The Buck Stops Here and "Haw-Haw Land" Episode Tie-In: Prizes Walkthrough
Info Bores Pt. 1
Birch Barlow starts
Birch Barlow: I can't believe my radio show was canceled just because I said we should nuke Tax-achusetts and dump the ashes in Holly-good-riddance, Cali-won't-mourn-ia.
Birch Barlow: Those Politically Corr-wrecked Dumb-ocrats are so thin-skinned!
Declan Desmond: Your unfiltered, tortured-wordplay-ridden ramblings are just what I'm looking for to start my radio production company!
Birch Barlow: Whoa, there. I'm not about to bow down to some tea-bagging British sponsors.
Declan Desmond: I'm talking about satellite radio -- no advertisers, no censorship!
Birch Barlow: You mean I'd be able to say whatever I want? You won't sic the PC Police on me?
Declan Desmond: No! I want your unfettered madness infecting our listeners. Nothing gets more subscribers than an extremist! How do you think Bob Ross got so popular?
Birch Barlow: You have a deal.
Task: Make Birch Barlow Prepare for Radio Show
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Info Bores Pt. 2
Birch Barlow starts
Birch Barlow: Good morning, freedom-likers. Birch Barlow, the fourth branch of government the fifty-first state, is back on the air.
Birch Barlow: Today we are going to cover the proceedings on Bill HB-0101, a measure that would make False Flag burning illegal.
Birch Barlow: But first, I know what you're thinking: “Birch, how is it that Spend-o-Crats keep spending”? And that's something that I'd like to know, too.
Birch Barlow: We keep getting duped by a party who cannot align on which areas they are corrupt in spending? Call now, and let's talk.
Task: Make Birch Barlow Take Callers
Time: 4h
Location: Capital City Plaza Hotel
On job start:
Snake: Hey, Birch, longtime listener, first time use-my-one-phone-call-er. My question for you is, how many times are these Fib-erals going to--
Birch Barlow: “Fib-erals”?! What the hell does that mean? You're talking jibberish; you aren't making any sense.
Birch Barlow: Sounds to me like maybe you're a guest at the Greybar Hotel because you're another one of those Liberal Lefties who packed his peace-pipe full of Wacky-Tobacky! Next caller!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Info Bores Pt. 3
Birch Barlow starts
Birch Barlow: Good morning again, freedom-lovers. Let's go ahead and jump right into it. The Capital City politicians are corrupt.
Birch Barlow: I'm here on the inside, watching the way they work, like the little toy scuba diver in the fishbowl, surrounded by vicious clownfish. First caller!
Moe: Uh, yeah, it sounds like there's a lot of colludin' going on behind our backs, under our noses, and in those hard-to-reach places I can never get to with floss.
Moe: Is it safe to say that the Democrats have been lying to us this whole time? Did the moon landing not happen? Are they sulfur people from hell?
Birch Barlow: *chuckles* My friend, you have a wild imagination...but you are absolutely right! We are dealing with SULFUR PEOPLE!
Task: Make Birch Barlow Spin Conspiracy Theories
Time: 6h
Location: Capital City Plaza Hotel
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Info Bores Pt. 4
Birch Barlow starts
Birch Barlow: Good morning, Americans. Today, I must announce to you that we are at war.
Birch Barlow: The Dumb-ocrats are at it again. They think my show perpetuates “LIES” and incites “VIOLENCE”. Well, you know what I think? If it's American to LIE to get your point across, then call me Bend-the-Truth Franklin!
Birch Barlow: They set their demo-dog Mayor Joe Quimby on me. He's attempting to organize a boycott. Well the only thing my listeners boycott...are FACTS!
Task: Make Birch Barlow Spin Lies Against Quimby
Time: 4h
Location: Capital City Plaza Hotel
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Info Bores Pt. 5
Birch Barlow starts
Birch Barlow: Whew. All this hateful rhetoric is really starting to take a toll on my health. *eats donuts* I don't think I can keep this up much longer, I'm running out of faux outrage.
Declan Desmond: Birchy, baby! There's my little Republican-do. Your ratings are through the roof, and you have the most callers of any show I've ever produced.
Declan Desmond: I want you to keep on spouting your Conserva-nonsense until you're red in the face. Well, REDDER in the face. How about signing a long-term contract?
Birch Barlow: I get to keep manufacturing rage while you pay me top dollar?
Declan Desmond: Mm-hmm.
