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Military jokes for eggs
361 posts
Q: Why do West Point graduates hang their diplomas from the rear view mirror?
A: To justify their handicap parking.
A: To justify their handicap parking.
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Howdy, Stranger!
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(I don't want eggs, just love throwing that oxymoron out there)
(in case you've not realised, I don't have any jokes)
In his sleevies!
Perth, Australia
An SAS trooper collecting toys for children was stabbed when he helped stop a suspected shoplifter in east Perth.
The 'Toys-R-Us' Store Manager told 'The West Australian' that a man was seen on surveillance cameras last Friday putting a laptop under his jacket at the store.
When confronted, the man became irate, knocked down an employee, pulled a knife and ran toward the door.
Outside were four SAS Troopers collecting toys for the "Toys For Tots" program.
Smith said the Troopers stopped the man, but he stabbed one of them, in the back. The cut did not appear to be severe.
The suspect was transported by ambulance to the Royal Perth Hospital with two broken arms, a broken leg, possible broken ribs, multiple contusions and assorted lacerations including a broken nose and jaw...injuries he apparently sustained when he tripped whilst trying to run after the stabbing.
THE CLUMSY * !!!
"I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job up! on separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"
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"Sailor!" the officer boomed. "Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?"
"No, sir," replied the sailor, "but we don't land airplanes on the roof either!"
This one actually made me laugh.
It is for a swedish company called Silva that do navigation equipment i think. :-)