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Clash of Creeds: Christmas Royale: Premium Walkthrough

Unhappy Hunting Pt. 1

The Leader starts

The Leader: Recruiting is down, donations are waning…I just don't know how much longer I can keep paying for this enormous Movementarian compound.
Cookie Kwan: Well, I can definitely get this place off your hands, but we're in a buyer's market so it'll be for pennies on the dollar. More pennies than dollars.
The Leader: Ugh, a short sale? It would kill my credit.
Cookie Kwan: Do cult leaders generally have good credit?
The Leader: I'm not just any cult leader. I'm THE Leader.
Cookie Kwan: Okay, well Mr. All-Supreme Leader, you've got some mustard on your robe there.
The Leader: It's laundry day.

Task: Make The Leader Wash His Robes
Time: 12h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Unhappy Hunting Pt. 2

The Leader starts

Grant Connor: You don't need to sell this place. This here is prime land.
The Leader: Prime land? For what?
Grant Connor: For hunting! Get yourself some game, sell weekend hunts to the highest bidders. You just gotta put your own spin on it to stand out from the other seven big game preserves in Springfield.
The Leader: My own spin, huh?

Task: Make The Leader Put His Own Spin on It
Time: 4h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House

The Leader: Welcome everyone, to this very exclusive, very expensive hunting weekend. You've all been chosen for your ability to pay.
Quimby: And I earned each of those dollars through sweat and blood. None of it my own, I assure you.
Mr. Burns: I would have paid it ten times over to fill the empty trophy spots on my walls. Smithers, is the tank gassed up?
Kent Brockman: This just in. I'm rich!
Willie: Was I supposed to have paid something?

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Unhappy Hunting Pt. 3

The Leader starts

The Leader: Willie, I've yet to receive your wire transfer. It appears your payment is delinquent.
Mr. Burns: Ah, yes. Much like my son.
The Leader: But lucky for you, Willie, you've been upgraded.
Willie: Upgraded?
The Leader: From hunter…to huntee.
Grant Connor: *fires shotgun into air* Woo!

Task: Make The Leader Give Groundskeeper Willie a Head Start
Time: 4h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House
If the user has Willie: Task: Make Groundskeeper Willie Run for It
Time: 4h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House
If the user has Grant Connor: Task: Make Grant Connor Fire Another Warning Shot
Time: 4h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House

Willie: *breathing hard* Why, that son of a ****. Nobody hunts Willie outside of the Scottish Highlands Stag Festival!
Willie: These woods are too big. I've got to find a place to hide. Somewhere to do a hidden workout montage before my climactic return, preferably in camouflage face paint.
Willie: Oh, what's this? An abandoned shed? *opens door*
Herman: Back! Back I said! This is MY stuff!
Willie: Whoa there. What have you got here? Guns? Ammo? A hundred and fifty cans of Dinty Moore Beef Stew? I've seen this before…you're preppin'!
Herman: I am not!
Willie: Don't lie to me, boy. I know the telltale signs. I see the bug-out bag in the corner.
Herman: Alright fine, what's it to ya? When the time comes, I'll be ready. You'll see. You'll ALL see.
Willie: I don't doubt it. But I believe the time has come. How many pipe bombs can you carry?
Herman: *big smile*

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Unhappy Hunting Pt. 4

The Leader starts

The Leader: I think I may have given Willie too much of a head start. We'll never find him in these woods.
Kent Brockman: It's also going to start raining soon, according to this Channel 6 News Weather App, available now on your app store of choice.
Grant Connor: You'll need my tracking skills. *sniffs air* Is that…haggis?
Mr. Burns: I do believe six noses are better than one. Smithers, release the hounds.
Smithers: We only brought the tank, sir.
Quimby: You're all living in the past. If you want something done right, there's only one way to do it.
Quimby: Release the lobbyists.

If the user has Quimby: Task: Make Quimby Release the Lobbyists
Time: 2h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House
Task: Make The Leader Give Lobbyists Haggis for Reference
Time: 2h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House
If the user has Grant Connor: Task: Make Grant Connor Track Willie's Scent
Time: 2h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House
If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Run Home to Get the Hounds
Time: 2h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House
If the user has Mr. Burns: Task: Make Burns Try to Drive the Tank
Time: 2h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Unhappy Hunting Pt. 5

The Leader starts

Willie: Alright, all the claymores are in place.
Herman: And the Molotovs?
Willie: Lit. Much like most everything else, according to the kids at the elementary. Though I'll admit, I don't really get it.
Herman: Assume ambush positions.
Grant Connor: I think we're on the right track. Though it seems there is a distinct beef stew aroma now mixed with the haggis.
The Leader: Speaking of beef stew, we have free soup for all Movementarians every night in the mess hall. Would you gentlemen be interested in taking a pamphlet?
Kent Brockman: I'm already a Scientologist for the perks. Can I do both?
The Leader: Uh, yeah it's fine.

