Clash Of Clones Complete Walkthrough (thanks to TSTOTOpix)

There are some extra quests listed in the files as part #b. Jginsberg145 is pretty sure these are for people that don’t have a certain item to complete that quest, so I edited them out to "with/without" the building needed.

Walkthrough thanks to Jginsberg145 @ TSTOTopix

Main Questline

Prince and The Premise Pt. 1
Objective: Make Barbarian Attack the Simpson House

Barbarian- GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Barbarian – Loot! Pillage! Burn! Take! Abscond! Steal! Scream synonyms!
Ned – Hey there yella fella, why are you giving an extra helping of beat down to my blue bottles?
Barbarian – Me am barbarian. Must pillage and destroy!
Ned – You’re not from around here, are you Mr. Barbarian?
Barbarian – Barbarian am from another land!
Ned – Tell me about the far-away place!
Barbarian – It am land where violence rules! Where me drink from skull of enemy!
Barbarian – Where me poop through butt of enemy!
Ned – That’s a little too much TMI!
Ned – Well, sir, since you’ve got an appetite for destruction, instead of axing my rose bushes, why not Slash this house next door?
Barbarian – Barbarian appreciate your Guns ‘N’ Roses references. Barbarian will pillage 742 Evergreen Terrace!

Prince and The Premise Pt. 2
Objective – Build the Barbarian Castle

Barbarian- Smash! Loot! Pillage! Wreck!
Homer – What gives? That’s my house you’re smashing.
barbarian- GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Homer – Chief Wiggum, I need you to physically subdue this axe-wielding muscular giant who clearly is a master of hand-to-hand combat!
Wiggum – Sorry Simpson, that’s a big no can do. In that there’s no possible way I can do it, thus the term, “no can do.”
Barbarian- GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Homer – Come on Grunty, knock it off. That’s my house — where I eat and sleep and look at magazines and stuff.
Barbarian- GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Homer – The pillaging, I get. Who wouldn’t want all my awesome stuff?
Homer – Like my extra-thick TV, my dozens of hidden mini-fridges, and all those magazines I mentioNed – earlier.
Barbarian- GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Homer – But hear me out — you are in serious danger of over-pillaging.
Barbarian- GRUNT? GRUNT? GRUNT?
Homer – That’s right, over-pillaging.
Homer – You pillage all this fantastic stuff, but you have nowhere to put it.
Homer – Then it gets raiNed – on, and the ants get into it, and it’s Hibbert’s shed all over again.
Homer – Everything’s ruiNed – and you wasted all that great pillaging.
Barbarian- GRUNT! GRUNT! GRUNT!
Homer – What you need is a place to keep all the great stuff you pillaged.
Barbarian- Grunt, grunt… storage locker?
Homer – No, those storage places always rip you off. What you need is a castle!
Barbarian- Grunt, grunt, GRUNT!

Prince and The Premise Pt. 3
Objective – Attack Another Springfield

Barbarian- Grunt, grunt, grunt?
Homer – What’s wrong, barbarian buddy?
Barbarian – Barbarian need fighters to pillage for Barbarian!
Homer – Oh, I get it. Someone to do the dirty work for you. They do all the getting killed, you get all the mini-fridges.
Barbarian- Grunt, grunt, exactly.
Homer – Well, this town isn’t exactly full of big muscle-y *-whompers like yourself.
Homer – But it is full of… nerds!
Barbarian -Grunt, grunt, nerds?
Homer – A whole bunch of medieval dorks are always playing with fake swords in the park.
Homer – I bet they’d love to go raiding with a real disemboweling skull-drinker like yourself.
Homer – The only problem is… those nerds wouldn’t stand a chance. They’d be totally slaughtered.
Barbarian – Barbarian would never send nerds to pointless deaths.
Homer – ?
Barbarian -?
Barbarian- Grunt, grunt, KIDDING!
Homer – You had me there for a sec. You totally had me.

-After Quest Completion-

Skinner – I must say Mr. Barbarian, you’re doing a wonderful service for these young gentlemen.
Barbarian- Huh?
Skinner – I’m told you’re planning a vigorous exercise program.
Barbarian – No. Me send them to deaths. More than they deserve.
Skinner – But they are doing you a favor by retrieving valuable items for you?
Barbarian – Raid takes time. Attack with more nerds destroy building faster. When more nerds attack, is harder to defend. More dead nerds equals more good for me.
Skinner- Um… did you just say…?
Barbarian – DEAD NERDS EQUALS MORE GOOD FOR ME!!!
Skinner- I need a bag of salted cashews.

Prince and The Premise Pt. 4
Objective – Make Homer Attack Barbarian

Lovejoy – Excuse me, Homer. A tiny favor
Homer – What are you doing here? I don’t come to where you work and ask you for things.
Lovejoy – You come to the church every Sunday and pray for a new car.
Homer – Nice, I see what you did there. Classic reversal. Although, to be fair, it was a pretty solid set up on my part.
Lovejoy – You’ve got to talk to your barbarian friend. He and his gang of nerds have been looting and pillaging all over town.
Lovejoy – They stole Patty and Selma’s menopause medication.
Homer – GThose two without their woman hormones? That oughta be good for a larf!
Lovejoy – The horde destroyed Chester’s shed — he was finally this close to finishing it.
Homer – Poor old Chester, always good for a larf.
Lovejoy – The barbarians and nerds savagely beat the Yes-Man, leaving him with permanent brain damage.
Homer – Trust me, with that guy there wasn’t much brain left to damage. Savage beatings, always good for a larf.
Lovejoy- You’ve got to do something!
Homer – But all the stuff you’re saying is good for a larf! Why would I want to stop larfs?
Lovejoy- Then I guess you wouldn’t care that the Barbarian stole Ned – Flanders’ wet-dry vac.
Homer – That’s not good for a larf!
Homer – Hey, you, helmet head! There’s only one person who steals from Ned – Flanders in this town — and that’s me!
Barbarian – Grunt, grunt, you’ve got to be kidding.
Homer – Give Flanders back his wet-dry vac — or else!
Barbarian – But wet-dry vac am good for cleaning up blood AND guts.
Homer – Put the wet-dry vac back!
Barbarian- Grunt, grunt, what if I don’t?
Homer – Then grunt grunt I kick your grunt!

