Bart Royale and Valentine's Day 2018: Premium Walkthrough
Spite the Hans That Sees You Pt. 1
Hans Mechman starts
Hans Mechman: System online.
Hans Mechman: Seeking targets.
Bart: The robots have risen up, again!
Bart: Oh, never mind, this one looks like it fell out of a children's book.
Hans Mechman: Target acquired.
Bart: Dad, help! Not my dad. A good dad, help!
Hans Mechman: Lesson administered.
Bart: The giant tea kettle spanked me.
Task: Make Hans Mechman Seek Targets
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Spite the Hans That Sees You Pt. 2
Lisa starts
Lisa: Is it just me, or does the robot's head look like Mr. Moleman?
Bart: So, it looks like a shriveled prune shuffling in baggy pants and slippers?
Hans Mechman: Repeated youth disrespect recorded.
Hans Mechman: Combat Mode engaged.
Task: Make Hans Mechman Annihilate Targets
Time: 4h
On job start:
Bart: I'm a goner for sure!
Hans Mechman: *blast*
Bart: It missed.
Bart: Ha-ha! It's got Moleman's eyesight. This thing couldn't hit the broad side of a Bart.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Spite the Hans That Sees You Pt. 3
Lisa starts
Lisa: It seems to have a problem when Bart mocks it.
Wiggum: All right, spit it out “Hans Goober”.
Wiggum: Did you make a robot to target Springfield's youth?
Hans Moleman: Thirty years ago, I was badgered by a group of boys. I swore that someday I would have my revenge, but wasn't sure how I would get it given I was in the same shape then, as I am now.
Hans Moleman: Then I saw a movie about cybernetic robots killing some punks and it came to me.
Hans Moleman: Now it's finally complete and revenge will be mine! Mechman, attack-k-k!
Hans Mechman: Energy low. Please replace sixty D batteries. Enough power for long SIGHHHHHH…
Task: Make Hans Mechman Recharge
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
If the user has Hans Moleman: Task: Make Hans Moleman Replace Batteries
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Spite the Hans That Sees You Pt. 4
Hans Mechman starts
Hans Mechman: Power on. Firmware updated. Resuming mission.
Lisa: Bart, I don't suppose you've learned a lesson from before and will mind your manners now?
Bart: What are manners? I want to see what else this robo-fossil can fail at.
Hans Mechman: Mocking registered. Modern combat protocols engaged.
Task: Make Hans Mechman Engage in Digital Warfare
Time: 12h
Location: Simpson House
On job start:
Bart: “Digital warfare”? What kind of lame…hey…it's hacking into my phone!
Bart: It's in my Facelook profile, Liking pages for old farts!
Nelson: Haw-haw, you Liked medicated butt powder!
On job end:
Bart: Chief, aren't you going to do something about this?
Wiggum: Not much I can do. Springfield has an “Eye for an Eye” law.
Wiggum: Really surprised he hasn't taken your eye. ‘Cause that would be fine too.
Bart: Good point.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Triumph of Ill Pt. 1
Wendell Borton starts
Wendell Borton: I finally made it out…oh sweet sunshine on my terribly pale face!
Bart: Wendell! Where have you been this whole time?
Wendell Borton: I was in the arcade when the whole building shook. I got so sick to my stomach I've been in the bathroom for what feels like years.
Bart: It was years. There's been an “out of order” sign on that stall since I was six. Let me catch you up on things.
Task: Make Bart Explain Everything to Wendell Borton
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Requires: Wendell Borton
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Triumph of Ill Pt. 2
Wendell Borton starts
Wendell Borton: That's the last time I let my sensitive stomach get the best of me! There must be a way to beat it.
Dr. Hibbert: Sometimes things can be overcome by training your body to power through it. Most sailors get sea sick their first tour, but their bodies are forced to overcome it to survive.
Wendell Borton: Then that's what I'll do. Where do I sign up to be a pirate?
Bart: Pirates aren't cool anymore. Blame Johnny Depp.
Wendell Borton: There has to be something I can do to overcome this. Maybe I can get ideas from the school library?
Task: Make Wendell Borton Look at Exciting Careers in School Library
Time: 8h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Triumph of Ill Pt. 3
Wendell Borton starts
Wendell Borton: I've got it! I found something!
