How to deal with perfectionism in storytelling?

@Daravi Oh no, I'm sorry you lost your save! But it's good if it helps you to look forward...

And yes, I actually appreciate things that the game does and I can accept these more easily than things that are totally under my control. So I actually find Neighborhood Stories a relaxing feature, because it removes the task from me to make the NPCs go forward in their lifes myself, haha.

I can definitely relate and suffer similar thoughts quite often with my story. Abigail and her family is my first story on the forums, and I do wonder about how to keep it interesting, if my screenshots are good enough (as you know I don't use any pose player and I don't get rid of headlines before taking screenshots). Could it be better? Probably! It could probably be snappier, faster, more interesting, and then when I see that people comment less I lose heart sometimes, worrying that it's not good enough, that the Whittaker story isn't interesting enough. But then I try to remember why I play the game, and it's not to impress others, but to play a story I like. And if that means that I miss a good screenshot because I am too wrapped up in playing, that's actually a good thing. And if at the end of it, no one is interested in Anna or Alice or Frank at the end of the day, then that has to be okay too.

And then I go right back to doubting myself again. I think we all do. :smile:

I don't aim for perfection but my starting point has always been "good enough" and I work upwards from there. There are times when I think "maybe I should go back and start Sim 66 from scratch and change this, or not do that, but that's not going to move things forwards, just keep things the same but with prettier graphics or better prose but ultimately stagnating.

There's a saying: Don't let the best be the enemy of the good. I also remind myself that I should compare my work with what I did yesterday and not with what someone else has done today. I look for gradual and tangible improvement, not going after something that's perfect but unrealistically obtainable.

I haven't done much in the way of photoshopping screen grabs or using filters and I don't use pose mods. I prefer to work with the game and not try to bend it to my will, if you see what I mean.

@JAL
My 'why' for writing a story was to be able to connect more with a Sims family and to keep up my interest for a longer time and that definitely worked very nicely so far :)

And I'll definitely go back to your story and check out the latest updates. It's insane how much one misses if you're away for a few days...

@Kellogg_J_Kellogg
If I had gotten into using pose mods I don't think I would ever have published a single episode, lol. I very much appreciate the limitations of the game in this regard and I'm pretty sure this helps with my perfectionism.

@JAL I read many Stories, but I don't often used the short feedback symbols. But that doesn't mean that I don't like a story. I just don't like this kind of shortened feedback everywhere and I wish the media would abandon it. When I had started with my story, I had my doubt that I'm able to finish the decade challenge ever, also I hate open ends. I placed that in the what's happened in your game story thread, there I got many positive written feedbacks until someone has ask me for a place where she can read the whole story. At first it was disheartening to lose the direct feedback when posting in the story forum, but later I understand that's kind of disturbing the story with to many comments in it. Especially when moving forward, it's good to re-read at some point to remember what your plan were and also remember at what years major family impacts had happened.

About perfectionism. I agree with someone above, who said that it is toxic. I remember when I was a child, I would handwrite things over and over and over and over again, if there was one single mistake in my handwriting or one single space that was wider than another or, anything, I would have to start all over - I would have to finish it, but start all over. Until I got the perfect handwritten copy. Guess what? Later down the road I needed bilateral carpal tunnel surgery lol. For me, there was fear attached to things like that not being perfect. It was a compulsion to try to keep the bad things from happening, to make whatever absolutely perfect. But it also caused a lot MORE anxiety because - can anything really be perfect? Can we really make anything perfect? That is one compulsion that over time I had to force myself to let go, out of necessity, because with my other illnesses - nothing nothing ever could be perfect. Everything was in a constant state of far from perfect. But in actuality, that is life for everyone, not just life for someone with disabilities. So you have to accept. Accept the imperfections. Ignore the imperfections. Whatever you have to do. And just move forward.

@flauschtrud I like that idea for a why, and I think that's a good point. You do connect more to them when writing down their story as well as just seeing it happen on screen. I never really thought about it like that, but it is true.

@Daravi I suppose you are right, when I've read other's stories here, I just read on and comment when it's done.

I like how everyone is continuing to share their thoughts. <3 I want to clarify what I mean by perfectionism being toxic. I admire people who work hard. I just think that perfectionism is significantly different from working hard, having goals, being detail-oriented, or having high standards. To me, perfectionists have irrational standards to the extent that they are always disappointed, and under no circumstances will they ever think that they did something well. If it's not perfect, it's not done "well", so it becomes a bit toxic. For example, even if they win a sports competition, win best in industry awards for their job, or become valedictorian at school, they'll make excuses and explain/think they still did a bad job and at best will only confess to doing okay-ish. For people who are perfectionists, I feel like it's easy to win something and then say, "Well, actually I didn't do a good job and I wish that X, Y, and Z..." which then may have a negative domino effect on those who didn't even do as well. High achievers who are perfectionists or overly modest have a tendency to be mood-killers because they don't allow much space for other people (who are not as skilled or who are beginners) to take pride in or feel happy about their own achievements.

I like it when people are openly happy and proud of their work (or at least not encouraged to feel ashamed), because it's better when people can honestly hype one another up and give tips instead of fostering an environment where everyone is scared to show what they've created or feeling bad because they know it won't be perfect. Growth is relatable and it's good to let things out into the world if those things have been given a rational amount of effort even if they're not 100% (because they will never be 100%). Most people get better by doing and by experimenting with different things, so I hope that those who like SimLit will keep making it and not feel discouraged even if it's not up to their standards at first. Readers also get different things out of our stories and everyone has a unique story, so even if there's a typo or the framing of an image isn't quite right, it's okay and a lot of people won't even notice. We can always try to improve on our mistakes next time.

@ajmkv It's so good to hear from someone who feels similarly!

@fujicakes1 I sometimes wonder how perfectionism and disabilities/limitations relate. At least for me I feel like sometimes I have the urge for compulsive control (especially regarding creative things) not because it's something that I value a lot but because I feel like missing control in many other aspects of my life (like health, social situations etc.)

@haneul Yes, it's good and important to keep the terms apart. I'm not a fan of labeling toxic or potentially pathologic issues with euphemisms. I even once had a therapist who apparently preferred to call my perfectionist tendencies something like "in love with details" and that always felt wrong for me. I can value my attention to detail as a strong and positive characteristic but that's just not the same as beating myself up about things that turned out differently than I imagined...

In general I can say that it helped me to get some distance to my Sims' story over time. I usually start things out in extreme hyperfocus and can't think about anything else for a while and I'd say that issues with perfectionism are definitely worse in this stage. Now I feel like I have a little more perspective. The only downside is that my story now progresses way slower, haha.

I also would like to clarify that what I meant by toxic is never being satisfied and putting yourself down and feeling like you can't measure up, because your standards are so impossibly high that even being at the top isn't good enough. because as I said, nothing is and nothing can be absolutely perfect. Striving for whatever goal you want to set for yourself, that is good! But not being satisfied with what you are able to achieve, because it is not PERFECT, that is unhealthy.

@flauschtrud I'm sure that it is related, at least in some situations. Like I said, my mental illnesses / disabilities make it so that my efforts will never ever result in perfection. It is just the nature of them. But also because of them, I am so full of fear and paranoia, all the time, that I do try to control what I fear in life through often completely unrelated things, or things that have zero effect on anything. There are many other types of examples of that too, different things, I don't know if I should say them because they might be triggers for some people. Your situation also makes complete sense. It is interesting, the same principle, applies to so many completely different situations.