My "Three Kings" of Christmas
Hey everyone! 😀 🎄 MERRY CHRISTMAS! 🎄 I am SO excited to share my 2022 Christmas story with y'all this year. 😊 I've been working tirelessly on it since October and it has been a real joy. It...
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Thank you @KevinL5275 ? It was getting a little rough over here for a bit. :grimace:
But anyway, the power is back on tonight baby! :star: And now I can post the next Chapter! :mrgreen:
Y'all ready for this ride? :smirk: I hope it doesn't fall into the category of being "too serious" for a Christmas story, but...it's fine. I worry too much. ;) I've polished up this chapter I dunno how many times and I'm hoping that I did it right. ??
Enjoy! <3
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Chapter 8
I didn’t know how to feel.
I was beginning to feel just as lost and confused in my love life as Landon was.
Dinner that night with Kai felt nothing but awkward, well, at least on my end anyway. I hated it. And I kept telling myself to snap out of it. Nothing happened between me and Aizen. We didn’t kiss, though it sure seemed like Aizen was about to when we were on the snowy ground together there, with his warm breath beating down on my neck and the sensual huskiness in his voice. And the most gut wrenching part of it was…I wanted him to kiss me. My soul was hungering for it. But why? Things were going so well between me and Kai. There was no reason for my heart to so swiftly pull away from him and reach for Aizen. But it did…and it was.
I just didn’t understand it and I was struggling desperately to figure it out.
When Kai and I kissed goodnight on the same porch we shared our very first kiss, I couldn’t feel the same desire for him or passion in our kisses like I did before. The ever melodious tune in our kisses fell…flat. Sadly. And it was breaking my heart.
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There were a couple of times when he asked if I was feeling alright - the second being during our parting kiss - and I just assured him I was, chalking it up to feeling tired after a long, cold day. Which wasn’t entirely untrue.
At bedtime I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at one of the knobs on my dresser, lost in heart-aching confusion. I really thought I had a promising future with Kai, was happily planning for it, and then clear out of left field Aizen swoops in, practically sharing his feelings for me, and creating a massive detour in the road towards my future.
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“Why?” I groaned again, boring my fingers into my temples. “You don’t even really like Aizen…”
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However, after I said it, my heart produced feelings quite to the contrary. Aizen’s rude and standoffish attitude before was such a turn off that never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine developing any feelings for him. (You remember!) But now that this other side of him had resurfaced, perhaps because of me, the man I truly hoped he was underneath all that grief and sorrow was real. And in the background of all our moments together was his sweet daughter, who poured out such loving kindness towards me the moment we met that I couldn’t not give her the same kindness in return. In fact…I was beginning to love her.
Almost to the point that I wanted to be her mommy, and fill that terrible void in her life.
I lifted my head as I began to realize…
The love that had developed towards Amaya is what sparked these feelings within my heart for her father; aside from witnessing such a wonderful change in him lately. And I couldn't disregard how extremely attractive he is! The more I thought about him the more I found myself falling…
My frown turned upwards into a bright smile thinking about the possible future the three of us could have together. My heart fluttered in excitement over it. And I could see, and feel, nothing but love and happiness in it. That said something to me.
I had to tell Kai how I was feeling…
I wasn’t sure how he was going to take it. But he deserved to know.
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The next morning, Kai came over to my house with a breakfast basket for two. Gosh he was so sweet. It made what I needed to share with him all the more difficult to do, and I was struggling to hold back my emotions enough as it was.
We ate privately in the living room, the coffee table as our dining table, and made small talk. It was nice, but I ate slowly due to my stomach being all tied up in knots. When we finished the meal, Kai tucked the basket away and then rested his elbows on his leg, weaving his fingers together.
“So,” he said with his cute smile. “I was thinking about how New Year's Eve is almost here and…we’ve got a lot to discuss before we both have to go back home.”
“YES!” I practically blew out. My eyes closed for a moment, then I opened them with a swallow. “Yes, we certainly do, but…,” I paused, my stomach tightening, “I need to tell you something first…”
I’ll never forget the look on his face. No one likes to hear those words. “Ok,” he simply said, leaning back into the couch, instinctively taking the therapist's position, and giving me his full attention, which made what I was about to do all the more unnerving. I had to stand up.
In the clearest and most sensitive way possible I shared everything with him. My feelings and what almost happened between me and Aizen; being completely honest about it all.
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And I stressed that there was nothing he - Kai - did to make my feelings sway. I truly wanted him to know that. Because he’d been nothing but wonderful. I started to cry.
When I finished, Kai slowly released a sorrowful breath as he stood from the couch and approached me, struggling to meet my gaze. I felt so bad.
“I’m so sorry Kai,” I expressed with tears escaping my eyes. “I didn’t mean for this to happen…”
He nodded. “I know…and it’s ok,” he paused, blinking at me a couple of times, “I understand.”
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He scratched at a spot behind his ear before continuing. “I've had this lingering feeling that this might happen…it wasn’t hard to see how close you and Amaya have become. It’s warmed my heart to see, so I can only imagine how much it’s warmed Aizen’s…and how much that would produce affections in his heart for you.”
“Kai,” I breathed, “really…you don’t have to be so graceful about this…”
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“I know,” he said again, looking down for a moment. “And I’d be lying if I said I’m not sad…or disappointed…”
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I nodded with a tearful sniff.
“But,” he raised his head, “I know the hell my brother’s been through and because of that…he deserves a good woman like you. Someone who truly loves his daughter and makes him happy. It’s great to know that he’s opened up his heart again. I haven’t seen him this happy since his wife left.”
Wait...what? I thought.
