Between2Worlds [Story] 06/04

Were there any themes that stood out for you in this story? How do you think I handled them?
I think for me the main overarching theme was about losing innocence, which happens to all of us as we grow up, but to a lesser degree than our mains here. You could see that progression in everyone, Athena and Curtis obviously being the obvious choices, but to a degree this was also shown for Kirino and Masato, even the Scorcher. Which, now that I think about it, does not bode well for Kian’s next arc :D

What do you think of my balancing action/non-action scenes, thrill/non-thrill? Were you able to wind down before the next one, or is the story's arrangement fine with you? Some have told me they needed to take a break from the story because it was so uh full on(?). How was it for you?
Haha I think I may have said that, there were points in your story where I deliberately took a break, yes, but it’s nothing to do with too much action and/or thrill. I obviously had the luxury of getting to binge the story, but I didn’t want to burn through it too quickly, so I had to actively stop myself sometimes to avoid blasting through it too fast and missing things. Oh, and I specifically stopped after the lighthouse chapter because I had a feeling everything was going to go terribly wrong :D

Some of the chapters were just really impactful (in a good way) or had mind-boggling revelations, so I wanted to take some time to digest them, but that’s really not a bad thing at all – just think of it as gorging on rich chocolate cake, you have to wait a while till you can have cake again afterwards, but that doesn’t matter you don’t like cake, on the contrary!

There’s a shift in my writing style/length between chapter 1-5 and the rest of the story. I also experimented with different mediums. What do you think of:

• The comic strip? Was its organisation easy to follow? Were the Speech bubbles clear who’s talking and who’s next? I think I’ve already answered this one for you elsewhere.
  
• Picture Sequences: Did you prefer the speech text organised around the subject in the picture? Or placed at the bottom and color coded? Colour-coded at the bottom is the easiest to follow for me, hands down. It’s very clear to make sense of that way.
  
• Do you like this randomness of switching mediums? Yes! I like it when writers experiment! I’m not gonna lie, I would probably be sad if you said that the entirety of season 2 will be a comic, because I would miss seeing what’s going on in their heads, but I do enjoy different styles being sprinkled in. Always fun to see what you come up with (and admirable how many different storytelling platforms you manage to pull off!)
  
• At some point I tried to add more descriptions/elaboration of the setting and ambience than moving the story along. (Chapter 14.2 and 14.21) What do you think of the writing in these chapters compared to the rest of my writing? Do you have a preference? (If there’s no difference you can say that too. ) I can’t say that I noticed they had more descriptions at the time of reading them, but 14.21 did stand out to me, it was a treat to get a peak into Masato’s perspective, it really helped me understand the way he thinks, and this was also where we got to see a glimpse of the true Kirino for the first time. So I don’t know if the reason I enjoyed these chapters was the different writing style or the subjects. Either way, occasional introspective chapters are good since they help with fleshing out your characters, but of course it’s all about balance.
  

I overly rely on pictures to describe the setting than write it out. Does this style work for you?
Yes, although I’m biased because I tend to do that too. To me, the images are an essential part of simlit, so I don’t think it’s necessary to overly describe something you can clearly get from the image itself. Sure, some people could have the perspective that the writing alone should still flow in a standalone cohesive way if you were to remove the images, but I disagree – if you could tell the story just as effectively without the images, then why bother putting them there in the first place?

Not to mention that your screenshotting is one of the highlights of the story, the emotions you capture in your images are phenomenal.

Romance is hard to write and personal. There are some scenes and pictures that were too much for me in the story, but I’m a conservative person. How were they for you? Were any of them cringey? If yes, which one? so I can work on those. And do you have suggestions?
If you mean some of the more explicit scenes, no, I wouldn’t say it was too much or cringey. I do recall that when Curtis and Athena first kissed, you described how her body responded quite in-depth, which surprised me, but didn’t bother me – though I also recall that I was hoping that you weren’t going to go to that level of detail on the descriptions as their relationship progresses lol!

