smilies246 wrote:
I really do like your verses!! The rhymes are very good!! I am not good at song writing (Never really tried, but when I do I suck!! LOL) They are really awesome and I don't know what to say!! I have one little thing but it isn't that important! I like Verse 2!! and how it says 'and in pain' but I was thinking maybe 'searing pain'? I don't know!!! I am not being critical!! What you have done is very good and if you don't like it then don't worry!! This is your version!! The word just came to my mind! lol but honestly don't feel cause I said it you have to do it because you do what you want! I love it as it is! but yes lol :) I am not being mean or critical!!!!!!!!!
Ssmilies246, please don't apologize for your critique. What you said was CONstructive, not DEstructive. There is a huge difference. I'm a published writer and well used to critique. As long as what's said leaves the writer room to improve, it's all good. That's what a critique is supposed to do. Point out what doesn't work so the writer can "fix" it. I like "searing pain" better and do wish I'd thought of it myself. :wink:
I'm also very glad you liked my English words. I'm not a song writer, either. This song has just been haunting me until I came up with some words — all based on what my singer Sim was going through at the time. :shock: I know, poor guy.
As for the rhythm, I saw the pattern created in the Simlish and simply used that as my guide. I'm glad it worked. This is really the first thing I've actually written since I got published. I know, I need to get cracking. LOL.
With your permission, I'll substitute searing pain for and in pain. Thank you!
