My "Three Kings" of Christmas
Hey everyone! 😀 🎄 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 🎄 I am SO excited to share my 2022 Christmas story with y'all this year. 😊 I've been working tirelessly on it since October and it has been a real joy. It...
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Chapter 6
The next morning, I accompanied my mom to Bangor on her post Christmas day shopping; to make returns if need be, hit up sales, buy things with gifted gift cards or money, that kind of thing. Normally my sister always went with her, it was their tradition, but since she wasn’t here this particular year I decided to go in her place. And I was happy to. Sure it was an hour’s drive to and from Bangor and traffic was a bit nuts, but I found it to be a very nice bonding time with my mom. Of course we talked a lot about the Yamamotos. I’d never seen my mom so excited about a friendship like the one she developed with Mami, and I was so happy for her. Kai and I texted on and off throughout all the shopping.
When we got home around 2:30pm, I had to hurry and get myself ready for my date with Kai at 5. I know what you’re thinking, that’s more than enough time to get ready for a date, but you know how it is with a FIRST date! And I know I didn’t have to make too much of a good impression since we already kissed, but I still wanted to look my best.
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I had just finished getting ready (around 4:40) when I got a text from Kai:
Hey. Sorry, I’m going to be a little late picking you up. Emergency call again…
That’s ok, I texted him back. It’s a hard time of year for a lot of people.
Yes it is. Thanks for understanding. ? I’ll pick you up as soon as I’m done with the call. Or, you can meet me here if you want? ;) Either way is fine with me.
I knew I was going to get super antsy waiting at home for him to arrive so I texted back that I would meet him there. I’m sure Amaya will keep me company ;) I added.
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I texted Landon earlier about getting ready for the date and my excitement about an hour prior and…he hadn’t texted me back. Guess he’s busy, I thought with a shrug. Not that I particularly needed his well wishes for the date, but it would’ve been nice to hear. And it’s hard not to worry about people when you’re so used to hearing back from them within 5 to 10 minutes of your text. First world problems, right?
Hoshi answered the door and bowed his head to me like he often did before welcoming me inside. As he retreated to the living room and informed whoever was in there that I had arrived, Amaya came running out into the foyer to greet me. “Malai! You’re here! Yay!”
“Yep.” I smiled.
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“So you’re going on a date with Uncle Kai?” she coyly asked after our hug, hands clasped behind her back and digging her toe into the wood floor.
“Yep,” I answered again, only this time with a blushed smile.
“You gonna kiss?”
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“Amaya…,” Aizen gently intervened, emerging from the living room as well. “What did we talk about when it comes to manners?”
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“Sorry, I–”
“She’s ok,” I assured them both. “Amaya is my little buddy so it’s ok for buddies to ask each other those kinds of questions.” I winked.
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Amaya’s face beamed, while Aizen’s looked unamused. I really wasn’t meaning to undermine or disrespect his parental authority.
“So are you gonna?” Amaya excitedly asked.
“...We’ll see,” is what I chose to say, especially with Aizen present.
“Ok! Oh yeah, I made something today and I wanna show it to you. Be right back!” And she raced up the stairs.
I chuckled as she disappeared then met eyes with Aizen again. His expression was blank; as usual.
“Well hello to you too Aizen,” I teased to ease the tension a little. Maybe a little playfulness would help loosen him up a bit.
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“Hey,” he simply said, leaning his shoulder against the banister.
“You’re giving me that look again...”
“What look?” he asked, perplexed.
“Like…,” I bobbed my head, “I did something wrong or…something is wrong with me in general.” I was actually surprised I said it.
His eyes darted down to the floor, taken off guard of course, and then brushed the bangs away from his eyes. “No, uh…there’s nothing wrong with you, really, I just,” he paused, standing up straight and drawing in a breath, struggling to meet my gaze now. Clearly struggling to speak as well which I found…odd. “I just tend to…space out sometimes.”
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I raised an eyebrow at him, getting the feeling he wanted to say more, but was holding it back for some reason. “Ok,” I simply acknowledged.
He scratched at the back of his head with indecision as Amaya came rushing down the stairs waving a paper. “Here’s what I wanted to show you,” she addressed to me. We sat down in the nearest chair to look at it together.
“I drew a picture of all of us at Christmas dinner together. Here’s you, me, daddy, Uncle Kai, and…”
I gasped in awe, truly amazed by her artwork at such a young age. I recognized everyone’s faces instantly without her having to point them out. “This is amazing Amaya,” I expressed, putting my arm around her. “You’re a natural artist! I was never able to draw this well when I was your age.”
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She giggled in shyness as I gave her a little squeeze.
“I think someday you could become a graphic designer for a magazine, like me.”
“Really!? I’d love that!”
I looked up and noticed Aizen smiling at us, but it faded slightly once he recognized that I was the one staring at him now. It was hard not to stare when the man actually smiled. It made him look so much better.
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“I want you to have it,” Amaya said, handing the paper to me.
I held my hand to my heart. “Oh Amaya, I couldn’t–”
“Please? I made it just for you.”
Gosh she sure knew how to hit me in the soft spot. I smiled and took it gladly. “Well thank you. I’ll hang it up in my office back home. That’s the perfect place for it.”
“Hee hee!”
“Hey,” Kai greeted, coming down the stairs. I stood from the couch at his presence, my heart fluttering. I quickly folded Amaya’s picture and tucked it into my purse. “Sorry again about the wait,” he expressed while approaching me and lightly kissing my cheek. “You look beautiful as always,” he complimented.
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Aizen looked uncomfortable behind us at the gesture. I wasn't sure why…
“Come Amaya,” he beckoned to his daughter towards the living room.
