Chapter 6: A Discussion
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Everything went pretty normal throughout my second pregnancy. I continued to paint, Red continued to work late, and Cardinal continued with his talking troubles.
His great leaps in learning were beginning to slow down, and he still wouldn’t say sentences more than three words long.
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Red was getting home near 8 or 9 every night, and he was stressed. His extra projects were overwhelming him. Seeing Cardinal when he got home still made him happy, but it wasn’t enough.
“Red. I hate seeing you like this.” I told him.
He shrugged it off, “It’s what I have to do.”
“No, I can take up something else. I could go work at the bookstore, or something like that, in addition to my painting.” I offered.
“Cardinal needs you at home with him, Greth, and your painting is helping, really.”
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I felt Cardinal tugging at my jeans. I looked down at him.
“Moo-zic.” He said.
“You want to play with your xylophone?” I asked, he nodded, and I picked him up. “Are you sure you aren’t too tired?” He shook his head, sleepily. “Do you want to see him play? He’s really talented.” I looked at Red.
“No. I’m going to sleep.” He said.
It wasn’t like Red to deny something to do with Cardinal.
Red left for his room, and I told Cardinal it was bed time. He protested, but I could tell he was tired.
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“Are you okay?” I asked.
Red had his face pressed into his pillow, “I’m fine.”
“I’m concerned about your stress levels.” I told him.
“Well don’t be!” He snapped at me, rolling over.
“This is exactly what I’m talking about!” I managed to keep calm, “Red, maybe you need to take a sick day.”
“No, we need the money! I can’t afford to take a day off.”
“Calm down, Red.”
“I’m sorry, Greth, but I’m not used to this much pressure.” He took a deep breath.
I finally got him to calm down, and then I went into labor.”
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I tried to calmly inform him I was having the baby, but it came out more like a scream.
It was too late notice to hire a baby sitter for Cardinal, and I was afraid it was too late to call a taxi, so I had to do a home birth.
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It was a boy. Named Rudy.
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Rudy brought a new light to Red’s eyes. He held him close to him, and he was insanely happy.
“She we introduce him to Cardinal now, or in the morning?” I asked.
“Now.” Red said, smiling.
I went to get Cardinal.
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Cardinal was a little bit too tired to really process what we were telling him. I told him Rudy was his little brother, and I got him to say Rudy’s name, but then he went to sleep on my shoulder.
I decided I would try to introduce them again in the morning.
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Red went to sleep with a smile on his face for once, and so did I. Knowing he was happy allowed me to be happy as well, because it hurt me to see him so stressed.
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In the morning, after Red left for work, I tried to introduce Cardinal to Rudy again.
“This is Rudy, your little brother.” I told Cardinal.
“Rudy?” He asked.
“Yeah, that’s right. Soon you’ll be able to play with him/her when Cyanna isn’t here.” I smiled.
“Cyanna?” he asked, excited.
“Oh, no, she’s not here right now.”
He looked very disappointed.
“I’m sorry, Cardinal, but Cyanna can’t come over today.”
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When I put them in their cribs for a nap I took advantage of the time to do some painting. My paintings were still not very valuable, but I was trying desperately to improve them.
Cardinal and Rudy slept long enough that I got to finish a painting, and I sold it for over $100, which was quite a lot for my work. Although as soon as I was done they both started crying.
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I let Cardinal play his xylophone, it turned out to work just as well as a pacifier to get him to quiet down, but Rudy on the other hand was very persistent. I tried everything to get him to stop crying, but nothing worked. He didn’t stop until he was tired again.
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“How was your day?” I asked, when Red got home.
“Exhausting. How was yours?” He sighed.
“Same.” I told him, “Exhausting.”
“How many paintings did you get done?” He asked.
“One.”
“One?”
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“One?” He asked again, “I work my tail off all day, and you paint one picture?”
“Yeah, I also had two crying babies to take care of.” I became defensive.
“That’s no excuse! My job as at my office, and yours is here, all you have to do is paint and watch two kids! That should be easy!” He yelled.
“Do you want to switch places?” I asked, “Trust me, its not easy!”
“I’d love to see you try to do my job?”
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“What are we doing?” I asked, “Why are we arguing? Cardinal and Rudy can hear us.”
Red bit his lip.
“This isn’t what love and marriage is. Arguing? We should take each others feelings into account. I know you’re stressed, what can I do to help?”
“I’m sorry, Greth,” Red told me, “You’re right. I love you. Just keep being you, that’ll help”
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I started to blush, he came towards me, and wrapped his arms around me. He whispered, “Please forgive me.” into my ear.
I kissed him, “It’s okay, you’re under a lot of stress.”
He kissed back.
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It was the perfect way to make up after a fight, wasn’t it? It was a way to show that we still loved each other, right?
Or maybe it was a sign that we couldn’t control ourselves around each other. It was less like love, more like desire. It was the same thing that had happened both of the other times. I felt the same way afterwards, as well, I felt wrong. I felt like it was a huge mistake.
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“What did we just do?” I asked, feeling sick to my stomach.
“What do you mean?” Red laughed.
“Why did we just do that? We were arguing, and then...” my voice trailed off.
“Because we love each other?” He suggested.
“Why do you say that like it’s a question?” I asked, but didn’t let him answer, “Because this relationship isn’t about love. It was never about love, it was always about satisfaction.” I spat. “We got married because of Cardinal.”
“Greth. I do love you, I really do.” Red assured me.
“You shouldn’t have to convince me that you really mean that.”
