[Parody] Player made April fools patch notes

If anyone else is in the mood lets see what would be patch notes worth of April fools  in the context of battlefield.

Servers and matchmaking.

>Matchmaking will now match you into  official permanently active Servers with official rules made by dice or with a custom map rotation made by players. Alternatively you can manually join with your friends via the server browser.

>All servers are now having at least 60hz tickrate

>Solo-co op mode is implemented for practice and for helping with grinding unlocks up to 40 mastery. Kills made there do not count for profile stats and neither do deaths.

Infantry:

You now have the notification  which tells you if you are spotted in the 3D world in situations outside just retreating from a lost sector.

All classes now have access to the smoke grenades.

Assault:
Adrenaline injection has a faster animation and now also triggers player regeneration and prevents its interruption from suppression (but not damage).

Support:
Now has access to C4 like in previous BF games.

Weapons

>full auto weapons lose more accuracy in sustained fire to encourage trigger discipline. heavier LMGs are exempt from this and become more accurate in sustained fire

>The cost of several attachments , particularly high capacity magazines has been reduced to make good loadouts less restrictive.

Sniper rifles
>Sniper rifles no longer have a "sweet spot" at a some distant range.
>Sniper rifles now have an OHK bodyshot at up to 10m away
>Sniper rifles no longer have glint when used with an optic bellow x6

SMGs
>Increased spread for the SMGs to solidify their role as shorter range weapons.

DMRs
All the DMRs other than the SVK gain increased damage to give a reason to use them over SVK or Assault rifles in semi auto mode mode.

Gadgets:
>Smoke grenades now have increased opacity so that neither players nor bots can see through the cloud when it is in full effect.
>The recon drone can now enter the enemy HQ in order to reach those mortar enjoyers and it has even more battery when there is no C4 on it.
>Breaching charges incendiary shotgun and incendiary smoke now do greater damage in order to be worth using.
>The starting number of C4 is now 4 and can be resupplied to up to 6. Their throw range has been reduced to compensate (they are not grenades).

Ground Vehicles 

>The activation of the vehicle APS trophy system is now instant without any delay.
>Reduced the chance that every single hit frontal and side hit will immobilize a vehicle
>Boost is not on a cooldown and works like in previous BF titles without affecting turn speed

MBT:
>Aim Guided shell has been removed (this functionality was moved as an aim guided missile option for the AA tanks)
>MBTs are now much easier to  steer faster and are quicker to accelerate, based on how they handle in BF4.
>MBT turrets now turn much faster and can aim both higher and lower than before (even if they have to clip through their models a bit).
>The HE shell has significantly increased blast radius  and lethal damage radius, to compensate their velocity has been decreased.
>The armor piercing shell does more direct damage on armored targets and has even faster velocity.
>The middle ground shells now have slightly better lethal blast radius.

IFV
>Increased acceleration and max speed. These are lighter armored vehicles that depend on their speed rather than their armor to survive.

Mobile AA Tank:
>Fixed the air Radar to work as intended
>The physical radar has been moved as to not hinder players visibility of enemies in 3rd person
>The 1st person view is no longer affected by muzzle flash
> The burst cannon no longer needs resupply.
> The overall performance of the high velocity rounds have been adjusted to match how the Stationary AA works
>The issues of aiming at targets that are relatively close has been fixed and now the shots always land in the middle of the crosshairs regardless of range.
>The option of a trophy APS system was added to this vehicle.
>Aim Guided missiles is now available an alternative option to the lock on heat seeking missiles (removed from the MBTs to be on the MAA tank)
>Passive radar missiles (work like the igla is supposed to)
>Active Radar missiles as an option (but with a cone tight enough to not be absolute cheese)
>Slightly reduced effective range to encourage the drivers to get out of their spawn zone protection.

Aircraft
>We finally fixed the Air radar to work like in previous BF games so that dogfights are less about who sneaks behind you.

>Real camera view is finally here, we do not know why it was not there on launch

>Jets now have several more options in their loadout to kit into an air to air focus or air to ground focus.

>Attack and  transport Helicopters are now more agile instead of handling like boats

>The miniguns on the transport helicopter are more accurate and have better turn angles in order to also aim at the front of the transport.

Other:

The automated AAs in the spawn now are more eager to protect the spawn from an enemy aircraft spending time inside the bounds of the spawn.

I just wanted to do a mix of suggestions + some fun about how what is needed for BF6 seems so far from what we have right now that getting it feels like a fantasy.

Feel free to write your own "April fools patch notes" if you like