Birch Barlow: You've got yourself a deal. It's a pleasure doing business with you.
Birch Barlow: Now get out of here, you job-stealing foreigner!
Task: Make Birch Barlow Go Haywire
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Sweet Sin-Sation
Auto starts
Homer: Oh no! The hotel where Mindy and I stayed is back! I don't know if I'll be able to resist temptation again!
Mindy: I know, Homer, it's going to be tough for us to stay apart--
Homer: I wasn't talking about you! I meant the temptation of the hotel mini-bar: tiny liquors, king size chocolates, tiny chocolates filled with liquor...
Quimby: Er, ah, did someone say “hotel” “with” “expensive” “taste” “filled with” “temptation” and “vending machines”?
Homer: How long were you standing there? And why do the words “vending machines” excite you?
Quimby: Trust me, you don't want to know!
Task: Make Quimby Enjoy the Presidential Suite
Time: 1h
Location: Capital City Plaza Hotel
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Convention's Convention
Auto starts
Lisa: Ooh, the Capital City Convention Center! A Mensa convention would fill this place to 2% capacity, which is equal to the percentage of the population smart enough to join!
Dr. Nick: I could book a medical convention to get free samples so I can stop using the same scalpel over and over...
Homer: The Gummi convention could come back...
Comic Book Guy: I could book Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con! I've got a He-Man cosplay I've been wanting to wear!
Lisa: ...
Homer: ...
Dr. Nick: ...
Quimby: As a government official, I can't stop your right to express yourself by wearing a loin cloth in public as a grown man under the guise of liking an old children's cartoon.
Quimby: But I can do what the government does best: impede your grossness with endless red tape!
Task: Make Springfielders Go Through Red Tape
Time: 4h
Location: Capital City Convention Center
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Broken Record
Auto starts
Lisa: YES! The Hall of Records is finally back in town.
Lisa: No more using Wikipedia, the Wiki-Dewey Decimal System, or Wiki-Shushing people online!
Martin: Yes! As a fellow historian, I too have longed for the return of our beloved Hall of--
Lisa: SHHH!!!
Lisa: Man, I've missed that.
Task: Make Lisa Shush People at Hall of Records
Time: 3h
Location: Springfield Hall Of Records
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Birch Barlow starts
Birch Barlow: I can't believe my radio show was canceled just because I said we should nuke Tax-achusetts and dump the ashes in Holly-good-riddance, Cali-won't-mourn-ia.
Birch Barlow: Those Politically Corr-wrecked Dumb-ocrats are so thin-skinned!
Declan Desmond: Your unfiltered, tortured-wordplay-ridden ramblings are just what I'm looking for to start my radio production company!
Birch Barlow: Whoa, there. I'm not about to bow down to some tea-bagging British sponsors.
Declan Desmond: I'm talking about satellite radio -- no advertisers, no censorship!
Birch Barlow: You mean I'd be able to say whatever I want? You won't sic the PC Police on me?
Declan Desmond: No! I want your unfettered madness infecting our listeners. Nothing gets more subscribers than an extremist! How do you think Bob Ross got so popular?
Birch Barlow: You have a deal.
Task: Make Birch Barlow Prepare for Radio Show
Time: 4h
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Info Bores Pt. 2
Birch Barlow starts
Birch Barlow: Good morning, freedom-likers. Birch Barlow, the fourth branch of government the fifty-first state, is back on the air.
Birch Barlow: Today we are going to cover the proceedings on Bill HB-0101, a measure that would make False Flag burning illegal.
Birch Barlow: But first, I know what you're thinking: “Birch, how is it that Spend-o-Crats keep spending”? And that's something that I'd like to know, too.
Birch Barlow: We keep getting duped by a party who cannot align on which areas they are corrupt in spending? Call now, and let's talk.
Task: Make Birch Barlow Take Callers
Time: 4h
Location: Capital City Plaza Hotel
On job start:
Snake: Hey, Birch, longtime listener, first time use-my-one-phone-call-er. My question for you is, how many times are these Fib-erals going to--
Birch Barlow: “Fib-erals”?! What the hell does that mean? You're talking jibberish; you aren't making any sense.
Birch Barlow: Sounds to me like maybe you're a guest at the Greybar Hotel because you're another one of those Liberal Lefties who packed his peace-pipe full of Wacky-Tobacky! Next caller!
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Info Bores Pt. 3
Birch Barlow starts
Birch Barlow: Good morning again, freedom-lovers. Let's go ahead and jump right into it. The Capital City politicians are corrupt.
