Level 44 ***WALKTHROUGH*** (thanks to TSTOTopix & SimpsonsWiki)
Database Walkthrough
Database Recovery Pt. 1
Requirement – Level 43 or The Prince And The Pea Brain
Objective – Build Honest John’s Computers
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Nuclear Power Plant – MELTDOWN IMMINENT. MELTDOWN IMMINENT. LAST CHANCE TO CARRY NO REGRETS.
Carl – Homer, good God, what are you doing?!
Carl – You can’t let an elephant drink up all the reactor coolant!
Carl – It may be an incredible visual for all of us who can see inside the power plant, but it’s also very dangerous.
Homer – What, so I should let this majestic creature slurp water from a curb puddle like some common hippo?
Carl – Spit out that coolant, Schnoozo!
Stampy – *trunk blast*
Carl – Homer, why ya trying to blow up the town for the…
Carl – third time? Sixth? I lost count a while ago.
Homer – This Springfield is a crummy imitation of the old one, and everyone named Homer knows it!
Homer – Why it’s missing this town’s most famous landmark — Honest John’s Computers!
Lenny – Are you guys talking about Honest John’s Computers? Man, I miss that place.
Carl – Sure, Honest John’s was the beating heart of this ‘burg. No one’s disputing that.
Moe – I always loved how it looks like an auto-body shop, even though they sold ‘puters.
Moe – But I don’t need to describe what Honest John’s looks like. It’s an image we all treasure.
Quimby – Truly, I would rather be mayor of North Korea than run a Springfield without Honest John’s.
Carl – Then let’s just rebuild it in the town we have.
Carl – Trust me, no one wants to start at the beginning remaking this thing.
-After Objective Completion-
Database – Gaaah! By Dr. Who’s Tardis, I’m back!
Database – Thank you for tirelessly working for my return, good citizens.
Moe – Who the hells is that?
Database Recovery Pt. 2
Requirement – Level 44
Objective – Make Townspeople Hang Out at Honest John’s Computers
Objective – Make Database Be Alone
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Database – Delicious. To once more smell the grass and hear the jingles of home is wondrous.
Moe – Again, whose is ya again?
Bart – I heard we got a new kid! Is it…
Bart – oh, it’s Database. I was hoping for Hubert Wong.
Database – I promise my presence will delight and–
Homer – Whatever, nerdburger.
Homer – We’ve got Honest John’s back! Time to celebrate by browsing marked up computers and computer accessories!
Mr. Burns – Ah, Honest John’s. Such a magical place!
Mr. Burns – Why, their counting machines melt my hard drive into a floppy disk.
Database – That is not accurate to…
Homer – Ignore the child! To Honest John’s and the Springfield of our dreams!
-After Objective Started-
Homer – This mousepad looks like it’s made of cheese. Oh bless you, Honest John’s! Bless you!
Bonsai Vivant Pt. 1
Requirements – Level 44 and Database Recovery 02
Objective – Make Database Plant Bonsai
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Database – Lisa! Want to spend time bonding as social equals? You’re the only Superfriend this town has.
Database – Haven’t you noticed whenever Bart’s skateboarding or you’re rejecting Milhouse, I’m in the background, next to a tiny tree? It’s impossible to miss.
Database – I fear Ham is lost for all eternity.
Lisa – I’d really like to, Data…Data…
Database – Database! Like the structured assemblage of information that can be sorted, modified, and deleted.
Lisa – You seem neat and all, but I need to get to Honest John’s. I want to buy up their USB memory sticks.
Lisa – They’ll be valuable, vintage collectibles once the aughts nostalgia craze happens.
Database – Oh. Okay. I guess I can focus on the hobby I’m famous for.
Lisa – …Is it wheezing?
Database – Bonsai!
Bonsai Vivant Pt. 2
Requirements – Level 44 and Bonsai Vivant Pt. 1
Objective – Make Database Prune Bonsai
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Database – Ahhhh. Nothing is as relaxing as the ancient art of bonsai. It’s way, WAY better than having friends.
Database – In fact, there’s a lot of scholarship about how plants can actually listen.
Database – Are you eavesdropping on me right now, my baby Ent?
Bonsai…
Database – Well, dorks are cool nowadays, so I take your barbs as a compliment.
Bonsai…
Database – Quiet, Bonnie!
Database – And you better not scream when I prune you.
Database – It’s no worse than a haircut, if hair were connected to the nervous system.
-After Objective Started-
Bonsai -!!!
Bonsai Vivant Pt. 3
Requirements – Level 44 and Bonsai Vivant Pt. 2
Objective -Make Database Re-pot Bonsai
Reward – $100 and 10xp + 1 Bonsai
Database – Oh, you came out nice, Bonnie.
Database – Now where can I get an ethnologically accurate pot to place you in?
Akira – May I be of service, sad weirdo?
Akira – As a Japanese person who does many Japanese-y things, I know much about bonsai.
Akira – My country created the practice to take our minds off tentacle pornography.
Database – Actually, bonsai originated in China, where it is called penjing or penzai.
Database – As early as the 6th century, diplomats took samples back to Japan and replanted the art form there.
Akira – Well, when my ancestors stole the idea, they yelled, ‚ÄúNo backsies!‚Äù So it’s pretty much ours.
-After Objective Completion-
Database – Thank you, Akira. You’ve really Japanesed up my little tree something proper.
Akira – That’s what I’m here for. Unless… I am not here.
Akira – As the famous Zen proverb explains: rain cannot make a flower grow nor wind fill a sail, if it has not been purchased from in-app premium content.
System Message – Get Akira from the Build Menu to grow more Bonsai at the Happy Sumo.
System Message – Or purchase Bonsai for a few donuts each in the Build Menu.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 1
Requirements – Level 44 and Bonsai Vivant Pt. 3
Objective – Make Database Go to School
Objective – Make (8) Children Go to School
Database – Hello, other children. Would anyone like to see my miniature forest?
Database – I would be happy to make one for you for the low, low price of social interaction.
Bart – Eh, we good. We’re all busy at the moment.
Database – Still RAMbunctious to take a BYTE out of Honest John’s and C++ what more they have?
Database – I used wordplay to show that I’m fun.
Bart – Wordplay is never fun.
Bart – Anything you learn at school ‘words, numbers, self-identity and how to form meaningful peer relationships’ is lame.
Lisa – I like wordplay–
Database – FRIEND!
Lisa – Uh, thanks for your bonsai offer, Database. But while we’re done with Honest John’s, we’ve moved on to other things.
Bart – I’m poking a hive of dying yellow jackets with a dried-up highlighter.
Milhouse – And I’m leaning my rather large nose waaaay too close
Skinner – Children, whatever time it is, it’s time for school!
Skinner – So you better not be busy on one of your so-called “missions.”
Database – School! There’s no way people can avoid interacting with me once they lock the doors!
Database – *sigh* That did not sound good. Self-awareness brings so much misery.
-After Objective Started-
Database – So Lisa, care to do a small chemistry experiment during lunch?
Database – I know where they keep the Bunsen burners and the magnesium sulfate.
Lisa – I’ve been trying to be polite, but that doesn’t seem to be working. I’m cool now, Database.
Lisa – Maybe it’s because I finally know who I am. Maybe it’s that most of the cool kids are still gone. Whatever the reason, I’m cool and in demand.
Database – So you’re saying‚ I can be cool too?
Lisa – No, I’m not saying that.
Lisa – I was one of the first ones back in this town. And when it gets updated, I’m often the one who introduces and explains what needs to happen.
Lisa – I never got to do and say this much before! I can’t risk that by associating with a noob.
Database – I…I can be central to a story.
Lisa – You have to face it. In life, there are minor characters and major characters.
Lisa – Some get a name. And some are just called Database.
Database – …
Lisa – Hey, it’s not so bad. At least you’re not My-Ding-a-Ling Kid.
-After Objective Completed-
Database – I forgot I’m in the Gifted Child program. Which in Springfield means my classes are by myself.
Miss Hoover – Sshhh! Don’t let Lisa hear you. I need her to stay in my class to raise the GPA, so I can keep my J-O-B.
Miss Hoover – I spelled “job” correctly, right?
