Cantrell: The Early Years, Part Four

Betrayal, a Cantrell: The Early Years, Part Four Update

 

Erik shot his father a glance.  Joseph nodded in the direction of the lower deck.  “Why don’t you fellas go fire up the barbeque?”

“It doesn’t take three of us to do that —” Joe Jr. objected just as Erik rose, and placing a hand on his brother’s shoulder gently guided him toward the stairs. 

“That’s another way of telling us to get outta here,” Erik quipped.  “Come along, doctor.”

 

“Adrian, go help your mother,” Joseph said, nodding his head.   

 

The boy drew in a breath, hopped down from his perch and made a big show of slumping his shoulders. “I never get in on the good conversations,” he said, as he went back inside.  

 

Brianna waited until it was just the two of them again, to speak.  “I miss him so much, Daddy.  Still.”

 

“I know, Baby Girl, I know.”

 

“When we were connected . . . he had this way of . . . I’m not sure how to explain it.  It’s like he was a counterbalance.  Does that make sense?  Now I’m just . . . alone.  Adrift. I’m so sorry.  I never intended to mindmeld with him.  You always warned me. It just . . . sorta happened.  I don’t think he meant to, either, for what it’s worth,” she whispered, huddling further into the chair.  

 

Warming her feet at the fire ring strategically placed in the center of the deck, she had yet to acclimate to the dampness of a climate that spread it’s chill all the way to her bones.  They may have removed her physically from Vulcan, yet some part of the arid planet yet claimed her.  No matter how long she remained on Earth, she could never get warm enough.  She should never have played in the waves . . .

 

“What about this so-called testing?” Joseph asked, at last.

 

Brianna stared directly into the burning embers, “The psychological scanning?  Piece of cake,” she replied.  “I guess that’s really what this is about.  My collapse . . .  Guess they just want to make sure I’m stable, for one.  It’s just that . . .” she paused, fighting for control, retrieving a small red cube from her pocket, the micro computer disk that contained her orders.  She turned the small square object over and over in her tiny hands, belying her state of mind, trembling ever so slightly.  “Well, I seem to be projecting, lately.”

 

“You’re wandering again?”  Joseph shook his head.  “Doesn’t that make you something of a — a security risk?”

 

“Affirmative, hence the testing I underwent.” Brianna shrugged, gazing into her mug.  “It’s triggered some rather strange dreams,” she said.  “Like I’m looking through a kaleidoscope of memories that aren’t quite mine.  And I felt him again.  Like he was there,” she trailed off, her gaze suddenly clouded and far away again.  “Like the Watcher is being watched . . . I know he’s retreated. He as much impressed it into my head, our games must stop.  I just can’t seem to let him go.”  Her voice, tiny and thin, came as a whisper.  

 

“Less than a bondlink, more than a simple mindmeld. Isn’t that how T’Pran described it?” 

“Yeah,” Brianna said.  A tear broke free and rolled down her delicate cheek.  She quickly brushed it away.  “I just wanted . . . I never got to see his face, Daddy.  Never got to look into his eyes.  I just had hoped one day . . .”

 

“I made a judgement call nearly five years ago.  You were seventeen.  A baby, really.” 

“I know.  It’s okay,” her shoulders slumped.  “I don’t hold you to blame anymore.  Not really.  It’s just.  I can’t seem to tell fact from fantasy anymore, either.  Reality apart from my dreams.  What I want so much to be true — that he’s returned — despite what that may mean.”

 

Joseph hung his head and spoke softly.  “You should always trust your instincts, Brianna.  I need you to trust them now.”

 

Gazing at her father’s face she noted how much older he seemed these days.  His deep auburn hair was tinged with white streaks, his full beard flecked with blades of snow.  Tiny lines edged his light blue eyes.  She saw pain in them.  “What do you mean? In what way?  I don’t —” 

 

Joseph held out a hand to halt her questions, “I debated whether I should tell you this,” Joseph nodded, hanging his head.  “But with the way everything played out in the end, I simply don’t have a choice.”

 

“Go on,” Brianna prompted, growing uncomfortable.

 

“After your k'Matra, after the incident, we were flooded with marriage proposals.  All First Sons from the Noble Houses.  I never entertained them for a second.  Threw every last one of them into the fire.  Seals and all,” Joseph Cantrell said.  

 

“What?”  Brianna felt the tingle of her whole body going numb.  She shook her head, struggling to keep her jaw from going slack.  On top of everything else, she had developed the unfortunate propensity for passing out, lately.