Prince and The Premise Pt. 5
Objective – Make Barbarian Chase Homer with an Axe

Prince and The Premise Pt. 6

with Moe's
Objective – Make Homer Drink at Moe’s
Objective – Make Barbarian Drink at Moe’s
without Moe's
Objective – Make Homer Drink with Barbarian
Objective – Make Barbarian Drink with Homer

Homer – Well, you chased me for 2 hours, and you finally caught me.
Barbarian – You better runner than I thought.
Homer – Well, I guess it’s time for you to chop off my head.
Barbarian -Soon me drink from your skull!
Homer – Drink, eh?
Homer – Say Barbie, before you decapitate me, scrape all the flesh off my head, boil the bones to a nice chalky-white, then seal up all the little head holes to keep the liquid from leaking… what say I buy you a beer?
Barbarian – GRUNT, GRUNT, THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ‘BOUT!!!

-After Objective Completion-

Barbarian – Have to admit, beer from mug better than beer from skull. Skull beer always taste like old head meat.
Homer – Even if you boil the skull for a long time?
barbarian – No matter how long me boil skull, still am taste hint of brain.
Homer – You’re just full of interesting trivia. Which Springfield are you from?
barbarian- Am not from Springfield. Am from… other game.
Homer – So we just admit now that we know we live in a game? No more pretense?
barbarian – Why lie to selves? Is insult to players’ intelligence.
Homer – Yeah, okay. That makes things easier.
Homer – So, tell me about the game you come from.
barbarian – Is called “Clash of Castles.”
barbarian – Barbarians attack other towns, destroy everything, kill everyone, and pillage gold and elixir.
Homer – So that explains the pillaging.barbarianIs all me know.
Homer – Your Clash of Castles game sounds awesome. I have to admit, I’m getting a little bored of my game. It’s pretty vanilla.
Homer – Everything’s so wussy here. “Valentine’s Day Hearts”? “Friendship Points?”
Homer – And don’t get me started on those (EXPLETIVE DELETED) Easter fences!!!
Homer – Your game sounds a million times better than my game! And so much more addicting. Like I’d totally ignore my town to play in your world.
Barbarian- Yeah, me guess it’s okay
Homer – (What’s the income tax rate on pillaging?
Barbarian- Zero.
Homer – Federal and state?
Barbarian – Us drink from skull of tax collector so yeah.
Homer – Nice games are so boring! Rated “E” for Everybody — more like “L” for Lamewads Losers and Larrys!
Homer – Larry is this guy who used to really annoy everyone. He wore huge t-shirts that looked like dresses.
Barbarian- Him sound like wiener.
Homer – I never get to kill anyone! Not even a Squeaky Voice Teen or a Wise Guy!
Barbarian – Killing am big rush, no lie.
Homer – 20 more beers over here, Moe!

Prince and The Premise Pt. 7

with Moe's
Objective – Make Homer Drink 10 More Beers
Objective – Make Barbarian Drink 10 More Beers
without Moe's
Objective – Make Homer Drink 10 More Beers
Objective – Make Barbarian Drink 10 More Beers

-After Objective Complete-

Barbarian- Can me tell you something?
Homer – Anything, pal.
Barbarian- Me am jealous — of you!
Homer – *spit-take*
Barbarian – Me tired of kill kill kill, pillage pillage pillage, grunt grunt grunt. Sometimes, me just want put feet by fire and drink from skull of enemy with someone me love.
Barbarian – Me want do Sunday crossword puzzle in bed then go to brunch, not slaughter castle full of archers and wizards.
Homer – See, I would love to bathe in wizard blood.
Barbarian – Me would love stay home watch “The Bachelor” eating low calorie popcorn.
Homer – I guess each of us would love to have the other guy’s life.
Barbarian- Yes, that am situation.
Moe – Hey guys, did you know that when the Barbarian here takes off his helmet, he looks just like Homer – .
Homer – OMG — Oh my God! It’s true!
Barbarian -OMC — Oh my Crom! Us am twins!
Moe – You guys should switch places and live each other’s lives, just like that classic piece of literature: “Garfield: A Tail of Two Kitties”.
Barbarian – Switch places? That sounds hacky.
Homer – No, no it’s cool. The same happeNed – to Bart in one of the episodes of the TV show this whole thing is based on.
Barbarian – Us game not based on TV show. Am original IP.
Moe – Must be nice.
Homer – So it’s agreed, I’ll live the life of a Barbarian, and you’ll live the life of a family man!
Barbarian – Me still think this am hacky, but am worth it.

Prince and The Premise Pt. 8

with Jake's Unisex Hair Palace
Objective – Collect Gold
Objective – Make Homer Bulk Up
Objective – Make Barbarian Get a Haircut
Objective – Make Homer and Barbarian Switch Places
without Jake's Unisex Hair Palace
Objective – Collect Gold
Objective – Make Homer Bulk Up
Objective – Make Barbarian Get a Haircut
Objective – Make Homer and Barbarian Switch Places

Homer – To be me, all you have to do is shave that mustache.
Barbarian – You must turn all that fat to muscle.

-Job Started Dialogue-
Homer – Oh no you don’t, sky finger. No way. Not working out. Uh-uh. There’s got to be another way to bulk me up.

Prince and The Premise Pt. 9
Objective – Make Homer Barbarian Pretend to Be a Sitcom Dad

Fake Homer – Greetings ugly boy!
Bart - Huh?
Fake Homer – Me am your father. Bow before father!
Bart – Guh?
Fake Homer – Show respect for father’s prowess with axe and skill in battle… I mean, parenting.
Bart – Dad, what’s wrong with you? You seem… intense. And your speech is much more halting than usual.
Fake Homer – Bow before father or me crush your neck!
Bart - Okay, that’s more like it.

-After Objective Completion-

Homer Barbarian – Boy whelp think me am Homer – , but girl whelp am clever.
Homer Barbarian – What father do to win affection of girl?
Homer Barbarian – Me know! Me give her life lessons in backbreaking labor.
Homer Barbarian – Child! I command you to build a castle.
Lisa – A castle? I suppose this could be a good exercise in medieval construction.
Lisa – Can I use eco-friendly materials?
Homer Barbarian - Ask mother.
Homer Barbarian -Being father am easy.

