CHAPTER THREE - Who Is Going To Hold My Hand?
The following morning was moving day. It almost rung my head the minute I opened my eyes. I stared at my ceiling for a long time before even considering the day ahead. It was 7:30am and I could already hear movement out in the lounge room. It was moving day, and I knew I could lay here all day until I was prompted to get out of bed. But I didn’t want my last memory of this place go to waste. I wanted to remember it because I wanted to take some good from all this. Mum and dad were likely finalising all the moving arrangements and I did not want to be included. I wanted to be with Rachel. I wasn’t sure how long it was going to be before I saw her again. I kicked myself off the bed and opened a box near my closet finding a cropped hoodie and a pair of jeans. I decided not to shower and throw them on quickly and get out of here before one of my parents had me moving boxes or packing.
As I stepped off the porch, all my emotions begun to spill over. I looked backwards at my house and gulped down hard knowing this was the last day I was going to be in it. As much as I wanted to treasure my last day in the house, I just couldn’t. It was empty, and everything made me feel comfortable there was gone or packed up. This was the only house I had ever lived in. And i knew being in another house was going to take some getting used to.
Leaving the garden gate I stared ahead and appreciated all my neighbours’ houses and their gardens. It normally wouldn’t even faze me on my way to and from school each day.
When would I even see this street again? And why did it take so long for me to be appreciative of my house and what I had.
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I made it to the end of my street. I wasn’t even sure where I was going. I knew I could just keep walking and like being in my neighbourhood. Around the corner I sat at my school bus stop and thought about me being here twice a day catching it and getting off. It was the last time I was going to be at this stop with Rachel before school as well.
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At that same moment, I texted Rachel hoping she was up and asked her to come to the school bus stop. I sat there for nearly 45 minutes just watching traffic go by when Rachel arrived. I stood up when I saw her and gave her a hug,
“Hey you…” I said letting her go.
“Hi..” she said with a sullen look on her face.
“Mum and I are taking a train to Perth at 7. I guess I’d have to be home by about 6. So that leaves us about 8 hours together.” Rachel’s eyes welled up.
“Don’t put a number on it. Please. I’ve been crying all day. I don’t want to count down my time with you. Because we won’t be having fun. And I want that today,” Rachel said sniffling and wiping her nose with the side of her hand. My natural reaction was to cry with her. We didn’t have to really say anything, because our tears said everything that we wanted to.
“Okay let’s get on a bus and just see what happens.” I said wiping away my tears. Typical Rachel pulled out her phone and opened her camera to look at herself in it. Her makeup was a mess, and all I could do was laugh about it because I knew she had probably just done it. We sat down and she started re touching her mascara and pulling some more powder on her face.
“You need some of this lady, do your face a favour” she said pushing the mascara bottle into my shoulder. I was kind of glad we were doing this because we would often do our makeup at the bus stop before we got on the school bus. Rachel always had to look her best before we saw all the hot boys on the bus.
Just as the bus was pulling up my phone rang,
It was home. I knew it was going to be mum.
“Yeah what?” I answered without saying hello.
“Where are you, you’re supposed to be helping pack today?”
“Yeah well I’m supposed to be sleeping in too, not moving, or worrying about any of this stuff…” I said smugly.
“Don’t get smart with me young lady! I’m not in the mood today Abby.” I rolled my eyes. Even though she couldn’t see it, Rachel was making a hand puppet miming “blah blah blah”. I smiled at her while mum continued, “We have to be at the station by 6pm to check our bags. So please be home by 5.”
“I’m spending my last day here with Rach, I’ll be home later. Don’t get your knickers in a twist,” I said feeling annoyed.
“5pm, Abby. Bye.” I snapped my phone shut and groaned out loud. Rachel smiled, though in my head I was screaming!
Please save me … I have to go and live with this woman!
Rachel had so many suggestions about where we could go. We definitely would be going out to lunch that was a sure thing. Even if it was McDonalds, we didn’t care. But I was feeling rather nostalgic about places I had been to with Rachel and things we had done there. I past our junior primary school and pointed out the window at it. She smiled back at me and pushed the stop button. I wanted to go here because it was where we first met. We sat on the play equipment that had not changed since we were kids. We laughed about things that we remembered and how long it had been since we were last here.
It was unfair that I had to say goodbye to Rachel. Why were their relationship choices ultimately making me make choices i didn't want to make? What if I got up one day and never wanted to see them again?
Rachel and I walked to our high school together from our primary school. The memories there were good and bad. I wondered who was going to be her friend here when I wasn’t. The thought almost made me feel jealous. I was her friend, and she was mine… and it had been like that forever. I didn’t even know how I would feel when she wasn’t around every day. I wondered if Rachel felt the same as I did. Knowing Rachel she would just find a boyfriend and spend all her time with him to fill the space that I usually did. I let her have all the boyfriends because I liked hearing the gossip about them because I found it really funny. Sure I had boyfriends, but nothing ever more serious than stealing a kiss here and there and holding hands. Rachel however, was a different story.
