Magicomedies

Tuesday the something of March, the year after the last year (Wow, how long has it been since I last made an entry? Meh.)
Well, this day was a weird one. Started the morning saving fellow flatmate, Leoni, from certain death, after she nearly burned the kitchen down trying to cook breakfast. https://i.imgur.com/5mHBi8c.png

Neither of us could be bothered to cook again after that so we magicked up a cauldron of mac n' cheese. No sooner had we done that when suddenly all these random people walked into our house. https://i.imgur.com/iuV3rQA.png
Please, won't you all come in. Never met any of you before, but just wander around the house doing whatever you like (which is what they did. Humans are weird.)

As it happens, Leoni and I are in competition for the title of Lord of Mischief. (Which is currently mine and she thinks she can defeat me for it. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't think so. NOTE TO SELF: Never, ever bring up the subject of Lords usually being male and Ladies usually being female to Leoni again. I still have the claw marks from last time. Good job she can only take on the image of a tiger and not its actual strength because if so, you would not be reading this right now).
So, we took this opportunity to have a 'Put Paranoia into the Public' competition. I managed to completely convince our guests that there was an escaped mad mutant lab experiment hiding in the hills above our city and that it was drawing nearer in search of food. Thought my howl was particularly convincing. https://i.imgur.com/nFrNmX0.png

Although, Leoni did a pretty good job too with her yarn about the giant flesh-eating cockroach infestation in the sewers. She almost had my skin crawling with her description. Almost. https://i.imgur.com/EG7fGuS.png

Tadeo came back from work whilst we were chatting, took one look at the guests and sneaked off to his bedroom before anyone saw him (except moi of course. Nothing escapes me). https://i.imgur.com/RorRAAT.png No one has mastered the skill of avoiding social gatherings like my twin brother.

Mind you, the whole social situation was a bit bizarre. Those uninvited strangers just kept on coming. https://i.imgur.com/XadHYII.png
Even weirder was that these new arrivals didn't even introduce themselves, they just stomped around the house, then left. Did someone release a wandering weirdo potion into the air or something? (And if so, how DARE they do it before me!)

Guests left after eating our mac n' cheese (didn't even pay for it. Rude).
Got a call from someone: "Kaloya Topasna and I didn't work out after all."
I don't care. Who the heck are you and how did you get my number?

A little later I popped in to watch Leoni's organ practice. She's good. She thanked me for saving her. "You were amazing", those were her words. https://i.imgur.com/7NGn8Hh.png "I guess we're even after the whole tiger and snake attack the other day then," I replied.
"Yeah, sorry about that," says Leoni. "I'm pretty passionate about my values."
"I like passionate. I'm a passionate person myself," I reply in my usual suave manner.
"So," she says, "which of our stories do you think scared them the most?"
I must say, her dedication to pranks is admirable. "Why don't we call it a tie?"
"Hmm, I'd rather call it a pair of trousers but okay," she says. Yeah, sometimes Leoni can be a little... cryptic. I smiled like I understood.
"As you saved my life today, I'll let it slide," she continues, grinning.
And I decided to let that little end remark slide. We agreed to a truce for today. Tomorrow we'll resume our usual competitive streaks. We might have flirted a bit before I left her room, who knows, I'll leave that to your imaginations. Must be careful not to turn on the charm too much with this one though, we are rivals after all. And there can only be one Lord of Mischief.


Wednesday the something of March (i.e. The Next Day and a Tale of Revenge!):
Leoni and I decided to check out this new music lounge over Oasis Springs (not a joint decision, we just happened to both want to go there and mutually agreed on it). Her sister, Rhydia joined and, much to my shock, she managed to drag Tadeo along too. Even more shocking was that he actually enjoyed it (though I think it was partly because we were the only ones there, at first). The drinks were pretty good. https://i.imgur.com/UzZ135w.png

Sadly, the place was dead, even the entertainment hadn't shown up so Leoni treated us to some comedy. Now, it's hard to make me laugh and actually mean it, but she made me laugh. https://i.imgur.com/tWVl29Y.png