Task: Make The Leader Hand Out Pamphlets
Time: 2h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House
If the user has Willie: Task: Make Groundskeeper Willie Ambush the Hunters
Time: 2h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House
If the user has Herman: Task: Make Herman Hermann Ambush the Hunters
Time: 2h
Location: Movementarian Compound, Cult Flying Saucer, Movementarian Ad Truck or Brown House

Grant Connor: We're under attack! *fires off random gunshots*
Kent Brockman: *gasp* These pamphlets are on fire! Also, I'm on fire!
The Leader: Not my pamphlets!
Grant Connor: Everyone in the tank. We're running!
Mr. Burns: Smithers, lock the hatch. We'll not have any of these plebeians with only two commas in their net worth sullying our tank.
The Leader: *gasp* It's locked! Run!
Mr. Burns: Perfect. Now the kill is all mine. Smithers, fire!
Smithers: Sir, the cannon is jammed!
Mr. Burns: Jammed? With what?
Smithers: It seems they stuck a jar of jam into it!
Herman: And I've got several hundred more jars where that came from!
Willie: And let that be a lesson to ye! Nobody crosses a Scot and a prepper in the woods on a cult compound in the rain on a Tuesday!

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

WWBJD Pt. 1

Baby Jesus starts

Cookie Kwan: I've almost got the paperwork ready for you. After a few signatures, you'll be the proud new owner of a beautiful Victorian home. Only two known ghosts in residence.
Baby Jesus: I was really hoping for mid-century modern, but the price was too good. I just hope the needed renovations don't kill the budget. Tithes are down this month, so I gotta take it easy, you know?
Cookie Kwan: I want to make sure I get this paperwork right. So…is "Baby" your legal first name?
Baby Jesus: *sigh* It's actually Josh.

Task: Make Baby Jesus Sign Mortgage Papers
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House
If the user has Cookiw Kwan: Task: Make Cookie Kwan Hand Over the Keys
Time: 4h
Location: Red Blazer Realy, Baby Jesus House or Brown House

Cookie Kwan: Okay, that's the last signature.
Cookie Kwan: Here are the keys, garage door opener, pool keycard, and this complimentary refrigerator magnet for using Red Blazer Realty. Number one on the west side. *flashes west side hand signal*
Baby Jesus: Unfortunately, I won't be able to use the pool. Thanks for the keycard, though.
Cookie Kwan: Oh, right. The whole walking on water thing. That's a drag.
Baby Jesus: Yeah it really is a lame superpower. Like…it's never useful. Ever.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

WWBJD Pt. 2

Baby Jesus starts

Roscoe: So we'll go with granite on the island, and the undercabinet lighting will really make it all pop. Oh, and let's have a look at these blueprints for the breakfast nook.
Baby Jesus: Wow, Roscoe. You really know your stuff. But…don't you have a whole steel mill to run? Why are you taking contractor gigs?
Roscoe: Yeah…actually I normally don't. But we in the LGBTQ community are a little concerned about our chances at the afterlife. Was hoping that in exchange you'd be willing to…put in a good word with the big guy?
Baby Jesus: Hmm, if you give me 10% off the renovations then I'll shoot him a text.
Roscoe: *gasp*
Baby Jesus: Haha, I'm just messing with you. 5%.

Task: Make Baby Jesus Shoot God a Text
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Roscoe: Task: Make Roscoe Have Demo Day
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

WWBJD Pt. 3

Baby Jesus starts

Roscoe: Alright, time to get these old pipes out. We'll need to shut off the water first.
Baby Jesus: Uh, I think the shutoff valve is in the basement. It's down these stairs. *turns on basement light*
Barney: AAAAHHH!!!!! *belch*
Baby Jesus: What the — are you squatting in my basement?
Barney: Mostly standing and lying down.
Barney: I was living at the Bowlarama but my uncle kicked me out. You drop ONE case of mustard on the lane…
Barney: You don't mind if I stay here a little longer, do you? I can pay you, just not with money.
Baby Jesus: What about myrrh? Do you have any myrrh?
Roscoe: I could use a plumbing assistant. Barney, you know how to use a plunger?
Barney: Boy do I! How do you think I pay Moe back for all the drinks? Plunging the toilet at the bar, and accounting services. *belch*

Task: Make Baby Jesus Bring Down Some Fresh Linens
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Barney: Task: Make Barney Plunge Out the Old Plumbing
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Roscoe: Task: Make Roscoe Apprentice Barney
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House

Barney: And so you see, Baby Jesus, that's why you want to make sure to save your receipts and itemize all the renovation costs on your taxes.
Baby Jesus: Oh, I see. And to think, before today I didn't even know what a standard deduction was!
Barney: I know, right? *belch* Roscoe, beer me!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

