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Into the Simpsonsverse: From the Red to the Black (and White) Walkthrough

Reading the Room

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Blue-Haired Lawyer: As you can see here, Mr. Burns, your power plant is in the red.
Mr. Burns: Cancel Disney+! I don't know why I ever subscribed — my only streaming device is a ticker tape machine.
Mr. Burns: The image resolution is decidedly meh, and every time I watch a movie I'm crushed beneath a mountain of paper!
Blue-Haired Lawyer: We agree that cancelling Disney+ is a prudent way to save eight dollars per month, but the plant will still be many, many millions of dollars in the red.
Mr. Burns: We can pay our other bills with BiteCoin.
Smithers: I didn't know you dabbled in cryptocurrency, sir.
Mr. Burns: In what now? I mean: set the hounds on the bill collectors.
Smithers: Ah, I see. BITE Coin. I'm sure they'd be able to evade them quite easily.
Mr. Burns: Are you saying they have some sort of dodge-coin? Perhaps if we used some kind of tether…
Smithers: Maybe we should look at some other strategies for improving worker productivity, sir.
Mr. Burns: You're right! The greedy workers are the problem.
Mr. Burns: Let's move the plant somewhere where we'll be given a free hand by a corrupt government and a gullible population manipulated by appeals to prejudice.
Smithers: We already did that, sir. That's why we moved here from North Korea.
Mr. Burns: When you're treating your workers even worse than the commies, you know you've done your part!
Smithers: Since we've maxed-out oppression, maybe we could try to toggle a few other levers, sir. Such as worker satisfaction and motivation.
Mr. Burns: Ew, gross. You said toggle.
Smithers: If we want to compete for today's values-driven workforce…
Mr. Burns: Smithers, learn to read the room, will you? Now, quickly, to the basement! I've got just the thing to solve our financial problems.

Task: Make Burns Head to the Basement
Time: 6s
Location: Cooling Towers, Control Building or Homes
If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Learn to Read the Room
Time: 6s
Location: Cooling Towers, Control Building or Homes

Smithers: The Alternate Universe Computer? But sir, it hasn't been tested!
Mr. Burns: We're going back to the golden days, before things had to be tested.
Mr. Burns: What decade should we pick? I suppose you'd opt for the Gay Nineties!
Smithers: It just meant "lively" or "high-spirited" then, sir.
Mr. Burns: I knew that. I didn't know you knew.
Mr. Burns: We might as well go straight to the Great Depression of the 1930s, when people were at their most desperate for work.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

From the Red to the Black (and White) Pt. 1

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Smithers: Sir, it looks like your plan is working. The Alternate Universe Computer has opened a portal to the 1930s and there's no shortage of people looking for work.
Mr. Burns: Excellent. What trades do you follow, my good men?
Thirties Worker 1: Steam-fitter!
Thirties Worker 2: Hod-carrier!
Thirties Worker 3: Hod-loader!
Mr. Burns: Hmm. If you don't mind my asking, what exactly is a hod?
Thirties Worker 3: Beats me, mac. Do I look like a hod-knower?
Mr. Burns: Are any of you computer systems engineers, software developers, or radiation technicians?
Thirties Worker 1: I sold pencils on the sidewalk.
Thirties Worker 2: I carried a sign that said "will work for food".
Thirties Worker 3: I owned a radio, until I wrecked it so the martians wouldn't find me.
Thirties Worker 1: I sold pencils on the sidewalk.
Mr. Burns: I see. And what are your salary requirements?
Thirties Worker 2: Three hots and a squat would do it for me.
Thirties Worker 3: Keep the railway bulls away and I'm your man.
Thirties Worker 1: Have some self-respect, fellas.
Thirties Worker 1: A dime a day or nothing doing. And I speak for us all!
Mr. Burns: In a sense, isn't all business "selling pencils"? You're all hired.

Task: Collect Rotary Phones [x115]
Task: Make Burns Think of New Things to Exploit
Time: 4h
Location: Cooling Towers, Control Building or Homes
If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Read the Room
Time: 4h
Location: Cooling Towers, Control Building or Homes

Thirties Worker 1: Working in a radio station ain't all it's cracked up to be. When do we meet Charlie McCarthy? I'm dying to find out what he really thinks of Edgar Bergen.
Thirties Worker 2: It's not a radio station, you mug, it's a radiator factory.
Thirties Worker 1: Whatever it is, it's making me sick. I carried eight hods of uranium into the core and now my hair is falling down faster than Max Schmeling in the ring with Joe Louis.
Thirties Worker 2: I lugged fifty buckets of wastewater out to the river and now my skin is as red as FDR's heart.
Thirties Worker 3: Let's make a break for it!

