The Red Winged Angels
https://i.imgur.com/3eQeK08.png *EDIT: This story has it's own blog now.... The Red Winged Angels Table of Contents (in spoiler): [ Spoiler ]
Forum Discussion
This chapter deals with difficult and unpleasant subject matter.
Chapter 4.14 – The Unnamed Feeling
https://i.imgur.com/EINtyU7.png
You say you want it all
But with the demons in your head
You can't see straight
But give me a chance to be the light
To guide you through and be your eyes
The darkness in your soul
Always a part of you
I'll be by your side
Just follow me, follow me..
Follow me
Don't be afraid
I will lead you to a better place
Free from the sorrows away from the let downs
You will find a home
In Flames - Follow Me
Things slowly improved for Natalie now. She has her job back, remembers to take her medication (apart from the occasional slip up, but hey she's only... an angel.. or more correctly, half angel, half human), cleans up more around the house, and is no longer so troubled by hallucinations and anxiety attacks... would she finally begin to understand and acknowledge that Billy is in fact her son, and that how she used to treat her kids was wrong?
https://i.imgur.com/5AB0uTE.jpg
Aaron woke up from having spent his night in the tree hut.
https://i.imgur.com/uug6a76.jpg
Of course, slowly improving didn't mean perfect, as there was still some things that needed to be cleaned up..
And now that Natalie, thanks to the medication, was seeing improvement, Sara at the doctors' office, had started digging to get some answers..
Sara: So, Natalie.. we haven't talked about Elisa in a long time now.. has she stopped calling you?
"Yes.. yes, she has.." Natalie answered with a faint voice.
https://i.imgur.com/HEQcZKW.jpg
"It's .. strange kind of.. but... like.. after about a month of taking the medication.. I stopped.. hearing from her.."
Natalie pauses for a moment.
"So I thought.. I had to call her myself one day, but I... I looked through the numbers on my phone.. I had no... there was no Elisa on my list! So I thought I must have.. deleted her number by accident... so I dialed the number information service and asked them for Elisa Kittilsen, but.. well, they found a few people by that name.. but none of them lived where Elisa lives... or lived?"
https://i.imgur.com/8z0ecjw.jpg
"So I mean.. this is very hard.. and scary to believe... I so want her to be real, you know... we had such a good connection, I felt.. and.. but now... I still don't know what to believe... is it true that... could I really have made.... have made it all up?..... but how!? How does one do that!???"
https://i.imgur.com/f3F1bwU.jpg
Sara: Well, hallucinations in most people that suffer from it is due to biochemicals in the brain, and again this is usually due to a genetic predisposition, but environmental factors, such as stressful life events, can also be at play.
Natalie: So... I... my brain is just wrong.. then..?
Sara: Well, its.. it's gotten a little of course, you can say. I mean, your brain is pretty wonderful.. you are perfectly able of functioning... but.. something has tipped it down a path where it shouldn't be... And your results show that likely it is something external.. have there been any particularly stressful events or periods in your life, Natalie?
https://i.imgur.com/6XisQwe.jpg
Natalie: I.. ummm...
Sara: You mentioned to Dr. Spagliori an ex of yours. The father of your two oldest children. How was that relationship, Natalie?
Natalie: It was... umm.. it wasn't to bad, it was.. I mean, I... I was very young when I... when I first met him, and..
https://i.imgur.com/PaJbjxb.jpg
Natalie: ... I was working at the grocery store downtown.. I was only 17 years old when he first came by as a customer... He wasn't a good looking man, but... there was something about him still... I kept noticing coming by every now and then, and eventually a little more often... until one day, he finally asked me out.. I.. I went with him for a date, but.. and eventually we became friends and I started going to his house..
https://i.imgur.com/Rdbsu6q.jpg
Natalie: I didn't really have a... I was without a home... at the time... or, I did have a.. I used to live in... the cabin... because... I..