“Ok. Bye Malai and Uncle Kai! Have a nice date!” Amaya sweetly wished.
“Thanks kiddo,” Kai said in return with a smile. “See ya Aizen,” he nodded in departure, opening the door for me. I nodded to Aizen as well.
“See ya…,” I barely heard Aizen utter as we stepped out the door.
❄❄❄
Kai took me to the fanciest restaurant in town: Delicieux Bistro. I was surprised it was still open with how expensive it’s always been, especially after the global pandemic and how it affected the economy. They sure decked it out for the Holidays. It was beautiful.
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Kai and I talked about anything and everything over dinner. We laughed about things that were humorous and things we revealed about each other that we didn’t expect.
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I swear there is nothing horrible or unappealing about Kai. He’s kind, thoughtful, smart, sincere, handsome, a perfect gentleman, the whole package.
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I kept expecting to find at least one thing I’d dislike about him and…there just wasn’t. Why can’t Aizen be more like his brother, I found myself asking a couple of times. Guess I couldn’t help thinking it, because I could sure point out many things I disliked about Aizen as opposed to anything good about him, which I couldn’t identify very well. No thanks to his behavior.
When it came time for dessert we both found out that we prefer ordering plain cheesecake over any other dessert on the menu, no matter how delicious the other options might sound. Cheesecake is da bomb! (Yes, I totally said it like that.)
It was the best time I had on a date in a long time!
As much as we would’ve loved to take a long walk on the beach, preferably barefoot, after dinner, it was winter so…indoors it was. And neither of us minded that. We cuddled on the couch in front of a Christmas movie. (At my house - less people around.)
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The movie was quickly forgotten though as our intimate desires got the better of us, exchanging many many kisses and caressing each other’s bodies a little bit, but not taking it too far. My parents were sleeping in the next room after all.
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Kai was very respectful of me. Another thing that added to his wonderfulness.
At bedtime I checked my phone for any missed calls or texts. Landon finally texted me back saying:
Sorry I didn’t respond right away Mai, something came up. In fact, I’ll be leaving New York for a little bit. It’s nothing serious so don’t worry. I’ll fill you in later. Love you. <3
“Oh good!” I whispered in relief. I was just glad to hear he was ok. And of course that whatever was making him leave the city wasn’t serious. Still…I was pretty darn curious about it. I was very much looking forward to his “filling in” call later. Whenever that would be.
❄❄❄
The next day - despite the high being around 15 degrees (F) - my parents and I and the Yamamotos decided to play a lax version of touch football out at the beach beside my parent’s house. It was a sunny day and we all desired a little fresh air after being indoors for so many days in a row, even if it was freezing outside. Naturally we all bundled up and my dad brought the portable fire pit to keep warm by and to roast marshmallows to make s’mores with! Yum! Amaya was especially excited about that.
I was never the best at touch football, in fact I was getting “clobbered” often by Kai and his dad. I blamed the uneven sand beneath my feet.
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At one point, I had the ball and was about to make one glorious touchdown...
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...when quite unexpectedly Aizen came out of nowhere and snagged the ball from my grasp, but I barely gripped it in time to keep him from taking it completely. A drastic tug of war ensued between us.
“Let go of the ball!” he demanded.
“No, YOU let go!” I glared.
“Cheater!”
“I’M the cheater!? You’re supposed to touch me in order to get the ball, not grab it!”
“That’s not how we’ve always played.”
“Well that’s how MY family has always played!”
“Give it!”
“No!”
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We groaned and grunted for a good two minutes while trying to rip the ball from the other’s death grip. I don’t know why, but all my inner frustrations towards the man came flooding out in my tone and behavior and I could clearly tell his were doing the same. It wasn’t intentional, just unavoidable. The others watched us with wide eyes from the sidelines, unsure of what to do or if they should even try to intervene. I was about ready to just give up the ball and be the bigger person, but in that split second of weakness, Aizen ripped it from my grasp which made me lose my footing and fall flat on my butt. “Ow!” I hissed. Sand is not as soft as it looks.
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Kai and Amaya raced to my side, Kai kneeling before me, both asking if I was alright. As I nodded, Kai looked up at his brother and said, “Geez Aizen, lighten up.”
Amaya then whipped towards her dad and sharply asked, “Why are you always so mean to Malai daddy!?”
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“No Amaya,” I hushed, placing my hand on her arm. “It’s ok. Really.” I wish she hadn’t said it… but I couldn’t blame her for saying it either.
In that moment, Aizen’s arms lowered, as well as his expression, guilt and sorrow projecting in his eyes. I could feel it too.
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Trying to hold back the pri'ckle of intense emotions due to the verbal sucker punch his daughter just gave him, Aizen dropped the ball onto the sand and walked away. It made me feel awful…mostly because I felt guilty too.
As Kai helped me up onto my feet, I watched as Aizen headed towards the water, stopping right at the edge of the beach, and gazed out towards the horizon. He shook his head with that same guilt and sorrow I saw earlier and my heart sank. It was the first time I realized that…he didn’t hate me.
And the truth is...I didn’t hate him.
“I guess now would be a good time to make s’mores,” Hoshi suggested. And that’s exactly what we did.
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While roasting my marshmallow I watched as Mami went over and joined her eldest son at the edge of the beach, calmly chatting with him while affectionately rubbing at his back. I could see some opposition in Aizen’s eyes as he spoke to her in return, but it had to be due to all the inner pain he was always carrying. And Mami seemed to know just how to handle it. I wish I knew what she had said to him.
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Soon Mami came back to join us at the firepit and for the life of me, I could not stop looking over at Aizen. Maybe because I was afraid he’d unhesitatingly walk right into the freezing water and disappear, the very moment I looked away. I just couldn’t…
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I quickly made up a s’more, rose to my feet, and told Kai I would be right back.