Did I hear that right? Suddenly everything in the room felt like it was closing in on me and my heart plummeted down to my stomach. “His wife left him?” I asked with a furrowed brow.
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Now it was Kai who looked surprised. “Oh-,” he stammered for a moment, clearly feeling some guilt. “He didn’t tell you?”
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My heart started pounding. “No. Amaya told me her mother died…”
Closing his lips tightly together for a second, Kai looked away and opened them up just enough to mumble, “So that’s what he’s decided to tell her…”
I thought my heart was going to go into cardiac arrest. That didn’t sound good at ALL! “What do you mean by that? What happened!?”
Kai immediately shook his head. “That’s something you best ask Aizen about. It’s not my place.”
Oh my gosh…, I thought as my breaths started to increase, my eyes darting every which way around the room in impending panic; my emotions scrambling about. Suddenly my initial impression of Aizen and all my fears about him came flooding back, consuming my mind. Making me deny everything I was feeling for him.
I felt so deceived.
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“I have to go,” I swiftly declared and headed for the door.
But Kai stopped me by taking my arm. “Approach it carefully,” he cautioned me. “In fact I would wait until you’ve had a chance to relax and think things through before–”
“There’s no time for that,” I countered, jerking my arm out of his grasp. “I’m going to find Aizen.”
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“Malai, wait!”
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Kai followed me the whole 200 feet from my parents door to his parents door, quickly giving me some sage advice on how to approach Aizen from all his counseling experience.
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I think I picked up only about 10% of it. I was too emotionally charged. I couldn’t believe it…my heart just couldn’t believe it…yet I had to know the truth. But at the same time I was terrified to learn it.
Regardless of my emotions I still had a level head on my shoulders when we entered the Yamamoto home. Kai tenderly patted my back in support of my decision before retreating upstairs. Little did I know that once he got up there he was texting Aizen to inform him about our breakup. Guess he figured it would be helpful.
“Is that you Uncle Kai?” I heard Amaya ask from the living room, her little footsteps coming towards me. “Did you bring - MALAI!” she joyfully cried, running to me and throwing her arms around my waist.
Oh Amaya, I thought as I held her tightly, my heart clenching. Dear sweet and innocent Amaya. I hated to think about how whatever might happen between me and Aizen would affect her. It made my soul ache all the more. I had to fight back the tears as we broke our embrace. “How come you always make me feel so special?” I asked her.
“Because you are,” she simply answered. “And we’re buddies, remember?”
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I smiled, my heart clenching again. “Yeah. We are.” I stroked her hair and added, “And always will be.”
“Even after you leave?” she asked with sadness in her eyes.
I nodded. “Yeah. I promise.” And there was nothing in the world that would ever make me break that promise, not even her father. “Where’s your dad?”
“He went to the park across the street, said he needed some fresh air. Which I dunno why because it’s freezing outside!” The way she said it was so cute.
“I think I’ll go join him.”
“I’ll go with you!”
“No!” I stopped her, then quickly changed my tone. “I mean…I need to talk to him in private, sweetie. Okay?”
“Ok…”
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It wasn’t hard to find Aizen at the park, it was pretty open. He was looking out over the frozen pond, near one of the benches. I figured he was taking in one last breath of fresh air before leaving. The short distance I walked to reach him felt like a mile long. I was still feeling so nervous about approaching him, but I had to know. I had to know everything.
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Hearing my footsteps, he turned abruptly in alarm, but his eyes lit up with a smile seeing that it was me. “Hey,” he greeted me with such fondness.
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The dimple I never saw on his cheek before was flashing brightly and oh gosh how sexy it made him look, but I pushed the thought aside.
“Hey,” I greeted back, trying to smile, as we slowly approached each other.
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We exchanged glances in silence for a few seconds, wondering who would speak first. Aizen did.
“I was beginning to wonder if I would ever see you again.”
A lump already started to form in my throat. “Oh? Why is that?”
He inched closer. “Well…I feared I might’ve scared you off after what I said at the Festival and,” he paused to pull his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and held it up, “I just got off the phone with Kai.”
Oh no…
“He told me you two decided to part ways. I’m sorry to hear that,” he sincerely expressed.
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Whew… I thought, closing my eyes in relief. When I opened them, I found Aizen giving me an inquiring look. My breath halted.
“I’m also curious as to why,” he continued. “You two seemed pretty serious.”
Ugh, I couldn’t have this moment get any more complicated. I lightly shrugged. “We just weren’t sure if dating long distance was going to work,” I lied. “We’re both pretty set in stone with our jobs where we live and…we can both get pretty busy.”
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Aizen gave me a look like he didn’t believe me. “Somehow I think you two would’ve made it work.”
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I shrugged again, my heart speeding up. I didn’t know what else to say.
However, he inched closer to me and said, "Or is it because...you have the same feelings for me?"
I closed my eyes again. Yeah. Maybe…, I thought; almost said. Next thing I knew he was stroking my hair. So gently; the tips of his fingers grazing my cheek.
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Oh how I could’ve melted right into his arms, or a kiss, but I couldn’t hold myself back any longer.
“Aizen, why haven’t you told me about your wife? And what happened between you two?”
Instantly, Aizen’s expression hardened. Clearly recognizing that someone - most likely Kai - revealed to me his biggest secret and I could see the fire starting in his eyes.
“I didn’t feel it necessary,” he tried to brush off, stepping back from me a bit. “It was a long time ago.”
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“Look, I know it's a sensitive subject,” I started with a shiver in my voice, “but I just want to know what happened.”
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“What do you think happened?” he sharply asked.
