7. Kathy Goes to College
After Tommy Hayward deserted his family the household consisted of Kathleen, her brother Alec, her mother Margaret, and sisters Andrea and Janet. Since her mother did not believe in divorce Kathy feared if her father decided to return he would be back in their lives again.
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For a long time Kathy's goal had been to get good enough grades to earn a college scholarship to go away to school to escape her home situation. With the help of the money from the Spencers and her high score on the entrance exam Kathy was about to realize her dream.
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But college became more than a means to escape her home situation. Starting with her first day at the dorm, meeting the other students was a cultural shock. The introduction of other ethnicities, the open display of teen-aged sexuality, the expressions of rebellion against the way of dressing that she was used to and the choice of subjects all were eye-openers for Kathy.
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She was no longer automatically the smartest person in her classes. There were people smarter and more knowledgeable. And in her classes on literature and philosophy everyone was encouraged to express their opinions. It was a very liberating process.
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In spite of working very hard to remain on the dean's list and maintaining her scholarship Kathleen did manage to socialize and to even go a little wild.
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By her second term Kathy had developed a crush on one of the technology course instructors, Wade Anthony. He seemed to be perfect for her, nothing like her father. By this time Kathleen had realized the failure of her parent's marriage was not entirely her father's fault. Her mother would berate Kathy's father for his ignorance. Kathy wanted to be able to respect her partner. Wade was well educated (had his masters and was working on his PHD), was well mannered and came from an upper middle-class family. As an undergraduate at a different college he majored in mathematics and minored in philosophy and when he got his masters in logic was on the college debate team. He seemed exactly what she was looking for in a man - someone she could respect.
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They fell into a relationship when he invited her to several parties where she was the only one to show up. They ended up talking and discussing philosophy and would often just read books together. Kathy borrowed books from him that introduced her to many thought-provoking ideas. Because he feared them getting caught, resulting in him losing his chance at tenure, he never took their relationship to the next level.
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But by the time Kathy went home at the end of the 2 terms she was feeling dissatisfied with their relationship and was glad they hadn't become more involved. When Wade had quoted his favorite philosopher, Schopenhauer - "Women are directly adapted to act as the nurses and educators of our early childhood, for the simple reason that they themselves are childish, foolish, and short-sighted" - alarm bells went off in Kathy's head.
Their discussions often ended up as debates. He had a very absolute view of life, everything was either black or white and any subject had only one right interpretation or solution. Kathy believed more in shades of grey. That many interpretations or solutions were fine and that everyone did not have to agree. That was not acceptable to him. He always strived to prove there was only one right view - his. One debate devolved to the point where he said that it might be a matter of opinion but his opinion was more informed because he was better educated so it was the right one.
Kathleen went back to university for her 3rd and final term feeling like a new, confident woman. She decided to get contacts and a new hair style to fit this new feeling.
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Besides keeping her grades up Kathleen juggled her relationship with Wade. He was still one of her instructors so she didn't want to alienate him by breaking off with him completely but she did manage to cool things down to the point that they mostly just read together. Since Wade was a workaholic and a loner he settled into this change in their relationship with no problem. He had probably also realized they were not a good fit.
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Kathy now knew that respect was not gained because of money, education, ethnicity or looks but because a person respected themselves, had confidence in themselves, and accepted themselves and others. If someone could not accept themselves as they were how could they accept others. A person who was comfortable with themselves and what they believed would not need others to agree with them or to rely solely on the ideas of experts to validate their opinions. They would not need to intimidate others to agree with them either through physical threat or intellectual brow-beating.
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Kathy graduated with straight "A"s and got her diploma in Technology. She was offered a job with Doo Peas Corporation in Laguna Coast as a Video Game Developer.
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Besides her degree her time at university provided her the chance to gain some perspective on her past and to resolve her issues with her father. Kathy was no longer looking for someone "not like her father" but rather, when she was ready, someone who was confident and accepting of themselves and others.
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Kathleen was no longer running away from something, her past, but toward something, her future.
