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New Year New You: Walkthrough

The Post-Holiday Expansion

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Homer: The Holy Trinity of Leftovers: Christmas dinner mixed with Thanksgiving scraps and topped with all the worst Halloween candy!
Bart: Oh man, another round of Christmas ham with Jolly Ranchers on top and you'll be muumuu-level fat!
Homer: Oooh, muumuu-level! Last time I wore one of those, I got to work from home!
Bart: So? Isn't the whole world already working from home?
Homer: Nope, we have to keep going into the plant. Mr. Burns convinced the Mayor that the radiation protects us. *takes bite of leftovers*
Marge: Homer, stop eating that tri-holiday heart attack!
Homer: But if I get fat enough, I could start the New Year with courtside seats next to the leftover dispenser. *looks at fridge*
Marge: You have to start losing weight. Don't you want to be around to see the kids grow up?
Homer: Not really.
Marge: Well, how about this: if you lose ten pounds, I'll put my special Santa outfit on for you.
Homer: *intrigued noise*
Lisa: Mom! Gross!

Task: Make Homer Agree to Lose Weight
Time: 6s
Location: Simpson House

Homer: Okay, fine. It's a deal. I'll lose ten pounds...
Marge: Yay!
Homer: ...after I finish eating these leftovers. *eating noises*
Marge: Look, I'm sure it'll be a challenge, but with hard work and discipline I know you can do it!
Homer: *stuffing face with leftovers* I need to gain as much as possible now before I'm officially weighed in.
Bart: Where are we going to find a big enough scale?
Homer: You might be laughing now, but once I'm ultra-fat, it'll be so easy to slim down to normal fat.
Lisa: You know, you'll still have to work out to lose weight.
Homer: Or...Dr. Hibbert can surgically remove the ten pounds out of me.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Survival of the Wellest Pt. 1

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Dr. Hibbert: Hmm. Protracted gut, excessive sweating, the tub of gravy filled with candy corn you're eating...
Dr. Hibbert: My diagnosis: you are experiencing a momentary spike of obesity...caused by the mass consumption of holiday leftovers.
Homer: All true! So, what wonders of medical science are available for a super overweight person who wants to effortlessly shed a few pounds?
Dr. Hibbert: Homer, I can't staple your stomach for a third time. It would kill you.
Homer: *moans* Now how am I going to cash in my "buy two get one free" stomach stapling card?
Dr. Hibbert: *chuckles* You're holding a Krusty Burger punch card — which as your doctor, I can't allow you to cash in. *takes card*
Homer: Well, if you won't help me, maybe Dr. Nick will.
Dr. Nick: Homer, my solution is for you to go on a strict diet eating only these experimental meal replacement packs.
Homer: How's eating going to help me lose weight?
Dr. Nick: They're full of untested chemicals!
Homer: Can't argue with chemicals!

Task: Collect Dumbbell [x125]
Task: Make Homer Gorge Himself on Meal Replacement Packs
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House

Homer: Must gorge to lose weight!
Lisa: Dad, these meal pack labels are just taped on with Band-Aids. *peels off label*
Homer: I don't feel so good.
Lisa: That's because you've been eating US Army cavalry horse feed from the Spanish-American War!
Homer: *horse neighs* No wonder I've been neighing so much!
Lisa: No, you can't eat any more of those!
Homer: Haven't you always wanted a pony? *neighs*

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Survival of the Wellest Pt. 2

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Wiggum: Hey Homer, I have to give you a ticket...for speeding!
Homer: Man, this day can't get worse...
Wiggum: Well, why are you in such a rush?
Homer: I've tried every get-thin-quick scheme I could think of: stuffing myself with diet horse feed on the couch while watching endless reruns of the NHL All-Star Skills Challenge...
Homer: So, now I'm on my way to Moe's because he does backroom liposuction before noon.
Wiggum: You know, me and some of the other…robust fellas in town are heading over to Tab Spangler's Serenity Ranch.
Homer: *chuckles* Robust.
Wiggum: He's running a "New Year, New You" weight loss special. You should join us!
Homer: Fat Camp? No thank you!
Wiggum: There's a free all-you-can-eat "welcome guests" buffet tonight…
Homer: Mmm...fat camp buffet.

Task: Collect Dumbbell [x125]
Task: Make Homer Rush to Serenity Ranch
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes
Task: Make Gluttons Head to Serenity Ranch [x3]
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes

Tab Spangler: Thank you for your patience while filling out these fourteen-page liability release forms.
Homer: So that's what I signed!
Comic Book Guy: I believe we were promised a free all-you-can-eat buffet?
Homer: Yeah, where's my free grub?!
Tab Spangler: Don't worry, at Serenity Ranch we deliver on our promises! So let this magnificent feast start you on your road to wellness.
Homer: This isn't a feast! It's a bunch of plants...
Barney: It's all so green and leafy...
Fat Tony: I detect a distinct lack of protein, which leads me to ask: what kind of FAT CAMP IS THIS?
Homer: A healthy one!
Wiggum: *fires gun* Storm the kitchen!
Camera Man: *attacking noises*
Tab Spangler: This may be harder than I thought.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Survival of the Wellest Pt. 3

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Homer: You know I don't feel so good. I'm not sure I can handle more wellness training this morning.
Homer: Maybe I could just call my wife to come get me…or at least bring me a burger or pizza.
Tab Spangler: No dice. The registration forms you signed give me full legal authority to keep you here until you are the peak of physical perfection!
Tab Spangler: God I love fine print.
Comic Book Guy: You sir, are worse than Loki the trickster god himself!
Tab Spangler: Them's the rules and you all signed on the dotted line.
Sakatumi: *gasp* He can't imprison us! Can he, Chief…?
Wiggum: Well, he did say both "legal" and "authority" in the same sentence, and the DA tells me that's the magic word combo that lets me do whatever I want...
Tab Spangler: Calm yourselves! Torturing people into shape is a thing of the past. Here at Serenity Ranch, we take a holistic approach to wellness!
Homer: I take a holistic approach to eating whatever I want and where I want!
Tab Spangler: Well, not anymore.