Carefully, I approached Aizen, the sound of the sand below my feet giving away my presence. He took one side glance at me, then looked right back out at the water again.
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I inched closer, holding out the s’more - half wrapped in a napkin - to him. “I thought you might like one of these,” I said. It might've been a little peace offering.
Aizen gave me a side glance again, a hint of a smile forming, as he took it from me. “Thanks,” he said.
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Pressing my lips together, but still smiling, I nodded, and turned on my heel to join the others out of respect for his wanting to be alone.
“Wait…”
I immediately turned.
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“I’m…I’m sorry,” he expressed with a look of sincerity I’d never seen on his face before. “Not just for stealing the ball, but…for everything. It was never anything about you…it’s all me.”
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And what about you exactly? I wanted so desperately to ask, but with an appreciative smile I said, “Thank you. I really appreciate that.” I stepped closer.
He nodded. “Despite how it may seem, I’m not a complete je’rk.”
“Complete?” I playfully asked.
There was his rare smile! “As in I don’t intend to be a je’rk, I just…don’t realize, or even recognize, I’m being one sometimes. It's complicated.”
I lightly shrugged. He's had a rough past. I get it. “It’s ok. It happens to all of us.”
He seemed to appreciate that response and dug at the sand with the tip of his shoe, debating within himself it seemed. I waited patiently for him to speak again.
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“I just get really cautious when a new woman comes into Amaya’s life,” he timidly admitted. “Normally they aren’t very nice to her, or are fake towards her, when she expects so much from them…” He lowered his head sorrowfully. “But I know you’re not that way with her.” Then he looked back up at me. “You’re sincere with her. And for that…I thank you. Deeply.”
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Wow.
This was more than I was expecting from him and it made my heart swell with joy. “You’re welcome,” I said through a beaming expression.
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“She’s a sweet girl Aizen; and a really good kid! I’m sorry the other women in your life couldn’t see that…You’ve raised her well in this hard world.”
He huffed slightly in objection. “I have my parents to thank for most of that.” He lowered his head again. “It’s just been really hard since…”
Since your wife died. “Aizen, you don’t have to explain,” I kindly interrupted. “I understand.”
He raised his head with a somewhat questionable expression on his face, like how I would even know the situation, but he shrugged it off.
“What matters is now,” I continued, inching a little closer. “And what you’re doing to make a good life for you and Amaya. It seems like you’re doing pretty well in that department.”
He smiled at me with gratitude. I could get used to seeing more smiles on his face.
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“So,” I changed the subject, gazing out at the ocean with him, “You gonna build the perfect house for you and Amaya someday?”
“Maybe,” he sighed. “When she’s older and can be home by herself. My job can be pretty demanding at times so…she still needs someone to be at home with her until then.”
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I nodded. How hard it must’ve been hitting his pride all these years to have to rely on his aging parents to raise his daughter for him. And it’s not like he wasn’t trying to find another companion apparently; those were totally the women he was alluding to earlier. It broke my heart.
“Hey,” Kai addressed from behind us. We turned. “Everything ok?” He was mainly asking me.
Shooting a quick glance at Aizen, I smiled and replied. “Yep. Everything is fine. We're just enjoying the view.”
Aizen nodded to Kai in agreement.
“Great!” Kai happily exclaimed, taking the two of us into a hug. “Gosh I’m so glad you two worked things out.” We all were.
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From that time forward, things were good between me and Aizen.
❄❄❄
That afternoon, about an hour before dinner, the doorbell rang.
Naturally I hurried to answer it, thinking it to be Kai. When I swung the door open and saw who it was though, my jaw dropped in a stunned surprise.
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“Landon!? W-What are you doing here? I thought you were out of town?”
“I am,” he answered solemnly. “Here. I had to see you…”
My heart started pounding. There was something very different about his demeanor and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I prayed nothing was terribly wrong.
“Can we talk?” he asked. “Over at our special place?”
A smile worked its way across my lips. I’d almost forgotten about that place. “Sure.”
❄❄❄
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When Landon and I dated back in the day, we got tired of constantly getting interrupted by our friends and parents during our alone time so we set out to find our own place to talk, cuddle, and make-out where no one would ever find us. It was a flat little area in the cove, situated inside the marsh grasses, that somehow never got wet. It provided just enough cover - well, if you were on the ground together. Oh the memories…
Later Landon made a bench in shop class to put there, after we broke up actually. I figured he was taking his male companions out there for the same solitude, which kind of bothered me at the time, but I’m over it now.
“It’s still here,” Landon marveled, as we approached the said bench. “Doesn’t look a day old.” We both brushed the snow off of it before sitting ourselves down.
There was only a moment of the strange and mysterious silence until I couldn’t hold it back any longer. “Landon, what’s wrong? What’s so important that you had to fly all the way out here to see me?”
He rested his arm on the back of the bench behind me and swallowed.
“Are the Magazine Execs pis’sed at me for taking so much time off? Because if they are–”
“No, it’s nothing like that,” he hushed. “I just…I just really needed to see you.”
Ok? “Landon…you always see me. You couldn’t wait a few more days? Save the cost of a roundtrip ticket? I mean we could’ve FaceTimed–”
“No,” he whispered. “No we couldn’t…Not with this.”
My heart pounded again, especially with the way he was looking at me. He hadn’t given me that look since the last time we were here together and I suddenly felt short of breath. “What is it?” I nervously asked.
