DAI: Unable to Connect to EA Servers to Activate...

I have been dealing with this disaster for a week now.

I just got a new gaming laptop and installed the EA app to play my games on it. Dragon Age: Inquisition will NOT load. When I let the process sit for 5-10 minutes, this window pops up:

My only option is to exit. As you can see, there is no log-in option here. There never is.

If I don't wait for this to pop up, I have to force-quit the DAI process (which does load), then end the ActivationUI process (which is the crux of the issue) in order to even close the EA App.

I've been searching all over the internet (these forums, general searches, YouTube), and I have tried every single "fix" that I found. None of them have worked.

I've uninstalled, reinstalled, cleared cache, deleted folders and licenses, I've copied and pasted .dll files from one folder to another, I've forced specific DNS, I've prayed to the Cheese Wheel gods, and NOTHING IS WORKING. (And I do not have any Razer products, so that isn't it.)

I've played this game for over a thousand hours between my gaming PC, and XBox, and this issue has never come up before.

What's most discouraging is that I've seen this issue pop up many, many times with no solutions, even since the year the game was released! What is going on here? Why is there no fix for this?

I am so beyond frustrated.

Has anyone been able to figure this out or bypass the ActivationUI altogether???