High School: Springfield High, class of '92 College: Capital City University, class of '96, dropped out in '93. Qualifications: Button-pressing, donut eating, Duff drinking, eating bacon. Interests: Button-pressing, donut eating, Duff drinking, bacon. Previous jobs: Rock star, pie-tossing superhero, astronaut, barbershop quartet singer, pro wrestler, sports mascot, stuntman, FIFA referee, snow plow operator, municipal waste supervisor, others too numerous to list.
Any minute now…