Landon shifted his weight and rested his hands on his lap before answering. “I don’t mean to alarm you Mai, like I said it’s nothing too serious, it’s just…I’m feeling really conflicted and lost right now,” his voice choked, “and I need to talk to my best friend about it. In person.”
I finally found my breath and nodded, placing my hand on his lap as well. “Tell me.”
He lowered his head, clearly trying to hold back much emotion. “Remember that date I told you about, before you flew out?”
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“Yeah. The one with…Justin? Right?”
“Yeah. We had a decent first date so we decided to spend Christmas day together. Well,” he swallowed again, "that day didn't end very well at all. Turns out he was only hitting me up because of how rich I am…” Then he sighed. "I kind of got that vibe on our first date I just...didn't want to believe it. But it was way more apparent on the second date so..."
My face fell. All the while thinking, Gosh, not again. “Oh Landon,” I sympathized while caressing his leg, “I’m really sorry…” I shook my head. “I don’t understand what it is with these guys…”
“Me neither…”
“Because you are such a great catch! And I don’t say that lightly or because you’re my best friend. You're a wonderful guy, Landon.”
“I guess…”
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His disbelieving response made me feel all the more sad. “You are,” I assured, “it’s their loss. Besides, you don’t want to invest too much time into a relationship where the other person doesn’t truly appreciate you anyway. The right one is always still out there.”
He nodded, his head still lowered. “I know. And you’re right. It just," he somewhat hesitated, "seems like every relationship I’ve had since you Mai has gone terribly wrong. Never sticking.” Then he looked me in the eye. “And I can’t help wondering...if there’s a reason for that…”
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Now I gulped, because the feeling in the air changed right back to where it was originally and my heart started pounding again. I had this deep, pit in my stomach feeling that maybe--
“When you told me you kissed Kai and decided that you wanted to stick around here to see where it might go,” he began with a tremble in his voice and in his hands, “it - it produced all these feelings within me that I haven’t felt in years. Feelings that I thought were long lost. And it terrifies me.” His tearful gaze was so piercing that it tugged at my every emotion, and my tears. “It terrifies me because I suddenly started to question everything about myself,” he continued, his voice choking, "and my sexual preferences. I began to wonder if I’d just been kidding myself pursuing men all these years, when none of those relationships have worked out and maybe that’s because…” His eyes bored into me again, with such deep affection, “there’s still feelings there for you Mai. And I think...I think I’m still in love with you.”
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My heart screeched to halt.
“You’re the one person in my life who’s always been there for me. Never let me down. Always accepted me for exactly who I am and loves me, for who I am. Well, aside from my mom. No one else, Mai. It feels like it was such a mistake letting you go.”
Still in shock, I closed my eyes, making the tears escape. Hating this moment, but…at the same time...
“Landon,” I whispered, opening my wet eyes. “I really wish I could’ve heard this from you years ago. So why do you have to say it to me now?” I sniffed. “Of all times?”
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“Mai,” he stopped to take my hand, “I - I just couldn’t let you go into the arms of the man who could very well be your future without telling you how I feel.”
I understood, but couldn't help saying, “Well it’s too late!”
“No…,” he softly corrected, lifting my chin and leaning in, coaxing me with his breath.
“Yes it is…,” I whispered, just before his lips touched mine. I tried not to kiss him back, I really did. But…
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You know how in the movies when something super wonderful happens and then it gets terribly interrupted by something else that rings in that ever familiar record scratch sound? Well, I swear I heard that sound in the middle of mine and Landon's kiss and…I think he heard it too…
Because that kiss didn’t feel good - or right - at all. And suddenly things felt horribly, horribly awkward between us, like some massive realization set in. I can’t even adequately describe it. It was just, sad to say, bad.
Landon lowered his head while a slight grimace took hold of my mouth. “Wow,” he said, then cleared his throat. “Well that wasn’t as earth shattering as I was expecting it to be…” The color had practically drained from his face.
“Yeeeeah,” I kinda hated to admit for his sake, but…
“Guess we really are just friends aren't we? Who love each other like friends...,” he ended with a head shake. “Gosh I feel like such an idiot!” he belted through a depressed sigh, burying his face into the palms of his hands.
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“No,” I consoled, putting my arm around him and pressing my cheek against the top of his head. “You’re not Landon. You’re just heartbroken…and that causes all of us to feel lost and confused. Not knowing what to believe anymore. It’s normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I’m just sorry I can't make it all better for you.”
“It’s ok Mai…”
I still felt bad though.
“I think," he spoke after a couple of minutes of silence while composing himself, "I need to do some soul searching for a while. Put dating on hold and take some time to just focus on myself."
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“Yeah,” I agreed, caressing his back. “I think that’s a great idea. Definitely take some time for yourself and figure things out. I know you will. You'll get through this. And no matter what, I’ll still always be here for you Landon,” I sniffed, getting emotional again. “And I’ll always support you in everything you do.”
“I’ve never felt anything less from you,” he said with a sniff also.
I smiled.
“Thank you Mai. I needed this. And I really do love you...friend,” he chuckled a little.
I did as well. “I love you too buddy. Best friends forever.”
I walked with Landon to his childhood home and it was nice to see his mother again. She asked if I'd join them for dinner and I accepted. I called my mom to let her know where I was at, and then I texted Kai informing him that I was hanging out with a friend (cause he asked me in a text where I had “mysteriously disappeared" to. It was cute.) The three of us had a wonderful time catching up over dinner and then I bid them both goodbye around 8pm. Landon was flying back to New York in the morning. The job required it.
Was I going to tell Kai about Landon kissing me? No. It wasn’t necessary; literally nothing. I was just helping out a dear friend through an emotional crisis and for Landon’s privacy, I wasn’t going to bring it up. Unless the situation called for it. And if that situation ever came, I knew Kai would be understanding about it. Because he’s a therapist, and he’s wonderful.