WWBJD Pt. 4

Baby Jesus starts

Baby Jesus: *answers door* Yes?
Gil: Oh boy, is this your lucky day. This here is Dr. Gil's All-Porpoise Cleaning Solution. The best around for every surface in your house.
Baby Jesus: You mean all-purpose.
Gil: No, sir. Dr. Gil's is the world's first cleaning spray made entirely of porpoise byproducts. It's the blubber that really dissolves the grime.
Baby Jesus: Right, uh…you know I think we're good. Full up on cleaning supplies.
Gil: Ah, c'mon will ya? Ol' Gil only needs to sell seven more of these puppies and he'll have enough for a hot meal and a place to stay tonight. Can you help a guy out?
Baby Jesus: You need a place to stay, huh? Tell me…how's your tilework?

Task: Make Baby Jesus Make Up a Room for Gil
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House

Sideshow Bob: Baby Jesus, where did you want this chandelier hung?
Baby Jesus: Talk to Kirk, he's got all the lighting details. And make sure you're using the energy-efficient LEDs, okay? Doing great, Bob. Glad to have you here.
Hugh Jass: Thanks again for letting me stay here and help with the renovations. It really has been a lifesaver.
Baby Jesus: What can I say, Hugh. You've been a huge asset.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

WWBJD Pt. 5

Baby Jesus starts

Otto: *construction noises* Watch out, heavy load coming through!
Sea Captain: Yarr, who took my paintbrush?
Squeaky Voice Teen: Sir? The Baby Jesus Home Renovation Union President would like a word.
Baby Jesus: Gimme a break. Those people again?!

Task: Make Baby Jesus Get on the Horn With the Union
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Otto: Task: Make Otto Refinish the Floors
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Sea Captain: Task: Make Sea Captain Paint a Hallway Pirate Mural
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Squeaky Voice Teen: Task: Make Squeaky Voice Teen Track Worker Hours
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Sideshow Bob: Task: Make Sideshow Bob Wire the Recessed Lighting
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Kirk: Task: Make Kirk Redo His Crappy Tilework
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Hugh Jass: Task: Make Hugh Jass Build a Huge Ash Banister
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Barney: Task: Make Barney Fix Drywall Holes From Angry Punches
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House
If the user has Roscoe: Task: Make Roscoe Install Wainscoting in the Breakfast Nook
Time: 4h
Location: Baby Jesus House or Brown House

Fireman Homer: Alright, that's enough. I'm shutting this operation down.
Baby Jesus: Shutting us down?! Chip and Joanna wouldn't stand for this, and neither will I!
Fireman Homer: You are officially in violation of local fire code uh…seven-three…niner…clause B-7. Too many people living in a house with not enough fire extinguishers.
Baby Jesus: Uh-huh. Anything I can do to…make this all go away?
Fireman Homer: Baby Jesus…are you trying to bribe me?
Baby Jesus: …no?
Fireman Homer: Ah, dang. I really could've used the money. I don't get paid enough for this volunteer gig.
Squeaky Voice Teen: Uh, Mr. Simpson? Your wife is on the phone. She sounds mad.
Fireman Homer: *gasp* Does she look mad too? That's the double whammy combo. Baby Jesus, you gotta hide me!
Baby Jesus: I think you know my price.
Fireman Homer: Thirty pieces of silver?
Baby Jesus: Eesh, somebody went to church this week.
Fireman Homer: I dozed off once or twice, but I remembered that silver part.
Baby Jesus: Eh, sorta. C'mon, the basement is right through here. You okay with the top bunk?
Barney: Homer, we're gonna be roomies?! *belch*

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

Filmed to Death Pt. 1

King Herod starts

King Herod: I heard a rumor that Baby Jesus was here. But you're telling me that's not true?
Ned: Here? At my house? I…don't even know who Baby Jesus is.
King Herod: You're Ned Flanders, yes? The same Ned Flanders who just published an op-ed in the Springfield Shopper titled "Baby Got Back: The Return of Our Diapered Lord and Savior"?
Ned: Oh, THAT Baby Jesus. Sure. Sure. Yeah, um…I'm pretty sure he's uh…getting a haircut.
King Herod: Getting a haircut?
Ned: Yeah. Those long locks were really starting to get in his eyes.

