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Yeah I’m having the same problem too. It’s frustrating because I can’t play with my brother and we both really like the game.
I used to be able to see him on my friends list, but after a couple times playing with him he disappeared and both of us have tried fixing it by re-adding each other, restarting the game, and scouring the Internet but no luck.
One thing that has worked for me is we both can see another one of our mutual friend’s username. So when our friend is on we will join him first. It works, but it’s still incredibly frustrating to us because we’re pretty excited about this game and can’t play it together.
I hope the info helps and hoping for a fix soon too…