Bart: You actually discovered something useful in an elementary school library?
Wendell Borton: No, but when I was staring out the window I saw the monkey bars.
Wendell Borton: I've always been terrified of playing on them because of my fear of heights.
Wendell Borton: I'll spend all day on them. Surely that will cure it.
Bart: Or give you tetanus!
Task: Make Wendell Borton Face the Monkey Bars
Time: 8h
Location: Monkey Bars
On job start:
Wendell Borton: I'm doing it! I'm not only playing on the monkey bars. I'm WALKING on the monkey bars, I'm SWINGING on the monkey bars, I'm--
Wendell Borton: Oh no…
Wendell Borton: *sickening gurgle*
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Triumph of Ill Pt. 4
Wendell Borton starts
Wendell Borton: I…I…made it. I didn't throw up.
Bart: You sure you're not dizzy?
Wendell Borton: Don't say “dizzy”…
Bart: Or queasy, or woozy, or egg salad sandwich sitting in the sun…
Wendell Borton: Oh, no…it's the big one!
Task: Make Wendell Borton Get Extremely Sick
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Triumph of Ill Pt. 5
Wendell Borton starts
Wendell Borton: I'll never get over this. I'll always get motion sick. I'll never be able to do anything fun or anything with motion in it.
Lance Murdock: Hey there, kiddo. I couldn't help overhearing your predicament. Mostly ‘cause I'm nosey.
Lance Murdock: Listen, when I was a kid I went through the same thing. And you know how I got through it?
Wendell Borton: You started jumping buses and canyons on your motorcycle?
Lance Murdock: No, those are all video tricks. Never happened. Your trick should be throwing up BEFORE you get sick. When I'm feeling queasy thinking about a high-flying stunt, I lean into it and blow chow before the stunt.
Lance Murdock: If you replay some of my old stunts you'll see me dry-heaving like crazy under the ramp.
Task: Make Wendell Borton Control His Sickness
Time: 1h
Location: Monkey Bars
Wendell Borton: I've thrown up so much I don't have any energy to play…
Dr. Hibbert: Son, you're dehydrated!
Dr. Hibbert: Let me ask, do you feel dizzy, queasy, woozy? How ‘bout a warm egg salad sandwich. *CHUCKLES*
Wendell Borton: Egg salad? Oh no…
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Botched Ball Pt. 1
Erik starts
Erik: Hey, Bart! Want to have a game of one-on-one dodgeball?
Bart: Sure, get rid of Milhouse so you can't make some lucky catch off his face.
Erik: I make face catches like that in my sleep.
Bart: Face catches are weak!
Erik: Not when they're coming off your face!
Task: Make Erik Take on Bart
Time: 3h
Location: Dodgeball Court
Requires: Bart
Lucius Sweet: Hey Kid! I was just passing by when I happened to look up from my champagne bottle and saw some of your sweet moves.
Lucius Sweet: I've been planning to put together a sports team, and I think you could be just the ticket to kicking it off.
Erik: A dodgeball team?
Lucius Sweet: Is that what this is? Well, as long as it's got an international circuit to promote that's all that matters.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Botched Ball Pt. 2
Erik starts
Erik: Okay, Mr. Sweet. What's the first item on our trip to the top?
Lucius Sweet: First is the training montage. Run around town practicing your skills. Set it to some music so everyone is inspired by how hard you're working.
Erik: Um, okay. But people don't really practice dodgeball outside of a court.
Lucius Sweet: Everything can be practiced outside. Now show me some hustle!
Task: Make Erik Practice Dodgeball
Time: 4h
On job start:
Erik: Maybe this isn't so bad. *hits dodgeball*
Lisa: *smack*
Lisa: Hey!
Erik: Uh, sorry! I'll throw it this way.
Homer: Did someone get the license plate of that truck?
Erik: This is going to be a long training…
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Botched Ball Pt. 3
Erik starts
Erik: What's next in my rise to the top?
Lucius Sweet: Gotta build excitement for your debut.
Lucius Sweet: We need press all over town to reach an audience of your peers.
Erik: But my peers are all kids. They don't get all over town.
Lucius Sweet: Hmm, true. I guess we'll have to just double-down on the adult press!
Erik: Do adults even watch news anymore?
Lucius Sweet: The ones with lots of money to throw around at sport events do!