https://i.imgur.com/yz7GH4p.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/581THtM.jpg
Natalie: ...I survived by.. by tending to the beehive and fish... fishing from a nearby pond... so, when he... offered me to live at his place, I... of course, I accepted...
https://i.imgur.com/APih5TF.jpg
Natalie: ..and I... I actually did fall in love with him.. and... eventually we married... and... then we got Isaac... it wasn't really... I mean, it was also hard to.. I sometimes still went up to the cabin.. every now and then... and he was always a bit upset with how he said that... how he didn't like it when I.. in his words just... took off and didn't say where I was... where I was going... and we would often get into fights about it...
https://i.imgur.com/6qguxT2.jpg
Natalie: ... but I felt so... locked up sometimes... he never did... he was always... he is a good man...
Tears start showing on Natalies face.
https://i.imgur.com/FE8aK7J.jpg
Natalie: He never did anything wrong.. it was... it was.. it was me.... it was my fault...
Sara: But Natalie.. why did you tell dr. Spagliori that... that he...did what he.. umm, that he wasn't always so nice to you? Was it not true, Natalie?
Natalie: No, no... it was not true.. I... I... I didn't want to...I.... I...
Sara: You didn't want to do what, Natalie?
Natalie: I didn't want to talk about... I don't want to talk about...
Sara: I am sorry, Natalie, but I am going to have to keep asking questions... what is it that you don't want to talk about?
Natalie: I.... I.... it's.. it is... it was....
...
....... mom.....
Sara: What is it about you mother, Natalie?
https://i.imgur.com/0iRR4hX.png
The room is left in silence as Natalie shuts down, her eyes fixed on the floor and her mind racing. She wants to be anywhere but here.
Sara: Natalie, what is it about your mother?
https://i.imgur.com/OLIquxO.jpg
Natalies face changes character. All the suppressed rage starts to build up inside her.
Sara notices the change in Natalies face. She has seen this before.
Sara: You can tell it to me, Natalie. I am here for you, and I promise, I will not tell anyone. I have the duty of confidentiality. What you say in here, will stay in here.
Even though Sara had done this many times before, the next question was always a painful one to ask, but the lid had to be opened... there was no way around it..
Sara: Did your mother hurt you, Natalie?
Natalie didn't want to look at Sara. These emotions had nothing to do with Sara, and everything to do with her mother.
https://i.imgur.com/alOV4pk.jpg
Sara: I see you are angry, Natalie.You can let it all out to me, and I will not take it personally.
Natalie finally found herself able to look at Sara, her face was one of disgust, anger and hatred. Whom she hated and blamed was not clear, if it was her mother or herself. These feelings were so intense, they had no name. It was all blurred together until black was everything that remained. Every muscle in the body was tense, her fists were clenched and she could no longer feel her own heart beating. She drew back her lips, bared her teeth and just snarled, like an animal. She had no words and her mouth was unable to speak.
https://i.imgur.com/SeyVDA9.jpg
When Natalie finally was able to say something, what came out can't be repeated here, and it ended with Natalie losing herself in crying and tears and repeatedly banging her fists into the table in front of her...
Natalie still didn't have any words for it, she only knew there was lots of feeling, and that she didn't want to feel this way. She wanted it all to go away, but didn't know how to do it, because it always came back. It didn't matter how many times she would run away, how many times she would curse, yell and scream, it always came back.
https://i.imgur.com/n6zcRFJ.jpg
The only one that had ever soothed her properly, was Elisa. Elisa was like a mother to her, but now, thanks to the medication, Elisa was no longer there and Natalie was all alone with everything she felt.
https://i.imgur.com/HBDwarY.jpg
This was going to be a long road. She had just coughed up a giant wet ball of cardboard, and it was now sitting on the desk in front of her. From here begins the job to analyze this wet ball to make the pieces stand out, and eventually puzzle them all together....
https://i.imgur.com/2EEERCR.jpg
It was now that therapy and healing could finally begin.