Database – Yes, Miss Hoover.
Miss Hoover – And have tomorrow’s lesson plan to me by 10pm tonight.
Miss Hoover – I like to review it while my kelp-and-volcanic-mud facial sets.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt.2
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 1
Objective – Make Martin Ride a Bike
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Database – Hey Martin – ! We are like-minded types, i.e. losers, i.e. people who say i.e. — want to hang?
Martin – Hang? Now?
Martin – I seem to recall wanting to “hang” once upon a more convenient hour, only to be turned aside like a Timon of Athens or other lesser work of The Bard.
Database – I’m sorry I didn’t invite you to join Superfriends, Martin.
Database – The week we formed it you were a theater ponce, not a tech weenie.
Database – You change your interests around a lot.
Martin – I am a general, catch-all dork-type and everyone knows it!
Martin – Now good day, sir!
Database – Martin, we can be Superfriends 2.0. That’s a reference to software upgrades I just thought of
Martin – I SAID GOOD DAY!
-After Objective Complete-
Martin – Ahhhh. Nothing restores balance to the mind like an 8 hour bike ride.
Database – So have you thought over Superfriends 2.0 yet? Think we got a real winner of a notion, I do.
Martin – C’mon, Database. Take a hint. I said,”I SAID GOOD DAY” and everything.
Database – Oh. “Good day” means “go away.” I get it now.
Martin – In this town, people can find you and talk to you no matter where you are or they are. That is super creepy.
Martin – Though it does explain why we have no phones.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 3
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 2
Objective – Make Database Get Bullied
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Dolph – Hey dweebus, you look sad. If you miss the old Springfield, I can make this place seem just like it.
Database – Uh, your words sound like a set up to beating me up.
Nelson – What? Dolph was expressing sincere thoughts of concern.
Database – He started off by insulting me.
Database – I thought he was insinuating he’d make new Springfield seem more familiar by hitting me, as he used to do in the past.
Nelson – One: Dolph uses insults to couch his emotions. That’s just how Dolph is.
Dolph – Thanks for getting me, Nelson Butt-Muntz.
Nelson – Two: We were going to suggest visiting places that were important to you in the old town, and forging a new connection with those places.
Nelson – It helps us get through the day.
Dolph – You do not get to tell me when I am expressing empathy or not, D-Base!
Dolph – You don’t know me! You’re not my dream journal!
Database – I’m sorry, Dolph, truly I am.
Nelson – We’re bullies, so we don’t really do apologies. By our code, there’s only one way to gain forgiveness.
Database – I understand. Please avoid breaking my glasses, if you can.
Database – Whoever is in charge has yet to build an optometrist’s office.
-After Objective Started-
Database – I have to say, it’s been nice to have a conversation. Most folks have been too busy to spend any time.
Dolph – Can you keep your mouth closed?
Dolph – We try to avoid the teeth, so we don’t cut our knuckles.
Database – Sorry. Oops. Does saying that mean you have to hit me longer?
Nelson – Errrr. I guess.
Database – Oh well. Sorry to take up your time.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 4
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 3
Make Database – Bully Himself
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Nelson – If I had been asked before what body part would be sorest after pounding on a nerd, I wouldn’t have said the wrists.
Nelson – But my arm wigglers are barking!
Database – Thanks for spending some time with me, guys.
Database – If you want to meet up to bully me again, I’m open.
Dolph – I feel unclean inside. I need a bikini carwash for my soul.
Database – Doesn’t have to be a serious thing. I get you have a lot going on.
Database – Just when you’ve got no one better to pick on, you know.
Nelson – Keep your giant, creep-o head away from us, D-Base!
Nelson – You’ve taken the purity of hurting those weaker than you and made it seem disgusting.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 5
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 4
Objective – Make Database – Browse Magazines on Code
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Marge – Why are you walking around like a humdrum little glum bum. Did someone make fun of your glasses?
Database – No. What’s wrong with my glasses?
Marge – Uh… nothing.
Marge – Nothing could be wrong with wearing Sally Jesse Raphael’s binoculars. It’s a flattering look.
Marge – I bet I know something that’ll pick that chin up. I’m kind of the Number One mom around here.
Marge – Don’t tell Manjula or Bernice I said that.
Marge – All you need to succeed is to be yourself. If you’re yourself, then everyone has to like you!
Database – That’s it! That’s exactly how I’ll get this town to like me!
Marge – Mom Number One does it again!
Marge – I’m glad you let me give you some advice. The only time I get to spend guiding my children is when I walk Maggie.
Database – Actually, your advice was total gibberish.
Database – How can I be anybody but myself?
Database – Even if I’m uncertain or lying, that’s still me. Only dimwit actors pretend to be other people.
Database – For the rest of us, even our pretenses are just explorations of different aspects of our personalities.
Database – What was useful is that what you said was totally idiotic.
Database – Most of what people say is totally idiotic. If they could just see that, then they’d realize they aren’t superior to me.
Database – And then they’ll be willing to be my friends!
Marge – If this is being yourself, then you were right. That advice was terrible.
-After Objective Started-
Database – I just need to find the magazine that contains the source code for the universe.
Database – Let’s see: Matrixweek, Matrix Illustrated, Matrix People, McSweeney’s Matrix Report, Matrix & Garden
Database – Eureka! EA Guide! It’s just like TV Guide, only nothing like it!
Database – This should detail the programming language of our world, which is how I normally talk as I’m a nerd.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 6
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 5
Objective – Make Database – Nerd Out
Objective – Make Prof. Frink Help Database with Crazy Science
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Database – Prof. Frink, whether you’re here or not, I need to talk to you!
Frink – Yes, my young glaven! What goofball science need caused you to seek me out?
Database – I’m trying to build a machine that unlocks the code of the universe, so I can make it visible to all.
Frink – This isn’t for the hacking and the malware spreading and the free donuts that lose potential corporate income?
Database – No. I just want to show people that they’re worthless morons so they’ll agree to be my friends.
Frink – Ok. Well, that’s fine.
Frink – You get the fake technology you need from my brand-name line, sold exclusively at Honest John’s Computers.
Database – Honest John’s? They carry gloybal circuits AND moyven sprockets?
Frink – They better.
Frink – I didn’t put my face on a display table to sell a bunch of tablets and graphing calculators.
-After Objective Completed-
Frink – You’ve done it! Your very first cartoonishly nonsensical contraption. I’m so proud!
Database – Thanks. In some way, I feel I have already accomplished my goal.
Database – For I have made a friend in you.
Frink – Yes, oy-um. But you can’t count on me.
Frink – I’m premium and you’re regular — it’s a friendship that some cheapskates won’t allow.
Frink – Also, once you build a machine, you’ve got to flip the on switch.
Frink – Even the hydrogen bomb got a test drive.
99 Luft Word Balloons Pt. 1
Requirements – Level 44 and Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 6
Objective – Make Springfielders Tap Away their Thoughts
Objective – Make Homer Tap Away his Thoughts(x15)
Objective – Make Database Bask in his Achievement
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Homer – Hey, what’s going on? How come I can read me saying, “Hey, what’s going on?”
Moe – I can read what you said too, Homer – .
Moe – And I can read what I’m saying right now! That means, youz alls can read my speak-a-ma-goos.
Moe – Ew boy. If a Bartender can’t curse out patrons under his breath, his mind will snap like a twig.
Database – Don’t be afraid.
Database – I’ve just hacked the code of our universe – which is definitely a real thing – to show all of you exactly what you say.
Homer – SHUUUUUUUHB?!
Database – Exactly!
Database – Abstract guttural noises. Nonsense phrases doubling as slang. Strained pop culture references.
Database – Now do you see how much pointless speech fills your lives?!
Moe – I’ve always known that. But you don’t see me being a jerk about it.
Database – Self-awareness may be painful, but it’s also an opportunity to grow.
Database – Having to see and read what we say will force us to confront how we treat each other. This will spur us on to improve ourselves.
Lisa – Counterpoint: Texting.
Mayor Quimby – I’m not sure Springfield has enough room for these yap yap bubbles. The town’s borders are, ahm, a tad inflexible.
Mayor Quimby – And now that you know I know, please stop sending me comments about it.