And then 16.5 I thought was very tastefully done, it’s not like we saw hanging bits or you launched into a full-blown description there (which for me would be cringey, yes), it was focusing much more on the feeling. So no issues there.

The only part I thought was on the cringey side was their conversation in the final chapter, but I wouldn’t call that romance, I would call that denial :P

1. What are Athena's strengths and weaknesses? What do you think of Athena’s Character progression/development? How would you describe her?
Athena is very determined when she wants something, which is both her biggest strength and weakness. She does not back down, often like a child that insists they need a particular toy – but that’s understandable, given her age, and it’s obviously helped her get through tough times.

I don’t think she particularly considers other people’s perspectives and motivations; she is very focused on her own view of the world. I wouldn’t go as far as to say self-centred, per say, but I feel like she has to actively try to empathise with others. But again, that’s to be expected, given that up until the events of B2W she lived a very sheltered life.

She will do anything for the people she cares about though. Too much, even, at her own detriment. I wonder if that will change now, given everything she’s been through, now that she’s realised she’s not invincible. Then again, maybe now that she has the tome, she thinks she is!

Is her character realistic? Is she adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Yes, I would say so, like I said above I can justify why she is the way she is.

Any bits of her that you find confusing?
Nothing comes to mind. I’ve disagreed with her plenty, but I don’t feel like I was confused about where she’s coming from.

What kind of person do you think she has become at the end of this story? What kind of person do you predict her to be in B2W?
I don’t think there’s a single answer to this one. I almost see her at a crossroads right now, with several directions you could nudge her in, with one tiny gentle push. She is in a place where she can change for the better, or for the worse, and either would be believable. I’m pretty sure the untamed magic stuff will have an effect on her though, so I personally foresee the latter, but hey maybe she’ll surprise me!

She insists that Curtis is relatable and her soulmate at the lighthouse scene. Did you find her insistence of them being made for each other believable? Do you have a theory why she thinks so? (I’ve never elaborated on this)
Honestly, that moment for me was just a reminder of “oh yeah, she’s 16” (or was she 15 at that point? I know she turns 16 at some point in the story but can’t remember if it was before or after this chapter). So it was believable, but it goes back to what I said about her childish stubbornness. It felt like a realistic reminder of her age. I mean, he’s her first love, and she’s just been through some traumatising stuff she can’t bear to face alone in this chapter. Of course she’ll believe that.

2. What are Curtis's strength and weaknesses? What do you think of Curtis’s Character progression/development? How would you describe him?
This one is much more difficult for me to answer because I’m aware of my personal bias, so I know it’s much harder for me to objective here – so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I think he’s not as numb to the world as he’d like to be, he puts on this careful front he’s cultivated but his emotions ultimately rule him. He’s obviously grown quite desensitised to his environment as he’s had to, and when he’s confronted with what he contributes to, it doesn’t sit right with him, because he’d like to tell himself he’s the good guy, just on a quest for revenge, so when he actually gets a look in the mirror (whether that be circumstances, like the aftermath of 6.4, or Athena calling him out on what he fears to be in 10.5), he doesn’t like what he sees.

He definitely likes to lie to himself, I wonder where he’s learned that? ? I can definitely see the impact Masato bringing him up has had on him, because he has adopted some of Masato’s traits, but is obviously a lot more sensitive. So far. Lol. I guess we’ll have to see if he ends up like his mentor.

I do think it’s a miracle that he’s still has so many emotions and a moral compass given his sad life story, and like I said I do attribute a lot of it to Kian.

Is he realistic and adequately fleshed out for reader understanding?
Fleshed out, yes. Realistic in the sense that I understand his motivations, yes. Realistic in the sense of if somebody went through what he did, they would still keep it together and not become completely deranged… probably not. But that’s why I love him.

