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What you described is normal for sims who are not in the active household and die out of sight. And if you got the fading away wall post, the sim has probably been culled and gone forever. But maybe not. If the sim is known to an active sim and still in the relationship panel, you can save them. Life & Death gave us the ability to call a ghost and ask them on a date. If you have Life and Death or if that option was added to base game, then you can use that to get the ghost on the lot where you can ask them to join the household, so they become playable and can be saved. Once the ghost is a playable sim, then you can keep them around for however long as you like. To get an urn for them though, you'll have to resurrect them and then have them die again while a played sim. You cannot assign any of the urns in debug to a sim. The sim has to die and create an urn for that.
Hope this helps.
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