Database – Oh, just tap on what’s said and you can send it away
Homer – Tap!
Homer – Ooooooo!
Homer – Now how do I get rid of the …Ooooooo!
Homer – Uh… what’s it that I gotta do again?
Database – I feel honored people are–
Homer – Tap.
Database – People are enjoying what I…
Homer – Tap.
Database – Made. The greatest achievement is the joy…
Homer – Tap.
Database – Oh lord, what have I…
Homer – Tap.
99 Luft Word Balloons Pt. 2
Requires – Level 44 and 99 Luft World Ballons Pt.1
Objective – Make Bart Skateboard
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Homer -Tap.
Homer -Tap.
Homer -Tap.
Homer -Tap.
Homer -Tap.
Homer -Hmmm.
Homer -Tap.
Homer -TAP.
Homer -ZZZ…tap…ZZZ
Homer – Tap.
Marge – Homer, everyone in town can…
Homer – Tap.
Marge – Homer!
Homer – Marge, sweetie, that was an accident. I, of course, wanted to hear the entirety of your worried nagging.
Homer – I’m trying to. But every time I get rid of these speechy thingums, another one takes its place.
Moe – Hey yammer bags, clamp those lips, or I will staple gun them shut!
Homer – Tap.
Homer – SEE!
Homer -Tap.
Homer – D’oh!
Lisa – Before you get caught in a loop, Dad, might I advise you to just tap silently.
Lisa – Then the word “tap” won’t appear, needing you to tap it.
Homer – Got it. Thanks, Lisa.
Homer – Tap.
Lisa – I tried.
Bart – Why do any of you read all these stupid letter jumbles we barf?
Bart – If they’re annoying you, I’ll show you how to deal with them.
-After Objective Started-
Lisa – Every time I say this I’m incredulous, but Bart’s right.
Lisa – We should go out and be active and live our lives instead of commenting on them.
Marge – That may be true. I know I have more important things to do.
Marge – But I feel bad ignoring all this dialog. People put a lot of time into it
Homer – Tap.
Homer -D’oh!
Marge – Yeah, I really gotta start doing something better with my time.
99 Luft Word Balloons Pt. 3
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 2
Objective – Make Database Meditate
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Homer – gldfhklfkj *hiccup*
Frink – ylkv%#fr *hiccup*
Dr. Hibbert- ylkv%#fr *hiccup*
Burns- $$$$$$ *vomit*
Database – How come everyone is making even less sense than usual?
Lisa – Exhausted by having to constantly reflect on their words, most have sought refuge in the incoherency of alcohol.
Database – Lisa, I’m not sure you’re any more central than you were before, if you still only say exposition.
Lisa – Yeah, well now I say a lot more of it. So there.
Database – If what you say is true, no one can claim they’re too busy to spend quality time with me.
Database – Who wants to play a board game where we compete to determine price earnings ratio for the 15th century Hanseatic League?
Lisa – I’m afraid that answer will undoubtedly be no one.
Frink – Except me, of course, but only if I get to be Lebeck. Love me some Lebeck.
Lisa – Don’t you get it?
Lisa – You can’t get people to want to quote unquote ‘hang’ with you by making the rest of their lives worse.
Database – But how they now experience the world is how I do all the time!
Lisa – SHUUUUUUUHB?!
Lisa – Ugh, did I just say “SHUUUUUUUHB?!” I’m becoming more like my father every day.
Database – I’m very well aware that everything I do, even the very sound of my voice, is a nerd cliche
Database – It’s like I was designed by a team of self-loathing losers as an effigy of all the things they hated about themselves as kids.
Database – As if they could expunge their pasts by watching me be burned in flames of youthful humiliation.
Database – Ugh, who says such things? I can’t take being exposed to such thoughts any longer.
Database – It’s time I joined these drooling, oblivious morlocks.
Homer – Schlerffftttp!
Martin – No, you can’t!
Martin – Primo, you’re underage. Secunda, your brain is a gift.
Lisa – Database, you’ve shown your intelligence has the power to change the world.
Lisa – You just need to learn how to harness that ability to improve the lives of others.
Frink – Or at least entertain them at a moderately successful rate. Like 63%.
Frink – Maybe 42% after you’ve built up enough good will.
Martin – I, for one, would be glad to join you on your journey toward fulfillment. If you would have me, Superfriend.
Database – Aw.
Lisa – To begin such a journey, I recommend following a spiritual practice to gain control over your emotions.
Lisa – You never hear of the Dalai Lama getting in a bar fight, do you?
-After Objective Started-
Lisa – By the way, I know most of what I just said was exposition. But I said it to help you.
Lisa -So don’t sass off about it.
Bloatation Device
Requires – Level 44 and 99 Luft Word Balloons Pt. 3
Objective – Build Bloaters at the Squidport
Objective – Make Database Go for Shakes
Objective – Make Martin Go for Shakes
Objective – Make Lisa Go for Shakes
Reward – 5 donuts
Moe – Youz guys, I don’t see no more words no more! I can go back to not being sure how youz is spelled.
Moe – Should I include an…’? Should I not? Two …’ vowels back-to-back like …booze’? I ain’t at all sure!
Database – Yes. I reset the universe code to the way it was. And to make up for messing with everyone, I even managed to pry out some of those donuts you all like.
Martin – Yay! We can all be welcome to Superfriends 2.0!
Database – Superfriends 2.0.1. Don’t forget the latest patch!
Lisa – Oh Database. Life is going to be hard for you.
Lisa- At least until college.
Akira Walkthrough
Yellow Blues
Requirements - Level 5 and Complete quest MyPad
Objective - Make Akira Work a 24 Hour Shift
Objective - Make The Simpsons Family Take Advantage of a Free Meal (4 of them, 6 hours)
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Ah, Springfield! It is pleasing to return to you, where I can do and say things referencing the culture of Japan.
Akira: I had feared I was trapped in yomi, the underground home of the dead in Shintoism. See, I'm doing it already.
Lisa: It's terrific you're back, Akira!
Lisa: Between you and me, Springfield has been looking awfully yellow lately.
Akira: Is that comment…because I'm Asian?
Lisa: WHUUUUT?!
Lisa: NO! No, I love races! And colors!
Lisa: In fact, rainbow is my favorite sherbet flavor.
Bart: How could the color yellow apply to Asians? You're more pale than we are.
Lisa: Bart! You're not helping.
Akira: Even though I possess an awareness of racist ideas like “yellowface” and “yellow peril”, when I look at my hands, I have to admit the boy is right.
Homer: Hey, you can't use those terms! They're only for fellow yellows to use with each other!
Akira: Mr. Homer, I have acted dishonorably and brought shame to my ancestors, two ways of feeling that pop culture says are appropriately Japanese-y.
Akira: To make amends, please bring your family to The Happy Sumo for a free dinner.
Homer: Alright! Why let anger eat away at you when you can eat away your anger?
Fuguaboutit Pt. 1
Requirements - Level 5 and Yellow Blues
Objective - Make Akira Serve Questionable Fugu (2 hours)
Objective - Make Springfielders Eat Questionable Fugu (10 of them, 1 hour)
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Where are my loyal customers? The Happy Sumo used to be Springfield's Number One non-Krusty based restaurant.
Akira: We were *the* place to go for food-based dares!
Professor Frink: Well, the culinary scene has gotten more adventurous since you've been gone.
Professor Frink: Many Springfields already have a sushi establishment, Swanky Fish. And their health department grade is an A, I say with an accusing ‘ahem.'
Akira: So I have competition now? They may have superior sushi. But do they also serve sashimi?
Professor Frink: Yes. They do both.
Akira: Sushi and sashimi? That's our entire menu!
Akira: I need to grab customers' attention. Now is the time for the return of FUGU!
Akira: Dumb thrill seekers provide great word of mouth.
Akira: On an unrelated note, how do you prepare Fugu?
-After Objective Started-
Blue-Haired Lawyer: On behalf of my food-poisoned clients, I hope they all recover quickly, or you're in big trouble.
Blue-Haired Lawyer: On behalf of my 20% of any settlement, I hope at least one dies. I really like money.
