A Simpsons Christmas Special: Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Walkthrough
Christmas is Canceled Pt. 7
Auto starts
Homer: Everybody ready for MY story now? Then buckle up, ‘cause we are “go” for story, in three...two...one...
Homer: ...
Homer: What am I doing? I clean forgot -- in order to make up stories, you need an imagination.
Homer: I killed mine at the age of eighteen. A thousand beers and -- BOOM! That sucker was dead and buried.
Homer: Rest in peace, my creativity!
Maggie: *suck suck* *begins to draw a picture*
Lisa: Look! Maggie's drawing something, I think SHE wants to tell a story!
Homer: It looks like her block train!
Marge: Ooh! That's how we'll do this: Maggie, YOU make up the story and your father will translate!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 1
Auto starts
Homer: Okay, so there was this really cool baby who liked playing with toy trains.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Homer: Sorry, not “toy” trains -- real ones. In fact, she had just booked a ticket on the best train of all -- the North Pole Express!
Marge: Maggie, are you excited to go visit Santa Claus?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Ooh, good idea! I'll bake fresh cookies to give to Santa.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Yes. I'll be sure to make CHRISTMAS cookies. Obviously.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Look, I know you're nervous to meet Father Christmas. But you're one year old. Get a grip.
Quest reward: Maggie
Task: Make Marge Triple-Check the Oven is Turned Off
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Maggie Draw a Picture for Santa
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Collect Cookies
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: You're right Maggie! Santa's train is here to pick us up.
Conductor Otto: All aboard the Santa Express! Next stop, the South Pole!
Maggie: *suck suck*
Conductor Otto: Oh, right. Let me turn this thing around...
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 2
Auto starts
Marge: So Otto, how long have you been the conductor of the Santa Express?
Conductor Otto: Oh, ever since they invented magic trains that run on Christmas wishes.
Conductor Otto: Which was in, like, 2011. Elon Musk has trouble focusing on one project at a time.
Conductor Otto: *clunk* Whoops! The magic boiler needs more fuel. Do me a solid and tell it some of your Christmas wishes.
Maggie: *suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck*
Conductor Otto: I don't think the boiler speaks pacifier. I'm gonna need a translation, lady.
Task: Make Marge Have a Mundane Christmas Wish
Time: 4h
Location: Toy Train
Task: Make Maggie Draw a Picture of Her Christmas Wish
Time: 4h
Location: Toy Train
Task: Collect Cookies
On job start:
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Maggie says she'd like a new pacifier for Christmas.
Conductor Otto: That's depressingly practical, kid. Come on, think big. Seriously, or we'll freeze to death out here.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: How about: “Christmas every day of the year and infinity presents”?
Conductor Otto: Whoa! That did the trick! Yeah, we love when a kid asks for the impossible.
Conductor Otto: “Always leave ‘em a little disappointed”, Santa says. He's one sick puppy, Kris Kringle.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 3
Auto starts
Conductor Otto: North Pole! Everybody get out!
Elf Bart: Otto! Remember that baby you brought on your last run? Gerald? One big, weird eyebrow?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Elf Bart: He stole Santa's sleigh, with all the presents!
Elf Lisa: Jolly Old Saint Nick freaked, crawled into a bowl of ‘nog, and ran off crying into the snow!
Conductor Otto: In this cold, it's probably best to just accept that he's dead. Well, Christmas was fun while it lasted, gang!
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Maggie says we can't give up! So what if Santa gets hypothermia and loses a few fingers and toes...?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: ...and, yes, probably his nose, too. We can still save him!
Task: Make Marge Look for Santa
Time: 8h
Location: Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House
Task: Make Maggie Resent Gerald
Time: 8h
Location: Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House
Task: Place Pile of Presents
Task: Collect Cookies
Marge: Over here! I think we found him!
Homer: More ‘nog. Just want eggy oblivion...
Marge: Don't give up, Santa! The world loves you!
Santa Homer: *notices Marge, instantly sobers* Whoa! Happy Christmas, gorgeous. We don't see many naughty girls up here.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: She doesn't like that you're hitting on her mother, Sir.
Santa Homer: Hey, what Mrs. Claus don't know won't kill her. Aw, crap! Cheese it, she's here!
Mrs. Claus: Santa, there you are!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 4
Auto starts
Bart: Mom? Dad? How come in both your stories, you're with other people?