Task: Make Erik Get Interviewed by School Paper
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Requires: Lisa
Task: Make Erik Get Interviewed by Channel 6 News
Time: 4h
Location: Channel 6 or Brown House
Lucius Sweet: I think that went well. Here, have a drink. This will keep your energy up.
Erik: *drinks* Thanks, Mr. Sweet.
Erik: Whew, that's got a dodgeball-size kick.
Lisa: What was in that?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Botched Ball Pt. 4
Erik starts
Erik: All-right-already-already-all-right! Let's dodge some ball! Dodge ball! Dodge ball! Dodge that ball!
Erik: I could dodge the sun right now. Dodge-spin-dodge-jump. Dodge ball!
Lisa: Erik, have you been taking performance enhancing substances?
Erik: Drugs? I-don't-take-drugs. What-makes-you-think-I-take-drugs? Drugs are for slugs. Did I make that up? I'm awesome!
Lisa: You're kind of wired and talking nonsense.
Task: Make Erik Blow Off Some Energy
Time: 2h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Task: Make Lisa Test the Drink Cup
Time: 8h
Location: Police Station
Wiggum: Here's your test, Lisa. Let's see what we have here.
Wiggum: I hate reading science. Tri...methyl..xan…
Wiggum: Oh God, the kid's on meth! Just remember, I called it first!
Lisa: Let me see that.
Lisa: Caffeine. The words you can't pronounce are the chemical formula of caffeine.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Botched Ball Pt. 5
Erik starts
Erik: Mr. Sweet? I think I need another drink. I'm really crashing here.
Lisa: Don't do it, Erik! Mr. Sweet has been feeding you caffeine!
Erik: But that's a banned substance in elementary dodgeball competition!
Willie: Aye it is, and such a violation comes with extreme penalties. Bring him to the whipping stone!
Lisa: Too harsh, Willie. The penalty is a one-game suspension.
Willie: I never get to use me whipping stone.
Task: Make Erik Sit Out a Game
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Erik: My professional dodgeball career is over.
Lucius Sweet: Don't sweat it. Some football kid will get caught throwing a game to cover his dad's gambling addiction and they'll forget all about this.
Erik: I guess that'll give me time to work on my game. I wonder if Bart's up for another?
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Con Err Pt. 1
Jeremy Jailbird starts
Jeremy Jailbird: Nothing like the noxious smell of the Springfield tire fire to remind me I'm free.
Snake: My offspring's been sprung! Let's get something to eat and catch up, dad to little dude.
Jeremy Jailbird: Sounds good, Daddy.
Lisa: While I am sad it must exist, it's good to see the criminal reform system at work.
Task: Make Jeremy Jailbird Share a Meal With Snake
Time: 4h
Location: Krusty Burger
Requires: Snake
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Con Err Pt. 2
Jeremy Jailbird starts
Jeremy Jailbird: The first item on my court mandated release says I need to make “amends”.
Jeremy Jailbird: I have no idea what that means.
Lisa: “Amends” means paying back the community for the damage you caused.
Jeremy Jailbird: Sorry, I'm behind on reading skills. All the juvie library has are Itchy & Scratchy picture books.
Jeremy Jailbird: But, I have learned how to gut a cat and make use of every part of the body.
Lisa: While Springfield has a stray cat problem, I think you'll want to find a less violent way to make amends.
Task: Make Jeremy Jailbird Think of Ways to Make Amends
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Con Err Pt. 3
Jeremy Jailbird starts
Jeremy Jailbird: Daddy helped me figure out how to make amends.
Jeremy Jailbird: I'll sell these Con-bears to raise money for the Juvenile Correctional programs.
Jeremy Jailbird: When you “release” it from the box, you discover that each bear is messed up in some way.
Jeremy Jailbird: You can collect them all to see just how badly the Springfield juvenile system needs your help.
Lisa: Wow, that sounds perfect!
Task: Make Jeremy Jailbird Sell Con-Bears
Time: 8h
On job start:
Bart: Check it out, Milhouse! Junior Jailbird is selling convict teddy bears.
Bart: I bet he's got an angle. He's pocketing the money for himself or something.
Lisa: Bart! He's doing a wonderful thing to help a juvenile system that you will probably go through some day!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Con Err Pt. 4
Jeremy Jailbird starts
Jeremy Jailbird: All right Pops, I've sold all the bears.