Birch Barlow: I'm here on the inside, watching the way they work, like the little toy scuba diver in the fishbowl, surrounded by vicious clownfish. First caller!
Moe: Uh, yeah, it sounds like there's a lot of colludin' going on behind our backs, under our noses, and in those hard-to-reach places I can never get to with floss.
Moe: Is it safe to say that the Democrats have been lying to us this whole time? Did the moon landing not happen? Are they sulfur people from hell?
Birch Barlow: *chuckles* My friend, you have a wild imagination...but you are absolutely right! We are dealing with SULFUR PEOPLE!
Task: Make Birch Barlow Spin Conspiracy Theories
Time: 6h
Location: Capital City Plaza Hotel
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Info Bores Pt. 4
Birch Barlow starts
Birch Barlow: Good morning, Americans. Today, I must announce to you that we are at war.
Birch Barlow: The Dumb-ocrats are at it again. They think my show perpetuates “LIES” and incites “VIOLENCE”. Well, you know what I think? If it's American to LIE to get your point across, then call me Bend-the-Truth Franklin!
Birch Barlow: They set their demo-dog Mayor Joe Quimby on me. He's attempting to organize a boycott. Well the only thing my listeners boycott...are FACTS!
Task: Make Birch Barlow Spin Lies Against Quimby
Time: 4h
Location: Capital City Plaza Hotel
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Info Bores Pt. 5
Birch Barlow starts
Birch Barlow: Whew. All this hateful rhetoric is really starting to take a toll on my health. *eats donuts* I don't think I can keep this up much longer, I'm running out of faux outrage.
Declan Desmond: Birchy, baby! There's my little Republican-do. Your ratings are through the roof, and you have the most callers of any show I've ever produced.
Declan Desmond: I want you to keep on spouting your Conserva-nonsense until you're red in the face. Well, REDDER in the face. How about signing a long-term contract?
Birch Barlow: I get to keep manufacturing rage while you pay me top dollar?
Declan Desmond: Mm-hmm.
Birch Barlow: You've got yourself a deal. It's a pleasure doing business with you.
Birch Barlow: Now get out of here, you job-stealing foreigner!
Task: Make Birch Barlow Go Haywire
Time: 8h
Quest reward: $200 and 20 XP
Sweet Sin-Sation
Auto starts
Homer: Oh no! The hotel where Mindy and I stayed is back! I don't know if I'll be able to resist temptation again!
Mindy: I know, Homer, it's going to be tough for us to stay apart--
Homer: I wasn't talking about you! I meant the temptation of the hotel mini-bar: tiny liquors, king size chocolates, tiny chocolates filled with liquor...
Quimby: Er, ah, did someone say “hotel” “with” “expensive” “taste” “filled with” “temptation” and “vending machines”?
Homer: How long were you standing there? And why do the words “vending machines” excite you?
Quimby: Trust me, you don't want to know!
Task: Make Quimby Enjoy the Presidential Suite
Time: 1h
Location: Capital City Plaza Hotel
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
A Convention's Convention
Auto starts
Lisa: Ooh, the Capital City Convention Center! A Mensa convention would fill this place to 2% capacity, which is equal to the percentage of the population smart enough to join!
Dr. Nick: I could book a medical convention to get free samples so I can stop using the same scalpel over and over...
Homer: The Gummi convention could come back...
Comic Book Guy: I could book Bi-Mon-Sci-Fi-Con! I've got a He-Man cosplay I've been wanting to wear!
Lisa: ...
Homer: ...
Dr. Nick: ...
Quimby: As a government official, I can't stop your right to express yourself by wearing a loin cloth in public as a grown man under the guise of liking an old children's cartoon.
Quimby: But I can do what the government does best: impede your grossness with endless red tape!
Task: Make Springfielders Go Through Red Tape
Time: 4h
Location: Capital City Convention Center
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
Broken Record
Auto starts
Lisa: YES! The Hall of Records is finally back in town.
Lisa: No more using Wikipedia, the Wiki-Dewey Decimal System, or Wiki-Shushing people online!
Martin: Yes! As a fellow historian, I too have longed for the return of our beloved Hall of--
Lisa: SHHH!!!
Lisa: Man, I've missed that.
Task: Make Lisa Shush People at Hall of Records
Time: 3h
Location: Springfield Hall Of Records
Quest reward: $100 and 10 XP