Fuguaboutit Pt. 2
Requirements - Level 5 and Fugu About It Pt. 1
Objective - Make Akira Hand Out Sushi Samples
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: A class-action lawsuit is only a small setback.
Akira: Swanky Fish may have better tasting food that doesn't make people sick.
Akira: But they can't beat us on our cheapness or our willingness to operate at a loss.
Akira: No one cares about quality when the samples are free.
-After Objective Started-
Akira: People will be sold on the deliciousness of our raw fish once they've tried these day old pieces, warmed under the beating sun!
Demographic Rude-ity Pt. 1
Requirements - Level 5 and Fugu About It Pt. 2
Objective - Reach Level 27 and Build the Springfield Buddhist Temple
Objective - Make Akira Discretely Talk About Double Standards
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: I think I saw an alien while I was out. He was actually a pretty nice guy/thing.
Akira: Turned out, we both really like raw dolphin meat.
Akira: By the way, where are all the Asian people.
Akira: Are they all crammed into the Buddhist monastery, burning offerings to their ancestors? That is a good time.
Lisa: Yeah... Asian people... Comic Book Guy now has a Japanese wife.
Akira: That fat, hairy kaiju?! Is she a horrific creature from the sea as well?
Lisa: No, she's very pretty. And really easy to talk to. And smart.
Lisa: Doesn't say a lot of jokes though, but no worse than any other woman in town.
Demographic Rude-ity Pt. 2
Requirements - Level 27 and Rude-ity Pt. 1
Objective - Make Akira Take on City Hall
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Hey, um, where are the Asian people?
Lisa: Heh... sooooo, remember when I mentioned Comic Book Guy's wife?
Akira: Yeah. That may or may not have been a long time ago, but it was just one conversation back.
Lisa: Sooooo… you and her are it.
Akira: What?! I've seen a space alien! Are you telling me there are half as many space aliens in this town as there are Asian people?
Lisa: There are actually possibly three aliens in this town... if the town belongs to a big spender.
Akira: THREE SPACE ALIENS?! There are more space aliens than Asian people?!
Lisa: Well, there is Apu. Does Indian count as Asian?
Akira: Our potato-headed, whiskey-soaked papist mayor is about to get an angry Asian earful.
Akira: And before you tell me what I said was racist, I never said Japanese people aren't racist. Just that this is messed up.
-After Objective Started-
Quimby: I hear you and understand your frustration. This issue is hotter than spicy kimchi!
Akira: That's Korean.
Quimby: Er, is that the wrong type of youse? Siracha? Does that work?
Akira: This meeting has not gone well.
Quimby: Here me out in full. The 2010 Census says that 5.6% of the US population is Asian.
Quimby: By my count, we have more than 150 possible individuals in Springfield, not including outfits—
Akira: How many of those individuals speak? I bet you're counting pets!
Quimby: Limiting to only those who have said things, we have over 100 men, women, children, and whoozits like that.
Quimby: Counting you, Kumiko, and Nasapota…the Apus, we have an almost 5% Asian population. Demographically, we're pretty on par with the country.
Quimby: Additionally, three quarters of Asian-Americans are concentrated in 10 states. Perhaps Springfield isn't in one of those states.
Quimby: We might be a little more diverse than you give us credit for…speaking relative only to the least diverse parts of America.
A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 1
Requirements - Level 27 and Demographic Rude-ity Pt. 2
Objective - Make Akira Plant a Bonsai
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: That meeting was maddening.
Akira: Where is Cookie Kwan? Where is Hubert Wong and his parents?
Akira: Where are Tetsuo and Kaneda, my best friends that everyone in Springfield's Asian-American community know and love?
Akira: TETSUO! KANEDA!
Akira: Breathe, Akira, and visualize mini trees.
Akira: If I focus on my bonsai, it will help me stay zen, and other Japanese-y things. Anime.
A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 2
Requirements - Level 27 and A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 1
Objective - Make Akira Prune Bonsai
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Aw, it's like a bushy baby Groot. Baby Groot – heh heh – time for a branch cut.
Akira: This adorable little plant is totally taking my mind off the clear racial imbalance in how people return to this town.
Akira: Who needs equal treatment of many when I can work on me?
A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 3
Requirements - Level 27 and A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 2
Objective - Make Akira Re-pot Bonsai
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Re-potting a bonsai gives it fresh nutrients and helps it remain strong.
Akira: It's as if when you live in a small, contained place, you need to change the old soil - kick up the environment - to keep yourself from wilting and dying.
Akira: Could that somehow be a metaphor for life? Springfield equals "small place."
Akira: The stagnant lack of diversity equals “old soil.” And what would keep us from wilting and dying? Ah...
Akira: No, Akira! Bonsai is your time to let go.
Akira: Bury your ambitions way down inside where they can be forgotten and never disturb you again.
Akira: So yeah... uh... cute tree description something something pot?
-After Objective Started-
Message Make Akira Plant, Prune and Re-pot to get more Bonsai!
A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 4
Requirements - Level 27 and A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 3
Objective - Place Bonsai (x3)
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Ah ha! A perfect bonsai to plant. No one else in Springfield has these unique and mad skills.
Akira: This is why we need to increase diversity. Think of all the useful and impressive stereotypes that can't be given expression.
Akira: Who is to do manis and pedis? Who does math moderately better than others? Who dry cleans clothes using ancient secrets?
Akira: By placing this tree into the ground, I let an idea take root. Expanding the representation of cultures adds value to all communities.
Akira: Also, that I rock at bonsai.
-After Objective Started-
Homer: You know, your skill isn't that special. Any bozo like me can just buy your precious crooked shrub with donuts.
Akira: But to be able to do without donuts what you need donuts to do, that is a special skill indeed.
Homer: What are you trying to say, Yoda?
Akira: Having me do it saves you donuts.
Homer: Donuts I can use on other things? Ah, you are wise! Can I call you sensei?
Akira: Okay. But only if the term has nothing to do with my race, and only applies because of my incredible intelligence.
Homer: Sure. Whatever works for you.
Sensei You, Sensei Me Pt. 1
Requirements - Level 43 and A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 4
Objectives: Make Akira Karate Time
Objectives: Make Homer Karate Time (if you have Ninja Homer)
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Homer: Sensei, if you want to show how awesome your ancestral culture is, I know a better way than shoving midget trees everywhere.
Homer: Use your ability to kick * to prove you guys are kickass!
Akira: Homer, you think being breathtakingly powerful at martial arts will excite people more than being good with vegetables?
Homer: Yuh huh!
Akira: Homer-san, please join me, but only if you have appropriate attire. When it comes to violence, I am very strict about wardrobe.
Sensei You, Sensei Me Pt. 2
Requirements - Level 43 and Sensei You, Sensei Me Pt. 1
Objective - Make Akira Impersonate a Character from Star Trek
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Why do you want me to say this?
Homer: Just do it! Just do it! Just do it!
Akira: I still don't understand what the point is.
Homer: Trust me. Doing karate was awesome, right? I promise this will be even awesomer.
Akira: Ok. Here goes. *clears throat*
Akira: Oh my!
Homer: He he he. You sound just like him.
-After Objective Started-
Bart: That isn't Sulu. Sulu tried to buy * and go to White Castle.
Homer: Grrrrr. I hate the passage of time.
Akira + Kumiko Walkthrough
I Think I’m Turning Japanese (Because I Am Japanese)
Requirements - Level 43, Have Kumiko as a character and Sensei You, Sensei Me Pt. 2
Objective - Make Akira Speak Japanese with Kumiko
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Akira-san, I heard of your efforts to diversify Springfield. I wanted to applaud you on your efforts, as valiant as ineffective.
Akira: Ah, Kumiko-chan, it is nice to meet you. Lisa was right. You are easy to talk to, and rarely get jokes to say.
Akira: Actually, I am quite funny. But only in Japanese, the best language for all comedy.
Akira: I could use a laugh. Let us converse in the tongue of our ancestors, and practice speaking behind everyone else's back without them knowing.
-After Objective Started-
Akira: Ha ha! That is hilarious, Kumiko.
Akira: What makes it even funnier is how it's impossible to translate into English.
