Between2Worlds [Story] 06/04

@Maladi77 HIIIi :smiley:

"Maladi777;c-17577136" wrote:
Haha. Congrats on enduring all my blunt comments. Not many can say they did and remained friends with me after that. :D
You keep saying this was your first writing experience and my brain refuses to accept it. She's pulling your leg, it keeps saying. So if it's really so (pardon my inherent skepticism, can't be helped), hats off to you for putting together such an ambitious story and for executing it so well. There were so many layers to this story and my heart quivered with excitement as they were peeled off one by one. You managed to surprise me several times and that's a huge win for you, my friend.
Now on to your questions. I think I'm gonna answer the first part for now and the next ones maybe later.

Spoiler

General:
1. Did you enjoy the story? I did. Some parts more than others.
2. What was your favourite part, and which was your least favourite part? I enjoyed Masato and Kirino's parts most toward the end. And of course Julian's parts, because I find it hard to resist hadsome investigators obviously. All scenes with Grim were also very enjoyable, I liked the whole aura of mystery around him. As for parts I didn't enjoy. The teenage romance. If you asked me couple years ago, I'd probably answer differently. You can blame my age for craving more adult romance.
3. How do you feel about the ending? You already know my feelings regarding Curtisena. I was very 'loud' about it in my comments. I don't want them together. Not at the moment at least. I'm excited about Julian's disappearance.
4. Do you feel like the story was different from what you expected when you started? Definitely. And I'm happy about it. To include the whole crime organisation part was a great idea and exactly what I enjoy reading.
5. What do you think of the darkness from chapter 6 until the end? Was the darkness too much, not much, present but not bad, present but bad? I'm not squeamish. I prefer darker themes and less happy endings. There are plenty of light happy stories out there, I believe. If I wanted that, I'd go elsewhere. Frankly, if anyone complains about it, they have a variety of other stories to choose from. I'm in the right place here.
6. What are your predictions for S2? Feel free to answer everything else before attempting this. I won't write my predictions, only my thoughts what I'd like to see happen in S2. And please, don't let my wishes force you to change your plans or anything. Inspiration is fine, but I already told you that making changes for the sake of readers' satisfaction is a bad idea. You should always write the story you enjoy telling no matter what.
I mentioned it before that 'd like to see Athena and Curtis on opposite sides. Either knowingly or unknowingly working against each other in some way. It could be that Athena is part of a project (magic related?) that interfers with the goals of Curtis and his crime gang. I want to see them both grow as characters. I want Athena to harden, be less of the girl who used to throw herself head first in the danger. I want to see her become a woman who isn't emotionally dependent on anyone and if she is, it's only because she chose to, not because she lost control.
I want to see a new interesting villain. Someone highly intelligent and dangerous (an opponent for Masato maybe?), because there is such a lack of those in simlit.
I want to see Kian go through some life changing experience. Maybe during the search for his father? I want him to have to make some difficult choices. I want him to come out of it changed.
I want all three friends to go on their individual quests so that all of them are very different people when they meet again.

You’re fair in your comments. It wasn’t as if they came from uh unreasonable grounds or being rude for the sake of it. I just saw it as honesty :D My last writing was my uni thesis paper. I like this onion reference to my story too thank you :lol: (I can’t help it, shrek left an impression on me)

I never knew you didn’t like the teenage romance :joy: . That shows how objective you are in the comments. I thought you just didn’t like the character. (I’m still suspicious that its the characters’ personality/immaturity that get to you :P ) Anyway I hope you will elaborate on this in the later questions and no worries! I totally get where you’re coming from. I’m so excited to read what you have to say especially on particular characters (You know which one!) I think my questions are a bit restrictive so feel free to expand on them.

Ahh that’s a good thing to hear because my themes will probably not change in its ‘lightness’. I seem to gravitate towards dark themes too. But I will try to include less depressing chapters anyway.

Thank you for the reminder. I have a rough idea where I want to take them and what I want the ending to be and those won’t change for sure. But I am worried because you have probes in my brain so maybe I will alter them a bit more. Your ideas are so mind-boggling and really impressive. Some of them will happen. :smile:

Ah you’ve made me so curious. I really want to see what happens to Tony and Chris now. What thoughts have you injected there?? xD Also, you do not need to answer everything. You’re supposed to pick and choose. Thank you for tackling the questions! It's always great to hear from you :smile:


@candycottonchu Hello! :D

"candycottonchu;c-17577605" wrote:
okay, first of all, that is a LOT of questions :D And I understand, it's the first story you have ever written, and you need the feedback.
okay let me try.

General

Spoiler

General:
1. Did you enjoy the story?
Yes. You have managed to surprise me many times with interesting twists and tackled subjects I would have never expected. And I also enjoyed all characters you have. They each have their own personality, and you stick to it.

2. What was your favourite part, and which was your least favourite part?
It's a while ago, but the first that comes to my mind is the chapter with the school scenes. I really loved them. They reminded me of old high school manga, and I really enjoyed how lighthearted and easy it was, despite having their own drama. That Athena became friends with the girls that originally disliked her is also something I really enjoyed. I am sick of all those petty school rivalries :D
As for what were my least favourite parts, I think the whole part after that long Interlude in CH15.5, with a few exceptions (the masakiri story was awesome & broke my heart). I felt a lot of it there was rushed, and plot points that promised to make more impact on the story, like Athena's memory loss, ended up being just a triviality.

3. How do you feel about the ending?
See above.

4. Do you feel like the story was different from what you expected when you started?
yes, you have surprised me over and over again while I was reading xD
I had expected to see much more magic, but it was rather unimportant.

5. What do you think of the darkness from chapter 6 until the end? Was the darkness too much, not much, present but not bad, present but bad? etc
I like that you never trivialized anything evil that happened. It didn't feel like a cheap device to cause drama, but on the contrary very real. I like how realistic is the reaction of your characters to the dark stuff that happens, Athena's teenage naivety and inability to grasp the whole reality and danger of it (again, that part where she saves Leona just to see her beat up and kill (?) the attacker and is so dumbfounded made me giggle) and also Curtis' numbness to the abuse of all the girls, the death of the drug victims, and his whole world, it is awesome character depiction.

6. What are your predictions for S2? Feel free to answer everything else before attempting this. :lol:
Honestly, I have no idea xD Except I am afraid that that kiss scene on TV will cause Curtis to make a scene again. I'd be disappointed.

Ah yay phew!

Omg I’m glad you like the school scenes. o.o Tbh, those are my less confident chapters. xD I didn’t feel comfortable with them and I can’t quite elaborate on why - it’s something I’m still figuring it out.

Oof gotcha. It makes sense because I did structure Chapter 17 as a prologue initially. So everything was created in bitesize and had to be covered in one chapter. If I had the mindset that they were chapters, I’d probably flesh out the story more. For the part about her memories (or lack of ), it will play a more prominent role in S2 :)

Oops :> Yeah. The magical part of the story was always reserved for S2 :sweat_smile:

That’s a very interesting perspective to look from. I’m glad you feel that way. I definitely did not want to put a romantic spin on crime. >.> And I wasn’t striving to make any of my characters likable, just presenting them as how they are, blemishes and all. :smile:

No spoilers, but I'm actually itching to answer here aaah. But it will be addressed next so you’ll get answers :smile:

Thanks again for your answers! I'm so excited to hear your advice next :)