Task: Collect Dumbbell [x125]
Task: Make Homer Drink a Green Juice
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes
If the user has Sakatumi: Task: Make Sakatumi Meditate on Weight Loss
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes
If the user has Wiggum: Task: Make Wiggum Strike a Yoga Pose
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes
If the user has Quimby: Task: Make Quimby Learn Pilates
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes

Wiggum: Am I doing this "downward dog" thing right? I wish the police dog was here to show me how.
Wiggum: Ow! I don't think my back bends this way. Or at all.
Quimby: Shavasa-whaa?
Comic Book Guy: It's "Shavasana". And yes, it's a subpar catchphrase!
Homer: Yoga is for moms to meet other moms and show off. We fat dudes should be doing push-ups and karate kicks!
Tab Spangler: Since I have the legal authority to keep you all here, you better start learning to love our new wellness program...and that means yoga every morning.
Wiggum: *out of breath* Yoga is so much harder than anything I did at the Police Academy! And I had to do that twice!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Survival of the Wellest Pt. 4

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Homer: This is all a waste of time! Plus Lard Lad just released a new bacon donut sandwich! It's two bacon donuts with a bacon donut in the center!
Comic Book Guy: The premiere of a new donut and I am missing it! *angry noise*
Homer: We've gotta escape this "Serenity" Ranch! If you're with me, put your fat fingers in.
Wiggum: Homer, maybe you should just relax and get with the program. All this yoga is making me too tired to fight.
Barney: The cop guy is right. Plus, at least we have a steady stream of kombucha to keep us just as drunk as ever. *kombucha belch*
Fat Tony: Homer, how do you know you don't like wellness, unless you try it?
Homer: *short shriek* You're all traitors to the big and tall!

Task: Collect Dumbbell [x125]
Task: Make Homer Convince Fellow Gluttons to Escape
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes
If the user has Barney: Task: Make Barney Have Another Juice
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes
If the user has Wiggum: Task: Make Wiggum Almost Stretch His Back
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes

Homer: Guys, this is just a big scam! We're wasting time and not losing any weight while we keep paying Tab Spangler to live here on this picturesque ranch!
Wiggum: Hmm, I wish scamming were illegal, but it's not — so we can't do anything.
Homer: What about you, Comic Book Guy? Don't you want to go back home and run your shop?
Homer: I bet Bart is stealing all your comics as we speak.
Comic Book Guy: Kumiko runs a pretty tight ship thank you very much. But I do miss reading the comics and lamenting about how bad they've all become.
Homer: And Sakatumi…wait, why are you even here? Isn't being big kind of your job?
Sakatumi: I was disqualified from the tour when they found out my sumo diaper was really two sumo diapers tied together!
Quimby: Alright, Simpson, you've sold us on the need to get out of here. What's your plan?
Homer: I don't have a plan! I'm just the guy who rallies everyone together so that someone else can come up with the plan.
Comic Book Guy: Worst. Leader. Ever.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

Survival of the Wellest Pt. 5

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Wiggum: Look, Homer, we all want to get out of here now, but face it: we're all too fat and slow.
Comic Book Guy: Yeah, Homer, we're not Thors, we're Fat Thors!
Barney: The only way out of here is to train until we're all able to climb over that wall and escape.
Homer: Hmmm…that's it, Barney! We'll get in shape. And there's only one way to do that...
Barney: Stick with the wellness program?
Homer: No, a training montage!

Task: Collect Dumbbell [x125]
Task: Make Homer Put Together a Training Montage
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes
Task: Make Gluttons Train in a Training Montage [x3]
Time: 4h
Location: Serenity Ranch, Rancho Relaxo or Homes

Homer: *montage music plays* Whoa, look at me dragging giant tires around! I don't even know where those came from!
Barney: I think I just did a hundred thousand jumping jacks without breaking a sweat!
Fat Tony: *lifting weights* They're going to have to start calling me LEAN TONY!
Homer: *stops montage music* Alright, former fatsos, now we're in the best shape of our lives and all it took was 8 minutes of montaging!
Comic Book Guy: Let us climb over the wall like Wildlings invading Westeros!
Tab Spangler: *slow clap* Excellent work, men! I never wavered from my belief that you'd finally realize what it takes to get in great shape.
Tab Spangler: You had to hate being here so much that you'd lose weight just to escape!
Wiggum: So he's not a scammer — he's a genius!
Comic Book Guy: Worst. Twist. Ever.
Tab Spangler: Hey, I still made a buttload of money off you sorry lot.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

The Post-Holiday Contraction Expansion

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Homer: Honey! Kids! I'm home!
Homer: You probably didn't hear me walk in because I'm so light on my feet!
Marge: Oooh, Homie! I've never seen you look this thin!
Lisa: I'm so proud of you, Dad!
Bart: Since you're all good and healthy now, I guess we can throw out our St. Patrick's Day leftovers.
Homer: Wait, I was gone for three months?!
Lisa: Yeah, how long did you think you were gone?
Bart: Okay, throwing out the leftover corned beef and cabbage.
Homer: Gimme that festive fridge food! *takes food*
Homer: Now, there's only one thing to do with a tub full of leftovers: eating montage! *eating noises*

Task: Make Homer Gorge Himself Back Into Homer Shape
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
If the user has Marge: Task: Make Marge Enjoy Buff Homer While She Can
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
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