Snake: That's my boy!
Snake: Now, let's grab some grub. I've got some Father and Son nighttime activities planned.
Jeremy Jailbird: Yay! Are we playing “Nab and Grab”?
Snake: That's the only game Daddy knows!
Task: Make Jeremy Jailbird Play a Game With Snake
Time: 12h
Requires: Snake
Ned: I've been ro-diddly-obbed! My VCR! It's gone!
Homer: Who took it, the 1980's?
Ned: I needed that! I haven't transferred my bible stories to DVD yet.
Ned: We're still figuring out if laser technology is the Devil's work or not.
Homer: Aaaaah! My Blu-Ray player has been yoinked too!
Homer: Can it be? The Simpsons must turn to streaming?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Con Err Pt. 5
Lisa starts
Lisa: It's interesting that we were all robbed after buying Con-Bears.
Lisa: I should have known. There's a camera for an eye and a Wi-Fi antenna for a tail. Bears don't have tails!
Lisa: The Turley's used these cuddly plushies to scope out houses in Springfield and then rob them.
Snake: Whoa, like, that is an ugly accusation to make about a dad and his little dude.
Jeremy Jailbird: I think it's time to bury some evidence, Dad.
Snake: Totally.
Task: Make Jeremy Jailbird Throw Away Evidence
Time: 4h
Wiggum: Well, I haven't recovered any evidence.
Lisa: What about these bears?
Wiggum: We can't keep blaming everything that goes wrong in this town on these camera bears.
Wiggum: Even though it sure would save a lot of paperwork.
Wiggum: Instead, we'll just use ‘em for traffic cameras!
Lisa: I guess Jeremy helped the community after all.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Simpler Livin' Pt. 1
Mountain Man starts
Mountain Man: Don't that bust a hump! Urban sprawl has finally climbed up my mountain.
Mountain Man: Best get the lay of the land; see what kinda threats are out there and iffin' I need to poke some holes in the system with my smokin' hole poker.
Task: Place Stop Sign
Task: Make Mountain Man Shoot Stop Signs
Time: 4h
Location: Stop Sign
On job start:
Wiggum: Hold up there, Shoot to Swill! You can't keep blasting holes in the first stop sign you see.
Wiggum: Town ordnances state a five shot maximum per sign.
Wiggum: Do you know how much goes into replacing a sign? We gotta put down cones and…it's just a whole thing. We don't want that kind of hassle.
On job end:
Cletus: Hey feller, here's a tip from yokel to mountain man: use bird-shot to get around the five shot law.
Cletus: They's ain't much left after five blasts of all them BB's.
Mountain Man: Right nice tip, pal!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Simpler Livin' Pt. 2
Mountain Man starts
Mountain Man: Say, what do you think about givin' me the penny tour around here?
Cletus: “Penny”? ‘Round these parts tours cost a nickel.
Mountain Man: Blasted city prices. What a rip-off!
Cletus: I's don't make the rules.
Mountain Man: Fine. Let's get on with it.
Task: Make Mountain Man Tour Springfield With Cletus
Time: 4h
Requires: Cletus
On job start:
Cletus: That's the Krusty Burger. You can sell ‘em anything you catch or kill and they don't ask no questions.
Mountain Man: Mincin' meat into flat patties? What happened to fryin' ferret with the face on?
Cletus: And over there's the public bathroom. The showers are free. Only cuz of busted water pipes over the toilets.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Simpler Livin' Pt. 3
Mountain Man starts
Mountain Man: You city folk sure are spoiled with your running water and food practically chewed up for you!
Mountain Man: You even let the government dictate when you's gotta stop and go!
Mountain Man: I need to get outta here ‘fore I get so city-fied I need a service pig to pull my boots on and off.
Task: Make Mountain Man Retreat to His Mountain
Time: 12h
Location: Outland Sign
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Simpler Livin' Pt. 4
Mountain Man starts
Mountain Man: I need to get back to my roots.
Mountain Man: Meanin' eatin' roots, burdock weed, and tree sap.
Mountain Man: Certainly will taste better than some minced chicken pressed into clown shapes!
Task: Place Trees
Task: Make Mountain Man Live Off the Land
Time: 8h
Location: Trees
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Hans Mechman starts
Hans Mechman: System online.