Prince and The Premise Pt. 10
Objective – Make Homer – Barbarian Chase Bully with an Axe

Fake Homer – Boy want sharpen father’s axe with father?
Bart – I don’t feel like it
Fake Homer – Something bothering boy?
Bart – This bully at school, he took my Krusty doll.
Fake Homer – Bully steal from son of… what my name again?
Bart- Homer Simpson.
Fake Homer – Bully steal from Homer Simpson?! Homer Simpson cleave bully in twain!
Bart- Sweet

Prince and The Premise Pt. 11
Objective – Make Lisa Play in the Recital
Objective – Make Homer Barbarian Make Springfielders Attend the Recital
Objective – Make Springfielders Attend the Recital Under Threat of Death

Lisa – Sniffle
Fake Homer – Daughter! Roast me a boar!
Lisa – Sniff… sob
Fake Homer – Make sure save boar brains. Mmm… boar brains.
Lisa – Oh, Dad! My saxophone recital is tonight and no one’s coming! I’ve been practicing so much!
Lisa *saxophoning*
Fake Homer – That sound like death-keening of a wounded frost giant! Am… beautiful.
Lisa - Really?
Fake Homer – Me find people and make them go to music show… or me cleave them in twain!
Lisa - I love you Dad!

Prince and The Premise Pt. 12
Objective – Make Homer Barbarian Express Rage Against Noobs
Fake Homer – Where am wife! Homer Simpson need woman to rub feet and pick bugs from hair and pick bugs from feet!
Lisa – Dad, because Mom is a high level character, we have to wait a while before she appears. It makes things easier for the new players.
Barbarian – NOOOOOBS!

Complete Clash of Clones Pts.1-4 to continue (see below)

Prince and The Premise Pt. 13
Objective – Make Barbarian Homer Attack the Simpson House

Homer Barbarian – I been drinking too much of that purple stuff. I gotta take a break, get clean… I wonder what my family’s up to.
Homer Barbarian- Family, I’m home!
Fake Homer – What you doing here?
Marge – Two fake Homers? How am I supposed to know which is the real fake Homer?
Homer Barbarian – Hey, that’s my wife’s pork chops you’re eating!
Fake Homer – So? Your wife’s pork chops am delicious.
Marge – Thank you. I think.
Homer Barbarian – The pork chops were never part of the deal.
Fake Homer – What you talking about? Us switch lives! That am premise! HACKY PREMISE!
Bart – So what if it’s hacky? Fake Dad chased a bully with an axe for me!
Lisa – He made everyone go to my sax recital!
Marge – Homer Barbarian is a good man. He makes the bed every morning.
Homer Barbarian – You make the bed? What kind of man makes the bed?
Fake Homer – Grunt grunt me equal part of nurturing family equation as Marge.
Homer Barbarian - No man comes to my house, is a better dad to my kids, and is better at pretending to go along with parenting gibberish than me!
Homer Barbarian - GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Prince and The Premise Pt. 14
Objective - Make Homer Hide Unconscious Barbarian In Brown House

Bart – Dad, you’re destroying your own house.
Homer Barbarian – And I’m gonna keep on destroying it until he comes out and fights me.
Fake Homer – Grunt grunt fight? No, no fight. Me no longer solve problems with axe. Me solve problems with talk, and text.
Fake Homer – Me metrosexual now. Me groom facial hair. Me watch “The Good Wife”. Me eat house-made pickles at gastropub.
Homer Barbarian – So you don’t believe in fighting any more?
Fake Homer – Me into yoga now. Grunt, grunt, namaste.
Homer Barbarian - Eat axe handle, stupid!
Fake Homer – Grunt, grunt
Fake Homer – Grunt, grunt, *passing-out noise*

-After Objective Completion -

Fake Homer – Finally, the brown house makes itself useful. A great place to hide an unconscious loser who looks just like you.
Homer Barbarian – See kids, I’m a better dad then that Barbarian ever was.
Lisa – But the Barbarian gave us castles.
Homer Barbarian – No, he made you make your own castles.
Bart – That’s true. He made us work hard for a feeling of accomplishment. Weak.
Homer Barbarian – Whereas I just gave you the cool new costumes, or “skins” to win your love.
Bart – Yeah, getting free stuff is way better than working.
Lisa -How is that a good lesson?
Homer Barbarian – That’s my boy!
Lisa- HOW IS THAT A GOOD LESSON?
Homer Barbarian – THAT’S MY BOY!

Prince and The Premise Pt. 15
Objective – Build Castle Recycle
Objective – Upgrade Archer Lisa to Level 4
Objective – Build Boxingham Palace
Objective – Upgrade Goblin Bart to Level 3

Bart – But Dad’s lame song is right! Upgrades are amazing!
Lisa – Even though my castle is almost exactly the same, an upgrade makes it feel like I’ve got a whole new castle!
Bart- I love you upgrades!
Homer Barbarian – If ever I deserved a swig of non-addictive purple goo, it’s now
Bart – I miss old fake dad. He had the best stories about bathing in the blood of his enemies, and scrubbing himself with their ripped-out tongues.
Lisa – He loved my music. He said it reminded him of when he would throw sick old bears into the bonfire and burn them alive.
Homer Barbarian – what are you kids complaining about? You got your real old man back!
Bart - Great.
Lisa – Super.
Homer Barbarian – I’m not just your dad anymore. I’m a leveled-up version of your dad — with a leveled-up castle.
Bart – Big deal. I hope your castle is better than your pathetic Prince & the Pauper premise.
Lisa – Yeah, I hope your castle is more skillfully constructed together than that awful premise.
Homer Barbarian – Oh children… Why are they so stupid? My castle is great because of UPGRADES. Let me explain
Homer Barbarian – When you make the thing you already have a little bit better, that’s an upgrade.
Lisa – So it’s something you already have
Homer – But a little bit better.
Homer Barbarian – Now you’re getting it!
Homer – WIT’S A TINY IMPROVEMENT, A MARKED DIFFERENCE, IT’S A SHINIER BELT, OR A PRETTIER FENCE!
Bart - Are you singing?
Homer Barbarian – AN UPGRADE TAKES YOUR PLUS ONE SWORD AND MAKES IT PLUS TWO
Homer Barbarian – AN UPGRADE TRANSFORMS YOUR MAGIC CLOAK FROM LIGHT TO DARKER BLUE
Bart - He is singing.
Lisa – But, this game doesn’t have music.
Homer Barbarian – UPGRADES ARE THE LITTLE BOOSTS THAT GIVE YOUR LIFE NEW MEANING
Homer Barbarian - THE SLIGHTLY BETTER VERSIONS THAT WILL GIVE YOUR LIFE NEW MEANING
Bart – He just rhymed “new meaning” with “new meaning.”
Homer Barbarian – SO IF YOU’RE FEELING BORED AND SAD
Bart – Wow. Way to string it out, bone-head dad – everyone knows about upgrades!
Homer Barbarian -YOUR GAME HAS PETERED OUT
Bart – Maybe if you’d laid off that purple juice a little, you’d have noticed that Lisa and I also have our own castles and outfits and outfits and.
Homer Barbarian – UPGRADE ALL THE STUFF YOU HAVE AND THEN YOU’LL SCREAM AND SHOUT — FOR UPGRADES!!!
Lisa - UPGRADES!