Uh? Why the hey was he asking me that? With my hands spread apart, I replied, “I dunno Aizen, that’s why I’m asking you.”
“You think it was all my fault don’t you?” He folded his arms, back on the defensive.
“What!?”
“You have that look on your face like you’re convinced that whatever happened was all MY fault!”
Ok…maybe I was assuming that.
“Assuming…,” he continued, as if hearing my thoughts, “just like any typical feminist would…”
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Now THAT made my gasket blow. “Excuse me!?” I spat back at him. “Let’s get one thing straight, mister,” I waggled a finger at him...
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“I am NOT a feminist! I am a strong, independent woman in my life right now, yes, who worked her tail off to get where she’s at in her career, but that doesn’t make me a feminist! I recognize the need for a man in my life; I WANT a man in my life!” I emphasized by holding a hand to my heart. “Have you not been able to see that this past week? Now who’s making assumptions?”
Aizen looked away guiltily. And as he should! That was a real jerky thing for him to say, to put it mildly. And it hurt.
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But even so, my heart still yearned for him, desperately longing to know the truth. “I just want to know what happened...,” I tenderly repeated. “Because I’m hearing two different stories from Amaya and Kai.”
Aizen heaved a sigh while pinching the bridge of his nose, realizing that I knew more than he ever realized and it produced another guilty blow. There was no turning back now. No more hiding. “Have you ever thought that it’s something I’d sooner forget? Spare my daughter the pain from the ugly truth?”
No, maybe I hadn't. Until now. “Aizen,” I lovingly addressed this time, stepping closer to him while swallowing, “whatever happened…you can tell me.” I hoped he trusted me.
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Dropping his hand down to his waist, he rested the other on his hip and shook his head. “Well contrary to popular belief…,” he paused with a huff.
“Aizen…”
“...The woman was at fault in this case.” Then his tone softened a little. “Though I’m not so proud as to not admit that it was the direct result of one of my faults…”
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My brow narrowed as I arched my head, encouraging him to go on.
It took him a moment, but eventually he spoke.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life Malai, most of them when I was in college,” he began. “I partied, I drank, I did drugs, I got tattoos,” he stopped to point at his arm, “and I slept around. Basically everything I was ever told not to do, I did - once I was on my own. And it’s painfully true what they always told me, ‘bad choices lead to bad consequences.’ I just didn’t want to believe it. Or thought I was smart enough to prevent it. Because I was an adult, and I wanted to do whatever I wanted to do.”
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With a nod I held his gaze, already knowing where this was going. Or so I thought.
“In the dorm where I was living there was this girl…Keisha.” He stopped, a name that was obviously painful for him to utter. I instantly remembered it being the name Amaya told me was her mother’s name. “She came from a pretty awful and impoverished background and wasn’t a college student. She just hung out with the college kids. When a few folks in the dorm found out she was living on the streets, they invited her to live in the dorm with them. Thankfully the college never found out…But anyway, she was hot and cool. One of the girls all the guys wanted. We found ourselves in the same social circles and often going to the same parties. We macked on each other a few times for fun, nothing serious. And then one night at a rave party we got crazy drunk and high and…need I say more?”
I shook my head.
“After that,” he shrugged, “I saw her maybe three or four times while hanging out with friends and then she just…disappeared.”
My brow narrowed.
“It had us all worried because we weren’t sure if the college found out about her living in the dorms and called the cops, or if she decided to live in a homeless shelter, or if she was dead…none of us knew. She didn’t have a cell phone.”
I inhaled a breath and folded my arms as I continued to listen, my body remembering the cold outside, but my mind had long forgotten it.
“Anyway, we all just moved on with life. Summer passed and the next year rolled around. I decided I was going to try and get my life in order so I could better pursue a degree. I even started dating a really nice girl, unlike any of the girls I had previously dated.”
Well that’s good, I thought.
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“Then one day, out of the blue while I was driving to work, I got a phone call and it was Keisha. I have no idea how she got my number, but that aside she was crying and pleading for me to come to the hospital because,” he drew in a breath, “she was in labor, and scared, and didn’t have anyone there with her so she called me.”
My eyes widened.
“I didn’t want to be rude, but I was like, ‘Why me?’ I hadn’t seen her in months. And then she told me something that would forever change my life: ‘The baby is yours…,’" he paused. "And she continued to cry and beg me to come over and be with her.”
My chest tightened.
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“I-I didn’t know what to do…,” he stumbled, hands spread apart and his eyes darting around in the same panic he experienced in that moment all those years ago. “All I knew was…there was a girl in the hospital who was having my baby and…I needed to be there. I didn’t have time to think about anything else. So I turned the car around and headed straight for the hospital, missing work obviously. They actually fired me for it later, but that doesn’t matter,” he dismissed with his hand.
I held my hand up to my lips and gripped them. I could hardly believe what I was hearing.
“I made it to the hospital seconds before Amaya was born. Keisha lost a lot of blood and it got pretty serious there for a bit. When she regained consciousness we reconnected a little, came up with a name for our baby, and tried to figure out what we were gonna do next. She was still homeless and I was still in college. Everything happened so quickly…,” he trailed off, staring at a tree behind me in a trance-like state. “I asked that a DNA test be done to confirm that Amaya was my child and of course, yes, she is.”
I nodded.
“So at that point my parents greatly encouraged me to do the right thing and marry Keisha…that would get her off the streets and we could be a proper family. I mean, it really was the right thing to do. I kept telling myself it’s what a good man would do in that situation. And I wanted to be a good man.” It warmed my heart to hear him say it. “Even though Keisha and I didn’t love each other, let alone know each other, we did it for Amaya’s sake. She was an innocent little victim in all this.”
