After I tore up your office I thought you’d never do that operation for me.
    Dr. Hibbert: Oh, I didn’t do the operation.
    Dr. Nick: Hey, everybody!
    Muscular Milhouse: Hey, Dr. Nick.
    Dr. Nick: Now stay off those legs for at least two weeks! Just enough time for the Playdough to harden and for you to binge watch Liger Queen.

    Task: Make Muscular Milhouse Watch TV
    Time: 4h
    Location: Hibbert Family Practice, Springfield General Hospital or Brown House

    Kent Brockman: Tonight, on Eye on Springfield: Are muscular men more attractive to women?
    Kent Brockman: In a recent poll, a shocking 95% of women say they can’t stand muscular calves on a man.
    Muscular Milhouse: Noooooo!
    Kent Brockman: In other news, Playdough announced the recall of a toxic batch of its signature product...
    Kent Brockman: The announcement was made at the Springfield Factory — shown here as local toddler Maggie Simpson floats helplessly above…

    Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
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