Between2Worlds [Story] 06/04

Athena. 1)Born into privilege 2) Rich family 3) Magical aptitude she didn't do squat to earn 4) Is EXPLICITLY described as talented and quick to learn 5) is EXPLICITLY referred to as a brick wall and she shows it by performing a SUPLEX (!!!!) 6) Runs into a guy who JUST happens to be nice and doesn't judge a book by its cover. 7) That very same guy whisk her into life of adventure. 8) Gets offered a deal that gets her into school of her dreams 9) Everyone REALLY quickly begin to like her there 10) One of THE most popular boys pick her up and makes sure she is liked 11) Grim likes her.

To get all this the had to 1) Endure bullying for long time. Fair point. I get it, I really do. 2) Risked her life. Counter: She literally walked into trouble 2 times. 3) It is obviously a deal with a devil. Agreed. 4) She is in grave danger now. Except her dying would SEVERELY impede Curtis' performance. Thus, she is a ASSET and assets are to be protected and measured carefully. Athena LITERALLY has plot armor!

Maybe she is not a perfect Mary Sue, but I'm not convinced. I have to read more, of course.

1) yes 2) yes 3) yes, but afaik, magical powers are usually something one is born with. 4) she cheats xD 5) LOL I totes forgot that!
6, 7, 8) I'd call that plot xD it's mentioned that time passes, but I am glad the 3485939 other things that might happen are not told with the same detail. 9) even here, some time passed. and I think she deserves it by being nice to everyone this time. 10) I'll give you that too 11) what can I say, that is actually 100% Mary Sue material xD

But, despite all that, she doesn't act much like one. If she'd still be the spoiled little brat and still everyone likes her, that would make her in my eyes one. But maybe my perception is a bit blurred, because I have read much further.
The first few chapters of the story are indeed, somewhat superficial.

4) Oh so we're bringing plausible excuses now? There is one. She actually IS talented. What, you've never met anyone who actually just has a knack for something? ?6,7,8) Plot? Okay, here is plot for you. "Do as I say, Athena, or I will make sure you and your mother lose all you have and end up in prison for life. Oh, and I will make sure that Kian gets a sentence, too."

The funny thins is - the whole story so far is basically Harry Potter retelling. I won't even bother explaining that one.

4 is literally written in the story :0 tbh it made me giggle.

Well, the romantic interest has to appear, right? :D and I bet Athena would have preferred life without that kind of adventure. As for the too-good-to-be-true school, if it wasn't something that is very important to her, why would she have agreed to an obvious deal with the devil? That is some shady dude she never has seen before? She doesn't even know what her side of the bargain will be yet.

4) Fair enough, then. My mistake. But that makes her talented at cheating, then, Somebody would be bound to notice, otherwise. Which certainly explains why she is attracted to Curtis. Similar talents.

As for the school - well I certainly hope it gets better. Because BS, to be honest. No offence to author intended.

Oh and by the way - the whole everybody likes Athena part. So, you're telling me that girls who CLEARLY have hots for boys there would welcome another girl - COMPETITION - with open arms? Think three tines over. (No offence intended)

In all honesty it just feels like it's all about talent, so far. Luck of the draw.

I really like what you said because I never knew what a Mary Sue Archetype is until you mentioned it. :smile: I pondered over it and I have to agree, she is competent skill-wise and she’s walking on a bed of roses for now. As to whether the author(I) created her as a wish-fulfillment/self-insertion. I cannot deny that I don’t. Then again, I have inserted myself in each character, even the villians. I can only say that this bed of roses at her feet have thorns, and that her critical flaws will surface at opportune moments. Your quote ’Everything is just too good’ is right because Funfact: You’ve picked up a minor plotline I scrapped. With your perceptiveness, I’m certain you’ll notice a hint of this plotline in one particular future chapter. :smile: But I’ve scrapped it so I can understand how everything seems so idealistic that its quite off-putting.