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

From the Red to the Black (and White) Pt. 2

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Mr. Burns: We've got to round them up before the government cracks down on us for using time-migrant labor!
Smithers: Won't your "campaign contributions" assure you "access" to "present your point of view" to the government?
Mr. Burns: *sigh* Life was so much easier when we just called them bribes.
Mr. Burns: Sadly, today's Republican party cares more about bashing outsiders than they do about undermining American labor. We're on our own.
Smithers: A Burns and Smithers detective duo parody?
Mr. Burns: Smithers, the whole point of being rich is to not have to do the work yourself.
Smithers: And to be able to afford inter-dimensional portals through which you can bring cheaper labor?
Mr. Burns: That is a nice bonus, yes.

Task: Collect Rotary Phones [x115]
Task: Make Burns Bring a 1930s Detective Through the Portal
Time: 4h
Location: Cooling Towers, Control Building or Homes
If the user has Smithers: Task: Make Smithers Imagine a Burns/Smithers Detective Duo
Time: 4h
Location: Cooling Towers, Control Building or Homes

Noir Homer: *whistles* Swell place ya got here.
Mr. Burns: Really? You think so? I picked out the paint myself. It's called institutional grey.
Noir Homer: Are you kidding? This dump is depressing. And I came from the Great Depression, so that's really saying something.
Noir Homer: Anyways, I hear you got a job for me. What's the gig?
Mr. Burns: A few of my workers have run off. I want you to use your hard-boiled detective skills to find them and bring them back. Here are pictures of them.
Noir Homer: In black and white? I thought you had color photos in the future.
Mr. Burns: Those ARE color photos. The workers are black and white. Speaking of… *hands him a mirror*
Noir Homer: *looks in mirror* Huh. You do know that we're not actually black and white in the 1930s, right?
Mr. Burns: It's best not to think about it too much. Probably some strange physics properties of the portal.
Noir Homer: You've got yourself a gumshoe. But I'm not exactly a cheap date. I get a dollar a day. Plus expenses.
Mr. Burns: What are your expenses?
Noir Homer: Bullets, beer, and three bags of peanuts per day. Take it or leave it.
Mr. Burns: That's highway robbery!
Noir Homer: What's a highway?
Mr. Burns: You know. The inter-state highway system. Built in 1956? Oh, right.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

From the Red to the Black (and White) Pt. 3

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Noir Homer: Mr. Simpson, is it? Your boss said I should come talk to you.
Homer: It wasn't me. Somebody else used the office fern for lettuce in their sandwich, and switched the core video monitor to ESPN9, and did everything else I did.
Noir Homer: What? No. Mr. Burns said you were the last person to see the fugitives before they fled. Did you see where they went?
Homer: Those funny-talking guys? Well, first they asked where they could "lie low", and I said that I usually do it behind my desk, but they didn't like that answer.
Homer: Then they asked where was the nearest "flop house" and I suggested Fox Studios, but they didn't like that either.
Homer: Then they asked where they could get some "shut eye" and I actually understood that and said that I always got a good nap at church, so I think they went there.
Noir Homer: Come on, you're driving.
Homer: Woohoo! Second lunch break!

Task: Collect Rotary Phones [x155]
Task: Make Homer Drive Noir Homer to the Church
Time: 4h
Location: First Church of Springfield, Mega Church, Springfield Epicospal Church, Springfield Buddhist Temple, Cut Glass Cathedral or Homes

Homer: Well, here we are. See ya!
Noir Homer: You're not coming?
Homer: You mean you're deputizing me? I've always wanted to be a detective! I promise I won't let you down.
Noir Homer: Deputizing you? I'm no sheriff. I'm a noir detective. The only jobs I have to offer are gal friday, femme fatale, and sidekick.
Homer: Are you open to non-traditional casting?
Noir Homer: I have no idea what that is, so I'm gonna go with no.
Homer: I guess I can do sidekick. I’ve still got the tights from the update where I dressed as Robin Hood.
Noir Homer: I would very much appreciate you not wearing the tights.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

From the Red to the Black (and White) Pt. 4

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Noir Homer: We're looking for three dangerous fugitives that may have come through here.
Rev. Lovejoy: Good Lord. What did they do?
Noir Homer: They're suspected of favoring workplace safety regulation. They're extremely dangerous to the corporate profit margins.
Rev. Lovejoy: What did they look like?
Noir Homer: Average builds, average height, average...averageness.
Rev. Lovejoy: This is a house of God, detective. Many lost sheep come through our doors. You'll have to be more specific.
Noir Homer: They were in black and white.
Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, you could have led with that. Yes, I know which individuals to whom you are referring.
Rev. Lovejoy: They said they didn't have a place a stay, so I let them sleep in our basement last night. Helen, could you show the detective the way?
Homer: We'll also be needing this. *takes bottle of wine off desk*
Rev. Lovejoy: That's for communion!
Homer: Reverend, we're the police. We're already doing the Lord's work, okay? *winks at Noir Homer*
Noir Homer: Well, that's a new record for the fastest I've ever regretted deputizing someone.
Homer: There's just one more thing, Reverend...
Rev. Lovejoy: I've been more than patient, but, please, go on.
Homer: This counts as church!