I nodded again.
“And so that’s what we did. We had a lame marriage ceremony at city hall and tried to make a life for ourselves. I dropped out of college and got a job - that’s how I got started in construction - since Keisha didn’t have any job experience and…refused to work anyway,” he muttered with an eye-roll. “She ended up being a lot more selfish and stubborn than I remembered and…we fought all the time. I was barely holding it all together. But,” he swallowed, “I really tried to make it work…because I needed to accept the consequences of my actions.”
My face fell again.
He drew in a breath before continuing. “We were married a little over 3 months, until one morning I woke up to Amaya crying and Keisha wasn’t in bed next to me.” I noticed his emotions begin to heighten. “In fact she wasn’t anywhere in the house…or outside of it. Our car was gone…and so was our emergency money.”
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My eyes widened at the revelation and my mouth gradually fell open. No…
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“I called her cell phone, she didn’t answer. I called again and again and again and there was never an answer. I even called some of our friends to see if she was with any of them. Nope. It didn’t take long for me to realize that she had enough of me, and being a mom, so…she left…just like she did before. Disappearing without a trace. And I’m not kidding,” he stressed, “she left no trace. The cops were never able to find her. No one ever found her…”
Oh…my…gosh…,” I thought, flabbergasted. I guess in a way she is dead.
“I was furious!” he hissed, stepping closer to me with his nostrils flaring and tears forming in his eyes. “And heartbroken! Not just because she selfishly abandoned me and Amaya, but because she took away my LIFE! I sacrificed EVERYTHING for her and that’s how she decided to show her appreciation!?”
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I lowered my eyes from his fiery gaze, my heart breaking just hearing about it. He certainly had every right to be angry.
“So there I had this newborn baby that I had to raise ALL by myself, when I’d barely been around to learn how to take care of her anyway and…I lost it,” he choked, his tone lowering. “I was alone and frightened and…I couldn’t move. I could hardly think. All I could do was cry. I felt so betrayed; thrown out like garbage. All for doing the right thing. My life ended that day.”
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I licked away the tears that rolled down my cheeks and onto my lips. I just couldn’t imagine.
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“My parents had to come and get us and take us home to live with them. And they took care of Amaya because…my brain had literally shut down, becoming catatonic. So I was committed to a psychiatric hospital for a couple of weeks. The psych Doc there put me on some medication and deemed me fit to return home. I still wasn’t able to go back to work until 7 months later and even then I still struggled to stay on my feet every day. Some days I still do. And I’ve tried to get my life back, tried to find another woman to share my life with and to be a mother to Amaya. But every time they learned about her and all the 'baggage' that comes with that, they ran. Just like Keisha did…”
More tears fell from my eyes.
“She not only took away my life, she scarred me for life. And all the women after her have left scars too. And it hasn’t been very easy to heal from. So forgive me Malai for struggling to fully trust women…,” he concluded.
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Sniffing, and not bothering to wipe the tears away, I tried to figure out how to properly respond to all of that. I really had no words…
“I’m sorry all that happened to you Aizen," I finally spoke. "What Keisha did to you, and Amaya, was horrible and inexcusable and I am truly, truly sorry.”
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I hoped he could feel the genuineness in my condolence because I couldn’t read much in his facial expression through the tears in my eyes and the falling snow. He only nodded.
“But I’m not that kind of woman.”
“I know you’re not,” he somewhat interrupted, his gaze shifting.
“Then why do I still feel some reservation from you?”
He struggled to answer, clearly not wishing to hurt me, but not wanting to be dishonest either.
But I already knew. “Because you don’t fully trust me either."
The way I said it made his face fall all the more. “I - I want to…,” he choked in his answer. “I’m trying to,” he added with tears glistening in his eyes.
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Curling my upper lip between my teeth I emotionally nodded in acceptance, so horribly conflicted as to how to feel about that response, even though he bore his entire awful story to me. I knew it all now; everything. Why he is the way he is. So I should’ve been more understanding, but all I could feel in that moment was a dagger being thrust into my heart. All my hopes shattered.
“Well you can trust me,” I declared, with all the feeling left in my heart. “and if you can’t ever believe that…then this,” I gestured back and forth between us, “is never going to work.” Then my lip quivered and shoulders shook as I sobbed all the more while adding, “No matter how much I love Amaya…”
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Through blurred vision, I watched as Aizen’s eyes widened in surprise, piercing me with his gaze as if he had no idea. Maybe he really didn’t. “Malai…,” he whispered, stepping closer to me.
But I pulled away. I couldn’t look at him anymore. It had been such a depressing day and I couldn’t take any more. My world had caved in on me and I was finding it difficult to breathe; and think. “This was a mistake,” I sobbed. “All of this was a mistake.” Every decision I made that Christmas felt in vain and I wanted it to be over. “I’m going home to New York in the morning…”
Aizen’s shoulders fell abruptly at my numbing declaration, his eyes imploring me not to go, but I couldn’t recognize it in the emotional state I was in.
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“I’m sorry Aizen…Goodbye…”
I turned away from him with my wrist held below my nose, trying not to burst out in an ugly cry, as I headed for home.
I was kinda hoping he would’ve run after me, to say something. Anything.
But he didn’t.
And I guess I knew why.
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A/N: I know it's not a Christmas song, but I could totally picture this song beginning to play as Malai tearfully walks away from Aizen.