You make very valid points in your sharing so don’t worry about me taking anything the wrong way. :smile:

"ArcherDK;c-17520896" wrote:

5) is EXPLICITLY referred to as a brick wall and she shows it by performing a SUPLEX (!!!!)

Athena did not perform a suplex, That was Kian. She did however, after weeks of being knocked down, developed the right stance and knew how to position/manoeuvre her center of gravity to overcome tackles of bigger opponent. (This here is me self-injecting. I’ve never mastered this technique so I lose once this flaw is exposed.) :joy:

"ArcherDK;c-17521001" wrote:
@candycottonchu
In all honesty it just feels like it's all about talent, so far. Luck of the draw.

Ah.. this is my gripe with (certain) schools. I’ve never given any detail about the school, but you’ve highlighted CS High's social system just like that. That's really impressive. :open_mouth:

You have a new banner!!! Why is Suze and DIEGO on the banner YUCK!! :angry: (I have to comment here because I cannot go on your thread yet. :tired_face:

I didn’t know you found Athena an ungrateful b*h. LOL But I love it! That broadens my perspective as to how she can be interpreted by others! And I like how you perceive the damsel-in-distress theme. Your argument clearly explains why this theme is popular among the masses. Everyone can relate to needing help or wanting to save the day or fix someone else’s problem. I am a sappy romantic as well (but you know that already with my obvious certain chapters. Neyhehe!)

And.. I can't say anything else.. because that will spoil my story lol. :joy:

The fact that at least two of your readers assume that it was Athena who Suplexes, it kind of tells something, no?

Nope, I didn't mean the school. I meant the whole story. Curtis was picked up by Masoto because of his talent. He sees talent in Athena and wants i have it under control for himself. Kirino has a talent for disguise and obfuscation. Every student in CS high has a talent. Avery is a talented painter/artist. Seeing the pattern? All those who had NO talent are swept under the rug VERY quickly.The whole story so far sends a message "Be talented or GTFO".

Oh wow, I'm mind blown. I've never noticed it! I'm definitely dissecting the story with this nugget at the end thanks! :smiley:

First of all - a huge kudos to you for bringing up such a...terrible...topic. You know what I'm talking about. Chapters 8 and 9 break the knight-damsel story by showing the filth and dirty business of life of shadows AND exposing Athena to...indecency. Well done. I salute your bravery.

With that said - and I under NO circumstances belittle such a horrible experience - I find it very hard to feel bad for Athena. Unfortunately, she's completed her transition into Mary Sue character. She whined, complained, demanded and remained arrogant while so many people told her to stop. Had she listened for even ONE second... Again - what happened to her is horrible. Disgusting. Monstrous. But she has brought it onto herself.

On the topic of Grim - EASILY the best character in the story. Bar none. He tried to help, he remained polite no matter what and is genuinely likable.

Now onto something negative. If the story had absolutely no magic except for grim, it wouldn't lose anything. Replace magical wand with a pistol and teleportation with parkour. Little would be lost. It's not "Betwwen2Worlds" it's "OutOfThisWorld". If that makes any sense.

I must stress that under no circumstances I attack the Author personally or belittle her skill and talent. Nothing of what I say comes from authority and shouldn't be taken as absolute truth. Thank you.

yes, please, she totally was, but that's very teen-behavior, and tbh I love it ? if a character doesn't have strong flaws, what is there to grow during the story?

about that suplex or w/e.. I have literally no idea about fighting, so any descriptions of fighting scenes are kinda lost on me ? what I can only agree on is that Athena became very strong in a short time, but maybe stance makes more than pure force.

I find the glee with which you apparently enjoy Athena's horrible experience disturbing. Yes, she is arrogant, maybe even self-righteous, sometimes ungrateful. But she's just a random teen girl, and even if she was much worse than she is, and saying she deserved it... I have no words for that.
If I misunderstood, my apologies.