Game not saving changes with custom content

Update 2:

OK so this is getting weird.   I watched my sim change into pajamas and suddenly all the changes disappeared.    I tried going back to the 'perfect' one and tried cycling through outfits.   It was all default stuff until I clicked a custom outfit.  She changed into it, and suddenly her entire face and hair changed and all my changes were there again. 

... So the problem seems to be not that changes weren't being saved but things like skin color/texture/etc   somehow became linked with specific outfits.   I don't know what to make of that.