Database Recovery Pt. 1
Requirement – Level 43 or The Prince And The Pea Brain
Objective – Build Honest John’s Computers
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Nuclear Power Plant – MELTDOWN IMMINENT. MELTDOWN IMMINENT. LAST CHANCE TO CARRY NO REGRETS.
Carl – Homer, good God, what are you doing?!
Carl – You can’t let an elephant drink up all the reactor coolant!
Carl – It may be an incredible visual for all of us who can see inside the power plant, but it’s also very dangerous.
Homer – What, so I should let this majestic creature slurp water from a curb puddle like some common hippo?
Carl – Spit out that coolant, Schnoozo!
Stampy – *trunk blast*
Carl – Homer, why ya trying to blow up the town for the…
Carl – third time? Sixth? I lost count a while ago.
Homer – This Springfield is a crummy imitation of the old one, and everyone named Homer knows it!
Homer – Why it’s missing this town’s most famous landmark — Honest John’s Computers!
Lenny – Are you guys talking about Honest John’s Computers? Man, I miss that place.
Carl – Sure, Honest John’s was the beating heart of this ‘burg. No one’s disputing that.
Moe – I always loved how it looks like an auto-body shop, even though they sold ‘puters.
Moe – But I don’t need to describe what Honest John’s looks like. It’s an image we all treasure.
Quimby – Truly, I would rather be mayor of North Korea than run a Springfield without Honest John’s.
Carl – Then let’s just rebuild it in the town we have.
Carl – Trust me, no one wants to start at the beginning remaking this thing.
-After Objective Completion-
Database – Gaaah! By Dr. Who’s Tardis, I’m back!
Database – Thank you for tirelessly working for my return, good citizens.
Moe – Who the hells is that?
Database Recovery Pt. 2
Requirement – Level 44
Objective – Make Townspeople Hang Out at Honest John’s Computers
Objective – Make Database Be Alone
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Database – Delicious. To once more smell the grass and hear the jingles of home is wondrous.
Moe – Again, whose is ya again?
Bart – I heard we got a new kid! Is it…
Bart – oh, it’s Database. I was hoping for Hubert Wong.
Database – I promise my presence will delight and–
Homer – Whatever, nerdburger.
Homer – We’ve got Honest John’s back! Time to celebrate by browsing marked up computers and computer accessories!
Mr. Burns – Ah, Honest John’s. Such a magical place!
Mr. Burns – Why, their counting machines melt my hard drive into a floppy disk.
Database – That is not accurate to…
Homer – Ignore the child! To Honest John’s and the Springfield of our dreams!
-After Objective Started-
Homer – This mousepad looks like it’s made of cheese. Oh bless you, Honest John’s! Bless you!
Bonsai Vivant Pt. 1
Requirements – Level 44 and Database Recovery 02
Objective – Make Database Plant Bonsai
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Database – Lisa! Want to spend time bonding as social equals? You’re the only Superfriend this town has.
Database – Haven’t you noticed whenever Bart’s skateboarding or you’re rejecting Milhouse, I’m in the background, next to a tiny tree? It’s impossible to miss.
Database – I fear Ham is lost for all eternity.
Lisa – I’d really like to, Data…Data…
Database – Database! Like the structured assemblage of information that can be sorted, modified, and deleted.
Lisa – You seem neat and all, but I need to get to Honest John’s. I want to buy up their USB memory sticks.
Lisa – They’ll be valuable, vintage collectibles once the aughts nostalgia craze happens.
Database – Oh. Okay. I guess I can focus on the hobby I’m famous for.
Lisa – …Is it wheezing?
Database – Bonsai!
Bonsai Vivant Pt. 2
Requirements – Level 44 and Bonsai Vivant Pt. 1
Objective – Make Database Prune Bonsai
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Database – Ahhhh. Nothing is as relaxing as the ancient art of bonsai. It’s way, WAY better than having friends.
Database – In fact, there’s a lot of scholarship about how plants can actually listen.
Database – Are you eavesdropping on me right now, my baby Ent?
Bonsai…
Database – Well, dorks are cool nowadays, so I take your barbs as a compliment.
Bonsai…
Database – Quiet, Bonnie!
Database – And you better not scream when I prune you.
Database – It’s no worse than a haircut, if hair were connected to the nervous system.
-After Objective Started-
Bonsai -!!!
Bonsai Vivant Pt. 3
Requirements – Level 44 and Bonsai Vivant Pt. 2
Objective -Make Database Re-pot Bonsai
Reward – $100 and 10xp + 1 Bonsai
Database – Oh, you came out nice, Bonnie.
Database – Now where can I get an ethnologically accurate pot to place you in?
Akira – May I be of service, sad weirdo?
Akira – As a Japanese person who does many Japanese-y things, I know much about bonsai.
Akira – My country created the practice to take our minds off tentacle pornography.
Database – Actually, bonsai originated in China, where it is called penjing or penzai.
Database – As early as the 6th century, diplomats took samples back to Japan and replanted the art form there.
Akira – Well, when my ancestors stole the idea, they yelled, ‚ÄúNo backsies!‚Äù So it’s pretty much ours.
-After Objective Completion-
Database – Thank you, Akira. You’ve really Japanesed up my little tree something proper.
Akira – That’s what I’m here for. Unless… I am not here.
Akira – As the famous Zen proverb explains: rain cannot make a flower grow nor wind fill a sail, if it has not been purchased from in-app premium content.
System Message – Get Akira from the Build Menu to grow more Bonsai at the Happy Sumo.
System Message – Or purchase Bonsai for a few donuts each in the Build Menu.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 1
Requirements – Level 44 and Bonsai Vivant Pt. 3
Objective – Make Database Go to School
Objective – Make (8) Children Go to School
Database – Hello, other children. Would anyone like to see my miniature forest?
Database – I would be happy to make one for you for the low, low price of social interaction.
Bart – Eh, we good. We’re all busy at the moment.
Database – Still RAMbunctious to take a BYTE out of Honest John’s and C++ what more they have?
Database – I used wordplay to show that I’m fun.
Bart – Wordplay is never fun.
Bart – Anything you learn at school ‘words, numbers, self-identity and how to form meaningful peer relationships’ is lame.
Lisa – I like wordplay–
Database – FRIEND!
Lisa – Uh, thanks for your bonsai offer, Database. But while we’re done with Honest John’s, we’ve moved on to other things.
Bart – I’m poking a hive of dying yellow jackets with a dried-up highlighter.
Milhouse – And I’m leaning my rather large nose waaaay too close
Skinner – Children, whatever time it is, it’s time for school!
Skinner – So you better not be busy on one of your so-called “missions.”
Database – School! There’s no way people can avoid interacting with me once they lock the doors!
Database – *sigh* That did not sound good. Self-awareness brings so much misery.
-After Objective Started-
Database – So Lisa, care to do a small chemistry experiment during lunch?
Database – I know where they keep the Bunsen burners and the magnesium sulfate.
Lisa – I’ve been trying to be polite, but that doesn’t seem to be working. I’m cool now, Database.
Lisa – Maybe it’s because I finally know who I am. Maybe it’s that most of the cool kids are still gone. Whatever the reason, I’m cool and in demand.
Database – So you’re saying‚ I can be cool too?
Lisa – No, I’m not saying that.
Lisa – I was one of the first ones back in this town. And when it gets updated, I’m often the one who introduces and explains what needs to happen.
Lisa – I never got to do and say this much before! I can’t risk that by associating with a noob.
Database – I…I can be central to a story.
Lisa – You have to face it. In life, there are minor characters and major characters.
Lisa – Some get a name. And some are just called Database.
Database – …
Lisa – Hey, it’s not so bad. At least you’re not My-Ding-a-Ling Kid.
-After Objective Completed-
Database – I forgot I’m in the Gifted Child program. Which in Springfield means my classes are by myself.
Miss Hoover – Sshhh! Don’t let Lisa hear you. I need her to stay in my class to raise the GPA, so I can keep my J-O-B.
Miss Hoover – I spelled “job” correctly, right?
Database – Yes, Miss Hoover.
Miss Hoover – And have tomorrow’s lesson plan to me by 10pm tonight.