Hans Mechman: Seeking targets.
Bart: The robots have risen up, again!
Bart: Oh, never mind, this one looks like it fell out of a children's book.
Hans Mechman: Target acquired.
Bart: Dad, help! Not my dad. A good dad, help!
Hans Mechman: Lesson administered.
Bart: The giant tea kettle spanked me.
Task: Make Hans Mechman Seek Targets
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Spite the Hans That Sees You Pt. 2
Lisa starts
Lisa: Is it just me, or does the robot's head look like Mr. Moleman?
Bart: So, it looks like a shriveled prune shuffling in baggy pants and slippers?
Hans Mechman: Repeated youth disrespect recorded.
Hans Mechman: Combat Mode engaged.
Task: Make Hans Mechman Annihilate Targets
Time: 4h
On job start:
Bart: I'm a goner for sure!
Hans Mechman: *blast*
Bart: It missed.
Bart: Ha-ha! It's got Moleman's eyesight. This thing couldn't hit the broad side of a Bart.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Spite the Hans That Sees You Pt. 3
Lisa starts
Lisa: It seems to have a problem when Bart mocks it.
Wiggum: All right, spit it out “Hans Goober”.
Wiggum: Did you make a robot to target Springfield's youth?
Hans Moleman: Thirty years ago, I was badgered by a group of boys. I swore that someday I would have my revenge, but wasn't sure how I would get it given I was in the same shape then, as I am now.
Hans Moleman: Then I saw a movie about cybernetic robots killing some punks and it came to me.
Hans Moleman: Now it's finally complete and revenge will be mine! Mechman, attack-k-k!
Hans Mechman: Energy low. Please replace sixty D batteries. Enough power for long SIGHHHHHH…
Task: Make Hans Mechman Recharge
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
If the user has Hans Moleman: Task: Make Hans Moleman Replace Batteries
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Spite the Hans That Sees You Pt. 4
Hans Mechman starts
Hans Mechman: Power on. Firmware updated. Resuming mission.
Lisa: Bart, I don't suppose you've learned a lesson from before and will mind your manners now?
Bart: What are manners? I want to see what else this robo-fossil can fail at.
Hans Mechman: Mocking registered. Modern combat protocols engaged.
Task: Make Hans Mechman Engage in Digital Warfare
Time: 12h
Location: Simpson House
On job start:
Bart: “Digital warfare”? What kind of lame…hey…it's hacking into my phone!
Bart: It's in my Facelook profile, Liking pages for old farts!
Nelson: Haw-haw, you Liked medicated butt powder!
On job end:
Bart: Chief, aren't you going to do something about this?
Wiggum: Not much I can do. Springfield has an “Eye for an Eye” law.
Wiggum: Really surprised he hasn't taken your eye. ‘Cause that would be fine too.
Bart: Good point.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Triumph of Ill Pt. 1
Wendell Borton starts
Wendell Borton: I finally made it out…oh sweet sunshine on my terribly pale face!
Bart: Wendell! Where have you been this whole time?
Wendell Borton: I was in the arcade when the whole building shook. I got so sick to my stomach I've been in the bathroom for what feels like years.
Bart: It was years. There's been an “out of order” sign on that stall since I was six. Let me catch you up on things.
Task: Make Bart Explain Everything to Wendell Borton
Time: 4h
Location: Simpson House
Requires: Wendell Borton
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Triumph of Ill Pt. 2
Wendell Borton starts
Wendell Borton: That's the last time I let my sensitive stomach get the best of me! There must be a way to beat it.
Dr. Hibbert: Sometimes things can be overcome by training your body to power through it. Most sailors get sea sick their first tour, but their bodies are forced to overcome it to survive.
Wendell Borton: Then that's what I'll do. Where do I sign up to be a pirate?
Bart: Pirates aren't cool anymore. Blame Johnny Depp.
Wendell Borton: There has to be something I can do to overcome this. Maybe I can get ideas from the school library?
Task: Make Wendell Borton Look at Exciting Careers in School Library
Time: 8h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Triumph of Ill Pt. 3
Wendell Borton starts
Wendell Borton: I've got it! I found something!
Bart: You actually discovered something useful in an elementary school library?
Wendell Borton: No, but when I was staring out the window I saw the monkey bars.
