I've had Vintage Glamour for a long time, but haven't tried out the butler yet. I've had a nanny once, but never had a maid or gardener. Mainly because most of my households' homes aren't large enough to need one or they wouldn't be realistic to the storyline I''m playing with them. Also, for the very reasons you've mentioned too. I've seen how butlers act in Let's Plays on YT.
Speaking of that, I did notice on the last R2R GF LP by James Turner (TheSimSupply) that there is an option in the butler menu to command them to 'Go To Sleep.' I believe that was added in a recent patch.
I hope they are fixed at some point (I doubt it will happen though) for the other problems they have because now that I have a gaming desktop, I'd like to start building bigger homes with larger families and might need/want one in the near future.