Cantrell: The Early Years, Part Four

Never and Always Touching and Touched, a Cantrell: The Early Years, Part Four Update

 

Streaking through the universe at Warp Factor Three, the Enterprise was well on its way toward the scheduled rendezvous site.  That thought alone had Brianna’s stomach in a knot, which began with the captain’s initial announcement to the crew early this morning, until the knot grew into butterflies beating her relentlessly. 

 

Soon, she would meet her moderator, officially, and be pressed into service for the upcoming mission. Am I up to it? she wondered, glad that Spock was here keeping her company, helping to stave off the dreaded loneliness of her more than a mindmeld, less than a bondlink status with him. Just being with him eased her fears, as it always did.  Either way, she still had a decision to make.  

 

To serve him tea or not, indicating her willingness to honor the marriage contract.  If he accepted the cup from her, things would go forward as planned.  She did hope to have an earnest talk with him, first, however.  She needed to know just why he left her, and why he had reached out for her again so very suddenly?

 

Leaving her completely confused. Her father offered one reason, while her almost bondmate’s behavior offered her something else. Why? Why did you leave like you did? She needed to understand. Certainly, she felt affection from him during their visits. Did sense it, even now? With his shields firmly intact, it was hard to read him, hard to tell what he was really feeling.  It would be so easy for her to give into her own sentiments toward him, but was it wise?

 

She stole a sidelong glance at the Vulcan. Spock was everything he presented himself to be all those times they connected in their dreams. At least when they connected metaphysically, she no longer suffered the pain of being abandoned, as it were. Bad break-up. Fearing he would simply up and leave her again, she found herself wanting to welcome him back with open arms. Wondering, too, why she found herself challenging him tonight. This is my chance to set things straight.

 

He was correct, her struggle was far too apparent to ignore.  She had to tell him. This particular stretch of the corridor was mostly deserted, ship’s night, the lights were low, lending itself to a sense of privacy. Glad that he reached over and took her hand in his as they walked along. A shock of adrenalin shot through her, that obnoxious cavern gone, that quickly, warmed by his physical touch. “I’m just a little afraid of what lies ahead, sir, is all.  Decisions that have to be made.  I mean, I used to believe in faerie tales …” she said, “but not anymore.”"And what happened that made you change your mind?” Spock asked, unconsciously, giving her hand a slight squeeze.  Brianna glanced at their hands, intertwined, suppressing a grin, grateful for the physical contact. She returned the squeeze.  “Real life … it’s sometimes harsher than expected.”     

 

“It is, indeed, Lieutenant.”

 

They stopped before a set of doors, the portals were hexagonal in shape. All was darkened inside. They had reached the Forward Observation deck. Opening the door, he gestured her inward, realizing their conversation was highly personal and needed to be held in private. The lights rose to ships' night. Spock closed the door softly behind them. Brianna gravitated to the ancient ships’ wheel, stood before it, admiring it, he supposed. I imagine it appeals to the archaeologist in you.

 

Getting her brimming emotions back in check she turned toward him, and continued her thoughts, “Unexpected events … occur and then all at once your whole world implodes.”

Spock nodded in agreement, “Taking with it your happily ever after.”

“Yes, and all that you anticipated, all that you were working toward just … evaporates.  And you find yourself … alone.  Hideously —”

 

“— Painfully alone.” He said, taking a seat on the faux leather sofa on the portside of the deck. Patting the empty spot next to him, he gazed at her steadily. She moved forward and sat down next to him.

 

“Yes. Forgive me,” she said, backing away from the subject, aware she was missing her opportunity to divest herself of her greatest concern, afraid that when it came down to it, he would confirm her doubts, that he might ask to be released.  What if this whole thing was merely a charade? That he didn’t want her, after all. and his attempt at restoring the honor he cost his family was just that? Both of their actions were pretty reprehensible, she admitted.

“Negative,” he said, suddenly, "The fault is mine."

