Between2Worlds [Story] 06/04

Well, when I saw "Mage in training" or whatever it is on the last banner, I expected a little more chapters than what I saw about the magic side of things. I'm not trying to sound critical, but I'm just expressing my honesty here.

Ah you’re absolutely right. When I created that banner I was wondering if it was the right phrase to describe her. I forgot about it and now that I have a good think about it, it really wasn’t. I didn’t quite know how I would balance the aspects of Magic and Crime together and by the time I had a good gripe on it I forgot about the banner and simply left it there. I’m definitely not going to do that for S2, I’ve realised I’m no good at writing small blurbs or taglines so I'll forgo them altogether next season hehe.

To be honest, I think Athena might have had a crush on Curtis after he defended her from the gang in that alley in the first few chapters. It seemed a bit like a "rescue romance" thing, but I don't really have a problem with that. There's just something about the damsel in distress trope that I enjoyed, even if it can be a little overused.

You’re definitely on to something there. She caught herself thinking of Curtis cordially, during the the park scene. So yeah, she definitely has a crush on him at that point. Ah I’m glad you like the trope used. It definitely started out that way, thankfully Athena adopted the mindset to improve herself so she doesn’t stay stagnant throughout the story.

When I think about it, it seems that she's trying not to get into as much danger, but is drawn to it for a mysterious reason. I had thought that she might have been cursed in some sort of way. As to her strengths and weaknesses, she seemed a little heady sometimes when she could have at least listened to Grim's warnings. But she was a teenager, so yeah. I couldn't say much about that one dark chapter, but it was pretty awful what she had gone through. No woman should go through that.

I still remember you were the earliest person in the comments to point out Athena’s unluckiness. I was really impressed and I’m like “Oooh boy, I’m only revealling it in ch 13 I hope you won’t feel too frustrated to be kept hanging.” Ah so true that she’s a hard-headed person.

At the end of the story, she seemed to have developed a bit of an edge, and I think it's a result of her getting older and learning a bit more magic. As for the upcoming season, I predict her to be more powerful and experienced if there's indeed a time skip.

I’m not too sure what an edge means but I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Hopefully? xD

Thank you for your feedback. It was great hearing from you. I appreciate your sharing of insights and that was really fun! :)

Oh, that’s hard, I liked so many! I really liked Merchant of Time Part 2 (Is that weird? It was arguably the darkest part of the story, but really well written, and filled so many missing pieces, and I loved learning more about Masato and Kirino’s past.). I loved the lighthouse chapters, obviously Curtis and Athena finally kissing for the first time was something that was built up, and then the dramatic confrontation in the graveyard afterwards was really captivating. Also really enjoyed Curtis and Athena’s non-date. Oh, and the first introduction of Curtis and Kian was pretty awesome, they made such an impression.

Ahh I don’t think it’s weird. I kinda like that part. It wraps up on itself like a little side story.  I'm so glad! This story has so little sweet moments that when those moments come they have to deliver themselves  !

Least favourite part was probably the finale, but I’ll get into that later. Other than that, the parts with Athena finding her footing in the new school were not something that hugely spoke to me, but I understand how and why it was an important part of her journey and had to be shown (it’s likely because I’ve been out of high school for a very long time, and because when I was in high school, I was not very popular at all haha).

I’m definitely on the sidelines in highschool, but my sisters were in the popular clique and gosh the drama. I drew from their experiences. I will answer that bit about the ending more descriptively later!

I actually didn’t have any expectations when I started reading at all. I remember thinking that you did a really good job at introducing the reader to an established family (this is so hard to do if you weren’t intending on writing a story about said characters in the first place, and a lot of people don’t pull it off, so they are in an uphill struggle to try to get their readers get as invested in their characters as they are), and you immediately established a connection with Athena through her journal entries. Well and after that, it got even better

Oof Thank you! I’m glad it was effective. I rewrote the beginning because her diary chapter was actually a pretty confrontational chapter. I wrote down the entire scene of Clarissa and friends. 

I thought you did this really well. Yes things got progressively darker, but It felt gradual and not shoehorned in, a natural progression of the established storylines and settings. You also did a great job with foreshadowing a lot of it, so I was mentally prepared for the events of Mercy. I actually really admired how you handled the dark aspects of the story.