Homer: I guess that IS pretty dark for a Christmas update. Best not to think about it.
Homer: Probably means nothing. Or, something huge. No way to know, really. Anyhoo...
Mrs. Claus: Come on, Santa. Let's get you back home.
Marge: What about the stolen presents, Santa? Don't you want your sleigh back?
Elf Lisa: Just let the big guy sleep it off. We can push Christmas a few days, right?
Elf Bart: I think Canada celebrates Christmas on February 6th or something. We'll do it then.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: You're right, Maggie. I won't let America get dragged down to Canada's level, either. Let's save American Christmas!
Task: Make Marge Look for Baby Gerald
Time: 4h
Location: Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House
Task: Make Maggie Help Look for Baby Gerald
Time: 4h
Location: Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House
Task: Collect Cookies
Marge: Look Maggie, up ahead there's a creepy castle made of toys. That could be Baby Gerald's evil lair.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Geez, I don't think we have to get quite THAT violent with him. Take it easy, kiddo.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 5
Auto starts
Marge: Gerald! The jig is up! Fork over the sleigh and no one gets hurt!
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Marge: Easy, Gerald. It's not too late to get back on the Nice List. Just put down the toy gun and let's talk.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Maggie: *suck suck*
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: I was praying it wouldn't come to this...
Marge: BABY DANCE BATTLE!
Task: Make Maggie Have a Baby Dance Battle
Time: 8h
Location: Toy Fortress
If the user has Baby Gerald: Task: Make Gerald Have a Baby Dance Battle
Time: 8h
Location: Toy Fortress
Task: Make Marge Watch a Baby Dance Battle
Time: 8h
Location: Toy Fortress
Task: Collect Cookies
Baby Gerald: *exhausted glare*
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Okay, seriously, who won? I mean, you both just danced like babies for a while. It's hard to tell.
Baby Gerald: *cries*
Marge: Way to go, Maggie!
Marge: Into the sleigh, Bad Baby Gerald! We're sending you home!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 6
Auto starts
Marge: I always thought it was reindeer that pulled Santa's sleigh, but these greyhounds are pretty cute.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Yes, it certainly was sweet of you to work Santa's Little Helper into the story.
Marge: That's great fan service, Maggie!
Task: Make Marge Drive the Greyhound Sleigh
Time: 12h
Location: Greyhound Sleigh
Requires: Maggie
If the user has Santa's Little Helper: Task: Make Santa's Little Helper Lead the Greyhound Sleigh
Time: 12h
Location: Greyhound Sleigh
Marge: Your sleigh's all packed and ready to go, Santa!
Homer: Not in my current condition. I could run over some kid, and the laws against drunk sleighing are WAY draconian now.
Homer: You must deliver the presents, Marge. And when you get back, why not stay a while?
Marge: What about Mrs. Claus?
Santa Homer: She went out for candy canes and hasn't come back. I think she met another immortal fatso.
Marge: Oh, you poor man!
Homer: So what do you say? I could make you very jolly...
Marge: *girlish giggle*
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Christmas is Canceled Pt. 8
Auto starts
Homer: *ow* Marge, Maggie punched me!
Maggie: *suck suck*
Bart: That's what you get for ending another Christmas story with a Homer/Marge make-out fest.
Duffman: ...and remember folks -- the holidays is no time for moderation! Please drink Duff irresponsibly!
Homer: *screams* The TV is working again, oh thank goodness! Christmas is saved!
Grampa: *unplugs TV* Not so fast! You didn't really think you'd sit around telling stories and leave out old Abe?!
Grampa: Hold tight to your cocoa, ‘cause I've got a lulu for ya!
Task: Make the Simpsons Escape Grampa's Storytelling
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
On job start:
Grampa: ...and that's how Eugene McCarthy saved Santa's Workshop from the creeping threat of elf socialism.
Grampa: Of course, the foiled Reds weren't about to just sit on their heels. Which is why they put together the greatest baseball team in history, the 1958 Albany Commie Spies, led by a young me.
Grampa: Santa was fielding a pretty crackerjack squad himself. Mostly reindeer, but also the illegitimate half-elf son of Shoeless Joe Jackson.
Grampa: So, the World Series matchup was set...
