Angel in the darkness – An Ambrosia Challenge

Chapter 1 – Memories

“Mama? Papa? Is there someone?”
Everything was dark around me. I tried to see something. Just anything. Something that could tell me where I was. There was nothing. No air to breath. But I had no breath, I realized. My heart wasn’t beating anymore. I wasn’t alive anymore. The only light I could see was the silhouette of my own body. Being dead felt strange. I was dead right? But where am I? And what was about my parents? Did they already found me? Oh I needed to see them. See if they were alright. I needed to be there for them like they were always for me.
I started to run into the darkness. There had to be a way to see them. They had to know how much I love them. How happy I was that they were my parents. No matter how long I ran, it felt as if I wasn’t moving forward. All was just dark and silent.

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I sat down. Well, I think that I sat down. I couldn’t feel the ground under myself. I starred into the darkness. There was no time. No feeling for seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, years … decades. I lost my feeling for time. All I could think of was my family. The moments I had with my Mama and Papa. How proud they had been at my first concert. How they kissed me good night when I was younger. I wished I could turn the time back and see all those moments again. To feel the warm hugs of Mama and listening to the jokes of my father was all I wanted now. I felt so lost and … I was alone. I was a loner, yes, but this loneliness was pushing me down. It made me sad. It was a pressure on my chest. I tried to swallow it down but then I remembered the pain I felt in the moment I died. My throat was hurting. I remembered how I tried to fight against my attacker and how every breath I tried to take failed. It felt a if I tried to breath in fire. My lung was full of fire. I had passed out already in Georges arms. I didn’t think that he had realized it. I needed happier thoughts. I felt how the darkness was coming closer to me.
Happy thoughts. Think of the day Mama bought you a piano, I said to myself.

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I was so happy on that day. I always loved music. I could still remember Mamas smile when she had seen how much I loved it. I saw how pictures of my memory came to my inner eye.

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Mama … You have been the best mother I could imagine. You read me my favourite stories and you were just amazing as reader. I always felt save with you.

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Your warm hugs made me always happy. You always found time for me.

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You even took your time for me and my homework. You wanted me to have a good start for my life and so you were sometimes a bit strict. I barely had free time to play with toys or with friends because you wanted me to learn more than my classmates. I had piano lessons every day. But you know what? I never really minded because your smile was this always worth.

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Even the little things I miss now. Sitting at the kitchen counter and watching you how you cook was all I wished now. You were always the one I could speak about everything. You … I didn’t know if I could cry but it felt as if …

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I remembered how you bought my a violin after you saw how talented I had been on the piano. I had to say that I was much worse with the violin at the beginning than with the piano but you never complained about the terrible wrong music I played even when you had to fill out important reports for your work.

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The cake you baked me for my birthday was so wonderful.

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You were so proud of me that I never stopped playing music when I became older. You did everything for me so that I could concentrate on it. You always said that I would become famous for this, but I just loved it. I loved when Mama was proud of me and if you thought I should try to make something out of my passion than I would do it. For you.

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You saw what problems I had to fit into my school. You did everything to make me feel loved and to distract me. You started to teach me painting and I couldn’t imagine something better than this time with you now.

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At my first real concert you were nearly crying. You were so proud of me that I was making my way that good. You took lots of pictures on that day. You wanted to remember this forever.

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When I started to write for the school newspaper you were so excited. Especially when I climbed to the top and I was one of the best reporters. Edward and I even found a little scandal and we were photographed for the local news. You kept the side with our article and read it again and again.

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You supported me with what ever I tried out. You said I should try everything and find out what I really wanted. Somehow music was always a big point. In my last school years I started to learn guitar.

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And then came my eighteenth birthday … You wanted to throw me a party at the weekend but … but …
Happy thoughts Angeline Manovas. Happy thoughts … Think of Papa. Think of his jokes, Angel, I told myself.

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Whenever Mama didn’t had time to read for me you did it. You were not that good as Mama especially when you read to me English books. After all you came from Austria here to Germany. In Windenburg you met Mama and you two just decided to stay here. Both away from your original country. You always loved to tell me how you saw Mama in that little bar here in Windenburg. You thought she had to be an angel. Mama showed you first the cold shoulder. You said that it was probably because your English was very bad and that you might said the wrong thing. Mama then spoke with some friends in German. You discovered that she spoke your language and you finally could speak with her and had a real conversation. You always said that you were meant to be together cause Mama came from the rainy London and you from the rainy Salzburg. I always loved to listen to this much more than to the books you read to me.

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You even brought Mama to make once a month a pyjama day and we spent the whole day in our sleeping wear, even at dinner time. Often we watched then films together. The little sweet fights you and Mama had about what film and what language it should have was always a lot of fun.

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When you needed to think of strategies you always asked me to play chess with you. I never knew what job exactly you had, but as Papa you were amazing.

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You were a big goofball. You danced with me and joked to make me feel happy and loved.

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You and Mama loved to take pictures. While Mama wanted to buy a digital camera you insisted on the old one that were still in the sepia tone. I am not sure if I ever understand why but it gave you a classical touch.

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You wanted me to stay forever your little girl but I became older. You saw that. You said that I should wait a bit longer until i date someone but I never even thought of this until that moment. I was not sure if I was someone who is liked that much from boys. Then this evening came. He came. I was so happy that you were home on that day. I didn’t know how I would have handled this without you. You were very busy to that time but you were here. You send him away. You saved me.

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Then I felt how all the happy thoughts I hold on disappeared. I fell into the darkness. Then I saw other pictures. No memories. No. It happened after my death.
Mama and Papa came into our house. They had forgotten some important papers for the business dinner and drove back home. They didn’t see the shadow outside which was running away. Mama ran to me. She kneed down and felt my pulse, but on her pale face I could see that I had none. Papa called the police and he dragged Mama away from me. He said that it was too late. He said that they needed to keep the crime scene as it is. Mama was crying and yelling at Papa how he could say something like that.

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I knew that some time passed. I still saw Mama crying a lot. They had buried me on this lot to keep me near to them, but this made everything just worse for her.

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Papa tried to calm her, but I saw them also quarrelling a lot. Sometimes even the word divorce appeared. I wanted to scream that this couldn’t happen, but then the picture disappeared again.

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It was replaced by a picture of my crying Papa. He tried to do everything for Mama, but he felt as worse as Mama.

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After a while Mama threw herself into work. She took all photos of me from the walls. She even wanted to sell the piano. Papa couldn’t deal with that. They were fighting even more.

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Papa collected all the photographs of me. He placed them in his secret little office in the basement. He searched for my murderer. I saw how he was looking through some papers with the names of suspects on it. He thought that it had to be the guy who came once to our house but he didn’t wear his contact lenses on that day and he didn’t know his name. I saw how desperate he was.

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There was just one picture left. My parents moved out of our house to save their marriage. They moved away.
How much time had passed now? I was not sure. It felt like seconds and at the same time like an eternity.
I had always just wished to get the chance to be that happy like my parents. To have a family on my own.
Then as if finally someone realized that I was here I heard a dark, deep voice …

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