Thank you this is so good to know! I am trying to lighten/balance things up in S2 (as you know) but if I can’t at least I know I didn’t do too shabbily for S1 so I have a good fallback (So far I'm at the mindset of I probably can't light this up but I'm sure I 'll find a way.) 

I have no predictions, but things I would like seeing explored would be the aftermath of Masato’s plans coming to fruition, and whether that brought him any satisfaction (my guess is no lol), Athena’s pursuit of untamed magic – I’m guessing she will to some degree become “power-hungry,” and might need to do some soul searching about who she truly is. Heck, I can see her becoming the villain and Curtis the “good guy” trying to save the world (wasn’t that kind of thing always his motivation anyway? On a smaller, more personal scale, trying to avenge those he’s seen harmed). Oh, and I want Kian to be very happy and unharmed, k thanx 

Ahh I love your predictions. I can't respond to it but I really like listening to them. I’m glad you shared them and you def will see some of those happening. I especially like that flip you did with AC haha! so creative! But I don't think what I have fits that model, you’ll just have to find out. As for Kian  you’ll find out too.


Story

Curtis’s part was pretty clear, as was his struggle of his conscience to deal with the consequences of what he contributed to. I did not fully understand Fisheye's operation but got the general feeling. Some of the multispeech bubbles were hard for me to follow, but I don’t typically read comics, so that’s to be expected. Oh, and on the first read I did not realise there were multiple pages to that part, my bad haha.

I really, really appreciate your feedback here and in wp. I’ve identified a few areas I can turn into action, change panelling layout, speech bubbles and definitely, definitely the part about wp page buttons hidden below related posts. So silly of wordpress to have its layout like that.

For me it all flowed really well until the final chapter. The instant attraction, the intrigue building up, them getting to know each other and falling for each other – likely accelerated due to the shared trauma was very believable, it was hard not to root for them and was built up really well. I also really liked that them finally getting together and sleeping together for the first time was ultimately hollow and unfulfilling for both of them (ok, really liked is probably a weird way of putting it  I have an appreciation for things that are sad in a beautiful way, I guess).

So I bought into their rise, and into their fall, a hundred percent. I think my issue with the final chapter was that you did such a great job convincing me to root for them, and then such a great job at convincing me that they (well, mainly Athena) changed too much for it to work, that I struggled to buy into them saying ah well, it’s fine, we care about each other anyway so let’s give this a shot.

Maybe it’s a pacing issue. Because the end part sped over several months of them dating, we didn’t really get to see the parts of the relationship of the “new” Athena with Curtis, so it was hard to see why they would want to keep going. Them wanting to stay together didn’t feel earned.

Ahh that is true, thank you so much for your honesty. You’re right about it all. I could’ve fleshed out their dating scenes to make it more believable but I didn’t so the ending was incredibly unbelievable, or believable depending on how you look at it.

So what I intended for the end was for it to be an idealised make-up from both parties. In the final chapter, we have Curtis who despite whatever Athena tells him, absolves her of all blame and is adamant on staying with her. Then we have Athena who sincerely confesses to him of her deception, but then flips around and says okay lets stay together. From a third party perspective, it IS unbelievable. I think you pointed in your comments that you smelled rat (along with almost everyone haha). I totally agree actually. It’s unbelievable as a third party watching the scene play out, but believable I think, when we look from their perspectives, Grim has just grilled Curtis for Athena’s benefit and used his guilt against him while Athena still harbors a fear of being alone. (I just had a sudden thought that this whole scene could be described as unreliable narration, not me though the characters are doing it. Ok fine me too)  What do you think? I could be trying to bluff my way out of here haha! I wonder if there's a better way to deliver this part. It might not be character motivations that make this part unbelievable, maybe I could have structured it differently.

I guess if you and/or your SO lost your memories, would you fall in love again. Maybe, maybe not – boils down to whether we fall in love because of your personality or because of your shared experiences. I think both play a role, as does timing. But I could probably go really deep into that rabbit hole and there’s still a million more questions!

