"luthienrising;12943474" wrote:
"stilljustme2;12943060" wrote:
Going through a few rough seas right now. Main issue is that I've had to share my husband with his "other family" for the past four years...other family being his mother and brother, both disabled. Brother has physical and mental health issues, went through some time in lockdown but has been in a "supportive home environment" with 3 other adults in recovery and is doing very well, but my husband does help him now and then by taking him on errands or to shop, or they'll go out for a "boys night out." As for his mom, she's in long-term skilled nursing care but we have to do her laundry because she's allergic to the detergent they use there, and he also spends several days a week with her helping her with other things. So I sometimes feel like I'm lowest priority around here, and it hurts. We've been married 23 years, and I sometimes wonder if we'll make it to 25 at this rate. We did get to go to a comedy show on Saturday night, and this week we're getting away to the Wine Country for a couple of days, so maybe having him to myself for much of the week will help us get back on a better footing as a married couple.
Is there one evening a week you can fit in an after-work drink? That's what my husband and I started doing a few years ago when we realized we'd been losing our own relationship over the years in the middle of working and raising kids and his mother's failing health. It's been on and off as a "date" at times, depending on other family members' health -- sometimes we've simply had to have one of us home, period -- but it's helped, even if we *do* end up talking about work and family most of the time -- at least we're doing it in an "us" space. I do think that all couples go through this; we all just try to put on a good face for the world.
I'd like to do that, but you know what they say about the best laid plans...for example, he was busy today getting some laundry done before the trip (our laundry room is a little bit of a distance away and he worries about me carrying a heavy basket that far) and doing some reading, so he went to his mom's late to take her laundry and isn't home yet, and we need to go do a couple of errands together before the trip (I mainly need some new laces for my walking boots). I'm hoping we can have a good discussion about this issue while we're away, maybe over dinner tomorrow or Wednesday. We're going to pay a visit to a friend of mine's wine shop so maybe we'll pick up a good bottle to share. B)