Chapter 4.14 – The Unnamed Feeling
https://i.imgur.com/EINtyU7.png
Spoiler
The chapter title is from a Metallica song, however I chose not to use this song here to "soften" this chapter a bit, as that song is pretty raw, and this chapter is probably already heavy enough on the content...
You say you want it all
But with the demons in your head
You can't see straight
But give me a chance to be the light
To guide you through and be your eyes
The darkness in your soul
Always a part of you
I'll be by your side
Just follow me, follow me..
Follow me
Don't be afraid
I will lead you to a better place
Free from the sorrows away from the let downs
You will find a home
In Flames - Follow Me
Things slowly improved for Natalie now. She has her job back, remembers to take her medication (apart from the occasional slip up, but hey she's only... an angel.. or more correctly, half angel, half human), cleans up more around the house, and is no longer so troubled by hallucinations and anxiety attacks... would she finally begin to understand and acknowledge that Billy is in fact her son, and that how she used to treat her kids was wrong?
https://i.imgur.com/5AB0uTE.jpg
Aaron woke up from having spent his night in the tree hut.
https://i.imgur.com/uug6a76.jpg
Of course, slowly improving didn't mean perfect, as there was still some things that needed to be cleaned up..
And now that Natalie, thanks to the medication, was seeing improvement, Sara at the doctors' office, had started digging to get some answers..
Sara: So, Natalie.. we haven't talked about Elisa in a long time now.. has she stopped calling you?
"Yes.. yes, she has.." Natalie answered with a faint voice.
https://i.imgur.com/HEQcZKW.jpg
"It's .. strange kind of.. but... like.. after about a month of taking the medication.. I stopped.. hearing from her.."
Natalie pauses for a moment.
"So I thought.. I had to call her myself one day, but I... I looked through the numbers on my phone.. I had no... there was no Elisa on my list! So I thought I must have.. deleted her number by accident... so I dialed the number information service and asked them for Elisa Kittilsen, but.. well, they found a few people by that name.. but none of them lived where Elisa lives... or lived?"
https://i.imgur.com/8z0ecjw.jpg
"So I mean.. this is very hard.. and scary to believe... I so want her to be real, you know... we had such a good connection, I felt.. and.. but now... I still don't know what to believe... is it true that... could I really have made.... have made it all up?..... but how!? How does one do that!???"
https://i.imgur.com/f3F1bwU.jpg
Sara: Well, hallucinations in most people that suffer from it is due to biochemicals in the brain, and again this is usually due to a genetic predisposition, but environmental factors, such as stressful life events, can also be at play.
Natalie: So... I... my brain is just wrong.. then..?
Sara: Well, its.. it's gotten a little of course, you can say. I mean, your brain is pretty wonderful.. you are perfectly able of functioning... but.. something has tipped it down a path where it shouldn't be... And your results show that likely it is something external.. have there been any particularly stressful events or periods in your life, Natalie?
https://i.imgur.com/6XisQwe.jpg
Natalie: I.. ummm...
Sara: You mentioned to Dr. Spagliori an ex of yours. The father of your two oldest children. How was that relationship, Natalie?
Natalie: It was... umm.. it wasn't to bad, it was.. I mean, I... I was very young when I... when I first met him, and..
https://i.imgur.com/PaJbjxb.jpg
Natalie: ... I was working at the grocery store downtown.. I was only 17 years old when he first came by as a customer... He wasn't a good looking man, but... there was something about him still... I kept noticing coming by every now and then, and eventually a little more often... until one day, he finally asked me out.. I.. I went with him for a date, but.. and eventually we became friends and I started going to his house..
https://i.imgur.com/Rdbsu6q.jpg
Natalie: I didn't really have a... I was without a home... at the time... or, I did have a.. I used to live in... the cabin... because... I..