Miss Hoover – I like to review it while my kelp-and-volcanic-mud facial sets.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt.2
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 1
Objective – Make Martin Ride a Bike
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Database – Hey Martin – ! We are like-minded types, i.e. losers, i.e. people who say i.e. — want to hang?
Martin – Hang? Now?
Martin – I seem to recall wanting to “hang” once upon a more convenient hour, only to be turned aside like a Timon of Athens or other lesser work of The Bard.
Database – I’m sorry I didn’t invite you to join Superfriends, Martin.
Database – The week we formed it you were a theater ponce, not a tech weenie.
Database – You change your interests around a lot.
Martin – I am a general, catch-all dork-type and everyone knows it!
Martin – Now good day, sir!
Database – Martin, we can be Superfriends 2.0. That’s a reference to software upgrades I just thought of
Martin – I SAID GOOD DAY!
-After Objective Complete-
Martin – Ahhhh. Nothing restores balance to the mind like an 8 hour bike ride.
Database – So have you thought over Superfriends 2.0 yet? Think we got a real winner of a notion, I do.
Martin – C’mon, Database. Take a hint. I said,”I SAID GOOD DAY” and everything.
Database – Oh. “Good day” means “go away.” I get it now.
Martin – In this town, people can find you and talk to you no matter where you are or they are. That is super creepy.
Martin – Though it does explain why we have no phones.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 3
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 2
Objective – Make Database Get Bullied
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Dolph – Hey dweebus, you look sad. If you miss the old Springfield, I can make this place seem just like it.
Database – Uh, your words sound like a set up to beating me up.
Nelson – What? Dolph was expressing sincere thoughts of concern.
Database – He started off by insulting me.
Database – I thought he was insinuating he’d make new Springfield seem more familiar by hitting me, as he used to do in the past.
Nelson – One: Dolph uses insults to couch his emotions. That’s just how Dolph is.
Dolph – Thanks for getting me, Nelson Butt-Muntz.
Nelson – Two: We were going to suggest visiting places that were important to you in the old town, and forging a new connection with those places.
Nelson – It helps us get through the day.
Dolph – You do not get to tell me when I am expressing empathy or not, D-Base!
Dolph – You don’t know me! You’re not my dream journal!
Database – I’m sorry, Dolph, truly I am.
Nelson – We’re bullies, so we don’t really do apologies. By our code, there’s only one way to gain forgiveness.
Database – I understand. Please avoid breaking my glasses, if you can.
Database – Whoever is in charge has yet to build an optometrist’s office.
-After Objective Started-
Database – I have to say, it’s been nice to have a conversation. Most folks have been too busy to spend any time.
Dolph – Can you keep your mouth closed?
Dolph – We try to avoid the teeth, so we don’t cut our knuckles.
Database – Sorry. Oops. Does saying that mean you have to hit me longer?
Nelson – Errrr. I guess.
Database – Oh well. Sorry to take up your time.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 4
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 3
Make Database – Bully Himself
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Nelson – If I had been asked before what body part would be sorest after pounding on a nerd, I wouldn’t have said the wrists.
Nelson – But my arm wigglers are barking!
Database – Thanks for spending some time with me, guys.
Database – If you want to meet up to bully me again, I’m open.
Dolph – I feel unclean inside. I need a bikini carwash for my soul.
Database – Doesn’t have to be a serious thing. I get you have a lot going on.
Database – Just when you’ve got no one better to pick on, you know.
Nelson – Keep your giant, creep-o head away from us, D-Base!
Nelson – You’ve taken the purity of hurting those weaker than you and made it seem disgusting.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 5
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 4
Objective – Make Database – Browse Magazines on Code
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Marge – Why are you walking around like a humdrum little glum bum. Did someone make fun of your glasses?
Database – No. What’s wrong with my glasses?
Marge – Uh… nothing.
Marge – Nothing could be wrong with wearing Sally Jesse Raphael’s binoculars. It’s a flattering look.
Marge – I bet I know something that’ll pick that chin up. I’m kind of the Number One mom around here.
Marge – Don’t tell Manjula or Bernice I said that.
Marge – All you need to succeed is to be yourself. If you’re yourself, then everyone has to like you!
Database – That’s it! That’s exactly how I’ll get this town to like me!
Marge – Mom Number One does it again!
Marge – I’m glad you let me give you some advice. The only time I get to spend guiding my children is when I walk Maggie.
Database – Actually, your advice was total gibberish.
Database – How can I be anybody but myself?
Database – Even if I’m uncertain or lying, that’s still me. Only dimwit actors pretend to be other people.
Database – For the rest of us, even our pretenses are just explorations of different aspects of our personalities.
Database – What was useful is that what you said was totally idiotic.
Database – Most of what people say is totally idiotic. If they could just see that, then they’d realize they aren’t superior to me.
Database – And then they’ll be willing to be my friends!
Marge – If this is being yourself, then you were right. That advice was terrible.
-After Objective Started-
Database – I just need to find the magazine that contains the source code for the universe.
Database – Let’s see: Matrixweek, Matrix Illustrated, Matrix People, McSweeney’s Matrix Report, Matrix & Garden
Database – Eureka! EA Guide! It’s just like TV Guide, only nothing like it!
Database – This should detail the programming language of our world, which is how I normally talk as I’m a nerd.
Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 6
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 5
Objective – Make Database – Nerd Out
Objective – Make Prof. Frink Help Database with Crazy Science
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Database – Prof. Frink, whether you’re here or not, I need to talk to you!
Frink – Yes, my young glaven! What goofball science need caused you to seek me out?
Database – I’m trying to build a machine that unlocks the code of the universe, so I can make it visible to all.
Frink – This isn’t for the hacking and the malware spreading and the free donuts that lose potential corporate income?
Database – No. I just want to show people that they’re worthless morons so they’ll agree to be my friends.
Frink – Ok. Well, that’s fine.
Frink – You get the fake technology you need from my brand-name line, sold exclusively at Honest John’s Computers.
Database – Honest John’s? They carry gloybal circuits AND moyven sprockets?
Frink – They better.
Frink – I didn’t put my face on a display table to sell a bunch of tablets and graphing calculators.
-After Objective Completed-
Frink – You’ve done it! Your very first cartoonishly nonsensical contraption. I’m so proud!
Database – Thanks. In some way, I feel I have already accomplished my goal.
Database – For I have made a friend in you.
Frink – Yes, oy-um. But you can’t count on me.
Frink – I’m premium and you’re regular — it’s a friendship that some cheapskates won’t allow.
Frink – Also, once you build a machine, you’ve got to flip the on switch.
Frink – Even the hydrogen bomb got a test drive.
99 Luft Word Balloons Pt. 1
Requirements – Level 44 and Seeking A Friend For The End Of This Update Pt. 6
Objective – Make Springfielders Tap Away their Thoughts
Objective – Make Homer Tap Away his Thoughts(x15)
Objective – Make Database Bask in his Achievement
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Homer – Hey, what’s going on? How come I can read me saying, “Hey, what’s going on?”
Moe – I can read what you said too, Homer – .
Moe – And I can read what I’m saying right now! That means, youz alls can read my speak-a-ma-goos.
Moe – Ew boy. If a Bartender can’t curse out patrons under his breath, his mind will snap like a twig.
Database – Don’t be afraid.
Database – I’ve just hacked the code of our universe – which is definitely a real thing – to show all of you exactly what you say.
Homer – SHUUUUUUUHB?!
Database – Exactly!
Database – Abstract guttural noises. Nonsense phrases doubling as slang. Strained pop culture references.
Database – Now do you see how much pointless speech fills your lives?!
Moe – I’ve always known that. But you don’t see me being a jerk about it.
Database – Self-awareness may be painful, but it’s also an opportunity to grow.
Database – Having to see and read what we say will force us to confront how we treat each other. This will spur us on to improve ourselves.
Lisa – Counterpoint: Texting.
Mayor Quimby – I’m not sure Springfield has enough room for these yap yap bubbles. The town’s borders are, ahm, a tad inflexible.
Mayor Quimby – And now that you know I know, please stop sending me comments about it.
Database – Oh, just tap on what’s said and you can send it away
Homer – Tap!