Did you find it strange that he cared for Athena with his background staring at violence every day?
Not really, I mean he was subconsciously looking for something to ground him, someone to tell him he’s not completely lost to the world in spite of it all, something to give him a reason to go on once the Scorcher hunt was done, should he survive. Escapism is a natural response to high pressure situations. That, and Athena didn’t exactly give him a choice :D And he’s a teenage boy, a pretty girl that’s clearly into him and not a part of his world would obviously be very appealing.

I know I did a lot of explaining of Masato and Kirino’s character in the comments. But without the comments and purely relying on story:

Is Masato a believable character?Does his character/personality, his motivations, and actions make sense to you? Is his love for Kirino surprising? Does his metaphoric speech make sense to you? Did the final reveal provide ample explanation of all the schemey scenes he was portrayed in throughout the story? Did everything make sense?
I didn’t really understand his motivations until later on in the story when we got to see things from his point of view, but that was obviously deliberate. I like how complex he is, and hope to see more of him in season 2.

His love of Kirino is not surprising, they had so much history and were of course forever bonded by the loss of their son. I did find his arch sufficiently explained, but I find him and Kirino fascinating so I wouldn’t mind a pre-quel/spinoff, and I definitely hope that this is not the last of what we’ve seen of him.

It will be interesting which way he will go now that he has to go on without Kirino – will he become completely merciless and dead inside, because the one person he cared so deeply for is gone, or will he try to keep his promise to her and actually try to look out for Curtis?

4.Is Kirino a believable character? Does her character, desires and actions (including final action) make sense to you?
Yes. I initially didn’t know what to make of her, but I really fell in love with her when we saw what was underneath her mask. She was one of my favourites, and it breaks my heart she’s gone, but her actions were not unexpected.

Did her scene at the end come as a complete surprise? Were there enough clues given throughout the story for you to find her condition at the end believable/acceptable?
I guess I answered that, and I already covered that in my WP comments. All very believable, unfortunately, and foreshadowed.

Was her ‘flashback’ chapter believable?
Yes. My favourite chapter in the whole story.

Do you think she loves Masato (at the end)?
Oh, that’s a loaded question. Hmm… I’m not sure if she had much room for anything other than pain in her heart at the end. In a way, she did probably did still love him to some degree, though I’d imagine she didn’t want to.

Were Masato and Kirino’s complicated relationship believable?
Yes. I wish we got more of them, but just the little snippets we did painted a very rich picture.

Is Scorcher a believable character? Does his character, desires and actions make sense to you? (I think I gave him a monologue and two lines of dialogue explaining his perspective on life lol)
Hmm I don’t know if we know enough about him to dissect him as a character. We obviously know he’s suffered a personal tragedy that’s made him snap and take pleasure in the pain of others to avoid his own, but I can’t say I can analyse what makes him tick :D That being said I don’t feel like that a higher level of deeper understanding was needed for him.

What do you think about Kian? Then Carly?
I love Kian! He brought much needed light to the story, which I guess was his primary function. I adore that he says it how it is and sassy sense of humour. No wonder he was popular with the ladies at school ?

Carly I wasn’t too keen on, though to my surprise I didn’t mind her with Kian in the finale, they seemed well suited. That being said I won’t be mad if someone better comes along for him. Though I feel like where he’s going it will be a lot less dating and a lot more danger.

8. What do you think/feel about Dew?
I actually really liked Dew ever since she was introduced – by that I don’t mean the chapter where her drink got spiked, but the chapter where she actually got dialogue - 10.5, I think? She obviously holds no illusions of the world in spite of her young age, and doesn’t mince her words, but there’s a lot of truth behind what she says. I hope she’s back for season 2!

9. What do you think about Grim?
Grim was hilarious, in spite of his story being sad, and I loved the genuine bond he developed with Athena, even though that was ultimately his undoing (I see what you did there!). He was a fantastic vehicle to explain the lore of the magic realm, and the revelation about his true identity was a cherry on top, I did not see that coming!