https://i.imgur.com/yz7GH4p.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/581THtM.jpg
Natalie: ...I survived by.. by tending to the beehive and fish... fishing from a nearby pond... so, when he... offered me to live at his place, I... of course, I accepted...
https://i.imgur.com/APih5TF.jpg
Natalie: ..and I... I actually did fall in love with him.. and... eventually we married... and... then we got Isaac... it wasn't really... I mean, it was also hard to.. I sometimes still went up to the cabin.. every now and then... and he was always a bit upset with how he said that... how he didn't like it when I.. in his words just... took off and didn't say where I was... where I was going... and we would often get into fights about it...
https://i.imgur.com/6qguxT2.jpg
Natalie: ... but I felt so... locked up sometimes... he never did... he was always... he is a good man...
Tears start showing on Natalies face.
https://i.imgur.com/FE8aK7J.jpg
Natalie: He never did anything wrong.. it was... it was.. it was me.... it was my fault...
Sara: But Natalie.. why did you tell dr. Spagliori that... that he...did what he.. umm, that he wasn't always so nice to you? Was it not true, Natalie?
Natalie: No, no... it was not true.. I... I... I didn't want to...I.... I...
Sara: You didn't want to do what, Natalie?
Natalie: I didn't want to talk about... I don't want to talk about...
Sara: I am sorry, Natalie, but I am going to have to keep asking questions... what is it that you don't want to talk about?
Natalie: I.... I.... it's.. it is... it was....
...
....... mom.....
Sara: What is it about you mother, Natalie?
https://i.imgur.com/0iRR4hX.png
The room is left in silence as Natalie shuts down, her eyes fixed on the floor and her mind racing. She wants to be anywhere but here.
Sara: Natalie, what is it about your mother?
https://i.imgur.com/OLIquxO.jpg
Natalies face changes character. All the suppressed rage starts to build up inside her.
Sara notices the change in Natalies face. She has seen this before.
Sara: You can tell it to me, Natalie. I am here for you, and I promise, I will not tell anyone. I have the duty of confidentiality. What you say in here, will stay in here.
Even though Sara had done this many times before, the next question was always a painful one to ask, but the lid had to be opened... there was no way around it..
Sara: Did your mother hurt you, Natalie?
Natalie didn't want to look at Sara. These emotions had nothing to do with Sara, and everything to do with her mother.
https://i.imgur.com/alOV4pk.jpg
Sara: I see you are angry, Natalie.You can let it all out to me, and I will not take it personally.
Natalie finally found herself able to look at Sara, her face was one of disgust, anger and hatred. Whom she hated and blamed was not clear, if it was her mother or herself. These feelings were so intense, they had no name. It was all blurred together until black was everything that remained. Every muscle in the body was tense, her fists were clenched and she could no longer feel her own heart beating. She drew back her lips, bared her teeth and just snarled, like an animal. She had no words and her mouth was unable to speak.
https://i.imgur.com/SeyVDA9.jpg
When Natalie finally was able to say something, what came out can't be repeated here, and it ended with Natalie losing herself in crying and tears and repeatedly banging her fists into the table in front of her...
Natalie still didn't have any words for it, she only knew there was lots of feeling, and that she didn't want to feel this way. She wanted it all to go away, but didn't know how to do it, because it always came back. It didn't matter how many times she would run away, how many times she would curse, yell and scream, it always came back.
https://i.imgur.com/n6zcRFJ.jpg
The only one that had ever soothed her properly, was Elisa. Elisa was like a mother to her, but now, thanks to the medication, Elisa was no longer there and Natalie was all alone with everything she felt.
https://i.imgur.com/HBDwarY.jpg
This was going to be a long road. She had just coughed up a giant wet ball of cardboard, and it was now sitting on the desk in front of her. From here begins the job to analyze this wet ball to make the pieces stand out, and eventually puzzle them all together....
https://i.imgur.com/2EEERCR.jpg
It was now that therapy and healing could finally begin.
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