(If this were a movie. :lol: )
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfgJQUiQFes
Speaking of songs...listening to this one in particular helped me put a lot more feeling into writing out Aizen's sad story. It's another goodie that's not a Christmas song. :p
Guess the Final Chapter will be coming either later today (Christmas Eve) or later on Christmas day. We shall see. :mrgreen:
But anyway, the power is back on tonight baby! :star: And now I can post the next Chapter! :mrgreen:
Y'all ready for this ride? :smirk: I hope it doesn't fall into the category of being "too serious" for a Christmas story, but...it's fine. I worry too much. ;) I've polished up this chapter I dunno how many times and I'm hoping that I did it right. ??
Enjoy! <3
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Chapter 8
I didn’t know how to feel.
I was beginning to feel just as lost and confused in my love life as Landon was.
Dinner that night with Kai felt nothing but awkward, well, at least on my end anyway. I hated it. And I kept telling myself to snap out of it. Nothing happened between me and Aizen. We didn’t kiss, though it sure seemed like Aizen was about to when we were on the snowy ground together there, with his warm breath beating down on my neck and the sensual huskiness in his voice. And the most gut wrenching part of it was…I wanted him to kiss me. My soul was hungering for it. But why? Things were going so well between me and Kai. There was no reason for my heart to so swiftly pull away from him and reach for Aizen. But it did…and it was.
I just didn’t understand it and I was struggling desperately to figure it out.
When Kai and I kissed goodnight on the same porch we shared our very first kiss, I couldn’t feel the same desire for him or passion in our kisses like I did before. The ever melodious tune in our kisses fell…flat. Sadly. And it was breaking my heart.
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There were a couple of times when he asked if I was feeling alright - the second being during our parting kiss - and I just assured him I was, chalking it up to feeling tired after a long, cold day. Which wasn’t entirely untrue.
At bedtime I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at one of the knobs on my dresser, lost in heart-aching confusion. I really thought I had a promising future with Kai, was happily planning for it, and then clear out of left field Aizen swoops in, practically sharing his feelings for me, and creating a massive detour in the road towards my future.
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“Why?” I groaned again, boring my fingers into my temples. “You don’t even really like Aizen…”
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However, after I said it, my heart produced feelings quite to the contrary. Aizen’s rude and standoffish attitude before was such a turn off that never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine developing any feelings for him. (You remember!) But now that this other side of him had resurfaced, perhaps because of me, the man I truly hoped he was underneath all that grief and sorrow was real. And in the background of all our moments together was his sweet daughter, who poured out such loving kindness towards me the moment we met that I couldn’t not give her the same kindness in return. In fact…I was beginning to love her.
Almost to the point that I wanted to be her mommy, and fill that terrible void in her life.
I lifted my head as I began to realize…
The love that had developed towards Amaya is what sparked these feelings within my heart for her father; aside from witnessing such a wonderful change in him lately. And I couldn't disregard how extremely attractive he is! The more I thought about him the more I found myself falling…
My frown turned upwards into a bright smile thinking about the possible future the three of us could have together. My heart fluttered in excitement over it. And I could see, and feel, nothing but love and happiness in it. That said something to me.
I had to tell Kai how I was feeling…
I wasn’t sure how he was going to take it. But he deserved to know.
The next morning, Kai came over to my house with a breakfast basket for two. Gosh he was so sweet. It made what I needed to share with him all the more difficult to do, and I was struggling to hold back my emotions enough as it was.
We ate privately in the living room, the coffee table as our dining table, and made small talk. It was nice, but I ate slowly due to my stomach being all tied up in knots. When we finished the meal, Kai tucked the basket away and then rested his elbows on his leg, weaving his fingers together.
“So,” he said with his cute smile. “I was thinking about how New Year's Eve is almost here and…we’ve got a lot to discuss before we both have to go back home.”
“YES!” I practically blew out. My eyes closed for a moment, then I opened them with a swallow. “Yes, we certainly do, but…,” I paused, my stomach tightening, “I need to tell you something first…”
I’ll never forget the look on his face. No one likes to hear those words. “Ok,” he simply said, leaning back into the couch, instinctively taking the therapist's position, and giving me his full attention, which made what I was about to do all the more unnerving. I had to stand up.
In the clearest and most sensitive way possible I shared everything with him. My feelings and what almost happened between me and Aizen; being completely honest about it all.
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And I stressed that there was nothing he - Kai - did to make my feelings sway. I truly wanted him to know that. Because he’d been nothing but wonderful. I started to cry.
When I finished, Kai slowly released a sorrowful breath as he stood from the couch and approached me, struggling to meet my gaze. I felt so bad.
“I’m so sorry Kai,” I expressed with tears escaping my eyes. “I didn’t mean for this to happen…”
He nodded. “I know…and it’s ok,” he paused, blinking at me a couple of times, “I understand.”
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He scratched at a spot behind his ear before continuing. “I've had this lingering feeling that this might happen…it wasn’t hard to see how close you and Amaya have become. It’s warmed my heart to see, so I can only imagine how much it’s warmed Aizen’s…and how much that would produce affections in his heart for you.”
“Kai,” I breathed, “really…you don’t have to be so graceful about this…”
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“I know,” he said again, looking down for a moment. “And I’d be lying if I said I’m not sad…or disappointed…”
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I nodded with a tearful sniff.
“But,” he raised his head, “I know the hell my brother’s been through and because of that…he deserves a good woman like you. Someone who truly loves his daughter and makes him happy. It’s great to know that he’s opened up his heart again. I haven’t seen him this happy since his wife left.”
Wait...what? I thought.
Did I hear that right? Suddenly everything in the room felt like it was closing in on me and my heart plummeted down to my stomach. “His wife left him?” I asked with a furrowed brow.