Prince and The Premise Pt. 16
Objective – Make Homer Pose as the Barbarian Posing as Homer
Marge – I don’t like you looting other peoples towns. People worked hard on those. Think of all the grinding they did.
Homer Barbarian – Well, it’s not me who looted them
Homer Barbarian – I’m actually a Barbarian from another game pretending to be your husband cause we look the same, you know, like in “Double, Double, Boy in Trouble.”
Marge – I never saw that episode.
Homer Barbarian – It was a Prince & the Pauper thing.
Marge - Oh how embarrassing.
Homer Barbarian – Me Barbarian. Me not Homer. Me from number one grossing game iTunes charts, not… number 12.
Marge - Homie I know it’s you.

Prince and The Premise Pt. 17
Objective – Make Barbarian Homer Express Rage Against Noobs

Homer Barbarian – Marge, where were you? We haven’t done a mission together in forever!
Lisa – You know we have to wait until later in the “Clash of Clones” event to give the new players time to catch up.
Homer Barbarian – NOOOOOOOBS!!!

-After Objective Completion-

Marge – I’m still not so thrilled with all the raiding and pillaging and destroying you’ve been doing.
Homer Barbarian - Admit it, I’ve never brought home as much solid gold coins as I am now.
Marge – I can’t enjoy those coins knowing that they’re the fruit of human suffering.
Homer Barbarian – Mmm… suffering fruit.
Marge – And what’s this purple stuff you’ve been guzzling? Is it… sizzurp?
Homer Barbarian - No. It’s not drank. It’s wine. A wine that makes you feel better than any wine in the world. And it’s not in any way addictive.
Marge – You’re drinking it right now.
Homer – barbarian *burp*
Marge – I want you to quit drinking elixir.
Homer Barbarian – Quit drinking elixir? I’d sooner give up drinking non-addictive wine!
Marge - Well don’t come home until you do!
Homer Barbarian – When Marge sees how awesome I upgrade myself, you won’t be complaining about elixir.
Ned – What’s an upgrade?
Homer Barbarian – IT’S A TINY IMPROVEMENT, A MARKED DIFFERENCE, IT’S A SHINIER BELT, OR A PRETTIER FENCE!

Complete The Power of Upgrades Pts.1-3 to continue (see below)

Prince and The Premise Pt. 18
Objective – Upgrade Barbarian Castle to Level 10
Objective – Upgrade Castle Recycle to Level
Objective – Upgrade Boxingham Palace to Level 7
Objective – Upgrade Archer Lisa to Level 7
Objective – Upgrade Goblin Bart to Level 5
Objective – Upgrade Wizard Marge to Level 3

Archer Lisa – My last upgrade was so cool — I got slightly longer boot laces.
Goblin Bart – My upgrade rocked! My attacks got 5 percent stronger! Too bad my enemies’ defenses got 5 percent stronger at the exact same time. Oh well!
Wizard Marge – Have you seen the new fringes on my magic cloak — the threads are now imperceptibly silverier!
Wizard Marge – UPGRADE!
Archer Lisa – UPGRADE!
Goblin Bart – UPGRADE!
Barbarian Homer – Wow, the awesome power of upgrades has brought us together as a family. No one even cares that my Elixir consumption has also been… upgraded.
Barbarian Homer – I NEED IT!!!!!!!!!
Barbarian Homer – !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Archer Lisa – Man, it’s been a whole day since my last upgrade.
Goblin Bart – Me too! I gotta change my life by making my clothes imperceptibly different!
Wizard Marge – Keep raiding, children. Keep raiding.
Barbarian Homer – I don’t feel so good.

Prince and The Premise Pt. 19
Objective – Make Archer Lisa Think About the Impacts of Raiding

Goblin Lisa (Game Files Say Goblin Lisa) – Upgrades, upgrades… need more gold for more upgrades… to get more gold… to get more upgrades…
Archer Lisa – Each upgrade seems further from the last…
Wizard Marge – My cloak. I need silver-ier threads for my cloak.
Barbarian Homer – Purple… purple… purple…
Archer Lisa – What’s happened to us. We’re a mess.
Goblin Bart – I know what we need to make us feel better. Just one more upgrade.
Wizard Marge – Do my cloak threads seem silver-ier to you? DOES IT???
Barbarian Homer – Purple…
Archer Lisa – Dad… what happens to all those people we send to go raiding for us?
Barbarian Homer – Purple… dead… dead nerds… purple.
Wizard Marge – But what if we win the battle? Then they’re okay, right?
Barbarian Homer – Doesn’t matter. Purple. Still dead. Purple.
Archer Lisa -Oh no… we’ve become monsters.
Wizard Marge – Our humanity is gone. Completely lost.
Barbarian Homer -Purple!
Goblin Bart – Wait! I figured it out. Upgrades equals gold equals upgrades equals gold equals… upgrades!
Barbarian Homer – Purple purple purple purple purple…
Archer Lisa – I’m going for a walk.

Prince and The Premise Pt. 20
Objective – Make Mr. Burns Blow Lisa’s Mind

Archer Lisa – It’s all so clear to me now. These so-called strategy games are a scam.
Archer Lisa – You raid and you raid, you think you’re getting stronger, but your enemies are getting stronger too.
Archer Lisa – And the more you play, the longer it takes to get upgrades. Until you have no choice but to use…
Mr. Burns – Premium currency.
Archer Lisa – Mr. Burns! What are you doing?
Mr. Burns – Saving you — from yourself.
Archer Lisa – PURPLE?!