Task: Make King Herod Track Down Baby Jesus at the Barber
Time: 2h
Location: Curl Up and Dye, Hairy Shearers, Jake's Unisex or Brown House
If the user has Ned: Task: Make Flanders Go Next Door to Warn Baby Jesus
Time: 2h
Location: Simpson House or Brown House

Homer: *answering the door* Flanders. This better be good.
Ned: Homer! Homer, you gotta warn Baby Jesus for me. King Herod is after him. I think he might be out for murder.
Homer: Pfft, fine I'll tell the baby. *slams door*
Homer: Maggie! Some guy wants to kill you!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Filmed to Death Pt. 2

King Herod starts

Wiggum: Excuse me. King Herod? I, uh…heard a rumor you were gonna murder a kid.
King Herod: And would this be a problem?
Wiggum: Eh, depends on the kid. I mean yes, I would probably try to stop you.
King Herod: You're a policeman, yes? I could actually use your help.

Task: Make King Herod Make a Proposal to Chief Wiggum
Time: 4h
Location: Police Station, Wiggum House, Town Hall or Brown House
If the user has Wiggum: Wiggum: Make Wiggum Listen to King Herod's Proposal
Time: 4h
Location: Police Station, Wiggum House, Town Hall or Brown House

Wiggum: Kill every baby boy in Springfield, huh? It's an interesting strategy, I'll give you that.
King Herod: You don't want to do it?
Wiggum: I feel like it wouldn't go over well. But hey, what do I know?
Wiggum: Anyways, good luck with all that.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Filmed to Death Pt. 3

King Herod starts

Ned: Reverend, I'm at a crossroads. On the one hand, if I do nothing then our lord and savior Baby Jesus could get murdered.
Ned: On the other hand, if I sacrifice my own soul and murder King Herod first, it'll save Baby Jesus. What's a good Christian man to do?
Rev. Lovejoy: Yes. Murder or not murder. It's a classic struggle.
King Herod: Excuse me, are you the reverend? I was thinking you might know where to find Baby Jesus.
Ned: *gasp*
Rev. Lovejoy: Ned, why don't we just let Herod have this one? I mean we already have adult Jesus. Isn't that enough?
Ned: *gasp*

If the user has Rev. Lovejoy: Task: Make Lovejoy Let King Herod Have This One
Time: 4h
Location: First Church of Springfield, Mega Church, Springfield Episcopal Church or Brown House
If the user has Ned: Task: Make Flanders Gasp Louder to Make Sure Lovejoy Heard
Time: 4h
Location: First Church of Springfield, Mega Church, Springfield Episcopal Church or Brown House
Task: Make King Herod Thank Lovejoy for His Fealty to the Crown
Time: 4h
Location: First Church of Springfield, Mega Church, Springfield Episcopal Church or Brown House

Ned: Reverend! Do you know what you've done? If Baby Jesus dies now then it means he never dies later!
Rev. Lovejoy: So you…want Jesus to die?
Ned: Of course! But…at the time of my choosing!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Filmed to Death Pt. 4

King Herod starts

King Herod: Well, well, well. If it isn't Baby Jesus. And to think I'd find you here, at the Bowlarama.
Baby Jesus: Herod. How did you know I'd be here?
King Herod: The reverend was easily exploited. Once I explained that your death now would mean your lack of death later, and as a result the failure of his religion to ever form in the first place…
King Herod: …he seemed very interested in no longer having to write sermons every week.
Baby Jesus: So this is it, huh? You're just gonna off me right here? In front of all these cameras?
King Herod: I can wait for you to leave. I've waited two thousand years already.
Baby Jesus: Perhaps I could interest you in a little proposal instead?

If the user has Baby Jesus: Task: Make Baby Jesus Propose Faking His Own Death
Time: 4h
Location: Bowlarama, Town Hall, Springfield Library or Brown House
Task: Make King Herod Listen Intently
Time: 4h

Baby Jesus: And so, you see, I get to live and you get to tell all your friends back home that you took care of that pesky messiah.
King Herod: Okay, so we film the faking of your death. But…none of my friends back home have phones or DVD players...
Baby Jesus: *sigh* Fine. We'll have my faked death carved in stone and we'll get it notarized.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Filmed to Death Pt. 5

King Herod starts

Baby Jesus: Okay, so I'm gonna fall from this high ledge here. Flanders I think you're gonna wanna set up with the camera over there to get the best angle on my fall.
Ned: Right-diddly-o, Baby Jesus.
King Herod: Looks like my guards are done placing all the mattresses down below.
Baby Jesus: Right. Let's do a tracking shot across the balcony here as I run into frame. Then we'll need to get close-up coverage on my monologue, and we'll shoot B-roll after lunch.
Ned: So…do I press this button here with the red circle?
Baby Jesus: And…ACTION!

If the user has Baby Jesus: Task: Make Baby Jesus Fake His Own Death
Time: 4h
Location: Herod's Citadel or Brown House
Task: Make King Herod Pretend to Kill Baby Jesus
Time: 4h
Location: Herod's Citadel
If the user has Ned: Task: Make Flanders Get a Good Tracking Shot
Time: 4h
Location: Herod's Citadel or Brown House

Homer: And so that's where I'm still confused. Because Baby Jesus was killed, but somehow you're still here?
Jesus Christ: Homer, what's the one thing I'm kinda known for?
Homer: Making fish sandwiches?
Jesus Christ: Okay, what's the OTHER one thing I'm kinda known for?
Homer: Ooh, it's gotta be your abs. They always seem so toned.