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Now it was Kai who looked surprised. “Oh-,” he stammered for a moment, clearly feeling some guilt. “He didn’t tell you?”
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My heart started pounding. “No. Amaya told me her mother died…”
Closing his lips tightly together for a second, Kai looked away and opened them up just enough to mumble, “So that’s what he’s decided to tell her…”
I thought my heart was going to go into cardiac arrest. That didn’t sound good at ALL! “What do you mean by that? What happened!?”
Kai immediately shook his head. “That’s something you best ask Aizen about. It’s not my place.”
Oh my gosh…, I thought as my breaths started to increase, my eyes darting every which way around the room in impending panic; my emotions scrambling about. Suddenly my initial impression of Aizen and all my fears about him came flooding back, consuming my mind. Making me deny everything I was feeling for him.
I felt so deceived.
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“I have to go,” I swiftly declared and headed for the door.
But Kai stopped me by taking my arm. “Approach it carefully,” he cautioned me. “In fact I would wait until you’ve had a chance to relax and think things through before–”
“There’s no time for that,” I countered, jerking my arm out of his grasp. “I’m going to find Aizen.”
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“Malai, wait!”
Kai followed me the whole 200 feet from my parents door to his parents door, quickly giving me some sage advice on how to approach Aizen from all his counseling experience.
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I think I picked up only about 10% of it. I was too emotionally charged. I couldn’t believe it…my heart just couldn’t believe it…yet I had to know the truth. But at the same time I was terrified to learn it.
Regardless of my emotions I still had a level head on my shoulders when we entered the Yamamoto home. Kai tenderly patted my back in support of my decision before retreating upstairs. Little did I know that once he got up there he was texting Aizen to inform him about our breakup. Guess he figured it would be helpful.
“Is that you Uncle Kai?” I heard Amaya ask from the living room, her little footsteps coming towards me. “Did you bring - MALAI!” she joyfully cried, running to me and throwing her arms around my waist.
Oh Amaya, I thought as I held her tightly, my heart clenching. Dear sweet and innocent Amaya. I hated to think about how whatever might happen between me and Aizen would affect her. It made my soul ache all the more. I had to fight back the tears as we broke our embrace. “How come you always make me feel so special?” I asked her.
“Because you are,” she simply answered. “And we’re buddies, remember?”
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I smiled, my heart clenching again. “Yeah. We are.” I stroked her hair and added, “And always will be.”
“Even after you leave?” she asked with sadness in her eyes.
I nodded. “Yeah. I promise.” And there was nothing in the world that would ever make me break that promise, not even her father. “Where’s your dad?”
“He went to the park across the street, said he needed some fresh air. Which I dunno why because it’s freezing outside!” The way she said it was so cute.
“I think I’ll go join him.”
“I’ll go with you!”
“No!” I stopped her, then quickly changed my tone. “I mean…I need to talk to him in private, sweetie. Okay?”
“Ok…”
It wasn’t hard to find Aizen at the park, it was pretty open. He was looking out over the frozen pond, near one of the benches. I figured he was taking in one last breath of fresh air before leaving. The short distance I walked to reach him felt like a mile long. I was still feeling so nervous about approaching him, but I had to know. I had to know everything.
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Hearing my footsteps, he turned abruptly in alarm, but his eyes lit up with a smile seeing that it was me. “Hey,” he greeted me with such fondness.
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The dimple I never saw on his cheek before was flashing brightly and oh gosh how sexy it made him look, but I pushed the thought aside.
“Hey,” I greeted back, trying to smile, as we slowly approached each other.
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We exchanged glances in silence for a few seconds, wondering who would speak first. Aizen did.
“I was beginning to wonder if I would ever see you again.”
A lump already started to form in my throat. “Oh? Why is that?”
He inched closer. “Well…I feared I might’ve scared you off after what I said at the Festival and,” he paused to pull his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and held it up, “I just got off the phone with Kai.”
Oh no…
“He told me you two decided to part ways. I’m sorry to hear that,” he sincerely expressed.
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Whew… I thought, closing my eyes in relief. When I opened them, I found Aizen giving me an inquiring look. My breath halted.
“I’m also curious as to why,” he continued. “You two seemed pretty serious.”
Ugh, I couldn’t have this moment get any more complicated. I lightly shrugged. “We just weren’t sure if dating long distance was going to work,” I lied. “We’re both pretty set in stone with our jobs where we live and…we can both get pretty busy.”
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Aizen gave me a look like he didn’t believe me. “Somehow I think you two would’ve made it work.”
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I shrugged again, my heart speeding up. I didn’t know what else to say.
However, he inched closer to me and said, "Or is it because...you have the same feelings for me?"
I closed my eyes again. Yeah. Maybe…, I thought; almost said. Next thing I knew he was stroking my hair. So gently; the tips of his fingers grazing my cheek.
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Oh how I could’ve melted right into his arms, or a kiss, but I couldn’t hold myself back any longer.
“Aizen, why haven’t you told me about your wife? And what happened between you two?”
Instantly, Aizen’s expression hardened. Clearly recognizing that someone - most likely Kai - revealed to me his biggest secret and I could see the fire starting in his eyes.
“I didn’t feel it necessary,” he tried to brush off, stepping back from me a bit. “It was a long time ago.”
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“Look, I know it's a sensitive subject,” I started with a shiver in my voice, “but I just want to know what happened.”
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“What do you think happened?” he sharply asked.
Uh? Why the hey was he asking me that? With my hands spread apart, I replied, “I dunno Aizen, that’s why I’m asking you.”
“You think it was all my fault don’t you?” He folded his arms, back on the defensive.
“What!?”
