The Kindness Bench for SimLit Writers - For All Games!
What is a kindness bench?
Kindness benches are inspired by the Buddy Bench movement which is in practice in many schools. With Buddy Benches, children who need someone to play with or talk to at lunch sit on the bench, and then others come around to ask them to play and offer friendship.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QdFeQQHRSQ
With the Kindness Bench for Writers and Storytellers, we provide a thread where writers can go when they're feeling discouraged, frustrated, or in need of a shot of inspiration and encouragement.
With writer's block, game glitches, drops in readership, plot complications, and more, it's easy to become temporarily discouraged when writing. The Kindness Bench offers a way to get back on track so that you're writing again and inspired by the value of your stories.
We invite all Simming writers, bloggers, and storytellers to stop by when they can use some friendly encouragement, and when they've got some friendly encouragement to share with other writers and storytellers.
We welcome writers using any and all versions of Sims!
Also, regarding the book you mentioned in an earlier post, it sounds really interesting. I had a course on the biological basis of behaviour in school last year and stress was a really important topic. Basically when we get stressed, the brain releases a hormone that gives the body energy to respond as it would need to in a fight or flight situation (sympathetic nervous system) so we really do become addicted to this feeling as if it were a drug.
As we know, too much stress has a negative impact on the body because while this fight or flight mechanism is helpful in the short term, constant activation puts strain on the heart, stomach, etc.
There's a TED Talks with Katy McGonigal "How to make stress your friend" that talks about the adaptive and maladaptive effects of stress.
@noxxims: I agree with everyone who said that the format should usually (possibly always) be the first, with one speaker's dialogue staying in the same paragraph (and always, ALWAYS starting a new line for someone else). However, I swear I've broken the rule before and did a line break before the second piece of whoever's dialogue. Not even for a long monologue. Just one sentence, description, new line, their other sentence. I usually mean it to get across the effect of a character breaking an awkward silence, or just taking a long breath, but I'll face it: it looks pretty messy.
I don't recommend it. Just saying that I ain't perfect. :p
"noxxims;15031508" wrote: Thanks, that's what I've been doing so far.
Also, regarding the book you mentioned in an earlier post, it sounds really interesting. I had a course on the biological basis of behaviour in school last year and stress was a really important topic. Basically when we get stressed, the brain releases a hormone that gives the body energy to respond as it would need to in a fight or flight situation (sympathetic nervous system) so we really do become addicted to this feeling as if it were a drug.
As we know, too much stress has a negative impact on the body because while this fight or flight mechanism is helpful in the short term, constant activation puts strain on the heart, stomach, etc.
There's a TED Talks with Katy McGonigal "How to make stress your friend" that talks about the adaptive and maladaptive effects of stress.
@noxxims That sounds like a great video! I'll check it out. I hadn't realized that people can become addicted to the bio-chemicals and hormones associated with stress. It makes sense, though, because we can become addicted to all sorts of bio-chemicals and hormones.
This author (Doreen Virtue) also mentions two additional responses to stress (in addition to flight and fight) which are freeze (deer-in-headlight) and fawn (people-pleasing).
I watched a video she made about "how to deal with difficult relationships" in which she says studies indicate that those who've responded to trauma with the fight response tend towards narcissism; those who've responded with flight tend towards OCD; those who've responded with freeze tend towards dissociation, and those who've responded with fawn tend towards co-dependency (hyper-awareness of others' moods and the attempt to change or "fix" them).
For me, just becoming aware of all of this helps tremendously. And I think, with my writing, I'll be able to integrate this knowledge to create rounder pictures of my characters and their responses and interactions.
I'm always amazed at the Sim animations and coding of responses/behaviors, for we can often see these types of responses in our Sims.
In my legacy, I had a Sim who grew up with a verbally abusive aunt at home: and she responded with both freeze and fawn. When she was a young adult, her romantic choices were all verbally abusive men. This all happened autonomously: I played the "tough love" super-ego and prevented her from pursuing those unhealthy romantic attachments, but it was all very curious to me. I could've used this info when writing up the chapters dealing with these events!
"InfraGreen;15031539" wrote: @noxxims: I agree with everyone who said that the format should usually (possibly always) be the first, with one speaker's dialogue staying in the same paragraph (and always, ALWAYS starting a new line for someone else). However, I swear I've broken the rule before and did a line break before the second piece of whoever's dialogue. Not even for a long monologue. Just one sentence, description, new line, their other sentence. I usually mean it to get across the effect of a character breaking an awkward silence, or just taking a long breath, but I'll face it: it looks pretty messy.
