@mikemalis25
If he's using the trap, try dropping a pass back in the neutral zone to a trailing defender, then pass it to the far side winger. In almost every instance there will be a gap to skate through because their players are chasing the carrier. I use this method in every game I play, multiple times and it's very useful for gaining your offensive zone. There's also the dump and chase. I like to ring the puck around the boards and gather it with a forward on the far side.
You say you're not skill zoning, but then you say you sit back and watch your CPU players. That sounds like skill zoning to me. Play more active defense and you won't see your players getting walked so easy. Of course, this means you have to be good with pokes, lifts, hits and incidental contact. Knowing when to use which defensive tool is part of the skill with this game.
There is no tilt so you're hitting that. It's 10000000% not in the game. As far as what strategies to use, that depends how your opponent is playing. If they like to go end to end instead of passing more, try puck side attack. If they like to cycle and use their whole team more, try contain puck. I use an aggressive forecheck, but I also control my forwards on it so I'm not bad at causing turnovers before they enter my zone.
What's wrong with Phaneuf making passes to Gretzky? To be in the NHL to begin with, you need to be able to pass. Just because he's using a base card, it doesn't mean his passes are never going to connect. Also, the ratings of the receiver play a role in whether or not the pass will be picked up.
Again, if you could get some video of your issues, that would greatly help. Then I can see what's going on and better advise.