“You have that look on your face like you’re convinced that whatever happened was all MY fault!”
Ok…maybe I was assuming that.
“Assuming…,” he continued, as if hearing my thoughts, “just like any typical feminist would…”
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Now THAT made my gasket blow. “Excuse me!?” I spat back at him. “Let’s get one thing straight, mister,” I waggled a finger at him...
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“I am NOT a feminist! I am a strong, independent woman in my life right now, yes, who worked her tail off to get where she’s at in her career, but that doesn’t make me a feminist! I recognize the need for a man in my life; I WANT a man in my life!” I emphasized by holding a hand to my heart. “Have you not been able to see that this past week? Now who’s making assumptions?”
Aizen looked away guiltily. And as he should! That was a real jerky thing for him to say, to put it mildly. And it hurt.
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But even so, my heart still yearned for him, desperately longing to know the truth. “I just want to know what happened...,” I tenderly repeated. “Because I’m hearing two different stories from Amaya and Kai.”
Aizen heaved a sigh while pinching the bridge of his nose, realizing that I knew more than he ever realized and it produced another guilty blow. There was no turning back now. No more hiding. “Have you ever thought that it’s something I’d sooner forget? Spare my daughter the pain from the ugly truth?”
No, maybe I hadn't. Until now. “Aizen,” I lovingly addressed this time, stepping closer to him while swallowing, “whatever happened…you can tell me.” I hoped he trusted me.
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Dropping his hand down to his waist, he rested the other on his hip and shook his head. “Well contrary to popular belief…,” he paused with a huff.
“Aizen…”
“...The woman was at fault in this case.” Then his tone softened a little. “Though I’m not so proud as to not admit that it was the direct result of one of my faults…”
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My brow narrowed as I arched my head, encouraging him to go on.
It took him a moment, but eventually he spoke.
“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life Malai, most of them when I was in college,” he began. “I partied, I drank, I did drugs, I got tattoos,” he stopped to point at his arm, “and I slept around. Basically everything I was ever told not to do, I did - once I was on my own. And it’s painfully true what they always told me, ‘bad choices lead to bad consequences.’ I just didn’t want to believe it. Or thought I was smart enough to prevent it. Because I was an adult, and I wanted to do whatever I wanted to do.”
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With a nod I held his gaze, already knowing where this was going. Or so I thought.
“In the dorm where I was living there was this girl…Keisha.” He stopped, a name that was obviously painful for him to utter. I instantly remembered it being the name Amaya told me was her mother’s name. “She came from a pretty awful and impoverished background and wasn’t a college student. She just hung out with the college kids. When a few folks in the dorm found out she was living on the streets, they invited her to live in the dorm with them. Thankfully the college never found out…But anyway, she was hot and cool. One of the girls all the guys wanted. We found ourselves in the same social circles and often going to the same parties. We macked on each other a few times for fun, nothing serious. And then one night at a rave party we got crazy drunk and high and…need I say more?”
I shook my head.
“After that,” he shrugged, “I saw her maybe three or four times while hanging out with friends and then she just…disappeared.”
My brow narrowed.
“It had us all worried because we weren’t sure if the college found out about her living in the dorms and called the cops, or if she decided to live in a homeless shelter, or if she was dead…none of us knew. She didn’t have a cell phone.”
I inhaled a breath and folded my arms as I continued to listen, my body remembering the cold outside, but my mind had long forgotten it.
“Anyway, we all just moved on with life. Summer passed and the next year rolled around. I decided I was going to try and get my life in order so I could better pursue a degree. I even started dating a really nice girl, unlike any of the girls I had previously dated.”
Well that’s good, I thought.
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“Then one day, out of the blue while I was driving to work, I got a phone call and it was Keisha. I have no idea how she got my number, but that aside she was crying and pleading for me to come to the hospital because,” he drew in a breath, “she was in labor, and scared, and didn’t have anyone there with her so she called me.”
My eyes widened.
“I didn’t want to be rude, but I was like, ‘Why me?’ I hadn’t seen her in months. And then she told me something that would forever change my life: ‘The baby is yours…,’" he paused. "And she continued to cry and beg me to come over and be with her.”
My chest tightened.
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“I-I didn’t know what to do…,” he stumbled, hands spread apart and his eyes darting around in the same panic he experienced in that moment all those years ago. “All I knew was…there was a girl in the hospital who was having my baby and…I needed to be there. I didn’t have time to think about anything else. So I turned the car around and headed straight for the hospital, missing work obviously. They actually fired me for it later, but that doesn’t matter,” he dismissed with his hand.
I held my hand up to my lips and gripped them. I could hardly believe what I was hearing.
“I made it to the hospital seconds before Amaya was born. Keisha lost a lot of blood and it got pretty serious there for a bit. When she regained consciousness we reconnected a little, came up with a name for our baby, and tried to figure out what we were gonna do next. She was still homeless and I was still in college. Everything happened so quickly…,” he trailed off, staring at a tree behind me in a trance-like state. “I asked that a DNA test be done to confirm that Amaya was my child and of course, yes, she is.”
I nodded.
“So at that point my parents greatly encouraged me to do the right thing and marry Keisha…that would get her off the streets and we could be a proper family. I mean, it really was the right thing to do. I kept telling myself it’s what a good man would do in that situation. And I wanted to be a good man.” It warmed my heart to hear him say it. “Even though Keisha and I didn’t love each other, let alone know each other, we did it for Amaya’s sake. She was an innocent little victim in all this.”
I nodded again.
