Lost Pride - The Legacy of the Vampire Queen (A Simlit by LyricSimsz15)
After the death of her parents, Nadysha Ivanov has been crowned the vampiric queen of Cavae, ruled under their dictator Count Vladislaus Straud. But their nation holds darkness at its core, and it’s u...
I must immediately point out that the name Nadysha is a rather strange one.
In addition, if you were aiming for the eastern European surnames (Russian and alike), then for females Ivanov should be Ivanova. I understand your reasoning for avoiding this detail, but it is there.
I very much like the setup for Strauds. Nice approach to establishing Cavae's history. Not sure about choice of titles - count and countess would be more appropriate IMO - but this is minor. The crowns do stand out significantly, though.
I must point out the sheer length of the prologue. While in no position to make requests, I will still ask you to consider making actual chapters half as long or even less. This prologues is a doorstopper.
Other than these gripes, this is an interesting setup and I am interested in learning more. Following
I'm glad to see you're enjoying the story so far and I very much appreciate your feedback. My comments on it:
I had the idea that Nadysha was a strange name as I'd never seen it recorded anywhere. I also was not aware of the detail with the last names. I've had the characters for a couple of years before starting this story, so I don't remember where I came across any of the names.
As for the chapter length, I hadn't considered the length of the prologue being much of an issue, although I can definitely see why it is. I can't make any promises as to what my average chapter length will be as I have a lot of story to cover, but I'll be trying to keep the really long chapters on a low count. Nowhere near as long as this one unless I can't avoid it.
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