**sits on the bench, pours some tea, slices apples, dishes up cookies, and makes room for others**
(Oh! This just reminded me of my TS3 ISBI teen who loves to have midnight tea-parties with zombies!)
https://ts4fanfic.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/whisbi3503.jpg?w=776
So, I've been thinking about online relationships (as those of you who read
my responses to @AdamsEve1231 's questions know), partly in light of this conversation which @BabyDollAnne introduced and the way that many of us resonated with her feelings and partly due to my own current feelings of loneliness and isolation brought on by a challenging Saturn transit (which will fortunately be over in less than two months, and which has been teaching me many tough and valuable lessons these past ten months...)
What I've been thinking today is that those of us who resonated with Anne's comments are likely sensitive individuals. If we were in face-to-face groups, we'd likely read others' responses as we walked into the room. We'd catch the smiles, we'd observe who avoids our gaze, and so on. So we would know right then who was welcoming us and who wasn't.
With online communication, we make a post, and we might not get a reply or a "like" or anything. Were we seen? Were we heard? Were we met with smiles or are folks avoiding our gaze?
We have no way of knowing, right? And this can feel uncomfortable.
Combine with that what's been called the "false intimacy" of the Internet. One of my face-to-face best friends likens this to the type of sharing we do with someone we meet on the train, telling our whole life stories through the night, then we reach our stops and never see the person again. Sometimes, the type of sharing that happens through blogging and social media feels like that to me.
I sometimes write posts that reveal myself or my experience of life. Some readers respond that this touches them or they share in their response stories of similar events. Maybe we travel together for a while through our blogs or through the Forums, and then they stop reading. We don't hear from them. Was it something I did? Were they busy? We see they're reading other blogs, so maybe their just spreading their reading time with others...
If I look at this as writer-reader relationship, I don't get tangled up. I know readers get to choose what they read and that it makes sense for readers to move from author to author. And I actually really relish the times when I feel like I'm writing in a vacuum, for then it allows me to focus in and be authentic and true without the echoes of comments and "likes."
I get tangled up when I assume that, because we've shared, we've got a friendship that follows the rulebook that face-to-face friendships seem to have: you know, you smile when you see the person, you catch up on news, you make time to listen to each other and to get together on a schedule that works for both of you, you share mutually, and you offer each other genuine support. (At least, that's how face-to-face friendships tend to work for me.)
Sometimes, real and lasting friendships do happen online--and I've got several here, with friends who seem glad to see me and who are here for me and whom I'm here for.
Hmmm... now I've lost the point I was thinking of making. I think I was just going to say that the social cues here online seem different or missing, and that it can feel confusing when folks just suddenly drop out of our spheres...
Does this connect with any of your experiences at all?
I'd love to hear your stories of both online connections that work as well as times when you've felt confused or like you're missing the rulebook for online interactions...