Task: Collect Rotary Phones [x155]
Task: Make Homer Look for More Things to Confiscate
Time: 4h
Location: First Church of Springfield, Mega Church, Springfield Epicospal Church, Springfield Buddhist Temple, Cut Glass Cathedral or Homes
If the user has Helen Lovejoy: Task: Make Helen Escort Noir Homer
Time: 4h
Location: First Church of Springfield, Mega Church, Springfield Epicospal Church, Springfield Buddhist Temple, Cut Glass Cathedral or Homes

Helen Lovejoy: I'm so glad you're here, detective. I feel so much safer with a real man in the house with those fugitives.
Noir Homer: *narrating* Her tone lit up every light on the switchboard, and I knew I was in danger. One long look into her tiny black eyes and I'd be a goner.
Helen Lovejoy: Are you talking to me?
Noir Homer: I'm narrating. It gets a bad rap these days, but in my time it was as common as a femme fatale trapped in a dead-end marriage to a holy Joe.
Homer: It is helpful.
Helen Lovejoy: Do you have other ideas about writing? Perhaps we should get together sometime and you can tell me all about them.
Noir Homer: It's tempting. But I've got a black-and-white lady waiting for me at home and I'm not going to screw that up even for a chance to go on about myself and my writing.
Helen Lovejoy: Does she have to know?
Noir Homer: My narrating makes it hard to keep secrets. Besides, Noir Marge is the only dame for me.
Noir Homer: *narrating* He said with finality, closing the subject for good.
Helen Lovejoy: Fine, they're in here.
Thirties Worker 1: Oh, no, it's the fuzz!
Thirties Worker 2: We didn't do nothing, we swear!
Noir Homer: Save it, fellas. I'm just here to bring you back to the power plant.
Thirties Worker 1: There's no way I'm going back there. They don't even allow cigarette breaks!
Noir Homer: Hold it. They don't let you two smoke while you're working?
Thirties Worker 2: That's just the tip of the iceberg. You wouldn't believe what goes on in that place.
Noir Homer: Hmm. It seems there's more to this story than meets the eye. Okay, new plan, we're heading back to my office to sort this whole thing out.
Homer: Hang on. I'm not quite done with communion.

Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP

From the Red to the Black (and White) Pt. 5

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Noir Homer: So, you're saying you're in physical danger working at Mr. Burns' plant?
Thirties Worker 1: When I get home, I'm so beat I have to put my feet in a basin of cold water.
Noir Homer: That doesn't sound too bad.
Thirties Worker 1: My feet make the water boil!
Thirties Worker 2: I got a toothache!
Noir Homer: Are you sure that's the plant's fault? Do you brush regularly?
Thirties Worker 2: It's in the new face growing in my chest. And of course I brush its teeth!
Homer: Yech.
Noir Homer: This whole time I've been working for the bad guy. Who could've seen that coming?
Noir Homer: I think it's time we all get back to an era when things made sense.
Homer: Like the Great Depression?
Noir Homer: Exactly. Now I'm gonna go reverse the portal that brought us all here so we can go back home. Homer, are you sober enough to drive?
Homer: Eh, sober enough for the '30s.

Task: Collect Rotary Phones [x195]
Task: Make Homer Take Noir Homer Back to the Plant
Time: 4h
Location: Cooling Towers, Control Building or Homes

Homer: Are you sure you wanna do this? There's a lot of great things about the future that you haven't seen yet. Did you know they can fry Oreos, now?
Homer: Also our phones connect us to all of the world's information, plus its misinformation AND its disinformation!
Noir Homer: Save it. I'm reversing this portal and that's all there is to it.
Homer: Well, it was nice knowing you. I'll never forget the time you believed me when I framed Lenny for stealing the company donuts.
Noir Homer: Farewell, Homer. I hope you can steer this town back on track. *flips switch*
Noir Homer: Hmm, I think something is wrong. And is that music I hear?
Noir Homer: Oh no, something's definitely wrong. Someone is coming through the portal!
Homer: Ooh, a big reveal just before the end of the first part of the story! I can't wait to see who it is.
Homer: I'm glad we avoided the classic Hollywood crutch of using cliffhangers. Man are people fed up with those. We need instant gratification.
Noir Homer: What's a "cliffhanger"?
Homer: Oh you know, it's that cheap gimmick where you cut things off right before the big reveal.
Noir Homer: Oh, right, like if we just stopped talking now and didn't show who it was that came through the portal?
Homer: Exactly.

Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
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