 

“You had your life all planned out,” Joseph went on.  “I wasn’t going to let them take it from you. Good breeding stock, or no. You’re not a horse. You’re not property —”

 

“Ha!  My life’s plan,” she cried suddenly, jumping up to pace the deck.  The auto lights popped on, dusk rapidly closing in.  She set her coffee mug on a small side table, resting her hands on the back of her hips. “My dream to be a Starfleet officer quietly going nova.  Brighter than bright at graduation and then just winking out.  You do know they wanted to suspend my commission . . . What is it you’re saying to me?  What are you telling me?  That it isn’t like you said?  He wasn’t toying with me after all?  That he wanted me — to be his wife?”

 

“No, baby.”

 

“What made you think I couldn’t do both?  Wasn’t that for me to decide?  Just who was treating who like property?  It’s my life!  My choice!”  Hugging herself, she walked toward the deck’s edge.  “I could have been his wife.  Oh, God, you took that away from me.  We could have had a family by now —” A sob escaped, and she quickly squelched it.

 

Joseph came up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders as she gazed vacantly toward the ocean and the looming darkness.  “You need someone who can love you. You’re human, not Vulcan,” he was adamant.  “As much as you’ll love him.”

 

“Who are you to judge that?” she said, drawing in a ragged breath, shrugging away from him. “He loved me in his own way.  I can’t explain it.” 

 

“Someone who knows how an unintended mindmeld can mess with your head, that’s who!”

“What?”

 

Joseph nodded, “It was long before I met your mother.  Back when I was a Marine and stationed on Vulcan.  But just like you, I believed I loved her.  Through the mindmeld she made me think so — and all the time I was just an experiment to be discarded when she got bored.  Her excuse?  She was curious about humans. She committed an unthinkable felony, forcing her way into my mind, all because she was curious. In the end, she paid the price for it.” Joseph cleared this throat.

 

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you, but that’s your story.  It isn’t mine —”

 

“Don’t talk nonsense,” Joseph said firmly, grasping her arms and looking directly into her eyes.  “Don’t you see?  Your moderator wasn’t even in the running.  This is what I’m trying to tell you. He never even asked.  So you see, he was never seriously interested.  Why do you think they placed censure on him in the first place?  Strictly for his conduct during your test?  Hardly.  He was toying with you.  And they knew it.” 

 

“He used a mind trick on me?  No, you’re wrong, I don’t believe it, I can’t — What is the point in telling me all of this now?  As if I don’t hurt enough already.”

 

Joseph dropped his hold on her.  Scrubbing at his beard, he let out a tired sigh.  “I met with an advocate for his family week before last. You are to formally meet him.  Your moderator.  Now that you have all the facts, you can weigh things for yourself.  You’ve always had good instincts. The rest is up to you, after that.”

 

Brianna left the rail, grabbed her now tepid cup of coffee and moved over to the ring of chairs.

 

“So, I wasn’t imagining it. He has reached out again. How long were all of you planning on keeping up this pretense? That he had no interest in me and simply ran out on me.” Brianna shot him a glance, squeezing her coffee mug hard. “Am I really that delicate you thought the truth would crush me? I’ve been such a fool. What are you saying to me?”

 

“I’m saying that had I to do it all over again . . .”  Joseph cleared his throat.  “It is possible mistakes were made four and a half years ago.  And although I would likely take a similar course of action again . . . you were so very young . . . I would do anything to spare you this pain, now.”

 

Brianna’s eyes filled with tears. She threw a hand over her mouth, wanting to heave, certain she was going to be sick. Gingerly, she sunk deeper into the deck chair. “Then, it’s true. He meant to leave me.” 

 

“I don’t know or understand the circumstances.  But, yes, it would seem so.”

 

“I guess I don’t understand just why he wishes to meet me now.”  Brianna scrubbed the tears from her face, focusing on the red embers warming her feet.  She felt cold all over.  “Cur-curiosity?”

 

“It’s his family.  I believe they are earnestly trying to make amends.” Joseph Cantrell handed her the scroll from inside his jacket. “If this doesn’t sit well with you, let me know. I do have another option available. It wouldn’t take much to put it into play.”

 

Huddling into herself, Brianna stared out at the ocean in the distance.  The sun had set like a fiery orange ball, dipping into the waves where the sky met the deep cerulean blue of the water.  She could hear her older brothers laughing and carrying on down on the lower deck, full of merriment.  Life for her had ended for a long time after her moderator— left her — and she’d made a concerted effort to continue on, wanting only to honor the memory of their encounter by being strong.  Now, she was uncertain of what to think.  “Alone.  So alone,” she whispered.