Wendell Borton: I've always been terrified of playing on them because of my fear of heights.
Wendell Borton: I'll spend all day on them. Surely that will cure it.
Bart: Or give you tetanus!
Task: Make Wendell Borton Face the Monkey Bars
Time: 8h
Location: Monkey Bars
On job start:
Wendell Borton: I'm doing it! I'm not only playing on the monkey bars. I'm WALKING on the monkey bars, I'm SWINGING on the monkey bars, I'm--
Wendell Borton: Oh no…
Wendell Borton: *sickening gurgle*
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Triumph of Ill Pt. 4
Wendell Borton starts
Wendell Borton: I…I…made it. I didn't throw up.
Bart: You sure you're not dizzy?
Wendell Borton: Don't say “dizzy”…
Bart: Or queasy, or woozy, or egg salad sandwich sitting in the sun…
Wendell Borton: Oh, no…it's the big one!
Task: Make Wendell Borton Get Extremely Sick
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Triumph of Ill Pt. 5
Wendell Borton starts
Wendell Borton: I'll never get over this. I'll always get motion sick. I'll never be able to do anything fun or anything with motion in it.
Lance Murdock: Hey there, kiddo. I couldn't help overhearing your predicament. Mostly ‘cause I'm nosey.
Lance Murdock: Listen, when I was a kid I went through the same thing. And you know how I got through it?
Wendell Borton: You started jumping buses and canyons on your motorcycle?
Lance Murdock: No, those are all video tricks. Never happened. Your trick should be throwing up BEFORE you get sick. When I'm feeling queasy thinking about a high-flying stunt, I lean into it and blow chow before the stunt.
Lance Murdock: If you replay some of my old stunts you'll see me dry-heaving like crazy under the ramp.
Task: Make Wendell Borton Control His Sickness
Time: 1h
Location: Monkey Bars
Wendell Borton: I've thrown up so much I don't have any energy to play…
Dr. Hibbert: Son, you're dehydrated!
Dr. Hibbert: Let me ask, do you feel dizzy, queasy, woozy? How ‘bout a warm egg salad sandwich. *CHUCKLES*
Wendell Borton: Egg salad? Oh no…
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Botched Ball Pt. 1
Erik starts
Erik: Hey, Bart! Want to have a game of one-on-one dodgeball?
Bart: Sure, get rid of Milhouse so you can't make some lucky catch off his face.
Erik: I make face catches like that in my sleep.
Bart: Face catches are weak!
Erik: Not when they're coming off your face!
Task: Make Erik Take on Bart
Time: 3h
Location: Dodgeball Court
Requires: Bart
Lucius Sweet: Hey Kid! I was just passing by when I happened to look up from my champagne bottle and saw some of your sweet moves.
Lucius Sweet: I've been planning to put together a sports team, and I think you could be just the ticket to kicking it off.
Erik: A dodgeball team?
Lucius Sweet: Is that what this is? Well, as long as it's got an international circuit to promote that's all that matters.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Botched Ball Pt. 2
Erik starts
Erik: Okay, Mr. Sweet. What's the first item on our trip to the top?
Lucius Sweet: First is the training montage. Run around town practicing your skills. Set it to some music so everyone is inspired by how hard you're working.
Erik: Um, okay. But people don't really practice dodgeball outside of a court.
Lucius Sweet: Everything can be practiced outside. Now show me some hustle!
Task: Make Erik Practice Dodgeball
Time: 4h
On job start:
Erik: Maybe this isn't so bad. *hits dodgeball*
Lisa: *smack*
Lisa: Hey!
Erik: Uh, sorry! I'll throw it this way.
Homer: Did someone get the license plate of that truck?
Erik: This is going to be a long training…
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Botched Ball Pt. 3
Erik starts
Erik: What's next in my rise to the top?
Lucius Sweet: Gotta build excitement for your debut.
Lucius Sweet: We need press all over town to reach an audience of your peers.
Erik: But my peers are all kids. They don't get all over town.
Lucius Sweet: Hmm, true. I guess we'll have to just double-down on the adult press!
Erik: Do adults even watch news anymore?
Lucius Sweet: The ones with lots of money to throw around at sport events do!