❄❄❄
<3
Hope y'all enjoyed. :)
The next morning, I accompanied my mom to Bangor on her post Christmas day shopping; to make returns if need be, hit up sales, buy things with gifted gift cards or money, that kind of thing. Normally my sister always went with her, it was their tradition, but since she wasn’t here this particular year I decided to go in her place. And I was happy to. Sure it was an hour’s drive to and from Bangor and traffic was a bit nuts, but I found it to be a very nice bonding time with my mom. Of course we talked a lot about the Yamamotos. I’d never seen my mom so excited about a friendship like the one she developed with Mami, and I was so happy for her. Kai and I texted on and off throughout all the shopping.
When we got home around 2:30pm, I had to hurry and get myself ready for my date with Kai at 5. I know what you’re thinking, that’s more than enough time to get ready for a date, but you know how it is with a FIRST date! And I know I didn’t have to make too much of a good impression since we already kissed, but I still wanted to look my best.
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I had just finished getting ready (around 4:40) when I got a text from Kai:
Hey. Sorry, I’m going to be a little late picking you up. Emergency call again…
That’s ok, I texted him back. It’s a hard time of year for a lot of people.
Yes it is. Thanks for understanding. ? I’ll pick you up as soon as I’m done with the call. Or, you can meet me here if you want? ;) Either way is fine with me.
I knew I was going to get super antsy waiting at home for him to arrive so I texted back that I would meet him there. I’m sure Amaya will keep me company ;) I added.
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I texted Landon earlier about getting ready for the date and my excitement about an hour prior and…he hadn’t texted me back. Guess he’s busy, I thought with a shrug. Not that I particularly needed his well wishes for the date, but it would’ve been nice to hear. And it’s hard not to worry about people when you’re so used to hearing back from them within 5 to 10 minutes of your text. First world problems, right?
Hoshi answered the door and bowed his head to me like he often did before welcoming me inside. As he retreated to the living room and informed whoever was in there that I had arrived, Amaya came running out into the foyer to greet me. “Malai! You’re here! Yay!”
“Yep.” I smiled.
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“So you’re going on a date with Uncle Kai?” she coyly asked after our hug, hands clasped behind her back and digging her toe into the wood floor.
“Yep,” I answered again, only this time with a blushed smile.
“You gonna kiss?”
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“Amaya…,” Aizen gently intervened, emerging from the living room as well. “What did we talk about when it comes to manners?”
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“Sorry, I–”
“She’s ok,” I assured them both. “Amaya is my little buddy so it’s ok for buddies to ask each other those kinds of questions.” I winked.
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Amaya’s face beamed, while Aizen’s looked unamused. I really wasn’t meaning to undermine or disrespect his parental authority.
“So are you gonna?” Amaya excitedly asked.
“...We’ll see,” is what I chose to say, especially with Aizen present.
“Ok! Oh yeah, I made something today and I wanna show it to you. Be right back!” And she raced up the stairs.
I chuckled as she disappeared then met eyes with Aizen again. His expression was blank; as usual.
“Well hello to you too Aizen,” I teased to ease the tension a little. Maybe a little playfulness would help loosen him up a bit.
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“Hey,” he simply said, leaning his shoulder against the banister.
“You’re giving me that look again...”
“What look?” he asked, perplexed.
“Like…,” I bobbed my head, “I did something wrong or…something is wrong with me in general.” I was actually surprised I said it.
His eyes darted down to the floor, taken off guard of course, and then brushed the bangs away from his eyes. “No, uh…there’s nothing wrong with you, really, I just,” he paused, standing up straight and drawing in a breath, struggling to meet my gaze now. Clearly struggling to speak as well which I found…odd. “I just tend to…space out sometimes.”
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I raised an eyebrow at him, getting the feeling he wanted to say more, but was holding it back for some reason. “Ok,” I simply acknowledged.
He scratched at the back of his head with indecision as Amaya came rushing down the stairs waving a paper. “Here’s what I wanted to show you,” she addressed to me. We sat down in the nearest chair to look at it together.
“I drew a picture of all of us at Christmas dinner together. Here’s you, me, daddy, Uncle Kai, and…”
I gasped in awe, truly amazed by her artwork at such a young age. I recognized everyone’s faces instantly without her having to point them out. “This is amazing Amaya,” I expressed, putting my arm around her. “You’re a natural artist! I was never able to draw this well when I was your age.”
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She giggled in shyness as I gave her a little squeeze.
“I think someday you could become a graphic designer for a magazine, like me.”
“Really!? I’d love that!”
I looked up and noticed Aizen smiling at us, but it faded slightly once he recognized that I was the one staring at him now. It was hard not to stare when the man actually smiled. It made him look so much better.
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“I want you to have it,” Amaya said, handing the paper to me.
I held my hand to my heart. “Oh Amaya, I couldn’t–”
“Please? I made it just for you.”
Gosh she sure knew how to hit me in the soft spot. I smiled and took it gladly. “Well thank you. I’ll hang it up in my office back home. That’s the perfect place for it.”
“Hee hee!”
“Hey,” Kai greeted, coming down the stairs. I stood from the couch at his presence, my heart fluttering. I quickly folded Amaya’s picture and tucked it into my purse. “Sorry again about the wait,” he expressed while approaching me and lightly kissing my cheek. “You look beautiful as always,” he complimented.
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Aizen looked uncomfortable behind us at the gesture. I wasn't sure why…
“Come Amaya,” he beckoned to his daughter towards the living room.
“Ok. Bye Malai and Uncle Kai! Have a nice date!” Amaya sweetly wished.