He closed the gap between them on the sofa, gazed into her eyes, “Please forgive me for leaving you so egregiously like that. I was censured for touching you so deeply as I did. My request to meet you summarily denied. I wasn’t to pursue it by order of the High Council. I didn’t want to leave you. I never meant to leave you. And tomorrow we shall both come before T’Pau and our Fate sealed.  I would know, if I may, will you seek Ku’nut or Kali’fee?” Spock waited for her answer, saw the conflict in her features. The dark cloud hovering over her, regretting his question. How is it I just keep stepping all over you?

"A lie?” she gazed at him hard.  “What do you mean by that? I may be young and naive, but I’m not stupid.  I have to go,” she said, abruptly.  She jumped up from the sofa, ready to retreat.  “I have to get off of this seesaw.  I just can’t do it anymore; it’s ripping me to shreds!” With that she headed toward the door.

“Brianna-Kam, I would speak with you,” Spock said, using his command voice.  She stopped and turned back to glance at him.  Spock softened his voice, “before we take tea, tomorrow.”  

 

“Don’t you mean, if we take tea?” She threw her arms out from her sides, “Oh, for crying out loud, sir!  What more is there to say?  I know you don’t want me —”

“Not want you?” Spock was stunned, he never meant to leave her with that impression, his worst nightmare realized.  “Is that what you think?” 

 

“You’ve made it all too clear, sir.  But, thanks to that happy little signed parchment, by our fathers, I just don’t have the right to refuse you at this time.”  She put up her hand, seeing he was about to argue the point. 

 

“Oh, I know, I could refuse the contract by not serving you tea and all.  But then you might get the mistaken impression I was going to call for Challenge.  I can’t do that, either.  I have no desire for someone to die on my behalf.  That would be unconscionable.  And certainly, I don’t wish for you to perish.  I’m just so confused by it all.  And I need time to think.  Far be it from me to be your ‘ball and chain’.  That’s not what I want, either.  I just know I can’t force you against your will.  What kind of a marriage would that be?  If I could turn back time ...I’m so sorry. So very sorry for all of this.”

 

“Obviously I have killed whatever we had between us. Perhaps, that was the intent behind the censure, to guarantee an end to it. Have you sought your Champion then?”

 

Taking a few steps closer to him she said, “I hope you didn’t twist an ankle jumping to the Isle of Conclusions like that.”

In gazing at her he was nearly relieved. She was grinning impishly. To abate the renewed pain, he reached over and held her by her shoulders, gazing at her steadily. "An odd reference, madam.”

 

“Phantom Tollbooth,” she said. “A chapter title in the very charming children’s classic. You made it in the blink of an eye. To answer your second question, I have not sought a Champion. My father, however, did intimate to me, the evening he gave me the news and handed over my scroll, he had another ace up his sleeve. Should I need it, I was simply to let him know and he would put it into action. I do wish now he had revealed just what it was.” 

 

“You may find solace in the fact that your father recently came before the High Tribunal and rescinded his objection to our meeting in an effort to remove the Stay on our meeting.”

 

“Tribunal? Oh, we really did cross a line, didn’t we?”

“Others had it in mind to bond with you. Our untimely encounter essentially put an end to the hopes of several First Sons of the Noble Houses. My needs were also set aside.”

 

“Actually, Daddy burned all of their petitions. I was so vexed at him when he told me. All I could think of is that by some chance your bid was also incinerated. Apparently, you never even asked. And now I know why. Oh, Daddy really is leaving all of this up to me. He did tell me to trust my instincts . . .”

 

Drawing her in closer, Spock murmured into her ear, “What are your instincts telling you?”

“Immaterial, I need to know what you want,” she said. Gazing up at him, he leaned into her and lightly pressed his lips against hers. “I want you to come to me. Willingly.”

She nodded. “You certain?”

 

“Affirmative. I love you, Brianna-kam and I am surprisingly pleased to tell you so.”

“I love you, too” she breathed. “How do you like your tea?”

 

 

All for now. Thanks for reading!