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
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Replies

  • LPNintendoITA
    11610 posts Member
    edited January 14
    Yahweh Unlocked Notification

    Auto starts

    System Message: Yahweh has come to Springfield! Complete his sidequest to unlock his never-ending mid-life crisis and earn donuts every time he hits rock bottom!

    The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 1

    Yahweh starts

    Yahweh: So what's he doing now?
    Moses: Yahweh, I'm really not comfortable spying on God for you. Can't you just be happy being yourself?
    Yahweh: I am happy. But I want to know what his secret is. Why is he so much more popular than me?
    Moses: I wouldn't say he's more popular.
    Yahweh: I have ten million followers and he has over a billion. I'd say that's more popular.
    Moses: Well, he appeals to a different demo.
    Yahweh: What do you mean a different demo? Is that some kind of crack?
    Moses: You appeal to believers who are more sophisticated, more mature...
    Yahweh: Are you saying I'm old?
    Moses: Yes.

    Task: Make Yahweh Realize He's Old
    Time: 4h
    Location: Jewish Walk of Fame, Temple Beth Springfield, Jewish Heaven, Invisible House or Brown House
    If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Worry About Where This is Heading
    Time: 4h
    Location: Jewish Walk of Fame, Temple Beth Springfield, Jewish Heaven, Invisible House or Brown House

    Yahweh: It has been a while since I smote an Assyrian horde. And I don't even remember the last time I saw the old Pillar of Salt, if you know what I mean.
    Moses: Sadly, I do. What I would give to be 800 again!

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 2

    Yahweh starts

    Yahweh: Ok, maybe I am not quite as young as I once was. But age is just a number, right? 4,000 is the new 2,000. We just need to get back out there.
    Moses: Or maybe we should just gracefully accept the inevitable?
    Yahweh: The first step is to get ripped.

    Task: Make Yahweh Join a Gym
    Time: 4h
    Location: Lugash's Gym, Old Scratch's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House
    If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Reluctantly Get Into Cycling
    Time: 4h
    Location: Lugash's Gym, Old Scratch's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House

    Yahweh: My body fat is five percent and my resting heart rate is 50. I feel like I did on the seventh day!
    Moses: Weren't you tired then from creating the universe?
    Yahweh: Nothing that a mimosa over brunch couldn't fix. That's why I created Sundays.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 3

    Yahweh starts

    Yahweh: Now that we're ripped, our faith will surely start appealing to a younger demographic. Go round up some new followers. Starting with her.
    Moses: I think the headphones mean "leave me alone".
    Yahweh: Or, maybe they mean "I like music", you wuss. Come on, show some swagger, Moses.
    Moses: If you say so.
    Yahweh: I say so.

    Task: Make Yahweh Get on Instagram
    Time: 4h
    Location: Jewish Walk of Fame, Temple Beth Springfield, Jewish Heaven, Invisible House or Brown House
    If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Approach Gym Patrons
    Time: 4h
    Location: Lugash's Gym, Old Scratch's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House
    If the user has Cookie Kwan: Task: Make Cookie Kwan Ignore Moses
    Time: 4h
    Location: Lugash's Gym, Old Scratch's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House
    If the user has Squeaky Voice Teen: Task: Make Squeaky Voice Teen Ask Yahweh and Moses to Leave
    Time: 4h
    Location: Lugash's Gym, Old Scratch's Gym, All Night Gym or Brown House

    Yahweh: Did you get her number?
    Moses: How old are you? Even I know nobody asks for a number anymore. I didn't even get eye contact.
    Yahweh: Okay, I'll admit it. You were right. People go to the gym to work out, not to be hit on by Old Testament prophets.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 4

    Yahweh starts

    Moses: Maybe we should focus on recruiting more age-appropriate followers.
    Yahweh: Maybe you should stop being such a Deuteronomy Downer.
    Yahweh: We just need to sweeten the pot by showing that we're not just incredibly ripped — we're fun, exciting, and rich!

    Task: Make Yahweh Buy a Porsche
    Time: 4h
    Location: Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall or Brown House
    If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Check Yahweh's Followers
    Time: 4h
    Location: Towne Centre at Springfielde Glenne, Springfield Mall or Brown House

    Wiggum: License and registration.
    Yahweh: I don't have either of those.
    Wiggum: Do you have any photo ID?
    Yahweh: Sorry, not a big fan of graven images.
    Wiggum: How am I supposed to give you a ticket?
    Moses: My friend has been going through a hard time lately. His people left him for a younger Supreme Being.
    Moses: If you could possibly forgive us this once, there could be some milk and honey in it for you.
    Wiggum: What do I look like — a Graham Cracker?
    Moses: Milk and honey and donuts.
    Wiggum: Drive safely!