After a non-stop day of laughs, tears and reminiscing it was 4pm and we began to head home. My first thought was to not go home and intend to miss the train so we would have to go another day. But I knew my dad would be disappointed with me if I did that. And I really hated disappointing him. Rachel and I didn’t talk to each other much on the way back to my house. We would look at each other with glassy eyes and frown a lot. We knew that if we said anything about how long it was until I had to go, or anything that even said goodbye in it, we would break down. I knew that’s where I was anyway.
When we arrived at my house I sat on the garden bench and watched a courier truck taking boxes out of the house. Rachel’s bottom lip was quivering.
This is supposed to be me Rachel. I’m usually the one who is a mess. You’re the strong one.
She was the strong one. She was the one who kept it together when I fell apart and be the positive one in our friendship. Tears fled my eyes, but I didn’t breakdown. I knew something had to be said about the goodbye. Because she was dying inside. I needed to make her feel better.
“We are going to text every single day ok?”
“You better. And when I’m 18 I’m coming over there to rescue you! I Promise.” She said placing her arm around me.
“See Rach, it’s only a year. And I’ll ask dad to fly me over on school break. It’s not forever babe.” She forced a smile and cried out a short laugh. Taking a deep breath she nodded.
“Your right. Just don’t go finding someone better than me.”
“No one is better than you…” It was true. I knew already that I wouldn’t have a friend again like Rachel. And it was pointless to even try to replace her. When she mentioned about being 18 and leaving home, it made me feel good even though our friendship’s future was still unknown. I wanted to be hopeful about it still. Suddenly I heard the screen door screech, and I saw mum.
“C’mon Abby you better start getting you’re the last of your carry on stuff together, we have to leave for the station in about an hour.” Rachel smiled at Mum and stared down at me. I looked at Rachel; I snapped. I bawled. I sobbed with my head in my hands. Mum turned to go inside and said,
“Rachel you can come on in and stay until we leave,” Rachel nodded and gave thanks as she placed her head on my shoulder holding me tight. A year just seemed too long. Rachel held out her hand and helped me up. As we went into the house, my uncle Kevin turned up to take Mum and I to the train station. Rachel and I headed to my room passing my mum lugging suitcases to the car. I sat on my bed and looked around my bedroom. My room was completely bare except for my bed frame, bare mattress and my grand piano. I looked over it knowing that it wasn’t going to make the trip. I wasn’t even sure when I’d see that again either. I got up from my bed and sat at my piano stool. I played every day, ever since my 10th birthday when they bought it for me. It was my favourite thing in this entire house. I was sure that they were probably selling it because I could see the shipping of it costing more than the actual piano itself. I decided to play it since it might be the last time I ever played it. Rachel sat beside me and watched.
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“Abby, what on earth are you doing?” I heard my mum bellowing from the hallway. I just kept playing, my fingers struck the keys viciously. I tired blocking out everything that was happening.
“Would you just stop?!” Mum yelled. I thumped my hand on the piano hard.
“Why don’t you just stop,” I hissed. “Stop all of this, this is my piano,” I screamed. I had completely lost it now. My anger came bursting out of me like an erupting volcano. “There is no way it’s ever coming with us … dad is just going to sell it, I want it and I want to play it!” I finished. I hadn’t had a tantrum in years and mum gave me a look as if to know exactly how I was feeling, but a little stunned at the same time. We stayed there looking at each other for a moment before Mum pursed her lips together and gestured for me to keep playing. I started playing a familiar song, one my dad used to play to me to get me to sleep. I cried when I played every note. It was almost soothing, I felt someone’s hands on my shoulders, and I assumed that they would have been Rachel’s but they weren’t. It was dad. I reverted to a child again and held him close.
“When will we see each other?” I asked,
“In your next school break in July,” he said pulling away.
Gosh that’s like 3 months away!
“After I sort things out and get some money together. But don’t worry I will call you every chance I get.” I had barely been away from my dad since I was born, and here he was telling me that I wouldn’t see him for 3 months. I was beginning to be a drama queen again as 100 thoughts raced through my head.
What if? What if he finds another girlfriend? What if he forgets about me? What if he has other kids and is too busy with a new family?
The thoughts teared me apart inside, but I thought that maybe I was over reacting a little too soon as well. But it did stay in the back of my mind momentarily. My dad asked me to play and sing for him. It was a time where dad and I bonded the most.
“You’re going to be a star one day darling, never give up on dreams,” he added as I played.
My dreams meant nothing right now. My only dream was that he would just stay. That we all would just stay.
Our goodbye was long and very teary. Rachel came in shortly after my dad left my room. She announced that my mum and uncle were waiting in the car. I held Rachel tight and hugged her for more than 2 minutes just crying. It was almost hard to let go of her hand, as I settled into the car. My dad wiped his face and turned away with his hand over his face as our car slowly indicated off the curb. It was just one of them cliché times people usually look out of the back window. I wasn’t going to at first because I knew it was so hard, but I had to … There they were with that goodbye look, the heart-wrenching look.
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Rachel and dad stood side-by-side and waved. I watched them until they looked like dots in the distance. Mum was whimpering in the front as her brother placed his hand lovingly on her shoulder.
Who was here to hold my hand through all this?