Homer – Ooooooo!
Homer – Now how do I get rid of the …Ooooooo!
Homer – Uh… what’s it that I gotta do again?
Database – I feel honored people are–
Homer – Tap.
Database – People are enjoying what I…
Homer – Tap.
Database – Made. The greatest achievement is the joy…
Homer – Tap.
Database – Oh lord, what have I…
Homer – Tap.
99 Luft Word Balloons Pt. 2
Requires – Level 44 and 99 Luft World Ballons Pt.1
Objective – Make Bart Skateboard
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Homer -Tap.
Homer -Tap.
Homer -Tap.
Homer -Tap.
Homer -Tap.
Homer -Hmmm.
Homer -Tap.
Homer -TAP.
Homer -ZZZ…tap…ZZZ
Homer – Tap.
Marge – Homer, everyone in town can…
Homer – Tap.
Marge – Homer!
Homer – Marge, sweetie, that was an accident. I, of course, wanted to hear the entirety of your worried nagging.
Homer – I’m trying to. But every time I get rid of these speechy thingums, another one takes its place.
Moe – Hey yammer bags, clamp those lips, or I will staple gun them shut!
Homer – Tap.
Homer – SEE!
Homer -Tap.
Homer – D’oh!
Lisa – Before you get caught in a loop, Dad, might I advise you to just tap silently.
Lisa – Then the word “tap” won’t appear, needing you to tap it.
Homer – Got it. Thanks, Lisa.
Homer – Tap.
Lisa – I tried.
Bart – Why do any of you read all these stupid letter jumbles we barf?
Bart – If they’re annoying you, I’ll show you how to deal with them.
-After Objective Started-
Lisa – Every time I say this I’m incredulous, but Bart’s right.
Lisa – We should go out and be active and live our lives instead of commenting on them.
Marge – That may be true. I know I have more important things to do.
Marge – But I feel bad ignoring all this dialog. People put a lot of time into it
Homer – Tap.
Homer -D’oh!
Marge – Yeah, I really gotta start doing something better with my time.
99 Luft Word Balloons Pt. 3
Requirements – Level 44 and Pt. 2
Objective – Make Database Meditate
Reward – $100 and 10xp
Homer – gldfhklfkj *hiccup*
Frink – ylkv%#fr *hiccup*
Dr. Hibbert- ylkv%#fr *hiccup*
Burns- $$$$$$ *vomit*
Database – How come everyone is making even less sense than usual?
Lisa – Exhausted by having to constantly reflect on their words, most have sought refuge in the incoherency of alcohol.
Database – Lisa, I’m not sure you’re any more central than you were before, if you still only say exposition.
Lisa – Yeah, well now I say a lot more of it. So there.
Database – If what you say is true, no one can claim they’re too busy to spend quality time with me.
Database – Who wants to play a board game where we compete to determine price earnings ratio for the 15th century Hanseatic League?
Lisa – I’m afraid that answer will undoubtedly be no one.
Frink – Except me, of course, but only if I get to be Lebeck. Love me some Lebeck.
Lisa – Don’t you get it?
Lisa – You can’t get people to want to quote unquote ‘hang’ with you by making the rest of their lives worse.
Database – But how they now experience the world is how I do all the time!
Lisa – SHUUUUUUUHB?!
Lisa – Ugh, did I just say “SHUUUUUUUHB?!” I’m becoming more like my father every day.
Database – I’m very well aware that everything I do, even the very sound of my voice, is a nerd cliche
Database – It’s like I was designed by a team of self-loathing losers as an effigy of all the things they hated about themselves as kids.
Database – As if they could expunge their pasts by watching me be burned in flames of youthful humiliation.
Database – Ugh, who says such things? I can’t take being exposed to such thoughts any longer.
Database – It’s time I joined these drooling, oblivious morlocks.
Homer – Schlerffftttp!
Martin – No, you can’t!
Martin – Primo, you’re underage. Secunda, your brain is a gift.
Lisa – Database, you’ve shown your intelligence has the power to change the world.
Lisa – You just need to learn how to harness that ability to improve the lives of others.
Frink – Or at least entertain them at a moderately successful rate. Like 63%.
Frink – Maybe 42% after you’ve built up enough good will.
Martin – I, for one, would be glad to join you on your journey toward fulfillment. If you would have me, Superfriend.
Database – Aw.
Lisa – To begin such a journey, I recommend following a spiritual practice to gain control over your emotions.
Lisa – You never hear of the Dalai Lama getting in a bar fight, do you?
-After Objective Started-
Lisa – By the way, I know most of what I just said was exposition. But I said it to help you.
Lisa -So don’t sass off about it.
Bloatation Device
Requires – Level 44 and 99 Luft Word Balloons Pt. 3
Objective – Build Bloaters at the Squidport
Objective – Make Database Go for Shakes
Objective – Make Martin Go for Shakes
Objective – Make Lisa Go for Shakes
Reward – 5 donuts
Moe – Youz guys, I don’t see no more words no more! I can go back to not being sure how youz is spelled.
Moe – Should I include an…’? Should I not? Two …’ vowels back-to-back like …booze’? I ain’t at all sure!
Database – Yes. I reset the universe code to the way it was. And to make up for messing with everyone, I even managed to pry out some of those donuts you all like.
Martin – Yay! We can all be welcome to Superfriends 2.0!
Database – Superfriends 2.0.1. Don’t forget the latest patch!
Lisa – Oh Database. Life is going to be hard for you.
Lisa- At least until college.
Akira Walkthrough
Yellow Blues
Requirements - Level 5 and Complete quest MyPad
Objective - Make Akira Work a 24 Hour Shift
Objective - Make The Simpsons Family Take Advantage of a Free Meal (4 of them, 6 hours)
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Ah, Springfield! It is pleasing to return to you, where I can do and say things referencing the culture of Japan.
Akira: I had feared I was trapped in yomi, the underground home of the dead in Shintoism. See, I'm doing it already.
Lisa: It's terrific you're back, Akira!
Lisa: Between you and me, Springfield has been looking awfully yellow lately.
Akira: Is that comment…because I'm Asian?
Lisa: WHUUUUT?!
Lisa: NO! No, I love races! And colors!
Lisa: In fact, rainbow is my favorite sherbet flavor.
Bart: How could the color yellow apply to Asians? You're more pale than we are.
Lisa: Bart! You're not helping.
Akira: Even though I possess an awareness of racist ideas like “yellowface” and “yellow peril”, when I look at my hands, I have to admit the boy is right.
Homer: Hey, you can't use those terms! They're only for fellow yellows to use with each other!
Akira: Mr. Homer, I have acted dishonorably and brought shame to my ancestors, two ways of feeling that pop culture says are appropriately Japanese-y.
Akira: To make amends, please bring your family to The Happy Sumo for a free dinner.
Homer: Alright! Why let anger eat away at you when you can eat away your anger?
Fuguaboutit Pt. 1
Requirements - Level 5 and Yellow Blues
Objective - Make Akira Serve Questionable Fugu (2 hours)
Objective - Make Springfielders Eat Questionable Fugu (10 of them, 1 hour)
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Where are my loyal customers? The Happy Sumo used to be Springfield's Number One non-Krusty based restaurant.
Akira: We were *the* place to go for food-based dares!
Professor Frink: Well, the culinary scene has gotten more adventurous since you've been gone.
Professor Frink: Many Springfields already have a sushi establishment, Swanky Fish. And their health department grade is an A, I say with an accusing ‘ahem.'
Akira: So I have competition now? They may have superior sushi. But do they also serve sashimi?
Professor Frink: Yes. They do both.
Akira: Sushi and sashimi? That's our entire menu!
Akira: I need to grab customers' attention. Now is the time for the return of FUGU!
Akira: Dumb thrill seekers provide great word of mouth.
Akira: On an unrelated note, how do you prepare Fugu?
-After Objective Started-
Blue-Haired Lawyer: On behalf of my food-poisoned clients, I hope they all recover quickly, or you're in big trouble.
Blue-Haired Lawyer: On behalf of my 20% of any settlement, I hope at least one dies. I really like money.