Task: Make Erik Get Interviewed by School Paper
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Requires: Lisa
Task: Make Erik Get Interviewed by Channel 6 News
Time: 4h
Location: Channel 6 or Brown House
Lucius Sweet: I think that went well. Here, have a drink. This will keep your energy up.
Erik: *drinks* Thanks, Mr. Sweet.
Erik: Whew, that's got a dodgeball-size kick.
Lisa: What was in that?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Botched Ball Pt. 4
Erik starts
Erik: All-right-already-already-all-right! Let's dodge some ball! Dodge ball! Dodge ball! Dodge that ball!
Erik: I could dodge the sun right now. Dodge-spin-dodge-jump. Dodge ball!
Lisa: Erik, have you been taking performance enhancing substances?
Erik: Drugs? I-don't-take-drugs. What-makes-you-think-I-take-drugs? Drugs are for slugs. Did I make that up? I'm awesome!
Lisa: You're kind of wired and talking nonsense.
Task: Make Erik Blow Off Some Energy
Time: 2h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Task: Make Lisa Test the Drink Cup
Time: 8h
Location: Police Station
Wiggum: Here's your test, Lisa. Let's see what we have here.
Wiggum: I hate reading science. Tri...methyl..xan…
Wiggum: Oh God, the kid's on meth! Just remember, I called it first!
Lisa: Let me see that.
Lisa: Caffeine. The words you can't pronounce are the chemical formula of caffeine.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Botched Ball Pt. 5
Erik starts
Erik: Mr. Sweet? I think I need another drink. I'm really crashing here.
Lisa: Don't do it, Erik! Mr. Sweet has been feeding you caffeine!
Erik: But that's a banned substance in elementary dodgeball competition!
Willie: Aye it is, and such a violation comes with extreme penalties. Bring him to the whipping stone!
Lisa: Too harsh, Willie. The penalty is a one-game suspension.
Willie: I never get to use me whipping stone.
Task: Make Erik Sit Out a Game
Time: 4h
Location: Springfield Elementary
Erik: My professional dodgeball career is over.
Lucius Sweet: Don't sweat it. Some football kid will get caught throwing a game to cover his dad's gambling addiction and they'll forget all about this.
Erik: I guess that'll give me time to work on my game. I wonder if Bart's up for another?
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Con Err Pt. 1
Jeremy Jailbird starts
Jeremy Jailbird: Nothing like the noxious smell of the Springfield tire fire to remind me I'm free.
Snake: My offspring's been sprung! Let's get something to eat and catch up, dad to little dude.
Jeremy Jailbird: Sounds good, Daddy.
Lisa: While I am sad it must exist, it's good to see the criminal reform system at work.
Task: Make Jeremy Jailbird Share a Meal With Snake
Time: 4h
Location: Krusty Burger
Requires: Snake
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Con Err Pt. 2
Jeremy Jailbird starts
Jeremy Jailbird: The first item on my court mandated release says I need to make “amends”.
Jeremy Jailbird: I have no idea what that means.
Lisa: “Amends” means paying back the community for the damage you caused.
Jeremy Jailbird: Sorry, I'm behind on reading skills. All the juvie library has are Itchy & Scratchy picture books.
Jeremy Jailbird: But, I have learned how to gut a cat and make use of every part of the body.
Lisa: While Springfield has a stray cat problem, I think you'll want to find a less violent way to make amends.
Task: Make Jeremy Jailbird Think of Ways to Make Amends
Time: 8h
Location: Brown House
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Con Err Pt. 3
Jeremy Jailbird starts
Jeremy Jailbird: Daddy helped me figure out how to make amends.
Jeremy Jailbird: I'll sell these Con-bears to raise money for the Juvenile Correctional programs.
Jeremy Jailbird: When you “release” it from the box, you discover that each bear is messed up in some way.
Jeremy Jailbird: You can collect them all to see just how badly the Springfield juvenile system needs your help.
Lisa: Wow, that sounds perfect!
Task: Make Jeremy Jailbird Sell Con-Bears
Time: 8h
On job start:
Bart: Check it out, Milhouse! Junior Jailbird is selling convict teddy bears.
Bart: I bet he's got an angle. He's pocketing the money for himself or something.
Lisa: Bart! He's doing a wonderful thing to help a juvenile system that you will probably go through some day!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Con Err Pt. 4
Jeremy Jailbird starts
Jeremy Jailbird: All right Pops, I've sold all the bears.