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 5

    Yahweh starts

    Yahweh: We'll take the hoodie, for sure. The Skechers, definitely.
    Big Zoo Fan: Right on.
    Yahweh: What do you think about board shorts? Can I pull those off?
    Big Zoo Fan: For sure.
    Moses: What's wrong with the robes? The robes have dignity.
    Yahweh: The robes scream day room in the senior center. We might as well carry a remote and use walkers. We're never going to get cool young followers with the robes.
    Moses: The robes are forgiving. The robes cover a lot of middle-age spread.
    Yahweh: You've got a point.
    Yahweh: Do you have camo jackets?
    Big Zoo Fan: Right this way.

    Task: Make Yahweh Post Selfies
    Time: 4h
    Location: Jewish Walk of Fame, Temple Beth Springfield, Jewish Heaven, Invisible House or Brown House
    If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Compare Yahweh's Follower Counts to God's
    Time: 4h
    Location: Jewish Walk of Fame, Temple Beth Springfield, Jewish Heaven, Invisible House or Brown House

    Yahweh: Moses, my man! You look fly!
    Moses: I feel stupid.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 6

    Yahweh starts

    Yahweh: Now that we've got the look, where do we show it off?
    Moses: The food court at the mall?
    Yahweh: I don't think that's quite the right place to connect to the new young followers we need.

    Task: Make Yahweh Go to a Rave
    Time: 4h
    Location: Draggle Rock, Hard Lad Nightclub, One Night Stan's, Businessman's Social Club or Brown House
    If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Reluctantly Tag Along
    Time: 4h
    Location: Draggle Rock, Hard Lad Nightclub, One Night Stan's, Businessman's Social Club or Brown House
    If the user has God: God: Make God Like Yahweh's Rave Selfies
    Time: 4h
    Location: Heaven, Jewish Heaven, Heavenly Swing Set or Brown House

    Yahweh: *shouting* This is amazing!
    Moses: What?
    Yahweh: This is fantastic!
    Moses: What?
    Yahweh: Nevermind.
    Moses: What?

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 7

    Yahweh starts

    Yahweh: This rave is off the hook!
    Moses: Can we go now? I'm tired.
    Yahweh: Have one of these energy drinks. That'll pick you up — big time!
    Moses: What's in it?
    Yahweh: Who knows!
    Moses: Where'd you get it?
    Yahweh: They're going around.
    Moses: Do you think that's wise?
    Yahweh: Lighten up, Moses. You've got to get into the vibe if we want to connect to young followers.
    Moses: I think I'm going to pass.
    Yahweh: More for me!

    Task: Make Yahweh Keep the Party Going
    Time: 4h
    If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Quietly Edit Yahweh's Tweets
    Time: 4h
    Location: Draggle Rock, Hard Lad Nightclub, One Night Stan's, Businessman's Social Club or Brown House

    Yahweh: I'm thinking of changing my name to Y-Axis.
    Moses: Why would you do that?
    Yahweh: Why? Y? I get it. That's hilarious.
    Moses: What?
    Yahweh: You should change your name to Mu-ses.
    Moses: I'm good with Moses.
    Yahweh: BOR-ING!
    Yahweh: Don't you see it? Mu. It's a Greek letter. It's a variable. It's a Zen koan. It's everything. You're everything.
    Moses: I think we should get you home.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    The Mid-Life Tribulation Pt. 8

    Yahweh starts

    Yahweh: What happened last night?
    Yahweh: I've got millions of new followers but my head hurts, my feet hurt, and I'm all over TMZ with my face buried in a burrito.
    Moses: I told you no good would come of acting like kids.
    Yahweh: You were right. We should stick to our demo.

    Task: Make Yahweh Hire An Image Consultant
    Time: 24h
    If the user has Moses: Task: Make Moses Put His Feet Up
    Time: 4h
    Location: Heaven, Jewish Heaven, Heavenly Swing Set or Brown House

    Moses: Isn't this better? Sunshine, orange juice, and eggs benedict! This is the life for men — or beings — of our stature.
    Yahweh: The crowd here makes me feel old.
    Moses: You are old.
    Yahweh: I guess so.
    Yahweh: I think those ladies at the buffet are checking us out.
    Yahweh: Yes, they are definitely checking us out. Go see if you can recruit them.
    Moses: Seriously?
    Yahweh: We're old, not dead. I've still got some of the Old Infinite Power.
    Moses: Can't you just go talk to them?
    Yahweh: If I could do that, what would I need prophets for?
    Moses: Fine. Just let me finish my eggs.
    Yahweh: Take your time. We don't want to seem too eager.

    Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP

    Yahweh all steps completed notifications

    After completing Hire An Image Consultant, a random text is selected:

    System Message: Yahweh has finally come to his senses! Unfortunately, he is reminded of his age and the cycle begins anew.
    System Message: Yahweh has finally come to his senses! Unfortunately, he begins to lose followers and the cycle begins anew.
    System Message: Yahweh has finally come to his senses! Unfortunately, Moses left him alone with his thoughts too long and the cycle begins anew.
    System Message: Yahweh has finally come to his senses! Unfortunately, the current state of the world weighs heavily on him, and the cycle begins anew.
    System Message: Yahweh has finally come to his senses! Unfortunately, his favorite robes got caught in the burning bush and the cycle begins anew.

    Heaven Gil Deal

    Gil starts

    Gil: Oh boy, did you see they're bringing heaven here to Springfield? This is gotta be the best shot ol' Gil's ever had at gettin' through those pearly gates.
    Gil: The tithing sure isn't gonna do it, no sir. 10% of nothin' is still a whole lotta nothin'. Plus Baby Jesus won't return my calls.
    Gil: Whaddya say? Help ol' Gil slip into the afterlife unnoticed?

    On offer accepted:
    Gil: Heaven on earth, folks! Here we go, gonna take a dip in the holy waters. No need to get my shower at the YMCA today, no sir. I'll be in and out before you know it.

    On offer declined:
    Gil: Aww, c'mon. I don't even need to go straight to seventh heaven. Just the first or second will do ol' Gil just fine.

    Heaven Forbidden Pt. 1

    Andre starts

    Andre: Gah! Where — where am I? This doesn't look like heaven.
    Andre: Excuse me, ma'am? Is…is this heaven?
    Lindsay Naegle: Ugh, do you know how many times I've heard that line? Get away, creep.
    Andre: I'll take that as a no. That line always works in heaven.

    Task: Make Andre Try to Get Back to Heaven
    Time: 8h
    If the user has Lindsey Naegle: Task: Make Lindsey Naegle Refill Her Mace
    Time: 4h
    Location: Kwik-E-Mart, Try-N-Save, Swapper Jack's or Brown House

    Andre: Excuse me, sir? Is…is this hell?
    Moe: Ah, common misconception. No, this is Springfield.
    Moe: But if you're looking for hell, I can give you directions. Here, talk to this guy when you get there. He'll get you set up.
    Andre: Thanks.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    Heaven Forbidden Pt. 2

    Andre starts

    Demon Moe: Yeah, yeah we get a lot of fallen angels down here. It's kinda our thing, you know.
    Andre: I've heard that.
    Demon Moe: My friend, Lou. He was a fallen angel. Great guy. Great guy. Found himself in Springfield first, but that didn't last long. Been down here with us ever since.
    Andre: Hey, you wouldn't happen to know a way to get back to heaven, would you? Maybe a…secret tunnel from hell?
    Demon Moe: Well now why would you wanna go and do a thing like that? What, we're not good enough for you down here? You gotta run back to your white hat friends?
    Andre: No, no, it's just that I, uh…forgot my toothbrush.
    Demon Moe: We got toothbrushes down here. We've got all kinds of toothbrushes. What do you want, stiff bristles? Extra grippy handle? One of them electric ones? I got a toothbrush guy, he'll get you set up.
    Andre: Great. Thanks.

    Task: Make Andre Pretend to Shop for Toothbrushes in Hell
    Time: 4h
    Location: Hell Labs, Hellscape, Hell Moe's, Kwik-E-Mart or Brown House
    If the user has Demon Moe: Task: Make Demon Moe Introduce Andre to His Toothbrush Guy
    Time: 4h
    Location: Hell Labs, Hellscape, Stairway to Hell, Flanders Personal Hell or Brown House

    Rev. Lovejoy: Yes, can I help you?
    Andre: Hey, you're a reverend, right? So you can talk to God?
    Rev. Lovejoy: Uh…yes, I speak with him every day.
    Andre: Great, great. Can you get him a message for me? Let him know that it's Andre. There's been a mix-up. I somehow ended up down on the mortal coil. Ask him if he can send his driver to pick me up.
    Rev. Lovejoy: Uh, these conversations I have with God, they're…somewhat one-sided. I talk, and he listens. I assume.
    Andre: Wait, he didn't give you his direct line?
    Rev. Lovejoy: There's a direct — no, he did not.
    Rev. Lovejoy: Look, I'm not supposed to tell people this but…God actually lives over in Springfield Heights. But good luck getting past the gate around his mansion. Believe me, I've tried.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    Heaven Forbidden Pt. 3