“Thanks kiddo,” Kai said in return with a smile. “See ya Aizen,” he nodded in departure, opening the door for me. I nodded to Aizen as well.
“See ya…,” I barely heard Aizen utter as we stepped out the door.
Kai took me to the fanciest restaurant in town: Delicieux Bistro. I was surprised it was still open with how expensive it’s always been, especially after the global pandemic and how it affected the economy. They sure decked it out for the Holidays. It was beautiful.
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Kai and I talked about anything and everything over dinner. We laughed about things that were humorous and things we revealed about each other that we didn’t expect.
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I swear there is nothing horrible or unappealing about Kai. He’s kind, thoughtful, smart, sincere, handsome, a perfect gentleman, the whole package.
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I kept expecting to find at least one thing I’d dislike about him and…there just wasn’t. Why can’t Aizen be more like his brother, I found myself asking a couple of times. Guess I couldn’t help thinking it, because I could sure point out many things I disliked about Aizen as opposed to anything good about him, which I couldn’t identify very well. No thanks to his behavior.
When it came time for dessert we both found out that we prefer ordering plain cheesecake over any other dessert on the menu, no matter how delicious the other options might sound. Cheesecake is da bomb! (Yes, I totally said it like that.)
It was the best time I had on a date in a long time!
As much as we would’ve loved to take a long walk on the beach, preferably barefoot, after dinner, it was winter so…indoors it was. And neither of us minded that. We cuddled on the couch in front of a Christmas movie. (At my house - less people around.)
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The movie was quickly forgotten though as our intimate desires got the better of us, exchanging many many kisses and caressing each other’s bodies a little bit, but not taking it too far. My parents were sleeping in the next room after all.
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Kai was very respectful of me. Another thing that added to his wonderfulness.
At bedtime I checked my phone for any missed calls or texts. Landon finally texted me back saying:
Sorry I didn’t respond right away Mai, something came up. In fact, I’ll be leaving New York for a little bit. It’s nothing serious so don’t worry. I’ll fill you in later. Love you. <3
“Oh good!” I whispered in relief. I was just glad to hear he was ok. And of course that whatever was making him leave the city wasn’t serious. Still…I was pretty darn curious about it. I was very much looking forward to his “filling in” call later. Whenever that would be.
The next day - despite the high being around 15 degrees (F) - my parents and I and the Yamamotos decided to play a lax version of touch football out at the beach beside my parent’s house. It was a sunny day and we all desired a little fresh air after being indoors for so many days in a row, even if it was freezing outside. Naturally we all bundled up and my dad brought the portable fire pit to keep warm by and to roast marshmallows to make s’mores with! Yum! Amaya was especially excited about that.
I was never the best at touch football, in fact I was getting “clobbered” often by Kai and his dad. I blamed the uneven sand beneath my feet.
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At one point, I had the ball and was about to make one glorious touchdown...
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...when quite unexpectedly Aizen came out of nowhere and snagged the ball from my grasp, but I barely gripped it in time to keep him from taking it completely. A drastic tug of war ensued between us.
“Let go of the ball!” he demanded.
“No, YOU let go!” I glared.
“Cheater!”
“I’M the cheater!? You’re supposed to touch me in order to get the ball, not grab it!”
“That’s not how we’ve always played.”
“Well that’s how MY family has always played!”
“Give it!”
“No!”
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We groaned and grunted for a good two minutes while trying to rip the ball from the other’s death grip. I don’t know why, but all my inner frustrations towards the man came flooding out in my tone and behavior and I could clearly tell his were doing the same. It wasn’t intentional, just unavoidable. The others watched us with wide eyes from the sidelines, unsure of what to do or if they should even try to intervene. I was about ready to just give up the ball and be the bigger person, but in that split second of weakness, Aizen ripped it from my grasp which made me lose my footing and fall flat on my butt. “Ow!” I hissed. Sand is not as soft as it looks.
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Kai and Amaya raced to my side, Kai kneeling before me, both asking if I was alright. As I nodded, Kai looked up at his brother and said, “Geez Aizen, lighten up.”
Amaya then whipped towards her dad and sharply asked, “Why are you always so mean to Malai daddy!?”
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“No Amaya,” I hushed, placing my hand on her arm. “It’s ok. Really.” I wish she hadn’t said it… but I couldn’t blame her for saying it either.
In that moment, Aizen’s arms lowered, as well as his expression, guilt and sorrow projecting in his eyes. I could feel it too.
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Trying to hold back the pri'ckle of intense emotions due to the verbal sucker punch his daughter just gave him, Aizen dropped the ball onto the sand and walked away. It made me feel awful…mostly because I felt guilty too.
As Kai helped me up onto my feet, I watched as Aizen headed towards the water, stopping right at the edge of the beach, and gazed out towards the horizon. He shook his head with that same guilt and sorrow I saw earlier and my heart sank. It was the first time I realized that…he didn’t hate me.
And the truth is...I didn’t hate him.
“I guess now would be a good time to make s’mores,” Hoshi suggested. And that’s exactly what we did.
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While roasting my marshmallow I watched as Mami went over and joined her eldest son at the edge of the beach, calmly chatting with him while affectionately rubbing at his back. I could see some opposition in Aizen’s eyes as he spoke to her in return, but it had to be due to all the inner pain he was always carrying. And Mami seemed to know just how to handle it. I wish I knew what she had said to him.
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Soon Mami came back to join us at the firepit and for the life of me, I could not stop looking over at Aizen. Maybe because I was afraid he’d unhesitatingly walk right into the freezing water and disappear, the very moment I looked away. I just couldn’t…
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I quickly made up a s’more, rose to my feet, and told Kai I would be right back.