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Auto starts
Homer: Everybody ready for MY story now? Then buckle up, ‘cause we are “go” for story, in three...two...one...
Homer: ...
Homer: What am I doing? I clean forgot -- in order to make up stories, you need an imagination.
Homer: I killed mine at the age of eighteen. A thousand beers and -- BOOM! That sucker was dead and buried.
Homer: Rest in peace, my creativity!
Maggie: *suck suck* *begins to draw a picture*
Lisa: Look! Maggie's drawing something, I think SHE wants to tell a story!
Homer: It looks like her block train!
Marge: Ooh! That's how we'll do this: Maggie, YOU make up the story and your father will translate!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 1
Auto starts
Homer: Okay, so there was this really cool baby who liked playing with toy trains.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Homer: Sorry, not “toy” trains -- real ones. In fact, she had just booked a ticket on the best train of all -- the North Pole Express!
Marge: Maggie, are you excited to go visit Santa Claus?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Ooh, good idea! I'll bake fresh cookies to give to Santa.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Yes. I'll be sure to make CHRISTMAS cookies. Obviously.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Look, I know you're nervous to meet Father Christmas. But you're one year old. Get a grip.
Quest reward: Maggie
Task: Make Marge Triple-Check the Oven is Turned Off
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Make Maggie Draw a Picture for Santa
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Task: Collect Cookies
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: You're right Maggie! Santa's train is here to pick us up.
Conductor Otto: All aboard the Santa Express! Next stop, the South Pole!
Maggie: *suck suck*
Conductor Otto: Oh, right. Let me turn this thing around...
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 2
Auto starts
Marge: So Otto, how long have you been the conductor of the Santa Express?
Conductor Otto: Oh, ever since they invented magic trains that run on Christmas wishes.
Conductor Otto: Which was in, like, 2011. Elon Musk has trouble focusing on one project at a time.
Conductor Otto: *clunk* Whoops! The magic boiler needs more fuel. Do me a solid and tell it some of your Christmas wishes.
Maggie: *suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck*
Conductor Otto: I don't think the boiler speaks pacifier. I'm gonna need a translation, lady.
Task: Make Marge Have a Mundane Christmas Wish
Time: 4h
Location: Toy Train
Task: Make Maggie Draw a Picture of Her Christmas Wish
Time: 4h
Location: Toy Train
Task: Collect Cookies
On job start:
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Maggie says she'd like a new pacifier for Christmas.
Conductor Otto: That's depressingly practical, kid. Come on, think big. Seriously, or we'll freeze to death out here.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: How about: “Christmas every day of the year and infinity presents”?
Conductor Otto: Whoa! That did the trick! Yeah, we love when a kid asks for the impossible.
Conductor Otto: “Always leave ‘em a little disappointed”, Santa says. He's one sick puppy, Kris Kringle.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 3
Auto starts
Conductor Otto: North Pole! Everybody get out!
Elf Bart: Otto! Remember that baby you brought on your last run? Gerald? One big, weird eyebrow?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Elf Bart: He stole Santa's sleigh, with all the presents!
Elf Lisa: Jolly Old Saint Nick freaked, crawled into a bowl of ‘nog, and ran off crying into the snow!
Conductor Otto: In this cold, it's probably best to just accept that he's dead. Well, Christmas was fun while it lasted, gang!
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Maggie says we can't give up! So what if Santa gets hypothermia and loses a few fingers and toes...?
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: ...and, yes, probably his nose, too. We can still save him!
Task: Make Marge Look for Santa
Time: 8h
Location: Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House
Task: Make Maggie Resent Gerald
Time: 8h
Location: Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House
Task: Place Pile of Presents
Task: Collect Cookies
Marge: Over here! I think we found him!
Homer: More ‘nog. Just want eggy oblivion...
Marge: Don't give up, Santa! The world loves you!
Santa Homer: *notices Marge, instantly sobers* Whoa! Happy Christmas, gorgeous. We don't see many naughty girls up here.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: She doesn't like that you're hitting on her mother, Sir.
Santa Homer: Hey, what Mrs. Claus don't know won't kill her. Aw, crap! Cheese it, she's here!
Mrs. Claus: Santa, there you are!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 4
Auto starts
Bart: Mom? Dad? How come in both your stories, you're with other people?
Homer: I guess that IS pretty dark for a Christmas update. Best not to think about it.