    Andre starts

    Andre: *presses gate intercom button* God?! Are you there, God?! It's me, Andre!
    Intercom: Andre? What in — what are you doing here?
    Andre: Oh, I'm so glad I found you. God, you wouldn't believe what I've been through.
    Intercom: You fell from heaven, you weren't sure why, you asked a few people and found out I was living here, and that pretty much brings us up to speed.
    Andre: Exactly. Just the worst. So what happened, why am I here? I mean, I didn't do something wrong, did I?
    Intercom: Uh…no. Definitely not. You're just, uh…here for a special mission. Yeah, that's it.
    Andre: *gasp* I knew it! Of course you'd save the most important mission for me. So what is it?
    Intercom: Well, uh…let's see. Oh, I know. A portal to hell has opened up in Springfield and I need you to close it up. Can't be having any demons getting through.
    Andre: Oh, yeah I know exactly where it is. I was just — uh, I mean…I heard about it.
    Intercom: Great. Sure, yeah go take care of that. Away from here. Don't come back here.
    Andre: And then I get to go back to heaven?
    Intercom: ...
    Andre: God?
    Intercom: *sigh* Sure, yeah.

    Task: Make Andre Buy Explosives
    Time: 2h
    Location: Bloodbath and Beyond, General Store, Herman's Military Antiques, Kwik-E-Mart or Brown House
    If the user has God: Task: Make God Call Jesus to Complain About Andre
    Time: 2h
    Location: Modern Mansion, Mountain Lodge, Classic Mansion, Private Island, Deluxe Condo, Exclusive Resort or Brown House

    Wise Guy: If you're looking for explosives, might I recommend our Super Boommaker? It gets the job done.
    Andre: And this would be strong enough to blow up a portal to hell?
    Wise Guy: Oh, you're doing a hell portal? In that case you're gonna want to step up to the Blastinator 5000. Comes with a zero demons money-back guarantee.
    Andre: Perfect.

    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    Heaven Forbidden Pt. 4

    Andre starts

    Andre: Alright, so we just connect this blue wire to the detonator there... The red wire to the explosive there...
    Bart: Whoa, it's a Blastinator 5000! And you even sprung for the trigger upgrade.
    Milhouse: Hey, mister. What are you doing? Blowing stuff up to impress some girls? Classic.
    Andre: Oh, uh, no. I'm just…can I let you kids in on a little secret? I'm actually on a top-secret mission from the big guy himself.
    Bart: McBain?!
    Andre: What? No. A top-secret mission from God.
    Bart: Oh.
    Andre: And if I do a good job, I get to go back to heaven.
    Milhouse: Uh…you can go to heaven right here in Springfield. It's like three blocks that way.
    Andre: Are we talking about the same heaven? Waterfalls? Pedicure Hut?
    Bart: The very same. We just came from there. I took a swim and Milhouse got his nails done.

    Task: Make Bart Show Andre the Way to Heaven
    Time: 3h
    Location: Heaven or Brown House
    Task: Make Milhouse Show Off His Nails
    Time: 3h
    Location: Heaven or Brown House
    Task: Make Andre Totally Forget About the Hell Portal
    Time: 3h
    Location: Heaven or Brown House
    Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

    Heaven Forbidden Pt. 5

    Andre starts

    Jesus Christ: Oh, hey Andre. Yeah, God mentioned you were here. Super cool.
    Andre: I know, right? How long have you guys been here? And why is heaven here? Does God know about that?
    Jesus Christ: Um…look I'm gonna level with you. God brought part of heaven down here so he'd have a place to relax…away from you.
    Andre: *gasp*
    Jesus Christ: He really doesn't like when you — um, well he just really doesn't like you.
    Jesus Christ: Don't take it personally, he really doesn't like me that much either. He says I take the spotlight.
    Jesus Christ: Which — okay, that's fair. But hey that's what happens when you turn water to wine, feed five thousand people fish sandwiches, come back to life, just to name a few…
    Jesus Christ: Anyways, I don't know how you ended up here. Must've gotten caught on the slipspace stream when God was teleporting heaven down.
    Andre: I see. Well, I guess I'll just be going then.
    Jesus Christ: Oh, hey. C'mon. It doesn't have to be like that. You can stay for a bit. I won't tell God, I promise.
    Andre: Really? Can I swim in the pool?
    Jesus Christ: Uh, sure. Knock yourself out.

    Task: Make Andre Take a Heavenly Dip
    Time: 4h
    Location: Heaven
    If the user has Jesus Christ: Task: Make Jesus Relax by the Pool
    Time: 4h
    Location: Heaven or Brown House

    Andre: Hey, Jesus! Jesus, look. I can do the backstroke.
    Jesus Christ: Super cool, Andre.
    Andre: You wanna play Marco Polo? MARCO!!
    Jesus Christ: *sigh* Polo.

    Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
    Post edited by LPNintendoITA on
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