@LLcraigJ0302 Hey don’t be too harsh on yourself. I agree with everything that @dSKyNafinchin has said. Apex is not friendly at all to beginners since you have to learn an overwhelming amount of information. I’ve also quit this game multiple times already in season 0, tried once again in season 1 and only considered to playing it daily in late season 1 because of my friends.
Respawn definitely needs to improve how to slowly integrate the beginners into the game since most if not all of the beginners are put into difficult lobbies after a few games. We’ve played this game for 3 years now and we’re all not that good too when we started. For like season 1 to season 7 I had a KDR of 0.6-0.7 then had bursts of improvement and currently sitting on 1.9-2 KDR.
Be patient with yourself. I suggest watching casual good players on how they make decisions on when to engage or to run first for position like itemp, jankz, and kandyrew. While they’re still good players, they mostly play pubs so they’re not always in that extreme mode rank mindset like other streamers.
Good luck man. If you have any questions for us, most of us here are happy to help you. This game is a bit tough since you to take note of a lot of things at the same time.