I don't recommend it. Just saying that I ain't perfect. :p
I do think it is sometimes called for, especially in SimLit where we can have a screenshot in between the lines of dialogue.
I'll also sometimes insert an action in between two lines from one Sim, so when I do that, sometimes, the new line of dialogue from the same Sim will be on a second line...
I've seen some of the modernists (Joyce, Faulkner, Woolf) have different speakers on the same line. When the writing moves towards stream-of-consciousness or twisting conventions to present experience accurately, then anything that gets across the desired effect works!
"BabyDollAnne;15017664" wrote: *sits down and pops cookies next to me, trying to lure you all out*
So. I'm desperately alone. I feel like I only have 2 people who care about me in the world. Ones in Cyprus right now, and the other one is permenantly in the US when i'm in the UK. I'm alone without either for most of the day and I just..
Amn't coping by myself. It's such a shameful thing to admit. My boyfriend goes on holiday for 2 weeks, my best friend goes camping over night and i'm a blubbering mess of loneliness.
Buuut thats me.
*turns on fan, to spread the fresh cookie smell.*
I love cookies! I wish I could send you a freshbaked batch because I love baking them too - and find it incredibly relaxing. So virtual cookies! I agree with @CathyTea that you have plenty of virtual friends who care about you. I know what you mean about feeling lonely though and the importance of offscreen friends also. My husband recently pushed me out of my shell (well, recently as in the last year) and encouraged me to try making more friends. It took me awhile, but I found one person offscreen who I can relate to who lives close by. Only making one friend in a year doesn't seem like much, but to me, it's a huge accomplishment.
I digress.
Find a new activity or an event you can go to in your area. I joined a D&D group (after I said I would never do it... lol... I've officially gone over to the geek side) and that's how I made my newest friend. I've been thinking about taking a yoga class too. There's also a local writer's group I'm thinking about visiting once. I'm still pretty introverted and I dislike small talk, but I find that if I try to be a friend to several people, usually I get one little nibble back at least. And most importantly, just be yourself.
Learn to love yourself. This is a tough one, at least it has been for me. As an introvert, I crave my alone time, but I still get lonely. I've had to remind myself that it's okay to be alone, and when I feel alone and crave people but can't be with them, that there are things I can do to love on myself. In the first few months of my marriage umpteen years ago, my husband worked long and crazy hours and I was stuck in a Pennsylvania winter without a car and no friends. It was a lonely adjustment period of my life, but I decided to teach myself to bake. I grew to love it - and now it's something I do regularly. Baking has even helped me make a friend or two over time. :) Find something to fill your time away from others. It can be anything that brings you joy and pleasure. I find snuggling with my cat or going on short walks helps too.
And yes, you have us here online. We'll send loads of virtual hugs and we'll lend sympathetic ears. I thoroughly enjoy the SimLit and the Sims community, and have found since I've started writing, commenting, and interacting, I've really thrived in all areas of my life. It's nice to find a likeminded community sharing a love of a game. You can always find someone here who's willing to listen and talk. :)
Even more relaxing than cookies, I baked a cake last night! It was so delicious I didn't even have time to get a picture of it uncut!
Also, thank you for your kind words and recommendations, i'm looking into starting art, and taking up an art group in my therapists office :3
"rednenemon;15032229" wrote: Sorry, just need to vent...
So. The laptop I'd been playing Sims on? Doesn't look like it's working anymore. :( (It was rather old, to be fair)
And I couldn't get on my own laptop to say anything; for some reason a lot of sites kept "timing out" on it.
(I'm sending this via my Nintendo 3DS, for those wondering)
It's barely light out right now, and already it feels like the universe is attacking me today. :/
(I'm under the impression that the universe hates it when I'm happy, and actively attempts to destroy said happiness each chance it gets.)
TL:DR version: The universe hates me. :(
Ah, the universe doesn't hate you. The universe is just having a tough day. Sometimes, even the universe struggles a bit to get it together and give everybody the support they need. At those times, we need to launch into extreme self-care mode! Hugs.
"rednenemon;15032229" wrote: Sorry, just need to vent...
So. The laptop I'd been playing Sims on? Doesn't look like it's working anymore. :( (It was rather old, to be fair)
And I couldn't get on my own laptop to say anything; for some reason a lot of sites kept "timing out" on it.