-After Objective Completion-

Mr.Burns – The gold in these games is worthless. Elixir, it’s just corn syrup and codeine. The game gives you them for free to get you to cough up for premium currency.
Archer Lisa – It’s, it’s all a trick to give us the illusion of accomplishment.
Archer Lisa – But all they want is money. When we can’t feel anything anymore, and we have no choice, we have to pay.
Mr.Burns – Think about it. For $60 you can buy a fantastic console game with a hundred million dollar budget…
Mr.Burns – … that geniuses and artists have worked for years to perfect, giving you hours upon hours of satisfying gameplay.
Mr.Burns – But these so-called freemium strategy games offer you pared-down simplistic gameplay…
Mr.Burns – … but because you’re so hooked on upgrades, you end up spending hundreds of dollars on premium currency to just get back to normal.
Archer Lisa – It’s the ultimate scam.
Mr.Burns – I wish I’d thought of it.
Archer Lisa – So what do I do?
Mr.Burns – You steal the thing that they never thought you’d steal — the premium currency itself.
Archer Lisa – You mean — raid for… donuts?
Mr.Burns – That’s right.
Archer Lisa – But… people pay for those with actual money. You can’t raid for that. It’s not right.
Mr.Burns – “Not right?” This game has sent countless innocent nerds to agonizing deaths.
Mr.Burns – Your father is addicted to super-addictive Elixir. And the game turned your family into upgrade-starved wraiths. Is that “right?”
Archer Lisa – I don’t know anything anymore…

Prince and The Premise Pt. 21
Objective – Make the Simpsons Steal Premium Currency

Wizard Marge – Where were you Lisa? Goblin Bart – Me too.
Barbarian Homer – Purple purple purple purple?
Goblin Bart – FWe were worried you wouldn’t be able to help us get that next upgrade.
Archer Lisa – åWe have to quit this raiding! We must cast aside the skins of inter-game strategy, and return to our old lives of cute meaningless missions.
Wizard Marge – I don’t think I can.
Goblin Bart – Never!
Barbarian Homer – PURPLE!
Archer Lisa – Oh, I suppose you would prefer Mr. Burns’ plan, and break the most sacred rule of app-based gaming — and steal the premium currency itself!
Barbarian Homer – I sure would.
Wizard Marge – … uh-huh.
Archer Lisa – We need to break the meaningless cycle of attacking. It just goes on forever, but nothing really changes.
Wizard Marge – You wouldn’t say that if you had the jeweled slippers upgrade. No one with the jeweled slippers would ever say that.

-After Objective Completion-

Goblin Bart – We did it!
Wizard Marge – The big score!
Barbarian Homer – I’ve got so many donuts! I’m going to buy Kang Topiary — I’ve earned it.
Archer Lisa – I know we’ve suffered at the hands of our silicon valley puppet masters. But I still don’t think this was a good idea.
Big Freemium – SIMPSON FAMILY.
Barbarian Homer – Who is that? Who’s talking to us?
Big Freemium – I AM THE SPIRIT OF FREEMIUM GAMING GIVEN VOICE. YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE PRIME DIRECTIVE OF FREEMIUM GAMING.
Archer Lisa – We just did to other players what you do to them every day.
Big Freemium – YES, EXACTLY. ONLY WE MAY RIP PEOPLE OFF. NOW RETURN THE DONUTS.
Barbarian Homer – We raided those premium donuts fair and square as far as you know.
Goblin Bart – Don’t blame us if our upgrades are so awesome we can steal whatever we want whenever we want.
Wizard Marge – I’m the most upgraded lady wizard — I mean wizard — this game has ever seen.
Archer Lisa – What game are we even talking about anymore?
Barbarian Homer – Listen up you mysterious voice thing somehow speaking for an entire subcategory of tablet and phone-based gaming!
Barbarian Homer – Now that we have a taste of the good stuff ‚ premium , we can’t go back to ‚”gold”
Barbarian Homer – With cash-based donuts we’ll finally be living the way we deserve. In the now! No more grinding and waiting and grinding and waiting.
Wizard Marge – … and when the days are finally up convincing yourself it was worth it.
Big Freemium – RETURN THAT WHICH YOU HAVE STOLEN.
Goblin Bart – No way! We’re not scared of you!
Archer Lisa – Why don’t you return what you’ve stolen from all the players of these games around the world!
Goblin Bart – And by stolen we mean “an agreed upon exchange of goods and services.”
Big Freemium – THERE IS ONE CURRENCY MORE VALUABLE THAN DONUTS.
Barbarian Homer – Jewels?
Big Freemium – NO. THE MOST VALUABLE CURRENCY IS… TIME. EVERYONE HAS THE SAME AMOUNT OF TIME.
Big Freemium – EVERYONE IS ALWAYS SPENDING TIME AT THE SAME RATE.
Big Freemium – ONCE TIME IS SPENT IT IS GONE FOREVER. YET MANY PEOPLE GET NO VALUE FROM IT AT ALL.
Big Freemium – IS IT REALLY A GOOD USE OF YOUR “LIFE CURRENCY” TO GRIND AND GRIND AWAY AT THESE GAMES TO SAVE MONEY?
Big Freemium – YOU CAN EARN MORE MONEY. BUT YOU CAN NEVER EARN MORE TIME.
Barbarian Homer – Nice try, hippie.
Wizard Marge – No, Homer. He’s right. Think of all the moments people have missed with their families.
Wizard Marge – Moments they will never get back — just to try to get one over on these games without spending money. It’s so tragic.
Archer Lisa – Freemium games — both strategy-based and town building alike — are a blight on society!
Goblin Bart – Eh, I like touching screens. I stick by my choice.
Barbarian Homer – Forget it, you impossible thing that can’t speak but is speaking anyway, the Simpsons are gonna become the donut kings of the cloud, and you can’t stop us.
Big Freemium – UNLESS… I STEAL YOUR TIME. I CAN RESET YOUR PROGRESS ON THIS GAME.
Big Freemium – AND ALL THEN ALL THE TIME YOU “SPENT” PLAYING IT WILL HAVE DISAPPEARED FOREVER.
Archer Lisa – My Mensa gazebo!
Goblin Bart – All that stuff I did in Krustyland yet I never seem to go there!
Wizard Marge – If we go back to level 1 I’ll be locked in Moe’s Tavern again.
Barbarian Homer – Go back to Level 1 and redo everything?… I’ll be good.
Goblin Bart – I think I just did a mission where I peed my pants.

