This game is the phats

I'm at rank 48, that means I'm awesome at this game. I also have a masters in computer graphics. You can't prove I do but it basically means that whatever I say has to be true and if you think I'm wrong then you obviously don't know what you are talking about, you newb.

Anyway, I was playing this game and I got paired up against what seemed to be a rank 1 newb. I should have easily crushed them with my p2w Brainstorm deck, specially after they played one of those 1/1 plants but then I lost.

Now OBVIOUSLY this was due to the following reasons (and if you don't agree, you're just wrong, you newb):

1. The RNG in this game has been modified so that it is unfair to me. I can tell that EA spent millions of dollars researching some algorithms that would screw those people who haven't paid enough money in the game because obviously if people lose unfairly, they will want to spend more money on a game. 
2. EA hired aliens they secretly met up with (in conjunction with the government) to play against human players. When the game detects that these aliens are playing, it favours them. The game also has a very expensive matching algorithm that checks to see if people are winning too much. When they are, they pair them up against aliens. This is because obviously if a person is winning too much they won't spend money so they need to be made to lose so they spend more money. That's exactly how human economy works and if you don't agree, you're an ignorant newb.
3. The plant I played against (Penelopea), is OP and this game is badly designed. I read about someone on reddit who also thought this, so it must be true since at least 2 of us agree with this.

It obviously had to be these reasons and not that I got overconfindent and kept at bad starting hand, got slightly unlucky and made bad plays. That would just never happen.