CAN log into Spore.com, CANNOT log into Spore game

I have an infuriating situation. I am able to login to ea.com and spore.com perfectly fine. I cannot, for the life of me, login to the Spore game. I am using the same email address and password. I've double and triple-checked the password (okay, it's copy-pasted). I can't even register with the email address and username because (obviously) the email address and username are in use - by me (or my sweevil twin ).  I have contacted support twice (thrice, maybe even?) over this, and no one can seem to help me. 

I have been sent password reset after password reset. I have repaired the game.  I have restarted my PC over and over again. I have done everything but sacrifice my first-born to the sun god - and that's only because I don't have one. When I try to click the "recover login information" option from  within the game and enter my email address in the browser, I receive an error message. No matter what browser I open the link in. 

Some probably useful information: I have recently changed the email address to my account and I also haven't logged in since (checks achievements) 2016. Before that, it was 2009 since I was regularly playing the game. It was a long smoke break. Okay, I don't smoke. But it had been a long while since I played. I'm not sure if either of those pieces of information is relevant, but there they are. I told the last rep this information. I have spoken to 3 different reps over the course of the last 4 months. No one has been able to figure it out, only tell me the same exact same troubleshooting steps and that they are "escalating" the issue and then I never hear back from anyone.

I'm raging past the point of Karen and into Linda territory on this one, can someone please help me out?