Carefully, I approached Aizen, the sound of the sand below my feet giving away my presence. He took one side glance at me, then looked right back out at the water again.
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I inched closer, holding out the s’more - half wrapped in a napkin - to him. “I thought you might like one of these,” I said. It might've been a little peace offering.
Aizen gave me a side glance again, a hint of a smile forming, as he took it from me. “Thanks,” he said.
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Pressing my lips together, but still smiling, I nodded, and turned on my heel to join the others out of respect for his wanting to be alone.
“Wait…”
I immediately turned.
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“I’m…I’m sorry,” he expressed with a look of sincerity I’d never seen on his face before. “Not just for stealing the ball, but…for everything. It was never anything about you…it’s all me.”
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And what about you exactly? I wanted so desperately to ask, but with an appreciative smile I said, “Thank you. I really appreciate that.” I stepped closer.
He nodded. “Despite how it may seem, I’m not a complete je’rk.”
“Complete?” I playfully asked.
There was his rare smile! “As in I don’t intend to be a je’rk, I just…don’t realize, or even recognize, I’m being one sometimes. It's complicated.”
I lightly shrugged. He's had a rough past. I get it. “It’s ok. It happens to all of us.”
He seemed to appreciate that response and dug at the sand with the tip of his shoe, debating within himself it seemed. I waited patiently for him to speak again.
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“I just get really cautious when a new woman comes into Amaya’s life,” he timidly admitted. “Normally they aren’t very nice to her, or are fake towards her, when she expects so much from them…” He lowered his head sorrowfully. “But I know you’re not that way with her.” Then he looked back up at me. “You’re sincere with her. And for that…I thank you. Deeply.”
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Wow.
This was more than I was expecting from him and it made my heart swell with joy. “You’re welcome,” I said through a beaming expression.
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“She’s a sweet girl Aizen; and a really good kid! I’m sorry the other women in your life couldn’t see that…You’ve raised her well in this hard world.”
He huffed slightly in objection. “I have my parents to thank for most of that.” He lowered his head again. “It’s just been really hard since…”
Since your wife died. “Aizen, you don’t have to explain,” I kindly interrupted. “I understand.”
He raised his head with a somewhat questionable expression on his face, like how I would even know the situation, but he shrugged it off.
“What matters is now,” I continued, inching a little closer. “And what you’re doing to make a good life for you and Amaya. It seems like you’re doing pretty well in that department.”
He smiled at me with gratitude. I could get used to seeing more smiles on his face.
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“So,” I changed the subject, gazing out at the ocean with him, “You gonna build the perfect house for you and Amaya someday?”
“Maybe,” he sighed. “When she’s older and can be home by herself. My job can be pretty demanding at times so…she still needs someone to be at home with her until then.”
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I nodded. How hard it must’ve been hitting his pride all these years to have to rely on his aging parents to raise his daughter for him. And it’s not like he wasn’t trying to find another companion apparently; those were totally the women he was alluding to earlier. It broke my heart.
“Hey,” Kai addressed from behind us. We turned. “Everything ok?” He was mainly asking me.
Shooting a quick glance at Aizen, I smiled and replied. “Yep. Everything is fine. We're just enjoying the view.”
Aizen nodded to Kai in agreement.
“Great!” Kai happily exclaimed, taking the two of us into a hug. “Gosh I’m so glad you two worked things out.” We all were.
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From that time forward, things were good between me and Aizen.
That afternoon, about an hour before dinner, the doorbell rang.
Naturally I hurried to answer it, thinking it to be Kai. When I swung the door open and saw who it was though, my jaw dropped in a stunned surprise.
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“Landon!? W-What are you doing here? I thought you were out of town?”
“I am,” he answered solemnly. “Here. I had to see you…”
My heart started pounding. There was something very different about his demeanor and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I prayed nothing was terribly wrong.
“Can we talk?” he asked. “Over at our special place?”
A smile worked its way across my lips. I’d almost forgotten about that place. “Sure.”
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When Landon and I dated back in the day, we got tired of constantly getting interrupted by our friends and parents during our alone time so we set out to find our own place to talk, cuddle, and make-out where no one would ever find us. It was a flat little area in the cove, situated inside the marsh grasses, that somehow never got wet. It provided just enough cover - well, if you were on the ground together. Oh the memories…
Later Landon made a bench in shop class to put there, after we broke up actually. I figured he was taking his male companions out there for the same solitude, which kind of bothered me at the time, but I’m over it now.
“It’s still here,” Landon marveled, as we approached the said bench. “Doesn’t look a day old.” We both brushed the snow off of it before sitting ourselves down.
There was only a moment of the strange and mysterious silence until I couldn’t hold it back any longer. “Landon, what’s wrong? What’s so important that you had to fly all the way out here to see me?”
He rested his arm on the back of the bench behind me and swallowed.
“Are the Magazine Execs pis’sed at me for taking so much time off? Because if they are–”
“No, it’s nothing like that,” he hushed. “I just…I just really needed to see you.”
Ok? “Landon…you always see me. You couldn’t wait a few more days? Save the cost of a roundtrip ticket? I mean we could’ve FaceTimed–”
“No,” he whispered. “No we couldn’t…Not with this.”
My heart pounded again, especially with the way he was looking at me. He hadn’t given me that look since the last time we were here together and I suddenly felt short of breath. “What is it?” I nervously asked.
Landon shifted his weight and rested his hands on his lap before answering. “I don’t mean to alarm you Mai, like I said it’s nothing too serious, it’s just…I’m feeling really conflicted and lost right now,” his voice choked, “and I need to talk to my best friend about it. In person.”
