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Thank you for the detailed reply. I guess I'll explain what I'm trying to do. Basically, I'm throwing myself and people I know into a different world with mixed elements of a different dimension and time of this world, and of course there are the characters that are generated in the game, and I'm trying to present it it as if it is happening as it goes and what happens in the world. I think luciusstorm's comment of how it reads like a diary might be the best example of maybe what I'm trying to do. There really isn't a fixed plot because it's meant to be kind of like simulating life in a different world.
For instance, an event happened, and then I try to explain about that event say as if I was posting a Facebook or blog post of something that happened in my day.
Say something happened today like I went to get some coffee and I forgot my wallet in the game so the shopkeeper didn't sell me the coffee:
I'm just sitting here hanging out with Ashley right now. I told her about how I went to get some coffee today and how I forgot my wallet. I can't believe that happened!
"Guess what happened, Ashley?" I asked. "I forgot my wallet and couldn't pay for my coffee earlier today."
"Oh, I would be so embarrassed!" Ashley replied.
She said that right, I was embarrassed! I hope that never happens again.
Etc...
In that example I was trying to say that I am just hanging out with Ashley right now, which would be present tense. Then I go into I was telling her about what happened today, and then I go into the past tense dialogue of what I told her.
I get that. Believe me. What I said - in my long-winded essay of a response - still applies, regardless. Take the works of Mickey Spillane for example. His stuff is mostly written in the first person, present tense. And it reads like a diary. An example that is a little more contemporary - Bladerunner. Bladerunner is kind of like a futuristic Spillane but still with that diary/logbook element to it. It's the one area that got me all ker-fuddled when we had to do travel-writing. I was writing more like you were and used Sim City 3 as a basis. Our Tutor said it was a good effort but - more fluff was needed. More impressions, emotions, description, thoughts.
Try this on for size .... (you can use it if you want, I'm giving an example)....
"You'll never believe what happened today, Ash," I said, a hint of chagrin in my voice as I recalled the incident. "I went to get a coffee earlier but left my wallet at home. Obviously, I couldn't pay".
"My God!" Ashleigh exclaimed. "I would be so embarrassed."
Well, she got that one right - it was embarrassing. I can look back at it now and take it as a lesson learned....
Like I said, if you want, feel free to use it if you wish - if you feel comfortable.
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