(I'm sending this via my Nintendo 3DS, for those wondering)
It's barely light out right now, and already it feels like the universe is attacking me today. :/
(I'm under the impression that the universe hates it when I'm happy, and actively attempts to destroy said happiness each chance it gets.)
TL:DR version: The universe hates me. :(
@rednenemon *hugs* the universe does not hate you. Sometimes the world around us is chaotic and obnoxious and frustrating. All of us have bad days. I hope things start looking up for you. Take this as an opportunity to do something else that you love and to help relax you. Cup of coffee, a warm pastry, and a good book always helps me. :)
P.S. You don't need to apologize for venting. Everyone needs to from time to time. It's healthy to get it out.
"noxxims;15031508" wrote: Thanks, that's what I've been doing so far.
Also, regarding the book you mentioned in an earlier post, it sounds really interesting. I had a course on the biological basis of behaviour in school last year and stress was a really important topic. Basically when we get stressed, the brain releases a hormone that gives the body energy to respond as it would need to in a fight or flight situation (sympathetic nervous system) so we really do become addicted to this feeling as if it were a drug.
As we know, too much stress has a negative impact on the body because while this fight or flight mechanism is helpful in the short term, constant activation puts strain on the heart, stomach, etc.
There's a TED Talks with Katy McGonigal "How to make stress your friend" that talks about the adaptive and maladaptive effects of stress.
@noxxims That sounds like a great video! I'll check it out. I hadn't realized that people can become addicted to the bio-chemicals and hormones associated with stress. It makes sense, though, because we can become addicted to all sorts of bio-chemicals and hormones.
This author (Doreen Virtue) also mentions two additional responses to stress (in addition to flight and fight) which are freeze (deer-in-headlight) and fawn (people-pleasing).
I watched a video she made about "how to deal with difficult relationships" in which she says studies indicate that those who've responded to trauma with the fight response tend towards narcissism; those who've responded with flight tend towards OCD; those who've responded with freeze tend towards dissociation, and those who've responded with fawn tend towards co-dependency (hyper-awareness of others' moods and the attempt to change or "fix" them).
For me, just becoming aware of all of this helps tremendously. And I think, with my writing, I'll be able to integrate this knowledge to create rounder pictures of my characters and their responses and interactions.
I'm always amazed at the Sim animations and coding of responses/behaviors, for we can often see these types of responses in our Sims.
In my legacy, I had a Sim who grew up with a verbally abusive aunt at home: and she responded with both freeze and fawn. When she was a young adult, her romantic choices were all verbally abusive men. This all happened autonomously: I played the "tough love" super-ego and prevented her from pursuing those unhealthy romantic attachments, but it was all very curious to me. I could've used this info when writing up the chapters dealing with these events!
This is really interesting, @CathyTea, especially with the different responses - fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. I think Kass has a tendency to "freeze" as she seems dazed by things as they happen and almost distant at times, and afterward has a tendency to cut things out of her life and stay at a distance from everyone,
like her breakup with Davis, how she tunes out her Nonna when her Nonna is lecturing her after the night she spent with Gage, her avoidance of Gage, her avoidance of telling her sisters about their father, her avoidance of her father, her avoidance of confronting her feelings for her boss, her lashing out/avoiding Ayesha after the argument, and now her avoidance of her mother.
I would say also that Kass has moments of "flight" - running away and trying to control things, and occasional fawn - as she likes to "fix" things for everyone and please everyone around her and even a moment of fight - getting wrapped up in how bad things are for her and lashing out irrationally at others without concern for their emotions/experiences. I think this actually makes her well-rounded because she exhibits all of them at times. Well, I think she is the most well-rounded developed character I have, so that's probably why. She feels the most real to me.
On the other hand, Rachel from the Colt Family Traitacy and Gage from Kass's series and now his own, are definitely fawners - co-dependent and hanging onto potentially negative and harmful relationships and using relationships with others as an excuse not to confront problems. I agree with you as knowing their responses to pain, suffering, agony, grief, and aggravation definitely helps me as a writer figure out how to better create scenes for them and deepen their character development.
It's interesting that your Sim autonomously chose bad relationships because of her home life experience. This is so true of life, isn't it? I'm amazed to see how well the Sims mimic life at times. It's both sad and fascinating, depending on the situation.
What kind of cake did you bake? I have this peppermint chocolate cake recipe I want to try but it seems more like a winter cake than a summer so I'm thinking about waiting. I think my favorite thing to bake is banana chocolate chip bread.