Fuguaboutit Pt. 2
Requirements - Level 5 and Fugu About It Pt. 1
Objective - Make Akira Hand Out Sushi Samples
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: A class-action lawsuit is only a small setback.
Akira: Swanky Fish may have better tasting food that doesn't make people sick.
Akira: But they can't beat us on our cheapness or our willingness to operate at a loss.
Akira: No one cares about quality when the samples are free.
-After Objective Started-
Akira: People will be sold on the deliciousness of our raw fish once they've tried these day old pieces, warmed under the beating sun!
Demographic Rude-ity Pt. 1
Requirements - Level 5 and Fugu About It Pt. 2
Objective - Reach Level 27 and Build the Springfield Buddhist Temple
Objective - Make Akira Discretely Talk About Double Standards
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: I think I saw an alien while I was out. He was actually a pretty nice guy/thing.
Akira: Turned out, we both really like raw dolphin meat.
Akira: By the way, where are all the Asian people.
Akira: Are they all crammed into the Buddhist monastery, burning offerings to their ancestors? That is a good time.
Lisa: Yeah... Asian people... Comic Book Guy now has a Japanese wife.
Akira: That fat, hairy kaiju?! Is she a horrific creature from the sea as well?
Lisa: No, she's very pretty. And really easy to talk to. And smart.
Lisa: Doesn't say a lot of jokes though, but no worse than any other woman in town.
Demographic Rude-ity Pt. 2
Requirements - Level 27 and Rude-ity Pt. 1
Objective - Make Akira Take on City Hall
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Hey, um, where are the Asian people?
Lisa: Heh... sooooo, remember when I mentioned Comic Book Guy's wife?
Akira: Yeah. That may or may not have been a long time ago, but it was just one conversation back.
Lisa: Sooooo… you and her are it.
Akira: What?! I've seen a space alien! Are you telling me there are half as many space aliens in this town as there are Asian people?
Lisa: There are actually possibly three aliens in this town... if the town belongs to a big spender.
Akira: THREE SPACE ALIENS?! There are more space aliens than Asian people?!
Lisa: Well, there is Apu. Does Indian count as Asian?
Akira: Our potato-headed, whiskey-soaked papist mayor is about to get an angry Asian earful.
Akira: And before you tell me what I said was racist, I never said Japanese people aren't racist. Just that this is messed up.
-After Objective Started-
Quimby: I hear you and understand your frustration. This issue is hotter than spicy kimchi!
Akira: That's Korean.
Quimby: Er, is that the wrong type of youse? Siracha? Does that work?
Akira: This meeting has not gone well.
Quimby: Here me out in full. The 2010 Census says that 5.6% of the US population is Asian.
Quimby: By my count, we have more than 150 possible individuals in Springfield, not including outfits—
Akira: How many of those individuals speak? I bet you're counting pets!
Quimby: Limiting to only those who have said things, we have over 100 men, women, children, and whoozits like that.
Quimby: Counting you, Kumiko, and Nasapota…the Apus, we have an almost 5% Asian population. Demographically, we're pretty on par with the country.
Quimby: Additionally, three quarters of Asian-Americans are concentrated in 10 states. Perhaps Springfield isn't in one of those states.
Quimby: We might be a little more diverse than you give us credit for…speaking relative only to the least diverse parts of America.
A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 1
Requirements - Level 27 and Demographic Rude-ity Pt. 2
Objective - Make Akira Plant a Bonsai
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: That meeting was maddening.
Akira: Where is Cookie Kwan? Where is Hubert Wong and his parents?
Akira: Where are Tetsuo and Kaneda, my best friends that everyone in Springfield's Asian-American community know and love?
Akira: TETSUO! KANEDA!
Akira: Breathe, Akira, and visualize mini trees.
Akira: If I focus on my bonsai, it will help me stay zen, and other Japanese-y things. Anime.
A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 2
Requirements - Level 27 and A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 1
Objective - Make Akira Prune Bonsai
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Aw, it's like a bushy baby Groot. Baby Groot – heh heh – time for a branch cut.
Akira: This adorable little plant is totally taking my mind off the clear racial imbalance in how people return to this town.
Akira: Who needs equal treatment of many when I can work on me?
A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 3
Requirements - Level 27 and A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 2
Objective - Make Akira Re-pot Bonsai
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Re-potting a bonsai gives it fresh nutrients and helps it remain strong.
Akira: It's as if when you live in a small, contained place, you need to change the old soil - kick up the environment - to keep yourself from wilting and dying.
Akira: Could that somehow be a metaphor for life? Springfield equals "small place."
Akira: The stagnant lack of diversity equals “old soil.” And what would keep us from wilting and dying? Ah...
Akira: No, Akira! Bonsai is your time to let go.
Akira: Bury your ambitions way down inside where they can be forgotten and never disturb you again.
Akira: So yeah... uh... cute tree description something something pot?
-After Objective Started-
Message Make Akira Plant, Prune and Re-pot to get more Bonsai!
A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 4
Requirements - Level 27 and A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 3
Objective - Place Bonsai (x3)
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Ah ha! A perfect bonsai to plant. No one else in Springfield has these unique and mad skills.
Akira: This is why we need to increase diversity. Think of all the useful and impressive stereotypes that can't be given expression.
Akira: Who is to do manis and pedis? Who does math moderately better than others? Who dry cleans clothes using ancient secrets?
Akira: By placing this tree into the ground, I let an idea take root. Expanding the representation of cultures adds value to all communities.
Akira: Also, that I rock at bonsai.
-After Objective Started-
Homer: You know, your skill isn't that special. Any bozo like me can just buy your precious crooked shrub with donuts.
Akira: But to be able to do without donuts what you need donuts to do, that is a special skill indeed.
Homer: What are you trying to say, Yoda?
Akira: Having me do it saves you donuts.
Homer: Donuts I can use on other things? Ah, you are wise! Can I call you sensei?
Akira: Okay. But only if the term has nothing to do with my race, and only applies because of my incredible intelligence.
Homer: Sure. Whatever works for you.
Sensei You, Sensei Me Pt. 1
Requirements - Level 43 and A Deep Bonsai of Relief Pt. 4
Objectives: Make Akira Karate Time
Objectives: Make Homer Karate Time (if you have Ninja Homer)
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Homer: Sensei, if you want to show how awesome your ancestral culture is, I know a better way than shoving midget trees everywhere.
Homer: Use your ability to kick * to prove you guys are kickass!
Akira: Homer, you think being breathtakingly powerful at martial arts will excite people more than being good with vegetables?
Homer: Yuh huh!
Akira: Homer-san, please join me, but only if you have appropriate attire. When it comes to violence, I am very strict about wardrobe.
Sensei You, Sensei Me Pt. 2
Requirements - Level 43 and Sensei You, Sensei Me Pt. 1
Objective - Make Akira Impersonate a Character from Star Trek
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Why do you want me to say this?
Homer: Just do it! Just do it! Just do it!
Akira: I still don't understand what the point is.
Homer: Trust me. Doing karate was awesome, right? I promise this will be even awesomer.
Akira: Ok. Here goes. *clears throat*
Akira: Oh my!
Homer: He he he. You sound just like him.
-After Objective Started-
Bart: That isn't Sulu. Sulu tried to buy * and go to White Castle.
Homer: Grrrrr. I hate the passage of time.
Akira + Kumiko Walkthrough
I Think I’m Turning Japanese (Because I Am Japanese)
Requirements - Level 43, Have Kumiko as a character and Sensei You, Sensei Me Pt. 2
Objective - Make Akira Speak Japanese with Kumiko
Reward - $100, 10 XP
Akira: Akira-san, I heard of your efforts to diversify Springfield. I wanted to applaud you on your efforts, as valiant as ineffective.
Akira: Ah, Kumiko-chan, it is nice to meet you. Lisa was right. You are easy to talk to, and rarely get jokes to say.
Akira: Actually, I am quite funny. But only in Japanese, the best language for all comedy.
Akira: I could use a laugh. Let us converse in the tongue of our ancestors, and practice speaking behind everyone else's back without them knowing.
-After Objective Started-
Akira: Ha ha! That is hilarious, Kumiko.
Akira: What makes it even funnier is how it's impossible to translate into English.