Rhydia and I went to get more drinks and snacks (I got the drinks, she got the snacks). A few of the locals turned up. I assumed they were locals based on how closely that guy was flirting with the bartender. Are you sure you should be doing that in front of your mother and sisters?
Anyway, Rhydia turned to leave the bar, arms filled with snacks, when this local sat behind her, who I can only describe as a prissy little bee-hatch, shouts out. "Hey fatso, save some for the rest of us."
https://i.imgur.com/BM76YZl.png

Now, anyone who has actually met Rhydia Strange will tell you that she is a very nice, friendly person, but cross her and she'll have you on your back in a chokehold quicker than you can say karate. Rhydia drops the snacks and whirls on her (I should mention, probably, that I like to write about conversations as if I was there right now. If Tadeo were reading this, he'd probably have something to say about the grammar but I don't care).
"Excuse me?" says Rhydia.
"There are others who want bar snacks too, you know," says Miss Priss (Can't remember her name. I think it was Dina or Nina or, maybe Karina? It was an 'ina' of some sort). Either she had something wrong with her eyesight or was just plain thick. Rhydia isn't even fat, she has big muscles from all the exercise she does, and what's so wrong with being different sizes anyway?
"These are for my friends," says Rhydia, in an equally loud voice. "You might want to use your eyes before your mouth."
Ooooooh! Sick burn! She got you Princess, she got you! I was very impressed, I can tell you.

Princess Prissy Face was not happy. "How dare you speak to me like that." (Yes she actually used italics, folks). "You fat, ugly freak! What even are you, you're clearly not human."
At this point, I normally would have put this offensive human troll in a trance and made her dance in her underwear on the table whilst pouring milkshakes all over herself. But both Rhydia and I suddenly had to hold off Leoni, who had turned into a three headed serpent and tried to lunge at the girl. She is very protective of her twin. Can't quite remember what happened after that. We carried Leoni out, still in raging beast form (Changlings can be very unpredictable), I remember seeing Rhydia turn to Princess Priss and saying "You know what, I'm bored of this place anyway."

She shrugged the whole thing off later, as if it didn't matter, but her eyes said different. I could tell the girl's comment had really upset her (I have ways of knowing, you see. Sometimes it's intuition, sometimes it's through spy bugs but this time it was definitely intuition). She didn't talk much the rest of the day and spent most of her time practising her sparring.
https://i.imgur.com/xrIJhGZ.png

Now, Rhydia and I don't always see eye to eye, particularly when it comes to pranks. But if there's one thing that makes me mad, if there's ONE THING that MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL more than anything else, it's watching a good person being knocked down by a bully!
So, what did I do? I did what any good flatmate would do. Went and extracted revenge on her behalf.

Fortunately the bartender knew where the family lived and was happy to tell me where I could deliver their order.
Fancy neighbourhood. No wonder she's so stuck up. Not a bad size house. The style reminds me of the palace I lived in back home, though mine is considerably bigger and has a few more dragons. https://i.imgur.com/8xNTAgW.png I miss the dragons.

I charmed my way in. Holy rocking hell, the decor of this place was appalling. Brown carpets?! And what century did they get that wallpaper from? https://i.imgur.com/mUdyYty.png

After managing not to puke at their lack of style, I finally got talking with Princess Nina/Dina/Etc/Whatever. She and her mother were surprisingly friendly. I got invited up to the bedroom straight away.
"Weren't you at the lounge yesterday?" she asks me.
"Me?" I say, innocently. "No, no, you must be confusing me with one of my septuplets." (NOTE TO FELLOW MISCHIEF MAKERS: always have more than one double, just in case). "We all share clothes. It's a small house we live in, but we get by."
https://i.imgur.com/MqdpUNH.png

"So, what do you actually want?"
"Well, as I said, I'm a travelling potion salesman and I couldn't help but notice this fine neighbourhood and think, 'Now these are people who care about their appearance.' " At this point I feigned looking in my infinite pockets (a must have for any Spellcaster) and then feigned embarrassment. "Oh... darn. I'm so silly. I forgot to restock this morning. All I have left is this Never Gain Weight Again potion and, well, you probably won't be interested in that..."
"Did you say Never Gain Weight?" She doesn't take her eyes off me. "Like, never ever again?"
Worked like a charm. "That's right, guaranteed," I say. "All you have to do is drink one of these a day, for four days, and the spell will be permanent."
"And I'll never ever gain weight, like, no matter what?" she says.
"No matter what." I say.
You should have seen the hunger in her eyes. "How much?"
"You know what, I've wasted your time so, as this is my last bit of stock, you can have these for free."
"Really?"
"Really, I insist. Please, they'll only be thrown away and wasted if I don't get rid of them today. You'd actually be doing me a favour."

