Chapter 7: An Evening Out
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I swore that would be the last time. I told myself that I would control my actions around Red, whatever it took, but we were not going to break up. We had to work on our relationship, it wasn’t perfect, and I knew it never would be. Because of the circumstances of our marriage there would always be a shadow of a doubt, but we loved each other.
Too much, maybe, we had to work out our problems a different way. I loved all of my children, Cardinal, Rudy, and the unborn one, but there was no way that I could handle any more. Red was stressed, I was stressed, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to afford the things that we needed.
Although Red had gotten a promotion at work. He had to work less hours for the same wage. He insisted that he work the same hours for more pay, but I wouldn’t let him. I needed him at home sometimes, and he needed to be there for us.
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Cardinal has his birthday, and he was about to start school. I was a little worried about him, because of his learning difficulty, but he was starting to use longer sentences and I had hope. I had talked to his doctor about it, and they said that he did not have a prominent learning disabilities, but that he might need some extra help in school. It was not what I was hoping to hear, though it was better than I had expected.
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As Cardinal boarded the bus that first day I wished that I could have sent him off a little more prepared, but I did all that I could.
I comforted myself with the fact that Cyanna got on the bus at the stop before ours, so there was at least one other kid on the bus that he knew. They were still best friends, and I hoped that she could help him branch out. I had no doubt that she would be able to easily make a lot of friends at school, and I thought that maybe she could help him bridge the gap.
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Rudy learned walking and talking much faster than Cardinal, he was patient and easy to teach, however when he started crying it was harder to get him to stop. Cardinal would always stop when playing his xylophone, but Rudy would cry until I rocked him to sleep.
Sometimes when I was standing over his crib, and it was just me, him, and his unborn sibling I felt alone. Red was still almost never home. It worried me a little that he was less concerned about providing a ‘father figure’ for Rudy, since it had been a huge deal for him with Cardinal, but I didn’t feel bad about it because Rudy had an older brother to look up to.
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Cardinal needed a lot of help with his homework, like I had suspected, and I would help him every day. Sometimes he would pretend he didn’t have any, until late at night, because he was embarrassed about asking for help. I always made sure he did it, because I knew that ignoring it wasn’t doing anybody any good.
Sometimes he would protest, and tell me that he could do it by himself, and then storm off into his bedroom, but eventually he always came back and ask for help, and I would open my arms and sit down with him.
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“I thought about what you said.” Red told me, “You probably don’t remember saying it, but you said that our relationship wasn’t about love, and I want to prove that you’re wrong.”
“Red, I’m sorry about saying that. It’s just that...” I started to cry, hormones.
“Greth, don’t cry.” Red wiped my eyes, “It’s okay, I have a surprise for you!”
I took a deep breath, “What is it?” I asked.
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“Who is that?” I asked, seeing the girl walking in.
“This is Cinnamon, she’s our baby sitter for tonight.” He told me.
“Babysitter?” I asked.
“Yes, we’re going out for dinner!”
“Hi.” Cinnamon said, “You must be Greth.”
“Yes,” I said.
“I’m an intern at Red’s office.” She told me.
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We had a wonderful night. Free from the worry of the kids. I felt a little awkward with a huge baby bump, because everybody stared at me, but I ignored them.
“I’m really glad we did this.” I told Red.
“Me too.” He smiled at me.
“I don’t want this night to end.”
“Me neither.”
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Sadly the night had to end. We spent a while sitting after we finished eating, but the waiter gave us some looks, and I thought about poor Cinnamon with the boys.
As we approached the taxi I felt something.
It trickled down my leg.
And then I felt the pain.
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Right there. Right outside the restaurant I went into labor. I would have been incredibly embarrassed, but I was in too much pain.
Red shuffled me into the taxi, and directed the driver to go to the hospital.
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It was a girl, her named was Scarlet.
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Cinnamon was surprised when we came home with a baby, but she was also over joyed for us.
“Awww...” She said, “She’s so cute!”
“How were Cardinal and Rudy?” Red asked.
“They were great!” Cinnamon was still cheery, even though it was late and she had just spent an evening watching two boys. She seemed to have an unlimited supply of happiness.
Red gave her her money, and she left.
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Red brought Rudy and Cardinal in to meet Scarlet. They had already been put to bed, but we thought it was important for them to meet her.
This time it seemed to register with Cardinal, but not Rudy.
“Another?” Cardinal asked.
“Yes. This is your little sister, Scarlet.” I told him.
“Scarlet... Hi Scarlet.” Cardinal waved at her.
It made me smile. “It’s time to go back to bed.” I told him. He slumped over and did as he was told. Red and I followed him, with Rudy and Scarlet, and put them in their cribs.
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Red seemed more relaxed. It was actually the most relaxed I had seen him in a long time, maybe even since Cardinal was born.
He smiled at me.
“You seem happy.” I said.
“Yes.” He sighed, “I don’t know why. I’m starting to realize that we can do this. I don’t know what it was, it might have been the way you looked in that dress... it reminded me of our wedding. You looked beautiful.”
I blushed a little, “Thank you, Red.”
“I love you.” He told me.
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He leaned over and kissed me. I relaxed into his arms. He was warm again. It had been missing when he was so stressed out, and I didn’t notice, but now that it was back I let it envelope me. The fire was re lit, and roaring.
I let myself get caught up in it again. I couldn’t help it. He whisked me away, to a place where I didn’t have to worry about taking care of three kids, paying the bills, anything. It was like the first night after he and Bubble Gum were over, when what we were doing was no longer scandalous.
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Suddenly I realized what happening. I pulled away. I snapped out of the feeling, the fire died. It was the first time I had been able to stop myself. It was like before I had been watching myself, not there, not conscious. But I brought myself back.
“Red...” I whispered. “What are we doing?”
He didn’t answer.
“We are not doing this again. We are not going down this road.” I got up off the bed.
“Greth, don’t go.” Red said.
“No. I’m sorry, Red. We need this cycle to stop.” Tears came to my eyes. I didn’t want to deny him, when he and I were happy, but I had to.
“Greth?” He called. But it was too late.
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I ran out of the house, and around to the back yard. It was hard for me to be around Red. I sat down against the back of the house, and cried.
It was almost an hour before Red came to find me. When he did he was calm.
“Greth? Are you okay?” He asked.
“Yes. I just needed to get some air.” My voice was trembling.
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He helped me up, and I put my arms around him.
“I’m sorry.” I said, about to cry again.
“No, you did the right thing, Greth.” He wiped my eyes, “You have self control, I would have let it get out of hand, and...”
“And we would have another baby to look after.” I finished his sentence.
“Unfortunately, yes.” He hugged my tighter.
“There’s no way we could handle that.”