I finally found my breath and nodded, placing my hand on his lap as well. “Tell me.”
He lowered his head, clearly trying to hold back much emotion. “Remember that date I told you about, before you flew out?”
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“Yeah. The one with…Justin? Right?”
“Yeah. We had a decent first date so we decided to spend Christmas day together. Well,” he swallowed again, "that day didn't end very well at all. Turns out he was only hitting me up because of how rich I am…” Then he sighed. "I kind of got that vibe on our first date I just...didn't want to believe it. But it was way more apparent on the second date so..."
My face fell. All the while thinking, Gosh, not again. “Oh Landon,” I sympathized while caressing his leg, “I’m really sorry…” I shook my head. “I don’t understand what it is with these guys…”
“Me neither…”
“Because you are such a great catch! And I don’t say that lightly or because you’re my best friend. You're a wonderful guy, Landon.”
“I guess…”
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His disbelieving response made me feel all the more sad. “You are,” I assured, “it’s their loss. Besides, you don’t want to invest too much time into a relationship where the other person doesn’t truly appreciate you anyway. The right one is always still out there.”
He nodded, his head still lowered. “I know. And you’re right. It just," he somewhat hesitated, "seems like every relationship I’ve had since you Mai has gone terribly wrong. Never sticking.” Then he looked me in the eye. “And I can’t help wondering...if there’s a reason for that…”
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Now I gulped, because the feeling in the air changed right back to where it was originally and my heart started pounding again. I had this deep, pit in my stomach feeling that maybe--
“When you told me you kissed Kai and decided that you wanted to stick around here to see where it might go,” he began with a tremble in his voice and in his hands, “it - it produced all these feelings within me that I haven’t felt in years. Feelings that I thought were long lost. And it terrifies me.” His tearful gaze was so piercing that it tugged at my every emotion, and my tears. “It terrifies me because I suddenly started to question everything about myself,” he continued, his voice choking, "and my sexual preferences. I began to wonder if I’d just been kidding myself pursuing men all these years, when none of those relationships have worked out and maybe that’s because…” His eyes bored into me again, with such deep affection, “there’s still feelings there for you Mai. And I think...I think I’m still in love with you.”
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My heart screeched to halt.
“You’re the one person in my life who’s always been there for me. Never let me down. Always accepted me for exactly who I am and loves me, for who I am. Well, aside from my mom. No one else, Mai. It feels like it was such a mistake letting you go.”
Still in shock, I closed my eyes, making the tears escape. Hating this moment, but…at the same time...
“Landon,” I whispered, opening my wet eyes. “I really wish I could’ve heard this from you years ago. So why do you have to say it to me now?” I sniffed. “Of all times?”
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“Mai,” he stopped to take my hand, “I - I just couldn’t let you go into the arms of the man who could very well be your future without telling you how I feel.”
I understood, but couldn't help saying, “Well it’s too late!”
“No…,” he softly corrected, lifting my chin and leaning in, coaxing me with his breath.
“Yes it is…,” I whispered, just before his lips touched mine. I tried not to kiss him back, I really did. But…
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You know how in the movies when something super wonderful happens and then it gets terribly interrupted by something else that rings in that ever familiar record scratch sound? Well, I swear I heard that sound in the middle of mine and Landon's kiss and…I think he heard it too…
Because that kiss didn’t feel good - or right - at all. And suddenly things felt horribly, horribly awkward between us, like some massive realization set in. I can’t even adequately describe it. It was just, sad to say, bad.
Landon lowered his head while a slight grimace took hold of my mouth. “Wow,” he said, then cleared his throat. “Well that wasn’t as earth shattering as I was expecting it to be…” The color had practically drained from his face.
“Yeeeeah,” I kinda hated to admit for his sake, but…
“Guess we really are just friends aren't we? Who love each other like friends...,” he ended with a head shake. “Gosh I feel like such an idiot!” he belted through a depressed sigh, burying his face into the palms of his hands.
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“No,” I consoled, putting my arm around him and pressing my cheek against the top of his head. “You’re not Landon. You’re just heartbroken…and that causes all of us to feel lost and confused. Not knowing what to believe anymore. It’s normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I’m just sorry I can't make it all better for you.”
“It’s ok Mai…”
I still felt bad though.
“I think," he spoke after a couple of minutes of silence while composing himself, "I need to do some soul searching for a while. Put dating on hold and take some time to just focus on myself."
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“Yeah,” I agreed, caressing his back. “I think that’s a great idea. Definitely take some time for yourself and figure things out. I know you will. You'll get through this. And no matter what, I’ll still always be here for you Landon,” I sniffed, getting emotional again. “And I’ll always support you in everything you do.”
“I’ve never felt anything less from you,” he said with a sniff also.
I smiled.
“Thank you Mai. I needed this. And I really do love you...friend,” he chuckled a little.
I did as well. “I love you too buddy. Best friends forever.”
I walked with Landon to his childhood home and it was nice to see his mother again. She asked if I'd join them for dinner and I accepted. I called my mom to let her know where I was at, and then I texted Kai informing him that I was hanging out with a friend (cause he asked me in a text where I had “mysteriously disappeared" to. It was cute.) The three of us had a wonderful time catching up over dinner and then I bid them both goodbye around 8pm. Landon was flying back to New York in the morning. The job required it.
Was I going to tell Kai about Landon kissing me? No. It wasn’t necessary; literally nothing. I was just helping out a dear friend through an emotional crisis and for Landon’s privacy, I wasn’t going to bring it up. Unless the situation called for it. And if that situation ever came, I knew Kai would be understanding about it. Because he’s a therapist, and he’s wonderful.
<3
Hope y'all enjoyed. :)
