Can't connect to any server due to "Client Closed down connection problem."

Hi!
I bought the game on monday, and I've tried to play on any multiplayer server today.

I got this genius error,  the notorious " Game disconnected: client closed down connection. Make sure your [...]"  problem, and I can't deal with it.

I've tried:
Port forwarding (3659, 443, etc)

DNS flushing,

Adding new rules to Network Manager (or what),

I Bypassed my router (Simply rearranged some cables)
Manually removed the Origin client, because the support thought it would be a cool and hip thing to do (wtf)

Turned off uTorrent
Sacrificed a chicken (I am hungry when I'm angry)
Tried this cool and hip "Smart Port Forwarding" program, did not work, and I suspect it is actually a malware.
Turned off my antivirus. (Definietly a bad idea because of the Smart Port Forwarding)
Turned off my UNPN

Is there any remedy? I am getting seriosly furious about this, since not only I am out of my refund time, EA does not respond to anyone officially, and the support just simply left. 

Thanks for the answers!

Llamadmiral