“And so that’s what we did. We had a lame marriage ceremony at city hall and tried to make a life for ourselves. I dropped out of college and got a job - that’s how I got started in construction - since Keisha didn’t have any job experience and…refused to work anyway,” he muttered with an eye-roll. “She ended up being a lot more selfish and stubborn than I remembered and…we fought all the time. I was barely holding it all together. But,” he swallowed, “I really tried to make it work…because I needed to accept the consequences of my actions.”
My face fell again.
He drew in a breath before continuing. “We were married a little over 3 months, until one morning I woke up to Amaya crying and Keisha wasn’t in bed next to me.” I noticed his emotions begin to heighten. “In fact she wasn’t anywhere in the house…or outside of it. Our car was gone…and so was our emergency money.”
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My eyes widened at the revelation and my mouth gradually fell open. No…
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“I called her cell phone, she didn’t answer. I called again and again and again and there was never an answer. I even called some of our friends to see if she was with any of them. Nope. It didn’t take long for me to realize that she had enough of me, and being a mom, so…she left…just like she did before. Disappearing without a trace. And I’m not kidding,” he stressed, “she left no trace. The cops were never able to find her. No one ever found her…”
Oh…my…gosh…,” I thought, flabbergasted. I guess in a way she is dead.
“I was furious!” he hissed, stepping closer to me with his nostrils flaring and tears forming in his eyes. “And heartbroken! Not just because she selfishly abandoned me and Amaya, but because she took away my LIFE! I sacrificed EVERYTHING for her and that’s how she decided to show her appreciation!?”
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I lowered my eyes from his fiery gaze, my heart breaking just hearing about it. He certainly had every right to be angry.
“So there I had this newborn baby that I had to raise ALL by myself, when I’d barely been around to learn how to take care of her anyway and…I lost it,” he choked, his tone lowering. “I was alone and frightened and…I couldn’t move. I could hardly think. All I could do was cry. I felt so betrayed; thrown out like garbage. All for doing the right thing. My life ended that day.”
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I licked away the tears that rolled down my cheeks and onto my lips. I just couldn’t imagine.
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“My parents had to come and get us and take us home to live with them. And they took care of Amaya because…my brain had literally shut down, becoming catatonic. So I was committed to a psychiatric hospital for a couple of weeks. The psych Doc there put me on some medication and deemed me fit to return home. I still wasn’t able to go back to work until 7 months later and even then I still struggled to stay on my feet every day. Some days I still do. And I’ve tried to get my life back, tried to find another woman to share my life with and to be a mother to Amaya. But every time they learned about her and all the 'baggage' that comes with that, they ran. Just like Keisha did…”
More tears fell from my eyes.
“She not only took away my life, she scarred me for life. And all the women after her have left scars too. And it hasn’t been very easy to heal from. So forgive me Malai for struggling to fully trust women…,” he concluded.
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Sniffing, and not bothering to wipe the tears away, I tried to figure out how to properly respond to all of that. I really had no words…
“I’m sorry all that happened to you Aizen," I finally spoke. "What Keisha did to you, and Amaya, was horrible and inexcusable and I am truly, truly sorry.”
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I hoped he could feel the genuineness in my condolence because I couldn’t read much in his facial expression through the tears in my eyes and the falling snow. He only nodded.
“But I’m not that kind of woman.”
“I know you’re not,” he somewhat interrupted, his gaze shifting.
“Then why do I still feel some reservation from you?”
He struggled to answer, clearly not wishing to hurt me, but not wanting to be dishonest either.
But I already knew. “Because you don’t fully trust me either."
The way I said it made his face fall all the more. “I - I want to…,” he choked in his answer. “I’m trying to,” he added with tears glistening in his eyes.
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Curling my upper lip between my teeth I emotionally nodded in acceptance, so horribly conflicted as to how to feel about that response, even though he bore his entire awful story to me. I knew it all now; everything. Why he is the way he is. So I should’ve been more understanding, but all I could feel in that moment was a dagger being thrust into my heart. All my hopes shattered.
“Well you can trust me,” I declared, with all the feeling left in my heart. “and if you can’t ever believe that…then this,” I gestured back and forth between us, “is never going to work.” Then my lip quivered and shoulders shook as I sobbed all the more while adding, “No matter how much I love Amaya…”
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Through blurred vision, I watched as Aizen’s eyes widened in surprise, piercing me with his gaze as if he had no idea. Maybe he really didn’t. “Malai…,” he whispered, stepping closer to me.
But I pulled away. I couldn’t look at him anymore. It had been such a depressing day and I couldn’t take any more. My world had caved in on me and I was finding it difficult to breathe; and think. “This was a mistake,” I sobbed. “All of this was a mistake.” Every decision I made that Christmas felt in vain and I wanted it to be over. “I’m going home to New York in the morning…”
Aizen’s shoulders fell abruptly at my numbing declaration, his eyes imploring me not to go, but I couldn’t recognize it in the emotional state I was in.
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“I’m sorry Aizen…Goodbye…”
I turned away from him with my wrist held below my nose, trying not to burst out in an ugly cry, as I headed for home.
I was kinda hoping he would’ve run after me, to say something. Anything.
But he didn’t.
And I guess I knew why.
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A/N: I know it's not a Christmas song, but I could totally picture this song beginning to play as Malai tearfully walks away from Aizen.
(If this were a movie. :lol: )
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfgJQUiQFes
Speaking of songs...listening to this one in particular helped me put a lot more feeling into writing out Aizen's sad story. It's another goodie that's not a Christmas song. :p
Spoiler
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3iv4vJh3dU
Guess the Final Chapter will be coming either later today (Christmas Eve) or later on Christmas day. We shall see. :mrgreen:
