Blargsgiving: Premium Offerings Analyzed

Whew! Sorry it took so long but there's a LOT of stuff in the Mystery Boxes if you don't have anything. And I mean a LOT! 135 items in the Gold Mystery box alone!
Let's start with the Premium offerings in the Blargsgiving Menu:
First the stuff that's available in the Yearbook Mystery box (which means it's always there and only 30 donuts):

• Bigclaw - Earn several currencies
  
• Caesar’s Pow-Wow Casino w/ Tribal Chief - 8h
  
• Heimlich Machine - 2.50%
  
• Piggly’s Super Smorg w/ Mrs. Bouvier - 4h
  
• Portal to Rigel 7 - 8h
  
• Pow-Wow’s Casino Sign - 2.00%
  
• Puritan Flanders skin
  
• Rigellian Queen - Obedience
  
• Sacagawea Lisa skin
  
• Turkey Stuffer - Gluttony
  

Now for the rest of the buyables (in the order they appear):

• Blarg Huts w/ Blarg Alien - 150 donuts - 4h & 2.5%
  
• Mattress King w/ Marv - 150 donuts - 8h
  
• Mattress King Dinner Table w/ Minnie - 125 donuts - Vanity
  
• Mattress King Warehouse w/ Morty - 149 donuts - 8h
  
• Thanksgiving Balloon Bundle - 80 donuts - 6.5% on cash and 0.6% on xp
  
• Santa’s Little Helper Balloon - $30,000 - Vanity
  
• Blinky Balloon - $16,500 - Vanity
  
• Rusty the Clown Balloon - $54,000 - Vanity
  
• Cornucopia - 15 donuts - 0.50%
  
• Alien - 40 donuts - Vanity
  
• U.B.O - $1,000 - an amusing skin for Mr. Burns
  
• Rigellian Shrub - 5 donuts - Tree-Hugging
  
• Rigellian Tribal Hut - 20 donuts - 3h
  
• Meteor Egg w/ Space Marshmellow - 60 donuts - 2.50%
  

I'm doing the 2020 Mystery Boxes separately here since there's so much stuff in them.