Homer: Probably means nothing. Or, something huge. No way to know, really. Anyhoo...
Mrs. Claus: Come on, Santa. Let's get you back home.
Marge: What about the stolen presents, Santa? Don't you want your sleigh back?
Elf Lisa: Just let the big guy sleep it off. We can push Christmas a few days, right?
Elf Bart: I think Canada celebrates Christmas on February 6th or something. We'll do it then.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: You're right, Maggie. I won't let America get dragged down to Canada's level, either. Let's save American Christmas!
Task: Make Marge Look for Baby Gerald
Time: 4h
Location: Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House
Task: Make Maggie Help Look for Baby Gerald
Time: 4h
Location: Santa's House, The North Pole or Brown House
Task: Collect Cookies
Marge: Look Maggie, up ahead there's a creepy castle made of toys. That could be Baby Gerald's evil lair.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Geez, I don't think we have to get quite THAT violent with him. Take it easy, kiddo.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 5
Auto starts
Marge: Gerald! The jig is up! Fork over the sleigh and no one gets hurt!
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Marge: Easy, Gerald. It's not too late to get back on the Nice List. Just put down the toy gun and let's talk.
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Maggie: *suck suck*
Baby Gerald: *ominous glare*
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: I was praying it wouldn't come to this...
Marge: BABY DANCE BATTLE!
Task: Make Maggie Have a Baby Dance Battle
Time: 8h
Location: Toy Fortress
If the user has Baby Gerald: Task: Make Gerald Have a Baby Dance Battle
Time: 8h
Location: Toy Fortress
Task: Make Marge Watch a Baby Dance Battle
Time: 8h
Location: Toy Fortress
Task: Collect Cookies
Baby Gerald: *exhausted glare*
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Okay, seriously, who won? I mean, you both just danced like babies for a while. It's hard to tell.
Baby Gerald: *cries*
Marge: Way to go, Maggie!
Marge: Into the sleigh, Bad Baby Gerald! We're sending you home!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Christmas Doesn't Suck Suck Pt. 6
Auto starts
Marge: I always thought it was reindeer that pulled Santa's sleigh, but these greyhounds are pretty cute.
Maggie: *suck suck*
Marge: Yes, it certainly was sweet of you to work Santa's Little Helper into the story.
Marge: That's great fan service, Maggie!
Task: Make Marge Drive the Greyhound Sleigh
Time: 12h
Location: Greyhound Sleigh
Requires: Maggie
If the user has Santa's Little Helper: Task: Make Santa's Little Helper Lead the Greyhound Sleigh
Time: 12h
Location: Greyhound Sleigh
Marge: Your sleigh's all packed and ready to go, Santa!
Homer: Not in my current condition. I could run over some kid, and the laws against drunk sleighing are WAY draconian now.
Homer: You must deliver the presents, Marge. And when you get back, why not stay a while?
Marge: What about Mrs. Claus?
Santa Homer: She went out for candy canes and hasn't come back. I think she met another immortal fatso.
Marge: Oh, you poor man!
Homer: So what do you say? I could make you very jolly...
Marge: *girlish giggle*
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Christmas is Canceled Pt. 8
Auto starts
Homer: *ow* Marge, Maggie punched me!
Maggie: *suck suck*
Bart: That's what you get for ending another Christmas story with a Homer/Marge make-out fest.
Duffman: ...and remember folks -- the holidays is no time for moderation! Please drink Duff irresponsibly!
Homer: *screams* The TV is working again, oh thank goodness! Christmas is saved!
Grampa: *unplugs TV* Not so fast! You didn't really think you'd sit around telling stories and leave out old Abe?!
Grampa: Hold tight to your cocoa, ‘cause I've got a lulu for ya!
Task: Make the Simpsons Escape Grampa's Storytelling
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
On job start:
Grampa: ...and that's how Eugene McCarthy saved Santa's Workshop from the creeping threat of elf socialism.
Grampa: Of course, the foiled Reds weren't about to just sit on their heels. Which is why they put together the greatest baseball team in history, the 1958 Albany Commie Spies, led by a young me.
Grampa: Santa was fielding a pretty crackerjack squad himself. Mostly reindeer, but also the illegitimate half-elf son of Shoeless Joe Jackson.
Grampa: So, the World Series matchup was set...
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