Prince and The Premise Pt. 22
Objective – Make Lisa Reluctantly Sing Karaoke
Objective – Make Marge Reluctantly Sing Karaoke

Archer Lisa – Mr. Big Freemium – Thing? Tiny favor. Can you at least undo all the damage of this ridiculous Clash of Clones storyline? It’s brought us nothing but suffering.
Wizard Marge – And a Prince and Pauper parody. LAME.
Big Freemium – FEAR NOT, HECTORING CHILD. THIS “UPDATE” LIKE THE ONES THAT CAME BEFORE IS BUT TEMPORARY.
Big Freemium – IF THE FINGERS THAT CONTROL YOUR SAD LIVES CANNOT HEED MY ADVICE AND DELETE THIS GAME AND ALL ITS DATA…
Big Freemium – THEN AT LEAST TAKE SOLACE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT SOON THINGS WILL BE AS THEY ONCE WERE.
Wizard Marge – So we’ve learned our lesson. Time is best spent with the people we love. For those are moments we can never get back.
Goblin Bart – Or — we can get as many raids in as possible before time runs out!
Barbarian Homer – Purple-purple-purple-purple-purple-purple!
Archer Lisa – *sigh*
Wizard Marge – Come on, let’s go sing some karaoke.

Prince and The Premise Pt. 23
Objective – Reach Level 25 and Build the Burns Manor
Objective – Make Barbarian Go on a Date With Smithers

Barbarian Homer – Come on boy, one more piece of unfinished business.
Goblin Bart – Letting that muscle-y loser out of the brown house?
Barbarian Homer – It’s the right thing to do.
Barbarian – Wow. A lot of people use that house for a lot weird stuff.
Barbarian Homer – bCome on, Barbarian Buddy. Let’s get you back to your game where you can be mindlessly slaughtered.
Barbarian – But I want to stay here. I like the fixed dog races, the Mensa meetings at the gazebo, and watching Smithers whip it good.
Barbarian Homer – Somebody’s got a crush!

-After Objective Completion-

Marge – Homie, did you really quit drinking that purple stuff?
Homer – Cold turkey.
Marge -And you feel okay?
Homer – Yeah. Actually. It turns out it wasn’t addictive after all.

Castle Upgrades
Once you reach level 3 in the Prince and the Premise you will be given a new quest called Extreme Castle Makeover which explains how to upgrade your castle. If you do so before the quest you will get the dialogue early and it will not show up in Pt.1 of this quest.

Extreme Castle Makeover Pt. 1
Objective – Upgrade Barbarian Castle
Objective – Place Castle Walls

-After First Upgrade-

Martin – I must say, this base of operation is more “Deepwood Motte” than “Winterfell.”
Barbarian – Is tiny fat nerd insulting barbarian castle?
Martin РOh no. I’m simply pointing out that your current structure isn’t very defendable, and you can’t house many troops.
Barbarian – More troops mean more raiding! More raiding mean more blood! More blood mean more fun!
Barbarian – Me use Elixir to make castle strong.

Extreme Castle Makeover Pt. 2
Objective – Upgrade Barbarian Castle
Objective – Place Castle Towers

*No Dialogue*

Extreme Castle Makeover Pt. 3
Objective – Place Medieval Decorations

Homer Barbarian - What is it dorks?
Milhouse - Um, Barbarian Leader?
Homer Barbarian – That’s Great Super Awesome Barbarian Leader to you, freak.
Comic Book Guy – Great Super Awesome Barbarian Leader, we were thinking, since this is a strategy-based fighting game now, that Springfield should be more… Medieval looking.
Homer Barbarian – Like what?
Milhouse – Stone walls
Martin – Banners
Frink – Catapults
Comic Book Guy – Hay bales. Lots of hay bales.
Homer Barbarian – Well, nothing says the dark ages like hay bales. Sure, go nuts.

Extreme Castle Makeover Pt. 4
Objective – Upgrade Barbarian Castle
Objective – Place Castle Gates

*No Dialogue*

Attack/Defend Tasks

Defend Your Honor
(Starts once a building is attacked for the first time)
Objective – Defend a Building

Barbarian – One of our buildings is under attack! Go defend it.
Homer РThat sounds dangerous. If we ignore them maybe they’ll go away.
Barbarian -No hide! Tap building! Defend!
Homer – Tap? That’s not me, pal. That’s sky finger.

Splinter is Coming
(Starts after a building is destroyed)
Objective – Repair a Building

Barbarian – Your building am destroyed. Go fix it.
Martin – What’s magic and fantasy about light carpentry?
Barbarian – Fix house or me pull off your skin and make skin mousepad.
Milhouse – People don’t use mousepads any more. It’s all infrared and Bluetooth.
Barbarian – Me chew your inner-red meat with my blue tooth if you not fix building!

Eye for an Eye
(Starts after repair or defend task)
Objective – Get Revenge

Barbarian – Ok, this am sweet. This am the best. Someone attack us. Now we get revenge. Revenge is the best. Feel so good. So good.
Barbarian – Let me explain: everyone have a lot of anger. But not want to be “bad guy.”
Barbarian – But when someone attack you — you get to use anger as revenge — but still be “good guy.” So sweet.
Barbarian – Just push revenge button and go nuts so berserk crazy times kill kill kill.

Event Characters

Barbarian Homer

Clash of Clones Pt. 1
Objective – Collect Gold
Objective – Upgrade Barbarian Homer to Level 2

Barbarian Homer – Hey new Homer, how do I look?
Fake Homer – Like level 1 loser.
Barbarian Homer – Is level 1 the best level?
Fake Homer – Level 1 am worst level. Total noob level.
Barbarian Homer – A noob! That’s the worst thing a person can be! I don’t wanna start at Level 1. I should start at level… a million billion.
Fake Homer – It easy: get gold, go to castle, level up! Sometimes me level up in sleep.

-After Objective Completed-

Barbarian Homer – That is easy!
Fake Homer – Yes, leveling up am easy… at first!
Fake Homer – *evil laughter*
Barbarian Homer – I don’t get your jokes.

Clash of Clones Pt. 2
Objective – Make Barbarian Homer Go on an Elixir Bender

Barbarian Homer – Raiding rules! These dorks do all the getting killed, and I get all the gold.
Lenny – What’s that purple stuff?
Barbarian Homer – It’s called like elixir or something. I get it from raiding. I don’t really know what it’s for.
Carl -It looks like wine.
Barbarian Homer – Wine comes in bottles and is drunk by fancy people. This is just… purple goo. It’s like all thick and nasty.
Lenny – I dare you to drink it.
Barbarian Homer – Yeah okay sure, why not?
Barbarian Homer – *glug* *glug* glug*
Barbarian Homer – That’s not wine… that’s much much better than wine! It makes wine taste like box wine!
Barbarian Homer – I feel confident, talkative, funny, physically attractive and generous!
Lenny – Can I have a sip?
Barbarian Homer – Screw you! Go loot your own elixir! It’s bender time!
Bender (Futurama) – Did someone call me?
Barbarian Homer – No, the good kind of Bender.

