Open Letter to EA: A Love Story Between Me and Your Glorious AI

Dear EA Devs and Moderators (and possibly the AI itself ),

I’d like to start by thanking you for delivering the most emotionally unpredictable relationship I’ve ever had — and yes, that includes my high school ex who once threw my FIFA disc out the window. 

😀My Weekly Routine:
Win 1 game: My team looks sharp, responsive, even… elite. Hope returns.
Win 2 games: Confidence builds. Passes connect. My CAM even makes a smart run.

Attempt win #3:

• My players start jogging like it’s a Sunday stroll through a park in slippers
• My 97-rated Virgil Van Dijk suddenly forgets how knees work
• My striker takes a heavy touch into another timezone
• Opponent’s bronze RW activates Prime Ronaldinho mode
• Bounce backs that defy physics. I clear the ball, and it rebounds to the opponent’s striker via a wormhole in space-time.

🤣Scientific Observations:

• Winning streaks activate Unseen Matchmaking Gods™ who decide “He’s had enough fun.”
• My team enters Queue-Based Movement Mode, where every command is delayed like I’m playing via fax machine
• When my team hits a win streak, the servers seem to switch me to “Vintage Toaster Mode”
• Bounce backs? Absolutely. Ball → Defender → Dog in row 3 → Opponent’s striker → Goal
• My GK has mastered the art of air dodging — like Neo from the Matrix, but in reverse.
• My CAM starts moving like he’s reenacting a 1998 Windows screensaver.
• My players look like they’re in a queue to receive commands, while my opponent gets 5G fiber-optic reflexes.

I’m Not Saying It’s Scripted But…

…I’m also not saying it isn’t.
It’s like chess… if the board rotates mid-game, your pawns unionize, and the opponent gets a second queen halfway through.

💔In Conclusion:

EA, thank you for crafting a football experience where I don’t just play the game — I emotionally survive it.

Is it fair? No.
Is it consistent? Not even close.
But is it legendary? Absolutely.
Because nothing bonds us quite like watching our elite players moonwalk away from the ball while the AI gifts our opponent a tap-in.

Sincerely,
A humble Division 2 warrior,
riding a lawnmower while the other team has a Ferrari