I left her four bottles.
https://i.imgur.com/N7nI4lj.png

After leaving, I turned myself invisible and snuck back up the window on my broom to see the results. https://i.imgur.com/gNYInkl.png
She got a surprise. https://i.imgur.com/epY661z.png

Disappointed that Insta-Large potions don't make you bigger the more you drink them but I got another amusing result instead. For not only did her mother also drink one of the potions behind her back...
https://i.imgur.com/OSGGPwf.png

...but the guy living with them also pilfered the last potion. https://i.imgur.com/lof4JZ7.png
https://i.imgur.com/vl3VyV2.png And it turns out he isn't the girl's brother at all but is actually the mother's boyfriend! I mean, seriously?! He looks the same age as her daughters. They can't be okay with that.

But I didn't stop there. For you see, Leoni and I (in a mutual decision to co-operate on behalf of restoring Rhydia's dignity) added a few extras to the potion. For the next month, whenever our Princess goes outside, she will turn into this: https://i.imgur.com/b9mQnTo.png
Mission accomplished. Perhaps in future she'll learn not to be so judgemental.

I practically skipped back home, so pleased was I with my efforts. Got another annoying phone call on the way.
https://i.imgur.com/QqRIqfW.png
"So, I was thinking of asking J. Worthington III out. Should I do it?"
"Sure, go for it. Bye." Again, no idea who these two are or how they got my number. What is happening with this world?

Leoni was ecstatic when I told her about the prank and showed the photos (she'd wanted to come and do the prank with me but there was a risk she'd get recognised after the lounge incident. Plus I work alone). Even Rhydia, who normally disapproves of our pranking ways, laughed a little. She's certainly seemed more her usual cheery self since. Have I convinced her to join the Prankster Way? We'll see. Leoni insists on adding a point to both our scores on the Mischief Rank, but this time I don't mind. It was kind of fun working on the potion with her.

Tadeo had a private chat with me later (he's so formal about these things, even with his own brother). He's totally against the prank as usual. "What if they find out it was you, find out where we live and target us?" he says.
"Relax Taddie, if they do, I'll just use Amnesia Dust. Leoni's really good at making it." Admittedly, I could, and probably should, have used my illusion magic to disguise myself when I visited to pull my prank, but I'm not going to let him know that I didn't think of that.
Tadeo gives that sigh and far away frowning look that he does whenever he's brooding on something.
"What's wrong?" I ask. "What do you disapprove of this time?"
"How much of this was you being altruistic and trying to help Rhydia," says Tadeo, "and how much of it was just an excuse for you to pull a prank on someone with an attitude you didn't like?"
What the heck? "Aren't the two entwined?" I ask. "Are you telling me we should have just let Rhydia be humiliated by some snob who thinks she has dibs on the world's judgement?"
"No, I just..." Tadeo pauses. He does that a lot. "I just think you should be careful how much you get involved in other people's lives, that's all. You can't keep appointing yourself as the judge, jury and executioner of every person who behaves in a way you don't like."
"Well, somebody has to stand up to these people and teach them how to respect others," I retort. (I didn't actually use the word 'people', but just in case a kid finds this...)
Tadeo sighs again. "They aren't the ones who bullied you," he says.
"This has nothing to do with those kids in Middle School," I snap before storming off to my room to jam on my guitar.

I'm... lying slightly there. It's all to do with those kids in Middle School. And anyone else who tries to put others down. So if you're a bully, look out. Because I won't let you win.

Wow, I sounded really creepy there all of a sudden, what is wrong with me today? Norrell, chill out. Play some riffs or something! ?