-After Objective Complete-

Barbarian Homer – That was amazing! I was blasted on elixir for 24 hours, and no hangover!
Barbarian Homer – Finally, a booze that doesn’t make you feel crappy afterwards, and isn’t at all addictive.
Barbarian Homer – I NEED MORE ELIXIR!!!

Clash of Clones Pt. 3
Objective – Make Barbarian Homer Go on an Elixir Bender

Barbarian Homer – Man, I love being part of a strategy-based raiding game. My old game sucked. SUPER SUCKED.
Barney – Your castle’s looking pretty awesome there Homer.
Barbarian Homer – Why does everyone keep calling me Homer? I’m clearly a barbarian.
Barney – Sure you are.
Moe – Sure you are.
Lenny – Sure you are.
Carl – Sure you are.
Barbarian Homer – Sure I am.
Barbarian Homer – Anyway, I am jonesin’ for some of that elixir stuff. I just love how non-addictive it is.
Barbarian Homer – I can’t stop thinking about that non-addictive mystery liquid — it’s lack of addictiveness consumes my every waking thought.

Clash of Clones Pt. 4
Objective – Make Barbarian Homer Confront Gold Farmers

Barbarian Homer – Wuzzuh… so not-addictive… Where am I?
Cletus- You at my gold farm.
Barbarian Homer – Gold farm? I’m the only gold raider in this town. Me, Homer the Barbarian. I mean, just a nameless Barbarian.C
Cletus – No, I is gold farmer. I cheats the system to get gold for myself.
Barbarian Homer – Well, I usually like cheating. But it sounds like you’re cheating me.
Cletus – Tell you whut. You give me some that there that thur that purple moonshine and I’ll share my gold with you.
Barbarian Homer – Share my elixir! Never! I can never let another person taste it’s non-addictive succulence.
Cletus – Sounds like someone’s in denial.
Barbarian Homer – Oh, fine.

Wizard Marge

The Power of Upgrades Pt. 1
Objective – Reach Level 15 and Build Moe’s Tavern
Objective – Collect Gold

Barbarian Homer – Marge is still sore at me for getting hooked on non-addictive magic booze and becoming a murderous psychopath.
Moe – Dames.
Barbarian Homer – How can I win her back?
Moe – I dunno… buy her a dress or somethin’.
Barbarian Homer – That’s it! But not just any dress… a magic dress. One that makes her into a lady wizard!
Moe – Look, Homer. I wasn’t gonna say nuthin. But you been hitting the purple sauce pretty hard lately. Maybe you should cut back.
Moe – Just a little. And this is me talking. I got a pretty high tolerance for watching people destroy themselves with intoxicants.
Barbarian Homer – The most beautiful and powerful lady wizard in all of new crazy Medieval Springfield! La de dah de dah de dah
Moe – *sigh*

-After Objective Completion-

Marge – A robe? You got me a robe? I already have that robe you “accidentally” took home from the Iowa City Airport Sheraton.
Marge – Where, we can now never go back, which is too bad because they had a great yogurt selection in the breakfast bar.
Barbarian Homer – It’s not a robe. It’s a cloak. A magical cloak.
Marge – So now you’re trying to involve me in this weirdo pretend cult of yours? No thanks.
Barbarian Homer – Just put it on.
Marge – Ooh! It’s so soft. What kind of lining is that?
Barbarian Homer – Hair from a centaur tail.
Marge – Cruelty free?
Barbarian Homer – You know it baby.

The Power of Upgrades Pt. 2
Objective – Make Wizard Marge Throw Fireballs

Barbarian Homer – And your lady wizard cloak lets you blast people with fireballs.
Marge – Just say “wizard.” “Lady Wizard” is sexist. Would you say “Lady Doctor”?
Barbarian Homer – Yes. Yes, I would.
Marge – I don’t know. I’ve never once wanted to blast anyone with a fireball.
Barbarian Homer – Never?
Wizard Marge – Well… there was that one time Helen Lovejoy took all the corner pieces from the brownies at the bake sale and put them on a plate like she baked them — charging 50 cents more.
Wizard Marge – Of course you can charge more — they’re corner pieces!
Barbarian Homer – Maybe just a few fireballs to her rose garden would even the score.
Wizard Marge – They sure would.

The Power of Upgrades Pt. 3
Objective – Make Wizard Marge Put on a Magic Show

Barbarian Homer – Oh man! Those roses got fire-balled! Wizard Marge, you are hot!
Wizard Marge – I don’t know. I feel sort of bad about roasting another lady’s garden.
Barbarian Homer – A wise man once said, “flame is the cleanser.”
Wizard Marge – I think I should do something nice for the community to make up for it.
Barbarian Homer – Something nice for the community? You are not sharing my Elixir, if that’s what you’re thinking of. MY. ELIXIR.
Wizard Marge – I was talking about putting on a magic show for the town.
Barbarian Homer – Oh. Okay, not really bad-*. But okay.

Archer Lisa

Eco Castle Pt.1 (Requires Prince and Premise Pt.9
Objective – Collect Gold
Objective – Build Castle Recycle

Lisa – The important thing in building a castle is to do it in a socially and ecologically responsible manner.
Bart – Why bother talking to me when you’re just as happy talking to yourself?
Lisa – That’s why I’m assembling a LEED-certified castle made of 100 percent recycled materials.
Bart – I have never met anyone as in love with the sound of your own voice as you.
Lisa – I know it sounds like a cliche but we have to do everything we can to protect the earth.
Bart – I didn’t think you’d find a way to ruin something as cool as WAR, but you did.

Eco Castle Pt. 2
Objective – Make Archer Lisa Shoot Arrows

Archer Lisa – This isn’t right. I mean, this whole update seems to be glorifying war.
Barbarian Homer – Well, you gotta spend money to make money.
Archer Lisa – ¨With all that’s going on in the world, in Russia and the Middle East… how can we, a game played by children, suggest that armed aggression is in any way the appropriate–
Barbarian Homer – Here’s a bow and arrow.
Lisa – JUST LIKE KATNISS!!! I can’t wait to try it!!!
Lisa – You’re the barbarian that’s been doing all the raiding? Even though you look and more importantly talk just like my dad?