I will say this though, contrary to the many many things I have said – and this may surprise you -I do still root for them in the long haul. I would like them to fail the sprint in order to get to the marathon. Because no marathon can be ran if you break your leg in the first mile because you grossly underestimated what you can do. Actually, that’s probably a bad analogy. I want them to break that leg, but meet at the finish line. Something to that effect. I hope you know what I’m trying to convey (poorly)

OOh that is such food for thought. Personality or shared experience? I’m going to sit on that. Yeah I already have a dozen questions just from that can of worms you opened. (What about how the person makes you feel!? Ahh voice shadup)

Naww totally see what you’re getting at! Sometimes we have to stop what we’re doing to get a full picture. In Athena and Curtis’s case they’re so hellbent on continuing they’ll just face the same problem over and over again. They need that thinking space if they ever want their relationship to work.
Stubborn  From Athena’s side, especially, basically throughout.

I think initially their relationship formed because they both desperately needed something, someone to give things meaning, to make life bearable. Because of that and the fact they were both attractive and misunderstood. Then as they opened each other, it got more substance.

For Curtis, their relationship was what kept him alive (and that’s disregarding the fact this was literally why grim did not reap his soul) – he said himself he didn’t have much of a reason to live other than vengeance. Anyway, I’m dwelling on this.

Rofl stubborn is a great descriptor hahaha. And man I can’t change anything of what you wrote. Here's a cookie instead :cookie: <3

It was the most effective way to show it, through the eyes of someone not desensitized to it all. Just seeing it as Curtis for the first time would not have really delivered to the same effect. And yes, definitely felt incredibly tense and dangerous throughout.

Thank you. :smile:

It was handled very well, and yes I saw it coming – but not in a “so predictable” kind of way, more so like “ok, I can mentally prepare for this” kind of way. I don’t think there was a better way you could have handled it. It is something I have personal experience with (not exactly the same situation, but similar enough), but I felt warned and it was not triggering. I can’t say that I expected it at the start of the story, but the way you got to it was well executed.

Thank you very much! When I wrote this part I wanted to make sure I was being responsible with its handling. And this makes me feel better about it. Mercy is personal to me and is a real problem that needs to be addressed. Yimi made a compelling argument of how this issue is handled irresponsibly in literature and I was very worried I'd fall in the same category because my intention was never that at all. So thank you. I really value your feedback.

LOL yeah I did think about that sociopath bit. I’m surprised it didn’t get censored. I had a good read about sociopaths when I crafted this scene and Scorcher because I wanted to make sure Curtis doesn't become a Sociopath lol so I was reading a paper about child abuse and trauma. I’m glad you found that they worked because sometimes even when research is done, what I have in my head doesn't flow properly on paper.  I guess thats why most of my questions are focused on whether the plot made sense.

I’m trying to remember how much we knew about how Avery left the magic realm at that point. The trade-off made sense and provided a good setup for Athena’s own, without that stepping stone the revelation of Athena losing her memories wouldn’t have the same impact.
I do think it was believable, because Athena’s relationship with her mother was really not the closest to begin with. Athena completely bought into Avery’s front, which is what alienated them – perhaps if Athena were older, she’d understand better, but Athena was always very focused on her own motivations and narrative.

Do you mean Avery’s front by her cheerful disposition? Or do you mean Avery’s front by her pretending they had no connection with the Magic Realm anymore? And you’re too nice on Athena. You can call her self-centered if you want. She does have a lot of flaws. 

It was very tasteful, and the poem was really well written. The chapter was heart-breaking and I loved it.

Ahh I’m glad it was okay. Those were one of my YOLO chapters that were based on a whim. I never realised how whimsical I am until I started writing B2W.

- Curtis’s complete out of character aggression, manipulation and exploitation of Athena at Trevor’s house – oh definitely, he was desperate, and desperation brings out the worst in people. He had just killed the scorcher, his soul motivation for existing, with that gone, how could he allow Athena to just walk away in that moment? I wouldn’t say it was exploitation, exactly, though, I mean, is it exploitation when it’s mutual? It was exactly what she was looking for that night, after all.

- Athena’s complete out of character aggression, loosened and unhinged behavior at Trevor’s house – yes, she just lost a big part of herself and had a huge confrontation with her mother. Teenagers act up over much less existential things.

Thank you so much for explaining deeper. Sometimes when I craft the characters’ actions, I’d think to myself that it makes sense to me that they’ll choose to act a certain way, but I don’t understand why. So it does take someone else to point out how they’re feeling in that moment/prioritised aspect that makes me go ‘OOOOOHH’. Yeah I rely on intuition sometimes I guess. Don’t quote me on that I do think deeply of my character’s actions  . This explains my whims. OOkey.