Snake: That's my boy!
Snake: Now, let's grab some grub. I've got some Father and Son nighttime activities planned.
Jeremy Jailbird: Yay! Are we playing “Nab and Grab”?
Snake: That's the only game Daddy knows!
Task: Make Jeremy Jailbird Play a Game With Snake
Time: 12h
Requires: Snake
Ned: I've been ro-diddly-obbed! My VCR! It's gone!
Homer: Who took it, the 1980's?
Ned: I needed that! I haven't transferred my bible stories to DVD yet.
Ned: We're still figuring out if laser technology is the Devil's work or not.
Homer: Aaaaah! My Blu-Ray player has been yoinked too!
Homer: Can it be? The Simpsons must turn to streaming?
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Con Err Pt. 5
Lisa starts
Lisa: It's interesting that we were all robbed after buying Con-Bears.
Lisa: I should have known. There's a camera for an eye and a Wi-Fi antenna for a tail. Bears don't have tails!
Lisa: The Turley's used these cuddly plushies to scope out houses in Springfield and then rob them.
Snake: Whoa, like, that is an ugly accusation to make about a dad and his little dude.
Jeremy Jailbird: I think it's time to bury some evidence, Dad.
Snake: Totally.
Task: Make Jeremy Jailbird Throw Away Evidence
Time: 4h
Wiggum: Well, I haven't recovered any evidence.
Lisa: What about these bears?
Wiggum: We can't keep blaming everything that goes wrong in this town on these camera bears.
Wiggum: Even though it sure would save a lot of paperwork.
Wiggum: Instead, we'll just use ‘em for traffic cameras!
Lisa: I guess Jeremy helped the community after all.
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Simpler Livin' Pt. 1
Mountain Man starts
Mountain Man: Don't that bust a hump! Urban sprawl has finally climbed up my mountain.
Mountain Man: Best get the lay of the land; see what kinda threats are out there and iffin' I need to poke some holes in the system with my smokin' hole poker.
Task: Place Stop Sign
Task: Make Mountain Man Shoot Stop Signs
Time: 4h
Location: Stop Sign
On job start:
Wiggum: Hold up there, Shoot to Swill! You can't keep blasting holes in the first stop sign you see.
Wiggum: Town ordnances state a five shot maximum per sign.
Wiggum: Do you know how much goes into replacing a sign? We gotta put down cones and…it's just a whole thing. We don't want that kind of hassle.
On job end:
Cletus: Hey feller, here's a tip from yokel to mountain man: use bird-shot to get around the five shot law.
Cletus: They's ain't much left after five blasts of all them BB's.
Mountain Man: Right nice tip, pal!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Simpler Livin' Pt. 2
Mountain Man starts
Mountain Man: Say, what do you think about givin' me the penny tour around here?
Cletus: “Penny”? ‘Round these parts tours cost a nickel.
Mountain Man: Blasted city prices. What a rip-off!
Cletus: I's don't make the rules.
Mountain Man: Fine. Let's get on with it.
Task: Make Mountain Man Tour Springfield With Cletus
Time: 4h
Requires: Cletus
On job start:
Cletus: That's the Krusty Burger. You can sell ‘em anything you catch or kill and they don't ask no questions.
Mountain Man: Mincin' meat into flat patties? What happened to fryin' ferret with the face on?
Cletus: And over there's the public bathroom. The showers are free. Only cuz of busted water pipes over the toilets.
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Simpler Livin' Pt. 3
Mountain Man starts
Mountain Man: You city folk sure are spoiled with your running water and food practically chewed up for you!
Mountain Man: You even let the government dictate when you's gotta stop and go!
Mountain Man: I need to get outta here ‘fore I get so city-fied I need a service pig to pull my boots on and off.
Task: Make Mountain Man Retreat to His Mountain
Time: 12h
Location: Outland Sign
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Simpler Livin' Pt. 4
Mountain Man starts
Mountain Man: I need to get back to my roots.
Mountain Man: Meanin' eatin' roots, burdock weed, and tree sap.
Mountain Man: Certainly will taste better than some minced chicken pressed into clown shapes!
Task: Place Trees
Task: Make Mountain Man Live Off the Land
Time: 8h
Location: Trees
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