Eco Castle Pt. 3
Objective – Collect Gold
Objective – Upgrade Archer Lisa to Level 2
Objective – Make Archer Lisa Make Arrows

Archer Lisa – “Kat-Lisa Ever-Simpson stalked through the Hunger Dome. She had to save the five super-cute boys who had crushes on her.”
Archer Lisa – “But all she had to protect herself from the mean pretty girls with rich parents was her trusty bow and arrow.”
Archer Lisa – Arrows. Wait. I don’t even have arrows. Dad, I need an upgrade!
Barbarian Homer - Upgrades solve everything.

Eco Castle Pt. 4
Objective – Place a Recycled Tower
Objective – Make Archer Lisa Judge People from Above
Objective – Upgrade Castle Recycle

Archer Lisa – There, I bet this is the only all-recycled castle in town with a grey-water hot tub and a solar-powered compost turner.
Milhouse – Bart was tired of listening to you so he made me come over and listen to you for him.
Archer Lisa – All my eco-castle needs now… is a view. Not so I can be better than my neighbors, but so I can properly monitor property for invasive plant growth.
Milhouse - This is harder than I thought.

Eco Castle Pt. 5
Objective – Place 9 Recycled Decorations
Objective – Upgrade Castle Recycle

*No Dialogue*

Goblin Bart

Boxed In Pt. 1
(After Lisa’s Eco Castle is built)
Objective – Collect Gold
Objective - Build Boxingham Palace

Goblin Bart – Hey, where’s my castle? I wanna castle.
Archer – LisaI built my own castle.
Barbarian Homer – BOY AM MORE WEAK THAN GIRL! MAYBE ME SELL YOU TO CANDY CRUSH GAME FOR CANDY!
Goblin Bart – Darn. What’s the laziest possible way for me to get my own castle? Barbarian Homer – Laziest possible way?
Barbarian Homer – If you want man castle, build castle like man!

Boxed In Pt. 2
Objective – Make Goblin Bart Loot

Goblin Bart- Alright! Let’s get stealing.
Barbarian Homer - Looting. We call it looting.
Goblin Bart - What’s the difference?
Barbarian Homer - No difference.
Goblin Bart – Hey Barbarian who is clearly Dad, you need any help stealing?
Barbarian Homer - I’ve already got an army of nerds that blindly follow my orders. Why do I need you?
Goblin Bart – Don’t you need a roguish master of stealth with a heart of gold?
Barbarian Homer – No but I could use a greedy selfish little thief.

Boxed In Pt. 3
Objective – Collect Gold
Objective – Upgrade Goblin Bart to Level 2
Objective – Make Goblin Bart Pillage Teacher’s Fridge

Goblin Bart – Oh, man. All that running around looting is tiring. I’ve been hard at it for hours and hours — but anything’s better than work.
Goblin Bart – I wish there was a way to make this easier. You know, on account of my laziness.
Barbarian Homer – Did somebody say… upgrades!
Goblin Bart – I think you did earlier, but no one really edits this stuff very carefully.

Boxed In Pt. 4
Objective – Place 3 Cardboard Decorations
Objective – Make Goblin Bart check for Traps
Objective – Upgrade Boxingham Palace

Barbarian Homer – Alright, my upgraded little hooligan. The most important job of a thief is to go in first and set off the traps.
Goblin Bart - Huh?
Barbarian Homer – No, no, let me explain. That way when you are killed, we don’t lose anyone important.
Goblin Bart – But I don’t want to be a minesweeper.
Barbarian Homer – Of course not, nobody wants that. What we want is a trap-setter-offer. Again, so no one of value is hurt.

Boxed In Pt. 5
Objective – Place 9 Cardboard Decorations
Objective – Upgrade Boxingham Palace

*No Dialogue*

Personal Prizes

Rolling With It (800 Gold)
Objective – Destroy a Building with a Cheaters 20
Objective – Use a Cheaters 20 to Defend Your Town

Frink – G’hoiven moiven! Which is Frinkish for g’hoiven morning!
Barbarian Homer – Can I just be honest for a sec? Everything about you is incredibly annoying.
Frink – Be that as it may-ven, I have invented a dice, or die, which guarantees a victory in attacks against other towns.
Barbarian Homer- Die, eh? How many sides?
Frink – 20 sides!
Barbarian Homer – Just 20?
Frink – This amazing icosahedron always lands on twenty, guaranteeing victory, as I said before.
Barbarian Homer – So? What about getting attacked? Does it help for that?
Frink – Why yes it does! The always-20 icosahedron when rolled can also defend against any attack!
Barbarian Homer – Ok. Look. I’m sorry about what I said earlier. You do come up with pretty cool stuff.
Frink – Glayvin-hoiven-maven-nice ladyee!
Barbarian Homer – I’m gonna go get wasted on purple stuff now.

Rolling With It Pt.2
Objective – Destroy a Building with a Cheaters 20
Objective – Use a Cheaters 20 to Defend Your Town

*No Dialogue*

Think Happy Thoughts (30,000 Gold)
Objective – Place Catapult

Krusty – Great news Mel! I’m giving you more to do in the show.
Sideshow Mel - You mean you read those sketches I submitted?
Krusty – No, I used them as dog toilet paper.
Sideshow Mel – But my improv team and I worked for weeks on that material.
Krusty – Relax, the dog liked em. So here’s the plan: I fling you through the air in a catapult and you land somewhere. Hilarious, right?
Sideshow Mel – Is it a quality catapult, from Rent-A-Pult?
Krusty - How would I know?

Statuesque Barbarian (38,000 Gold)
Objective – Place Barbarian Statue

Barbarian Homer – Finally, a statue to honor the many wonderful contributions of barbarians.
Lisa Archer – What have barbarians contributed to society?
Barbarian Homer – Oh, lots of things: the headbutt, locking people inside a hut and setting it on fire, drinking blood from the vein of a still-running horse
Lisa Archer- I don’t feel so well.
Barbarian Homer – I could go on. And I will: chopping off heads and putting them in a pile, burying people alive, professional wrestling

Cyclical Violence (All Prizes Collected)
Objective – Collect Gold

System Message – Congratulations! You’ve collected all the Personal Prizes.
System Message – But why stop attacking? It’s not like anyone is going to stop attacking you.
System Message – Plus, we’ll give you a big pack of Elixir if you collect more Gold